Medical Information for Women (Heee!!)

I got this hilarious email from my friend, Hank, who is absolutely hilarious! It made me giggle out loud!! : )

Also too? I have a crocus blooming inside the house! I forced some paperwhites, crocuses and allium and all have green shoots and the crocuses are starting to bloom! Yaay!



OK. Onto the hilarity! Enjoy!! : )

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.



Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.



Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?

A: Childbirth.



Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.

A: So what's your question?



Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.



Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.



Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.



Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.



Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.



Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: That ship already sailed – there will be a new ‘normal’ now.

OMG!!! Accccckkkkkkk!

DOGGIEEEE FLEURSSSSS!!

I Love love love love love these!! The shell "tag" and the umbrella and the cheery yellow fleurs! I just adore this arrangement!

Many thanks to Peter!! Yaaaay! I really appreciate it!!

Pays to blog sometimes, you know?

Yipppeeeee!!

Thank you again. I sincerely love them!!

Dallas THE SHREDDER

He is the cutest dog I've ever known. And I've had some majorly cute dogs in my life before. I was just crying about Koty and Sadie last night and this morning - they have been heavy on my mind for some odd reason...

In any case, Dallas certainly knows how to cheer a girl up! BOY is he adorable and funny and just the biggest love bug I've ever known! He spends a goodly portion of his life next to me, upsidedown and wagging! He's just the best cure for any sadness that might creep into a person's life!

So here I was trying to be all sad this morning and then Dallas starts walking very stealthily behind me (like a 75 pound dog can go unnoticed?). I knew what he was aiming for...the waste basket that is behind me on the floor.

Oooh this waste basket contains many wonderful Dallas "treats" - there are old coupons, flyers, tissues and even (GASP) used NAPKINS!!

So, one. by. ONE. he takes these treasures out of the basket and carries them about for a moment before setting about destroying and then partially eating them.

It's hilarious to watch!

Here is another short video of the after-effects and a proud Dallas!!!

Wise Words for Thursday

OK...These words below have been going around for years and years by email. Though some are trite and others are things you've heard from the Dali Lama or some other Godly source, I think these little pieces of advice are very, very wise.

So, I will leave you with these words of wisdom for today. I am sad today for some reason. I'm missing my Koty and Sadie really badly and am feeling the loss of my husband in my life. I could always count on him. Though things were not always pretty in our marriage, he was ALWAYS there when I needed him and I felt very secure in that, if that makes any sense....I miss that.

I am ok. You do not need to call me Mom. I will have sad days here and there. It's normal!

I am going to go love my doggie and take care of my bad self. Enjoy these words below, and take them to heart...Enjoy!


ONE . Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully .

TWO . Marry a man/woman you love to talk to .. As you get older, their
conversational skills will be as important as any other .

THREE . Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want .

FOUR . When you say, 'I love you,' mean it .

FIVE . When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye .

SIX . Be engaged at least six months before you get married .

SEVEN . Believe in love at first sight .

EIGHT . Never laugh at anyone's dreams . People who don't have dreams don't have
much .

NINE . Love deeply and passionately . You might get hurt but it's the only way
to live life completely ..

TEN . . In disagreements, fight fairly . No name calling .

ELEVEN . Don't judge people by their relatives .

TWELVE . Talk slowly but think quickly .

THIRTEEN! . .. . When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer,
smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN . Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk ..

FIFTEEN . Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze .

SIXTEEN . . When you lose, don't lose the lesson .

SEVENTEEN . Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and
Responsibility for all your actions .

EIGHTEEN . Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship .

NINETEEN . When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to
correct it ..

TWENTY . . Smile when picking up the phone . The caller will hear it in your
voice .

TWENTY- ONE . Spend some time alone .

Your giggle for the day!

For those of you who don't live in New England? These are absolutely TRUE!!! Heee!


If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance
And they don't work there, you live in New England .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You live in New England .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with
Someone who dialed a wrong number, You live in New England .

If 'Vacation' means going further North for the weekend, you live in New England .

If you measure distance in hours,
You live in New England .

If you know several people who have hit a deer more
Than once, you live in New England .

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the
Same day and back again, you live in New England .

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a
Raging blizzard without flinching, you live in New England .

If you install security lights on your house and garage,
But leave both unlocked, you live in New England .

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how
To use them, you live in New England .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a
Snowsuit, you live in New England .

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph you're going 80 and
Everybody is passing you, you live in New England .

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes
Are filled with snow,you live in New England .

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still
Winter and road construction, you live in New England .

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car,
You live in New England .

If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you live in New England .

If there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in New England .

If you think everyone else has a funny accent, you live in New England .

Better

Thank you for the well-wishes. I'm feeling far more human today. Yesterday was NOT fun. Ick.

Dallas is obsessed. OBSESSED with paper, I tell ya. Napkins, pieces of paper, newspaper, paper plates...He adores shredding and then EATING much of it. He is gross. He is a boy. ALL THE WAY!

Though I am convinced he is as gay as a dog could possibly be (and that's not a bad thing in my book!), he is still ALL.BOY.ALL.THE.TIME.

He's messy, he's dirty, he has a penchant for DIGGING in my garden (which I do NOT find cute) and he is just gross sometimes. He loves licking his...ummm...how do I put it? His "area" down "there"...EWWWWW!! Needless to say? There is no kissing of faces in this house. Icccckkkkkkyyyyyyy!!

LOL!!

SO, this is Mr. D, as I like to call him, doing his paper thing tonight"



I'm back to work tomorrow, but I will be posting again soon! Feeling inspired!

G'night for now!

xoxo

Still poopy

Hey. Another post. Someone is bored.

So, I feel like crud, but a smidge better thanks to my friend, Dayquil. I was able to go out earlier and get some soup, crackers and Diet Coke, of course. In the meantime, the total came to $9.32 and I had just turned in a scratch ticket worth $15. I had spent $5 on scratch tickets last week (I do this every so often) and I won $15!!

Sooo, I re-invested $5 today in more scratchies.

And? I WON $102!!!! Sometimes it pays to be sick and need chicken soup, you know? Wowza!! So, I got myself online and bought some deeply needed Egyptian cotton 600 thread-count sheets. Girlfriend here LOVES her some soft sheets! AND they were on big big sale, so I still have $41 of the found $102 buckaroos!!

What a thrill in the midst of my coughing and sneezing! Woo HOOO!

Dallas decided he'd like to speak with you, as well. He has found his voice recently and needed to share some things with you.

Here he is:

Tomorrow I will be doing a review of the Golden Globes. Did my homework today, as I was in bed at 7pm last night!

Hope you had a good day!

Ciao for now.

Sick

Ick.

I am sick.

Have some sort of icky bug - a head cold and terrible cough just for kicks.

I will leave you with a cute thing my friend Hank sent!!

Wish me better! Ciao!