I have a flu bug, so please enjoy these sillies...

And no day of funnies would be complete without a word from our best pun-pal and jokester,
Hank:

A mounted police officer was on his horse waiting to cross the
street.

A little girl On her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and
handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa
to put a reflector light on the back of it!'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
'Nice horse you've got
there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered,
'Yes, he sure did!'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said:

'Next year tell Santa; 

The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top'!

Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa & A New Year

So, Hanukkah started a couple days ago - it officially started at sundown on December 17th.

As a person lucky enough to be bestowed honorary Jew status (I'm not kidding - this is a thing), it was amazing to note that of the many many human beings with whom I interacted yesterday, there was only ONE person (out of easily 50) who knew it was the beginning of Hanukkah! He even knew enough to "Mazel tov" me!

I find that kind of pathetic and a little gross given the fact that you can turn on the radio right now and hear Christmas music 24 hours a day if you so choose. And the fact that all you have to do is look at a calendar and it tells you that Dec. 17 was the beginning of Hanukkah...

It's not that I mind Christmas music, I actually adore it! Takes me back to my youth when we'd attend Christmas Eve services at our local Methodist church. It was so pretty, and we'd get all dressed up and everything was sparkly and the CHOIR and the ORGAN!! OOooooo, I loved it!

The Jews, however, get kinda screwed. No tree, no observance of their particular religion by the masses (unless you live in Swampscott or Marblehead!) and they have to listen to Christian people gush on and on about all of their parties and gifts and the big tree and the stores piping in Christmas music and the red and the green everywhere!

It's not that one is better than the other, that's not what I'm saying. I'd just like a little more awareness of what other people do! And I think KUDOS to the Jewish who put up with our bombardment of Christmas everything and they don't complain one iota! Nope!

I've been in cahoots with a number of Progressive Jewish people that celebrate both! 

We did in my household. I had a pretty tree and the menorah sitting right there next to it. We had Seder dinners and Easter dinners. We had matzoh ball soup and then a turkey! We had a glass full for Elijah and Christmas cookies for Santa. Temple and Church.

Why not? Who does that possibly hurt? Nobody.

I'll bet you that a good number of Christians don't know the fundamental difference between Judaism and Christianity. There really are very very few differences. And the differences are really semantics and interpretation. If you've read the Torah and the Bible (which I have) you easily recognize one in the other.

I've also studied Zen Buddhism, Hinduism, Shamanism, Taoism, Atheism (that one scared me the most) and Agnosticism.

Theoretical Physics, Biology and Philosophy are really my favorite "religions" as science and the desire to be ethical and tread lightly has guided me pretty unfailingly throughout my life.

So yesterday I went around wishing everyone 

"Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or whatever it is you celebrate!"

And it brought a smile to every single person's face! No one can get mad about wishing you a happy whatever-it-is-you-do to make your home fires burn brightly!

So, enough with the bashing of other people's beliefs. That is one of the most amazing things about the United States of America. We have freedom of religion. There are not many other places like that except some of the more developed countries in Scandanavia, Europe and some of the Island nations.

In most of the rest of the world, you are told what to believe, when you can do it, and how much OR you get shot, bombed, raped or pillaged in some other horrible way.
(which, it turns out some of my heritage is German Jew)
Even in India (which, as I've said, I think Indians are some of the loveliest, gentlest humans I've known as I've journeyed around our planet) they have a caste system. If you're born in a low caste, that's where you remain. No hope of advancing your cause. None. There are people that sleep on the side of the road in some parts of India because they literally have NOTHING to their name. Just the clothes on their backs and sometimes even those get stolen or ripped off them.

I'd just really like everyone to be nice to each other and just pay attention to the comfort of others. Even in the grocery store! Don't block the damn aisle! In the street - slow the F*CK down! It's icy and slippery and not everyone wants to go 80 miles per hour in a 40 mile-per-hour zone!! Jeeeez!

You know, I've been flipped off on Northern Lights Boulevard because I was GOING THE SPEED LIMIT??? Baffling.

And people here will speed UP just to slam on their brakes at a red light.

?

Anywho, I'm being very much a Pollyanna and do-gooder and I understand that some of you probably roll your eyes at my naive attitude.

Thing is, I'm not naive at all. I like to always try to see the good in humans whether they're homeless, drug addicts, a stranger that dresses oddly or eats weird food, a foreigner (I've been a foreigner and it's not fun when the natives treat you unkindly like the men in Morocco)...

You really just never know the motivations of others, so stop being a jerk! Just let them have their bad day and move on. Maybe they just lost their puppy dog and he found out his wife is cheating on him and she just found out she has cancer.

Especially in this season of giving, one of the best things you can do? Give someone a break or the benefit of a doubt. It works miracles.

Now, for your viewing pleasure, the video below. This makes me giggle and carry on like a cackling fool! Hope you like it!

Thanks for reading & Merry Ho Ho and Mazel and all that rot.

He Has A Name

The facts are staggering.

Since Michael Brown was shot and killed in Ferguson Missouri, there have been 14 more young black teenagers killed by police officers.

Now, I'm not saying these kids were all necessarily innocent of doing something wrong. I'm saying that killing young people does not make the problem go away.

The problem lies in the ethics of a country where the top 2% of the wealthy

 in our nation hold 98% of all of the money.

The rich literally are getting richer (i.e. the sweetheart deal that Congress introduced, passed and then OBAMA shamefully didn't veto), and the rest of us are working our asses off just to TRY to get by.

The poor and homeless of our country are overwhelmingly people of color. Overwhelmingly so.

I'm not rich at all. I'm comfortable (thank God) because I've worked my ass off since I was about 10 years old. My first jobs were in our home and also at the Dairy Queen. I never stopped working. I worked at school, did my homework, nose to grindstone.

In order to attend college I needed good grades because my parents were unable to send me to college because they were busy working their asses off to provide me with food, clothes, heat and a comfortable place to lay my head each night.

I was lucky. I know that now. I didn't understand they why about my parents not having all this extra cash as the time. See, I grew up in a really rich community. Uber rich. Like all-my-friends-got-a-new-convertible-for-their-16th-birthdays kind of rich.

I had no car. My first car was a shitbox that I bought for $300 when I was 24.

I had a few other friends whose parents decided to teach them the value of working for something instead of just being HANDED shit. My friend Natalie drove an old clunker in highschool and she was nice enough to pick me up every morning and drive me to school!

If Natalie couldn't take me, Jill would! Or Kyle! Or Kathleen or Jenny or Kathy.

