OMG. Yes. And YES. Holy hummingbird SNORING!

From BBC One:



http://www.popscreen.com/v/94Ofj/Snoring-Hummingbird-Super-Cute-Animals-Preview-BBC-One

It's 42 seconds of heaven.

CUTE LITTLE GREEN BALL!

This has GOT to stop - a gross poem for a gross human

If you think I didn't see you yesterday? In that sh*tbox silver car? And then with the RV driving back and forth eighty five times during the morning and day all day?

Good Heavens, Miss.

Get a life.

And then with the threats online? The threats of slander? When I do not use your name ever?

The alias is a hoot, too, by the way.

If you think you're an entertainer and celebrity "presence" you are sadly sadly mistaken.

When your past "shows" have garnered all of 5 people? You are pathetic.

I'm older than you (thank the good LORD above) and waaaaay smarter than you and I know you.

You thought you had me fooled.

I knew all along it was you.

I was doing your Mom and Dad a favor by trying to give you about 60 chances to do the right thing.

Straighten up and fly right.

But, no. Over and over and over you f*cked up.

And now you've done it to enough people here in town that you've got yourself backed into a corner.

I'm not the only one crying foul anymore.

There are a slew of people now who are sick of you and your ugly ways.

No more.

If you don't leave the nice people of Anchorage alone, you WILL be arrested. I will see to it personally.

The detectives are closing in.

They know where you are, what you're driving and your newest fake name.

It's over. Done.

You've got nowhere to run.

Good luck in prison. You're gonna make some lonely person a nice prison wife.

Well done. Bravo.

I'm sure your family is VERY proud of you now.

blech

you make me sick

wretch
wretch
wretch

DONE.

About your CONSTANT need to complain...

The view from my house in Salem.

Fourth grade. I still look like this, just less scraggly!

My boat and dogs. That's a dogfish and apparently, my dog Lady did NOT approve!
We threw it back. We rarely killed a fish unless it was a cod, haddock or flounder.

Sadie's nose. She was a sweet pea.

Me as Snooki at one of our epic Halloween Parties in Salem! FUNNNN!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok. A little ranty today again. Sorry in advance. Just saying, you don't have to read this crap. I do this so I get it out of my system so that I can be pleasant later on.

I am completely and utterly and thoroughly done with the kvetching and complaining and "poor me" syndrome that people seem to be embracing lately.

Now don't get me wrong. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. A financial collapse, a lost home, a dead dog, cancer, dying people around you and their families treating you badly at times.

That's not what I'm talking about. Real loss is real and to be respected.

You sometimes gotta just hang on for dear life and hope and pray that things will turn out for the better.

HOWEVER.

When you are big and strong and have money and power and can make your own decisions and opinions about things and you CONTINUE to complain and play the "poor me" card?

I am done with you.

I don't want to hear it for ONE. MORE. SECOND.

SHUUUUTT UPPPP and DOOOOO something to change your situation.

I have money and I have time and I have power and I have the resources to find shit out if I need to know something.

Look at a book. Google that shit.

I am not here to SOLVE your problems, I'm here to be here FOR you, but I'm not going to bail your ass out of jail or do the homework for you.

If you're too lazy to even TRY to help yourself by making a phone call or GOOGLING it? 

Then I'm out. 

Not my problem. 

No monkey on MY back, dude.

So, I guess the moral of the story for ME is that if you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

If you cannot stand your job and co-workers, then QUIT and do something else. Or at least make your exit plan and stick to it. Do your homework and then just write that shit down and make your exit plan.

When I got wind of what was happening in a former marriage (I've been married thrice), I got my paperwork in order, started socking money away, even had to borrow some money from relatives (which I paid back pronto, mind you)...

I sold my big house, socked that money away in a nice interest-bearing account and did my due diligence with the lawyers and bankers and paid off loans and then have been living off that income for over three years.

I learned to monetize my blog (sorry if that's a sellout in your eyes), I learned to monetize my Facebook and Twitter accounts...I learned the way to do this from home and how to be clever but also legal.

Sometimes clever people's britches get too big and they start playing with the law. They start thinking they're ABOVE the law. Well, nope. Ain't nobody above the law. Nope and no.

When you're on the right pathway and you do the right thing for YOU, good things happen. The universe gets excited and presents you with fun and amazing opportunities.

I was just invited, asked to do something I've always and forever dreamt about. A voiceover gig for something HUGE. Huge huge. Like the creme de la creme sort of deal.

Will not discuss until papers are signed for fear of disrupting the planets and moons and sun!

However, I told my news to a person who means a lot to me and he questioned me about it. Instead of just being ecstatic about this incredible opportunity, he questioned me.

Broke my heart into bits is what it did.

He's a dufus. He can't help himself because he's not met a woman like me. A person like me.

See, we grow 'em different in Michigan and Massachusetts and basically anywhere in the East. I worked for 20 years on boats with men. REAL men. Salt of the EARTH men.