These kids were rich and super smart and a ton of fun. We giggled and carried on all through highschool. We attended a AAA-rated highschool with the best of everything. The best sports teams, best fields for practicing, the best textbooks (free), the best teachers and coaches. We wanted for NOTHING. It was an amazing experience and I just adored highschool.

I had friends of all types, the jocks, the stoners, the partiers, the academics, the goof-offs, the smokers, the "good" kids and even some of the bad kids.

What I lacked in highschool was diversity. 

I had one Jewish friend, Rachel. Because that was how it was. There were no other Jewish people to befriend! I had one black friend, Alison. One. She was the only one in the whole place. There were 1800 students and Alison was the only person of color. I don't even think we had Asian people or Hispanic people in our school, if I remember correctly (the memory is a bit shoddy).

There were foreign exchange students that I befriended but mostly they were from Scandanavian countries like Norway and Sweden. I even dated the Norwegian for a year, Tore. I'll NEVER forget him! He was a hunk and a half and magic on the soccer field.

So, what I'm saying is that I now live in Alaska. In Alaska there are a ton of people from everywhere else. Aside from the Natives I've befriended, I've mentioned that there are all walks of life in Alaska. People don't give a shit what color you are as long as you're nice and you're friendly and you do your fucking job the right way.

My friend Joe got fired from his job, as did a couple other people - one black, one white, one Native Inupiat. Didn't matter what color they were, they were just shitty workers!! Simple equation!

If only it were like that in the lower 48.

See, I lived in Massachusetts for almost 30 years. Now, there is diversity there but it's a clear division between the haves and have-nots.

When I first moved to Salem, MA, I lived in the second poorest part of town. It was a Section 8 part of the city and considered "dangerous."

Nope. Not dangerous, just poor. 

People of color lived there and then the rest of us who had no money lived there, too. I was poor as shit half the time, so much so that I'd work on the house painting, or fixing the fence to pay off my rent. My landlords were so kind to me.

But I was happy and I felt a sense of accomplishment and pride that I was making it on my own.

As I got better at managing my money and advancing in my career, I started to be able to afford to make things pretty at the house. I bought flowers for our walkway, I mulched and planted flowers in our little courtyard, put candles on the table back there, added some chairs. It turned into a beautiful little haven for my roommates and my dog!

Little by little, you could see the neighbors start putting flowers in their planters 

and flower boxes. Things that had gone vacant or held garbage 

were being transformed into something pretty for others to enjoy. 

My street got gentrified little by little, young couples moved in, the section 8 people were forced out and moved over to the Dominican Republic side of town (a settlement of people from the D.R. live over in an area called "The Point.").

I guess the thought is that if you keep the poor people together it's easier to police them...

I will say that the police force in Salem, MA, are TOP notch humans and they are a diverse group of humans, too. We have officers of all races in Salem.

They helped me out in a jillion situations, they truly do protect and serve. I don't recall one incidence of the police shooting a person who wasn't already doing something to harm others like the noodlehead who was setting off explosives in his HOUSE on Halloween night. He could easily have killed hundreds of people including the kids out trick-or-treating. It was a terrifying event for all of the neighbors who literally live just ten feet away from this guy's house. So, the police tried to talk sense into this idiot, but he ended up getting himself shot because he wouldn't stop with the explosives.

So, there's the difference. THAT's the difference between good policing and just shooting someone before you even TRY to talk them down. Or put them in restraints so they can't hurt you. So that they can calm down and you can then try to talk sense into them.

When you use a choke hold and the person tells you "I Can't Breathe" - well, maybe he's telling the truth. If you watch that video is it chilling. CHILLING to watch Eric Garner being killed via strangulation.



Many of my black, male friends and relatives have told endless stories about being arrested, held against their will, handcuffed for no reason, made to get out of their cars for simple traffic violations, have had their cars SEARCHED for absolutely no reason. Have had money seized because the cops thought it was too much money and must be gang/drug-related.

I can walk around with $2000 on me. I can get pulled over and let go with a warning (and have on many occasions). I can yell at a TSA agent (which I did) and even swear at her (which I did) but I don't get arrested...I was actually shuffled into the special expedited lane at the airport in Boston as I was flying to LAX and then on to Anchorage.

I got shuffled into the express lane because I was raising a stink at the unfair, terrible treatment the TSA agent was giving to the people in line. She was telling almost everyone that they had to go back and check their bags even though every person is allowed a size-permitted carry-on and one personal item like a purse or laptop.

She was LYING to these people because, undoubtedly, she was getting kickbacks from the airline attendants who were taking these people's hard-earned money.  This shameful Indian woman was looking to line her own pockets and the pockets of the American Airlines workers.

That, my friends, is BULLSHIT.

Since when are we all enemies of each other? What the fuck?

So, I called this woman out on her bullshit. I told her to get her fucking supervisor because she is clearly ripping of the public.

I cried "BULLSHIT!"

So, I got shuffled to the expedited area because they didn't want me to talk to anyone who would listen. I told the other passengers in line to question this woman's authority and the other TSA agents really didn't like that.

I had a bumper sticker on my car for a long time that said "Question Authority" and until recently I didn't really get the full meaning and the full value of those two words. But I sure as shit do now.

Everyone out there who's bitching about the protesters and bitching about how black people and other people of color are "playing the race card."

Well, fuck yeah! Duhh.

When the talking heads dismiss an entire generation of young black men as "thugs" (Bill O'Reilly racist asshole) and when Russell Simmons can't even get a word in edgewise about the deeper, underlying issues that create situations like we see pretty much every day in every poor neighborhood of the United States?

When we can't even have a CIVIL fucking DIALOGUE about real issues that face our people of color?

What the fuck?

If you, white, middle-America and YOU, rich, white America? If you cannot understand that you grew up with more privelege and more breaks and an easy way to a better life?

You are completely lying to yourselves.

How many black friends do you have? Native American friends? Hispanic friends from a third-world country? Have you ever BEEN to a third-world country?

Have you EVER seen the plight of the people in Central America? Africa? Huh? Have you ever even BEEN to Africa?

Well, dear shitheads, unless you do your fucking homework, shut your fucking mouth and LISTEN for one second to others, you are destined to be the ignorant, racist, asshole, shithead that you are.

And, furthermore? I ain't got no time for you. NONE. Not one second more.

I have unfriended about a dozen people in the past week. I have ceased talking to a few people here in Alaska that have tried, and FAILED miserably to argue about racism, gun control, questioning authority, sexism, bad behavior, ignorance of facts and just general hatred of others who are unlike themselves.

As a scientist, lover of the environment, lover of diversity, lover of travel and other cultures and endless  empathy toward the plight of the oppressed wherever they may be, I'm a dangerous weapon against ignorance. Facts are my weapon of choice.

And they can be deadly to the close-minded.

So, I'll ask you, all of my smart, amazing, incredible family and friends. Use your facts and stamp out the stupid in others. Use your words and your kindness to show empathy and kindness even to the stupid people. Just get them to listen to you for a few minutes and you can maybe make inroads that create positive change.

Some are beyond reprieve, so just move on to the next stupid person. There are plenty of them out there. Congress would be a great place to start, apparently.

Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish counterparts! Merry Christmas to my Christian counterparts! And Happy Kwanzaa to any of my friends who celebrate it!

There's room for all of us. 

There just isn't room for ignorance.

I Can't Believe it's Not Butter. I TOTALLY believe it's not butter.

I went to the website of the supposed "new" and "improved" I Can't Believe it's Not Butter today.

I was doing some fact-checking for my Twitter account.

Good gravy.

The claims they are making about the ingredients are completely outrageously untrue. It's basically pretty close to eating some plastic. You'd be better off melting the plastic tub it comes in and eat that on your toast.

It's all fake. Fake fake fake and when we eat that stuff? It makes us sick and it makes us fat.

Eat butter.

Butter is GOOD for you, actually. Since I stopped eating all the fake shit, "low fat" or "fat-free" foods? I've dropped 25 pounds. I still eat sugar, butter, pasta, all of it.

The fewer ingredients on the list of the food you eat? The better. Even better are raw foods, but, you don't have to go that rogue! Just eat food food. And if you can get your hands on organic, even better. No hormones or pesticides in my food, thank you.

So, I won't bore you with the details, but this is a little thing I was able to get my hands on regarding the ingredients of "I Can't Believe it's Not Butter."

This is what it SAYS on their screen for the common LAY folk:

A new rich and creamy spread made with simple ingredients such as... Scroll to Believe... Yogurt Canola oil A pinch of salt 100% taste. 0% artificial preservatives. When you can eat what you love and feel good about eating it, it’s time to... believe! See Ingredients Taste to Believe

However, these assholes think that no one else out there knows how to read the SOURCE CODE.

Source code is often written in HTML or some other coding language.

Well, unlucky for the ICBiNB people, I know how to read HTML and I know how to generate it.

If you click on THIS LINK this will show you exactly WHAT is in this "spread"

As you can see, this comes directly from their website. I just know how to navigate it because the people they hired are amateurs and using an old coding system that I happen to understand and use right here on this blog all the time. That's how I make nifty links and put photos and videos on here.

Further, here's a screen grab I just did with my phone. It's THEIR website, but what we see and what they're telling us is clearly not the same:

It's NOT made with canola oil. Canola oil is made from rapeseed. It's made with Palm Oil and Palm Kernel Oil and Lactic Acid via CORN and it's not what they are telling the American public. It's made by UNILEVER, for pete's sake. They are the same people selling you the pharmaceuticals that you take because you're fat and sick all the time from eating the crap they're telling you is good for you.

NOPE.

Here is a link, again, directly to their site that compares their spread to other similar spreads

Of course, this was listed in the "Health Care Professionals" area of their website so that most people think you need to be a medical doctor to get in there. Well, it's open to anyone who cares to look and knows how to read a GODDAMN food label.

Their stuff, non-technically speaking, is SHIT.

Technically speaking, it is not natural, it is NOT good for you and NO ONE should eat it.

Ever.

Preaching to the Choir

A peaceful little Veined Octopus that I snorkeled with off a beach in Tortola, British Virgin Islands.

I know I've been on a roll lately with my bitching about our failed political system. It's just going from bad to worse with the cronyism and the stroking of each others' dicks up there on Capitol Hill.

The people listening to me are the smart, wonderful folks who already KNOW this shit is wrong and that we clearly have NO right to take 2,400 acres of sacred Apache land to suck out some oil and then give the money to a multinational corporation that plays with Iran.

You all already know this stuff, and for that I am grateful. I'm grateful I have amazing, smart, talented, informed friends who teach me stuff every day.

We, my friends and family, are not the problem. We are independent thinkers. I may not always agree with you or your politics, but I appreciate that you've done your homework and that you vote accordingly.

The problem with this whole premise is to believe that your vote is doing what you intended. The corruption in our voting system and the presence of gerrymandering and hostility toward people of color? Well, that's a problem.

Do you wanna know some dirty little secrets that I've been harboring for a while now? I've got a bunch, let me tell you!

One is that there are A LOT of men out there that like porn. (Hahaha! Like that's a secret?!!) What you don't know is that there are a LOT of men, married with children, fine upstanding citizen types, right? Well, when their wives are away on business or pleasure for a week or even just a weekend? Well, A LOT of them (used to) go to video stores and rent a crap ton of gay porn. The real gross stuff with circle jerks and all kinds of grossness.

You see, back about a hundred years ago when I was a poor whale researcher, I'd work at a video store up the street from me to earn extra cashola in the winter months.

You learn a LOT about people by what they choose to watch. Likewise, what they read also speaks volumes (pun intended).

So, when the likes of Sarah Palin and her "liberal gotcha" comment when Katy Couric (God bless her) asked what Ms. Palin reads? And then there was silence.

Yep. Of course she doesn't read. She thinks she's smart because she calls herself a "maverick" and it contains more than one syllable.

I'd rather have Wyle E. Coyote as my vice president. At least he's entertaining.

So, when these "straight" homophobic jerk-offs (literally) are telling me that gay people are unnatural or whatever bullshit religious crap you wanna spout (again, pun intended), and then on the weekend, when the wife's at church with the kids? You run into my video store and rent a gay porn and then return it exactly 1.5 hours after you came (again, intended) in the first place?

YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE.

And, further, you're gross and living a lie and ohmygod your poor thing and your poor wife and kids.

See, it's this lying thing that really gets my goat. What the hell? Why are you so afraid to be utterly YOU?

I've often contended and have been told by many of my LGBTQ friends that I am a gay man stuck in a woman's body! And it's absolutely a very accurate description of me! I'm so guy-ish with my jobs and who I like to hang (pun intended) with and I have LOADS of man and boy friends.