I grew up with these characters and, as I write this, I'm typing on my Facebook messenger to him about my news!

He and I are talking about this opportunity and because he knows me, Capt. Greg, he does not for ONE SECOND doubt my news! He knows the film crews and the famous researcher and documentarists and the books and newspapers and the other things that had me in them all through my career on the boats.

He probably has been the feature of a number of articles and films himself!

These are spectacular humans I've been priveleged to know and work with. Famous people and celebrities all over the place. The man who discovered the wreck of the Atosha. A super famous guy from SNL. People who are super-connected to the Hiltons and the Chanels and filmmakers and people who work at Warner Brothers Music in NY and CA.

So, last moral to this loooong story:

People are just that. JUST people. They sometimes put themselves out there. Extending their flame of fun or nature or passion for music or art out there for the world to enjoy. Or not.

If you DON'T enjoy their music or art or film, then just turn around and go the other way!

No need to be mean and nasty about someone's passions, right?

As we were all taught early on:

IF YOU DON'T HAVE SOMETHING NICE TO SAY, THEN DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.

And, for the love of all that is HOLY?

QUITCHER BITCHEN.

Ironic, I know, but it's just the thing. A person can only be pushed so hard and so long and then? 

KERPOWIE!!! 

Ok. I feel better now. Sunrise is upon us and I must go gaze upon it.

And then I'm over to paint my neighbor's kitchen (she changed the color mid-paint!!).

Take care & Ciao for now.

Nice chatting with you Greg! Miss your face. xoxo

On Mommas, Fathers, Daughters and Others

The Chickens and I had a nice talk in October! THE GIRLS!!

So, there've been a lot of goings on in the last few months. What with the attempts at identity theft, bad behavior, burglaries, shootings, nasty weather, mild weather, birds, whales, dolphins, seals, sea lions, otters, mooses, Valentine's Day, Alaska, Salem, Boston, The Grammy Awards, #SNL40 celebrations, Discovery Channel here in town, Huffington Post posts, etc.

A lot. LOT LOT.

But one thing remains. My friends and family and the concept of having a sense of place.

Home. Really a HOME and not just a place that you lay your head.

It's warm, it's inviting, it's filled with good will and trust. Food and drink and comfort and caring.

And home can travel with you. 

I know it did for me as I trekked across the continent in my little VW Passat with my beloved plants and most cherished belongings!

My husband and I made homes all along the way, whether it was a camp for a night or two or renting a tiny cabin in the middle of the Cassiar in British Columbia at the base of the GIANTEST Canadian Rocky Mountains.

Banff, Jasper, Canmore, Lake Louise - every human on the planet should be required to go through these places. Thunder Bay. Land's End. Homer, Seward, Hope, Cook Inlet, The Turnagain Arm Fjord, Kenai Lake...And the list goes on and on and on.

After I'm done here I'm gonna hop into my little car and head over to Point Worzonoff to gaze at the magic of the Alaska Range and the Talkeetna mountains. Mt. Susitna (Sleeping Lady) rests right across the inlet.

Who DOES that? Denali will be out today along with Mt. Spurr, Mt. ReDoubt and Mt. Illiyamna.

ReDoubt is a volcano! It blew in 2009. A volcano is over there. And I'm LOOKING AT IT!

What?

Then there are the flocks and flocks of birds. Raven that have a vocabulary of 68 words.

?HUH?

It's all so mind-blowing that it hurts!

Well, again...The grounding that we need comes from our Moms and Dads. It used to be a bad thing to get grounded, right?

Well, now, I RELISH the groundings! Thank you! Please, may I have another?

When the times are tough, they're only half as tough when you have love in your life.

And When the times are good, they're TWICE AS GOOD because you have all these people that love you and care about you and want the best for you!

Those little gems were dropped on my head by my beloved Papa. He's the best. BEST!

Those parents of yours know their sh*t, to be crass for a moment!

So, listen dearheart turning 16 yesterday! Listen other dearheart who just turned 25 on Saturday:

We love love love you. Big sloppy, messy, complicated, sometimes confusing love.

That's how it works and we cannot turn it off to save our souls.

Wouldn't want it any other way.

Love completely and fully and with WILLLLLD abandon. It's the only way to the truth.

And, as the old cliche says "The truth shall set you free."

Be free, young chicken!

Free as a little bird riding the wind.

Never stop to wonder at the marvel of a feather or a butterfly or a tiny tiny spider that makes his living by weaving a complicated, beautiful web.

There is a web and it's not the internet; it's every one and every thing.

Kindness and love always overcome the bad. Because that's just how it is. Karma. It's real.

It's never ever ever wrong to get yourself hurt or in sometimes sticky situations. That's how we learn and grow.

And then, just move on.

Grieving is necessary and it's deeply personal. Your gut will tell you when it's time to move on. 

And last, but certainly not least:

EVERYONE's got baggage. It's just how you carry it.

Carry on and be kind!

And Happy Birthday!

Ciao for now.