Same with my best friends, and particularly my bestest bestie Karen who is JUST like me except she likes Hello, Kitty and pink and sparkles and high heels and that girlie crap.

I like shoot 'em up bang bang movies and getting my hands dirty and hard, physical labor.

But that's just one aspect of me. I also love cooking, floral arranging and being smooshy with my dogs and about any other critters you can throw at me. I'm emotional as all get out and cry at those dumb commercials and little babies who laugh? Send me into orbit!

So, the moral to my story is that no one is all one thing. But if we can learn to embrace those things in each other, we'd really be making headway with all the depressed, sad and lonely people out there.

I'm sure even Dick Cheney might have one redeeming quality.

There was a young woman I heard about that passed away last night. It was unexpected and the circumstances are still being figured out. But my heart just broke for her, for her family, for her few friends. She was a loner, a very sad figure. I'd smiled and said hello to her on a few occasions, and she just sort of looked through me while she sat smoking her cigarette.

I figured she had a lot on her mind and was in a bad mood.

Well, turns out she was a depressed, sad person. Away from her family. No friends to speak of and just filled with self-loathing. She had health issues I didn't know about and she spent most of her time by herself.

Had I known any of those things, I'd have reached out more and tried to help.

Last thing I'll say is that it's the holiday season and it SUCKS when you're alone and away from your family or loved ones. Sometimes even a person's family can be toxic, especially if they're judgemental hypocrites who don't understand you or your personal path.

Be kind to each other. Always and to a fault. Everyone is not necessarily happy even if they're smiling on the outside. And people are told that they SHOULD be happy.

"Don't cry, it's okay."

I heard that a million times during my bout with situational depression.

NO! Dammit! Sometimes it simply ISN'T okay. Sometimes things suck. Like when your dogs die and then your grandmother dies and then one of your best best friends dies and then you get in a car accident and lose your house in a divorce.

That? That fucking SUCKS!

Just acknowledge when someone's life is hard. Just be compassionate and try to just listen. Don't interject your own story. Ask questions. Ask if there is anything you can do to help.

It made all the difference in the world to me when my friend N & K reached out to me. And when my little cousin called to tell me she prayed for me every day. And when my Dad told me to have hope that  things would not always be so bad. And when my Mom would cry with me and tell me to please not hurt myself because she would not be able to carry on if I did.

I'm crying right now just remembering how much those little gestures meant to me. That these fine people were rooting for me and had faith in me, made ALL the difference in preventing me from committing the terrible act of suicide.

Thank you so much & I wish you a good day and the happiest of holiday seasons.

I'll keep writing. I just feel sad today about this girl and I need fluff and silliness for a while.

Ciao for now.

Gorgeous tangs feeding on the coral reef.

How much is enough?

I think that's a fair question to ask at this time of year.

Some of us are actually asking how much can I give. I had $21 on me yesterday, so I gave $20 to the homeless veteran who was outside Walgreens.

And meantime, our Congressmen and women enjoy free food, free health care, a hefty salary that lasts ad infinitum, even free hair cuts. They are celebrated and supposedly wonderful, fine folks "serving" our country.

I think not. That vet who was out in the cold there yesterday? HE served our country. He gave up everything. And now this poor soul is left, literally, out in the cold to have to beg for money for his next meal.

Well done,  Congress. Well done.

As if it doesn't actually get worse...

John "the Crying Cheezit" Boehner and his idiot cronies subversively buried a Federal Lands deal down on page 1105 or so of a piece of legislation that was appropriated for the defense of our country.

They wanna DRILL, baby, DRILL on 2,400 acres of sacred Apache lands.

Here's the article on Live Huff Post.

One lone Republican from Oklahoma, Senator Tom Coburn, tried to get the land deal removed from the legislation, but he, of course was "shot down" by the other assh*les.

A personal thank you to Senator Coburn for trying to do the right thing.

"Our" Congress had shuffled this through during a lame duck session without divulging the covert attempt at this land deal - that - BY THE WAY - is not even an American company. They are saying it'll provide jobs, but those jobs will be short lived AND at what price?

You want a few more barrels of oil and ruin sacred Apache lands. Sacred groves of Oaks and places these lovely, gentle people committed suicide rather than fight the incoming assh*le white people who were stealing their lands and raping their women and killing their children.

Oh. Wait... Looks like we're still doing the stealing part.

This little gem of a multinational oil corporation named Rio Tinto is owned by Australia, England and a smattering of China. Who knows who else has their dirty little hands in this nasty deal.

Oh, and just for sh*ts and giggles? Rio Tinto is in bed with Iran doing business in Africa, too.

Native people continue to be raped, robbed and pillaged all in the name of Big Greedy Oil. In Africa, and still here in the good old U. S. of A.

We put these people in charge of taking care of our lands and people.

This is NOT my Congress.

This is not the way we Americans want to be treated.

HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH? How much money do these people need, for pete's sake??

How much?

I am sitting here nauseous. I live in Alaska, so I get the "news" about four hours after my East Coasters. So, I might be late to the party a bit, but I am mad enough for whomever isn't paying attention.

I'm gonna write about it, talk about it, campaign about it and I'm gonna throw my money and support to stop this terrible Congress of ours. I think we need to stop paying these short-sighted jerks, because they really don't need any more of our taxpayer dollars or our free health care. Or the free trips to Antarctica.

Do you know there was a junket to Antarctica by some of our lovely Republican senators recently?

They were disappointed they didn't get to see polar bears.

If any of these fools with their heads directly up the *sses of Big Oil would even for ONE second learn about Antarctica, they'd know that POLAR BEARS DON'T LIVE IN THE ANTARCTIC.

They live on other end of the planet, you IDIOTS.

These people are literally the polar opposite of informed.

And these are our leaders?

What the f*ck.

I'm steaming mad so much that my hands are shaking while I write this. This hurts my soul that these complete buffoons got ANYONE's vote.

Why? Would. Anyone. Vote. For. These. Idiots.

They don't even know what they're doing.

I sure hope they're pooling their money and buying some big-ass boats, because with this level of completely uneducated blind poking of their dicks in space (thank you, Louis C.K.), all of their beautiful homes on the coasts of our beautiful country?

  Well, those fancy homes of theirs are gonna be flooded in no time flat as the sea levels rise and the terrain is buried beneath hopeless mayhem from climate change.

You can stick your head in the sand, but then the sand is gonna flood and then, 

hopefully, you'll WAKE THE FUCK UP.

Dyslexia, ADHD and Education

Education is an interesting subject. So many people have their ideas about standards and how to do it and when to introduce a certain subject to a child and on and on and blah blah blah.

Kids know intuitively when they're ready to move on or not. They know what they like and what they don't like. They know they have certain skill sets and that those subjects or sports or musical instruments or art or cooking or whatever it is...they know what makes them tick and what turns their brains on. Or off.

I was labeled a lot as a kid. I was a genius with a school problem. My IQ was off the chart, yet I cannot take a standard test to save my fucking life.

I was actually put in a remedial class (even though my IQ was genius level) because the standardized test (created by idiots) told these noodleheads that I didn't know how to do math or read.

Well. Hmm. If your IQ is well over 150, chances are you probably ain't dumb. If you are learning algebra and can write in cursive before you even go to kindergarten, there's probably something else going on.

Could it be the "system" and "institutionalized schooling" that is the issue? I was fortunate enough that my parents recognized that the system was failing me. That I was BORED out of my GOURD in those remedial classes.

So, they fought for me and got me into the advanced placement classes. There, of course, I flourished.

See, I have a form of a learning disability. I wasn't told that EVER, but I have had it since birth. If I wanted my Mom to pick me up? I said "Down, Mommy!" If I wanted her to put me down, I'd say "Up, Mommy!"

I still cannot, without really having to think of it, tell you "right" from "left." My brain simply does NOT work in those terms.

I am ambidextrous, I am a scientist and an artist, I have days of pure scientific thought and reading scientific papers on Theoretical Physics and then I have days where I make 5 flower arrangements and I feng shui the house or I cook a four course meal replete with wine pairings.

My brain is different. I've always known it. And then I was also born with good genetics, so I'm considered to be "pretty." I've got the nice small aqualine nose, big blue eyes and sandy blonde hair. For that reason, I was afforded a lot of extras along the way. I didn't have to fight too hard to get noticed, so it's kind of a shitty thing, but it's a true thing that pretty people generally get along more easily in life. I'm not questioned when I'm on a private beach. Or in a private club. Or in an exclusive party. I walk in like I own the place and people just assume I do. It's ridiculous, but it has gotten me some good contacts and I've tried my entire life to do good with the tools I've been afforded, even the looks part of it.

This is sounding very much like I'm full of myself and, I assure you, I am not. I have learned to be confident, and that's different. I certainly don't go around thinking I'm all that! In general, I feel dumpy and old, but I've been told otherwise, so I start believing that my crappy body image has been wrong all along. I was anorexic, and had terrible body dysmorphic disorder for a good 30 years of my life, so it's been a long road to get back to not hating my body.

So, the "institutional learning" didn't work for me. Experiential learning is what made me flourish. Learn by doing or learn by teaching. When I read, I get to the meat of an article. I don't need to really read something fully to understand it.

The details are not important, so those standardized tests that ask me:

"If a train is going 80 miles per hour and passes a junction at 5pm when will it get to its destination in Akron, Ohio when the sun is shining and there are 50 people on the train and one of them has tuberculosis and coughs near 5 other people?"

I don't know and I don't give a flying fuck. Who CARES? 

So, I'd just fill in a circle and move on to a question that I hoped made more sense to me!

"If all Bees are Boos and no Boos are Flips will Bees and Flips ever be together?"

Again, WHO CARES?

So, again, I'd fill in a circle, make a best guess, and then I'd move on to the next question.

Standardized tests are standards created by who knows? 

Who are these people who tell me how I should think?

Are these people "average" in their intelligence? Well, if that's the case, I don't EVER want to pass a standardized test! What an insult to my weird little brain!!

So, that's my problem. My achilles heel has been that my brain doesn't seem to work like other people's brains. I'm bossy, I'm opinionated, I think I know things that sometimes I am wrong, but at least I have the cojones to admit when I am mistaken!

However, I also know a lot of shit. A lot of shit about a lot of things. My curiosity knows no bounds. There isn't much that a person can throw at me that I cannot at least make a sufficient response so that they feel comfortable talking to me.

I read an important article by a pediatric occupational therapist today, thanks to my friend Megan who shared it on Facebook. It was featured in the Washington Post and it's entitled "Why so many kids can't sit still in school today." You can read the article HERE. The gist of it is that kids are being made to "sit still" and "pay attention."

They're basically oxygen deprived and have no core strength from lack of movement. 

Well, that sucks!

I know even for me, just in the time I've started writing this, well, I've been fidgeting, shifting in my seat, drinking a diet coke, change the way my posture is so that I'm not touching the back of my chair, I've bended, rubbed my back, turned around to look at my snoring dogs...

You get the picture. How often can you sit perfectly still? 

Now, I do not claim to be an expert at this stuff. Child psychology is NOT my forte. I was a mentor/teacher at college level for about 18 years. I had my whale research center called The Center for Oceanic Research and Education (CORE) for 10 years. We were an accredited non-profit and I had students from all over the world who would come and take part in my experiential learning program. Most of the kids got college credits for what we would do for them. 

It was the most rewarding and fun thing to do! And the classroom work? Totally minimal. We did about 20 hours of actual classroom, and the rest of the time (mostly these were 3 month programs, 5-6 days a week, 11-13 hour days) we were on the boat either doing the research, the education or both at the same time. We also had other types of field trips doing beach clean-ups, information booths at the library, creating educational art or other materials, hands-on programs in schools, we even built a life-sized inflatable whale and the little elementary-aged kids would just EAT THIS UP!

The kindergarten through 3rd grade kids were my favorite. We had a very brief slide show about whales, dolphins and porpoises, but mostly I let the kids lead the way and inform me about their knowledge of cetaceans and the ocean.

Each school visit was different. The program was never quite the same from group to group because each child has their own viewpoint about things. I learned stuff from the little ones that I'd never imagined because their curiosity was BOUNDLESS.

It was from a third grader in a school in Marblehead, MA that I first learned that polar bears are classified as a Marine Mammal! That little kid had done his research! Here I was a well-known, published whale researcher and I had to learn this from a third grader! 

I love that.

So, my point here is that sometimes adults are fucked. We have our rigid ideas about what's what and how this or that "should" be done, when, in fact, things change. People change and evolve. Nothing remains the same. Ever. Time marches forward and technology advances and it's sometimes very hard to keep up with it all...

I was speaking with my wonderful Dad and his lovely wife yesterday, and even my husband and then my Momma a few days ago about internet security issues. It's a BIG problem. Credit card scanners are every where these days and they don't even have to TOUCH your card to get your number. I've had my identity lifted THREE times just in the last six months. 

Luckily I know what to do to prevent incurring false charges against me like making reports to the Internet Crime Complaint Center and also making reports to your state's Attorney General's Office.

I've had to do this now multiple times on about 10 different issues from false advertising (Duplicell Facebook ad that was untrue), to identity theft (Sprint will NOT give me my money back even though I've clearly never had an account with them), Verizon (who says I used my phone when my phone was broken for 6 weeks and I had cancelled my service), to someone actually stealing my debit card numbers and making other charges in Kansas (I've never been there or bought anything from a company in Kansas).

So what you have to do is contact your bank or credit card company, report the false charges and they will try to intervene on your behalf. In the case of my bank, they could not get anywhere with Sprint or Duplicell, so I had to go directly to the companies. Duplicell was great, actually, and returned the money willfully but not without trying to make me feel stupid about not reading the "fine print" when, in fact, their Facebook ad said, "Free trial, just pay shipping." Well, that's not free in the first place, but the $3.95 shipping was fine. Then 14 days later they charged me another $85! Because I didn't return the product.

So, it wasn't a free trial at all. It was a paid trial. But the ad clearly stated "Free trial." So, they had to give the money back! Dummies.

And I'm still battling with Verizon and Sprint and that asshole Adam who now lives in Texas and charged on my Marblehead Garden Center account and then skipped out on the $140. I've filed claims against all of these fartheads. It's a total of about $800. 

Ridiculous.

Something that even my uber-intelligent relatives and husband didn't know is that when you log into your bank or your credit card company and you give them personal information, make sure your browser up there has the beginning of it say:  "https//..." If it says just "http://" without the "s" then you're not in a secured area on the internet.

That is Hypertext code (which I had to learn back in 1995) for "secure." So, the encoders know how to vet a company and they have a secured place on the internet for your private information like your Social Security number and your address and your maiden name and all those other security pieces of information that they ask for...

If your computer keeps booting you out of a site that is asking for this information, it's because it's likely NOT a secure site and you should not use that particular site. Sometimes the computer knows best.

If you receive an email that looks legit, but it's asking you to reset a password or give up any personal information? Well, it's likely a spam or phishing operating. Phishing is when they are "trolling" for personal, private information so that they can use it to steal your identity and commit fraud or whatever.

There are big operations out there making a shitload of money trying to get your information. Sprint, for instance, likely had someone out there trolling for information, and someone had stolen my debit card number and then, POOF, Sprint used my debit card numbers to charge me a little over $200 even though I have NEVER had an account with them. Never once. I used Verizon (and now they're being total assholes) and then I now use AT&T.

This is rampant, and I suggest that unless you pay your stuff with a secured credit card? You should go back to the old fashioned mailing in of checks or use PayPal which is a top-notch secure company.

Hackers have nothing better to do that make your life miserable. I am a bit of a hacker myself, but I use my knowledge to help make the internet and you safer. However, the hackers are MAKING money and I'm losing, so maybe you shouldn't trust me!!!  

I jest.

But, be safe out there. I've rambled on long enough.

Commence being kind again! 

Thanks for reading.

Rock, Paper, Scissors : Ignorance Ain't Bliss

I had a Facebook fight last night. Actually I had two of them. One was important and the other was semi-important.

My friend, Karen, will think one of them was ridiculous, but it speaks to an aggression problem that seems to be getting more rampant in our "society." She got yelled at the other day when she was at Target trying to buy dog food on Black Friday. A woman actually yelled at her and told her that "she had picked the WRONG day to buy dog food."

?

Who gets to tell who what is the right day to buy dog food? 

Heyyyy, it's dog food Monday! Everyone buys dog food on MONDAY now!

???

Nope. That's not how it works.

Nobody gets to tell me when I get to buy dog food, when I get to go to the bathroom, or how I get to live my life. I mean murdering is bad and that sort of thing should go without saying, but I'm talking about societal "norms" like telling me I'm selfish because I didn't have children, or that I'm irresponsible because I don't work a 9-5 job in a cubicle.

Fuck. Off.

I recently had to "inform" individuals that it is not my job in life to educate them. The information is readily available and if you don't take the time to educate yourself, then you don't get to form an opinion about a subject matter so important as climate change or reproduction or gene expression.

There was a fool here yesterday in Alaska who mistakenly believed me to be a sweet, cute person that would listen to his bullshit and be impressed with his "business acumen" and his "5,000 square foot house" in Ketchikan.

Nope.

Your assumptions, sir, are getting you nowhere very quickly. Well, he continued to hit on me despite my wedding rings and the mention of my husband who was at a table watching the Seahawks football game.

This idiot went so far as to FOLLOW me to the table so that he could meet this so-called husband of mine because I was so feisty and I called him out on his bullshit and he thought that no man would EVER be able to put up with a woman like me!

And, of course, this noodlehead began every sentence with "I" and never asked one question of me.

It's absolutely amazing that men (a lot of them - not all of them) see women as prizes and pieces of meat  to rip apart. I don't mean to be vulgar, but a lot of men see women as a place to stick their dicks and that's really all they believe women to be good for - oh, and the cooking and cleaning and the toiling to make their lives comfortable.

There is a complete lack of empathy for others, lack of emotion, lack of caring, lack of equality.

This dude did his damndest to impress me - but, for those of you who really know me? I'm not impressed by money or the fact that you fly helicopters and you have, apparently, a very small penis.

When you have to try THAT hard to impress a lady, it is CLEAR that you are lacking in certain departments.

Like those poor middle-aged guys driving the little shiny convertibles or the EFFING cigarette boats and their loud, disruptive, gas-guzzling engines. Ugh. Each time we'd go past one of these assholes, I'd wave and yell "Sorry about your small penis!" and these idiots, of course, would wave right back because they couldn't possibly hear me over the loud "ROAR" of the engine!

Oy.

This guy's wife drank herself to death 4 years ago and died at 49. He talked about it like it was HER fault for not being able to just power through it.

She didn't die of drinking, asshole. She died of a broken heart because she was married to a man who spent 80 hours a week working and was completely unsympathetic and called her "an emotional wreck suffering from empty nest syndrome" after their three children moved away.

He actually went so far as to tell me that he had "wasted" $50,000+ dollars on rehab for his wife, but she kept relapsing.

Yep. I'd probably drink myself to death, too. Or better, DIVORCE his ass and take HALF of all of the fucking money because that the ONLY thing he values in this world.

So, the thing I'm talking about is that women really should stop putting up with anything less than a wonderful person who treats you like gold and LISTENS to you. Men who talk OVER me or interrupt me or try to SCHOOL me on biological science or animals or gardening?

Nope. Those are MY areas of expertise. Listen to me. I've done the work. I have spent 42 years (or more) schooling myself in these areas. I'm willing to have a conversation about it, because sometimes I learn things from other people on these subjects, but a conversation is a give and take. It's not a monologue.

Just because I don't have a penis (thank GOD for that) doesn't mean I don't have balls. My cojones are ragingly big and I'm not afraid to use them. I know Karate, too, so don't try to bully me and get in my personal space. And don't TOUCH me. For the love of ALL that is holy, I will SLAP you and then I will punch you. I'm not afraid to break my hand. Done it before, will do it again.

Make no mistake:

Just because I'm KIND doesn't mean I'm a pushover.

Just because I'm pretty and cute and have a nice figure (thanks, Alaska) doesn't preclude the fact that I have a really, really good brain and I know how to use it.

And just because I'm smaller than you doesn't mean I can't stomp all over your ass - with my words, fist, kicks or whatever it takes for me to defend myself.

AND REALLY. Just because you have a penis, it doesn't mean you have some special privilege. It actually makes you weak and stupid and acting like a total asshole even in front of my husband.

So, when my husband got up to leave at half-time (we had driven separately), this fool ass first told me what a great guy my husband was. Well. Yeah. I married him. I know that, douchebag.

And then he offered to get me a hotel room so he could fuck me.

What a nice guy.

Men. Jesus. What the hell.

Which leads me to the 10 keepers that are out there. Like this one, below. This video is amazing and beautiful and it made me cry cry cry, so be warned! It's the reunion of a man who raised a gorilla and then the gorilla was released into the wild. This is their reunion. And the world needs more men like THESE.

I intended this to be Friday Funday, but then I saw this...

This ties into a charity event that just happened last night that benefitted The Bean's Cafe and Children's Lunchbox. I've talked about these wonderful people before, but I guess more can always be said.

I've heard some people talk, with utter disdain, about "filthy homeless" people. Wow. And calling them drunks or drug addicts and losers and a string of other terrible, nasty things.

(The main issues are actually people - FAMILIES - losing their homes because we bail out banks and not people and then there's the mental illness issues that go untreated.)

I've heard ignoramus people refer to black people as "thugs" and hispanics as "lazy." Frankly, those are some of the nicer terms I've heard. I've heard people say Indian people are "dirty" and Native Americans have "a genetic propensity to drink."

All of those things? Are bullshit.

I have black friends, hispanic friends, Indian friends (who are, by the by, collectively some of the loveliest people I've ever come to know) and Native American friends. I've even got friends from Australia, the Northwest Territories in Canada, New Zealand, The British Virgin Islands, Honduras, Scotland, Ireland, England, Germany, South Africa, The Sudan, Peru...you get the picture.

The world is really a cool place and, in general, 

people are really decent and kind except for the assholes. 

And assholes come in every color and ethnicity. 

But so do GOOD people come in every color and ethnicity.

But it certainly doesn't define an entire race or group of ethnic people. 

How many of you have been to Africa? Asia? Europe?

Most of what you may perceive or believe about a certain collective group of people? Is bullshit. Until you've traveled or made the effort to actually get to know that person you work with or your neighbor who wears weird clothes or those guys that are holding hands because they love each other?

Until you do that, sir or madam, you do NOT get to form an opinion of someone just because some FOOL on Fox News or wherever you get your "news" or  so-called "information" tells you that black people are thugs or that hispanic people are lazy. Good LORD. So stupid.

I was talking with this ignoramus jerk who I met at the Millenium Hotel bar (it's beautiful and overlooks the seaplane port here - super neato), who, of COURSE, was hitting on me because he's an idiot and liked to ignore the fact that I wear a wedding ring and was COMPLETELY uninterested in him.

Well, this noodlehead continued to try to impress me by showing me a picture of his good friends, Bill O'Reilly and Dennis Miller. I think Dennis Miller is brilliant but the other one there? He's a f*cking clown and a dangerous one at that.

So, Mr. Ignoramus continued talking to me and spouting his vitriole about one group of humans after another. Then we got on the subject of gay people. Do you know what this assh*le had to say? Well, you can imagine that it was not nice and I of course shot him down pretty swiftly with my liberal tongue armed with several sharp talking points, informing him about the fact that the loosely 100 of my closest buddies in Massachusetts are gay, lesbian, transgender, bisexual, queer and questioning. And that there are people who are completely asexual or a little of both sexes due to some twisty bendy strange things that our chromosomes can do in vitro.

People. Are. Born. That. Way.

It's not a "lifestyle choice." What the fuck does that mean? Am I female because of a "lifestyle choice?"

Grow up people. Chromosomes make your body and brain do things with these nifty things called GENES and then we have these other things called HORMONES that direct our behavior along with NEURONS. Yes, there are environmental factors that play into this stuff, but if you've not read E.O. Wilson's work on Sociobiology, then you kind of don't get the whole picture.

Science works. Give it a try, jerk face.

See, when you know people and you are nice to them and you don't give a flying F*CK WHO they f*ck or HOW they f*ck or what color they are, it kind of puts you on equal footing.

I don't go around announcing the odd things that my husband and I do in our bedroom. (Hi Mom and Dad!) My Mother's hair would curl or stand on end. And my Dad? He'd probably have a heart attack. (Sorry Mom and Dad!)

In any case, I do NOT care what color you are, what your past was like (people actually CAN change), and who you have sex with. As long as everyone's on the same page, as it were, and there is mutual consent going on - most importantly the consent part - then that's all fine and dandy. If people love each other, they should marry them. Remember, it used to be illegal for a white and a black person to even SIT together much less marry each other. My Momma is married to a black man. If she's happy and he's happy, who is anyone else to tell them what they can or cannot do? Same rule should apply to everyone. It's right there in the Preamble of our Constitution.

And it's not just race and stupid stereotypes and gays that are being given the proverbial shaft.

Women are STILL. TO THIS DAY. Fighting for our personal rights, equal pay and equal treatment under the law.

Well, let me tell you, we all have a common "enemy" and I don't like using that word. We all have a common "oppressor" and that is rich, white, ignorant America.

I used to jokingly attribute anything bad that happened to "The MAN keepin' me down." I don't think it's funny any longer. It's gone too far and it's turning dangerous just for a black person to fucking even leave their houses. NOT because of street violence, but because whitey can shoot you dead for absolutely no good reason. That's fucked up.

From Eric Zuesse, an Investigative Historian, writing an article I found in the Huffington Post - and he is quoting from the Credit Suisse Global Wealth Data book:

"The United States has such an unequal distribution of wealth so that it's in the league of corrupt underdeveloped countries, no longer in the league of the developed nations, according to the latest edition of the world's most thorough study of wealth-distribution."

You can Google the statistics if you want, but it'll make you nauseous. It makes me nauseous and I'm not poor by any standard.

So my rant can end now, as it's Friday and I'm tired of the bullshit. I'm really tired. Smarten up, people. Be nice to each other, and for the sake of all that is holy and good and whatever you do or don't believe in during this holiday season, stop voting for rich, white assholes who have nothing better to do than screw the middle class, the poor, the homeless, women, LGBTQ people and people of color.

ENOUGH with the Dan Sullivans and Don Youngs and Ted Cruzs and these laughable jerks that we give power and and more money so that they can turn around and screw up our environment and take away our "inalienable" rights. We have to fight for ourselves - We The People - because it turns out the corporate guys like the Koch Brothers and Walmart and Donald Trump? 

They clearly don't care about the rest of us. We the 98%...

The Preamble to the Constitution of the United States has CLEARLY been forgotten by many in our Congress and they are abusing their power and it just ain't okay...

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence,^{[note 1]} promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Enough.

Thank you for reading and commence being kind.

Thirsty Thursday and a word from Hank

Sunrise in Grand Teton National Park. Shared via Instagram:http://instagram.com/wildernesssociety. Photo by Chip Phillips.

The title up there is in honor of my friend, Bob, who recently lost his Papa. They are a wonderful family and each Thursday the whole clan of them would get together either at someone's house or one of the many great places downtown and they'd have a meal together and a few pints.

Families like theirs are what we all saw in those paintings when we were kids - grandparents, parents, kids, grandchildren and even sometimes great-grandchildren if you were lucky enough to come from "good stock!"

Well, I was one of those lucky ones who got to meet and know both my maternal and paternal great-grandparents. Can you imagine? I remember them clearly and I was just a mere peanut of a thing when I met them all. I remember them all to be so much larger than life - they knew so much and had done so much.

My paternal Great Grandparents came over from Germany during the war. They were the "good" Germans. Picklemanns and Foresters - picklers and forest people. No wonder I like vinegar and trees so much - it's in my blood!

On the other side they were far more demure, but also farmer people. Some of my relatives still farm the land. They emigrated from places like Ireland and England, went to Michigan and that's the end of that story! Michigan is totally in my blood.

My parents were childhood friends, which I find so interesting, since I've been pretty much a vagabond my entire life. I've never really "settled" anywhere. Wanderlust has also always been in my blood. I love traveling, seeing new and exotic places, meeting new people, learning about other cultures and food and art.

Since I was a fetus I was raised to be kind of odd. My parents were not part of the 9-5 "normal" people. My Dad was a radio announcer-personality, the morning man on the most popular radio station in our region. My Mom was an outspoken, smart lady who ran her own advertising agency. It wasn't unusual to turn on the radio and hear a commercial written by my Mother, produced by my Father and sometimes even had all of our voices broadcasting over the air!

It was an idyllic childhood filled with mischief, mud pies, fishing, cavorting until dark (and sometimes well after dark), camping, building snowmen or sometimes snow "warts." Hot chocolate, mulled cider, pumpkins, donuts right off the press, hay rides, lots of presents and good friendships.

There were many concerts, plays and visits to museums. Symphonies, ballets, golf, tennis and softball tournaments. I kind of marvel at my childhood given the fact that my parents were children themselves when they had me. My Mom was merely 20 and my Dad only 21 when I came into this world. When I was 20? I think maybe I knew how to tie my shoes. Good gravy! Having a baby when you're that age is completely nuts!

Neither of my parents went to college, but that is not a bad thing. They really had their shit together (as much as a person can at 20 and 21). I would have had NO business having a kid when I was that age. Shit, I can barely keep it together these days and I'm knocking on 50 this coming May. How do people do it?

I briefly talked to my good friend yesterday. She's a single mother, she's only 43, SO smart, so incredible, high-powered sales job, makes SIX figures, manages to work from home most days, has a gorgeous house, beautiful garden, nice car, an involved Father to her child - you get the picture. She's one of those "has-it-all" type women. Well, no wonder this amazing woman has insomnia and drives herself so hard that she just has a meltdown every so often...How is anyone supposed to keep all those balls up in the air like that?

I'm lucky if I shower, get dressed and make a few dollars each day. Not to mention keeping up with cleaning, laundry, the garden, food shopping, cooking, dishes, taking care of the dogs, trying to do my writing each day, promoting my new business and then the social stuff that is necessary to maintain some semblance of "normalcy."

And I don't even have a kid! That's another whole ball of wax, there! Feeding them, getting them off to school, caring for their emotional well-being, coordinating their pick-ups and drop-offs, play-dates, social time, alone time, reading, writing and arithmetic...I do not, for the life of me, understand how you parents all do that shit and then have any time left for anything else?!! It amazes me.

When I visit my friends who have children, I generally have a fabulous time with the kids. I tend to find kids far more interesting than most adults. Kids have wondrous imaginations and, for them, the sky is the limit - and these days, the sky ISN'T the limit. My own amazing little cousins are out there in hyperspace all the time, flying giant planes and going places that test the imagination.

In any case, kids are super cool and I do have some regrets that I didn't test out my maternal skillz by having a child. However, I DO know that when I'm with my friends' kids I'm EXHAUSTED after about 3 hours. I don't know how parents do that stuff full time! Again, amazed by the parents out there who are doing their damndest to do it up right. Amazing.

So, the moral of this story (is there?) is that I'm giving mad props (terrible saying) to my 'rents and to the other parents out there. Kudos to all of you.

For today, I will leave you with a funny email from my good pal, Hank! Happy holidays to you and yours and thanks for reading:

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the  page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? * Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple? * The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? * It will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? * No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? * You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? * Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a  wall, how long would it take four men to build it? * No time at all, the wall is already  built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? *Any way you want, concretefloors 

are very hard to crack.

A picture of Antarctica from NASA. Amazingly beautiful, our Earth.