Black and White and Red inside

Tomatoes I grew in my driveway in MA!

Gorgeous sunset overlooking White Bay, Jost Van Dyke.

Hobiecat sailors on Jost Van Dyke.

More tomatoes I grew!

Cukes, too!

Eggplant, as well! (God I miss those gorgeous countertops!)

I am SOOOOOOO sick of these articles detailing how "white" people view the experience of "black" people after the death of that guy in Baltimore and countless other black men.

Why are we so hell bent on separating people from people?

What the hell is color anyway? It's all perception.

What I call purple, some call blue. What I call green some call blue or turquoise.

It's all in the label that we give things.

Why do we so desperately feel the need to label things, anyway?

Can't we just go about our business and just BE?

I'm really really really fed up with the overwhelming desire to judge people based on something you probably don't even understand.

Take, for instance, my friends who have transitioned from male to female.

This was not just some rash decision that someone makes and goes about lightly. This is a painful and very complicated decision and process. My one friend -  who is now Tiffany - when I first met Tiff, he was a burly biker dude. Hairy and very very manly. And very very sweet. I loved him from the first time I met him.

Over the many years I knew him as a he, it was clear that his appearance didn't match the way he felt inside. He thought, at one point, that he might be gay, but that didn't work either.

After a lot of soul searching, counseling and meeting with doctors, he came to the obvious conclusion that he had been born with external physical identifiers that did not jibe with the internal feelings and desires of a female.

It took a LONG time for him to become Tiffany. Painful electrolysis, hormone therapy, psychological counseling, lots of mean people making ignorant comments during the transition.

Tiffany is now a Mom (she adopted several kids), has an incredible job and is just an all around wonderful human.

When I hear people make fun of people they don't understand or have biases against someone because of the way they dress or what color they are or whatever? It makes my blood boil.

There have been some very cruel things said about Bruce Jenner and the gawking that people are doing during his transition to female. The big show the other night - I refuse to watch such things. He's obviously going through a very big thing in his life and I just wish that people would stop with the ugly jokes and ignorant commentary.

I do not purport to know what Bruce Jenner is going through. But I do know what my friend Tiffany went through and I have two other young friends who identify as female and  - to me - it was obvious all along that these "boys" were just basically born with the wrong external body parts. They were always "girls" but through the process of genetics got the X and Y chromosomes when, in fact, internally they are CLEARLY XX.

Something you hear people who have dogs say a lot is that we learn so much from our dogs. They are totally present - they know how to anticipate a good time or a good meal, but mostly they are right there with ya just as life is happening.

They don't care what you're wearing or not wearing, they don't care how you look or what color you are. Most of the time they don't care what gender you are or if you're gay or whatever you may or may not be.

They just care how you treat them and even then, some dogs take terrible abuse and still can muster a wag when they're treated kindly for two minutes.

Kids - same thing for the most part. If you treat them fairly and kindly, they become fair and kind adults (for the most part - there are those sociopath crazy people who need extra special help).

But, blanket statement - if you're good to others, for the MOST part, they will return the favor.

There are nasty people out there for sure, but I really do think that the nastiness comes from either mental illness or being really mistreated somewhere along the way by someone who was supposed to protect and love them.

So, to go on with my theme of Polly Purebread sweetness - I'm just begging people to be nice to each other. You really have no idea what someone else's journey feels like.

Just yesterday I was in the library voting for the mayoral runoff election (Go Berkowicz!) and there was a woman there with a sign on her that said "Sin is Same Sex."

Really? Just how the f*ck do you know?

Most of my friends are gay, bi, lesbian, trans or something else other than "straight"  - and I love that term "straight" as most of the heterosexual humans I know are FAR more weird about the boudoir than any other subdivision of people.

You think it's normal that that guy literally sews her hands together and she is getting off on it? Holy schneikies. That, my friends, is some WEIRD stuff. Yeesh.

I know that I appear a certain way to most people. I was blessed with a strong body, pretty face and a generally optimistic attitude. I'm smart, well-traveled, educated and look white white white. What people DON'T realize is that my Momma is married to a black man, that I'm half German and also Italian, English, Irish and who know's what other stuff is in my genetics!

They don't know that my Momma marched with Martin Luther King, Jr. and that I was brought up for the first 6 years of my life on the "wrong" side of town in a highly racially divided city. Most of my friends were "black" and I put that in quotes because I didn't see them as any different - they were just my friends.

I lived in an integrated neighborhood and went to an integrated school for kindergarten and half of first grade. I didn't know it was integrated, it was just my school!

Then my Dad got a big opportunity to work for one of the most popular radio stations in the lower peninsula of Michigan, so we moved on up to Traverse City. A lovely lovely city, but OOOOOHHHH so not diverse!! I remember thinking how weird it was that nearly everyone in the whole town was white.

As I've aged I really do take notice of the diversity around me and I relish it. I love that I can walk into a place here in Anchorage and hear any language you can imagine, eat any ethnic food, and see people of all colors married to each other. It's such a transitional place and we're so close to Europe (just hop over the North Pole!), Russia and Asia - it's truly fascinating.

I once asked a person I was related to at the time (ex-husband numero uno) "How would you know who to hate if you were blind?"

She didn't like that too much.

Something that bigots and other sundry assh*les need to keep in mind is that during an emergency or disaster, would you turn down the aid of someone because they weren't the "right" color?

I think not.

Likewise, when there is someone in need who doesn't necessarily look like you, do you just turn your back?

Probably.

That's the thing. Maybe you should reconsider your motives. Because I will promise you, if you're losing blood and there is a person who has donated blood and your life is saved because that kind soul was nice enough to give blood? Well, the only color that truly matters then is Red.

That's all I gots for today.

Ciao for now & thanks for reading.

xoxo

My Lady and Koty. They certainly look different from each other but they had SO much love for each other.

And these two looked alike and he just tolerated her. She was a bug, but a sweet one!
My Sadie and Koty.

My Beebles. I love my little red girl!
She's a ball of energy and joy,

UN Equality Campaign and being a Woman

THE UN EQUALITY CAMPAIGN.NNomen

And on it goes.
I think a big part of what is wrong with the relationships we try to foster - especially those between men and women, is that there is a gigantic lack of respect for women that exists so fully that it is shocking.
When we are reduced to a couple of boobs and a vagina or a nice "ass" or a pretty face? You're missing a whole lot of what makes a woman a person. 
The objectification of women is pervasive to this very moment. It's part of what is wrong in a certain relationship right now. I'm hardly respected at all. Hardly. It's pretty much a given that I'm gonna contribute to the household in tangible ways and that I'm the one who makes this house a home.
I bring an emotional existence and intention to the house, the garden, my cooking, my decorating...
It's just a given. Not appreciated, not respected but instead, expected.
When we raise little boys in the environment of "the men watch the game on TV while the 'little woman' is in the kitchen cooking and cleaning and doing the laundry..."? 
Well, I say F*ck that sh*t.
Again. Going on strike. I'll still clean as much as I need to feel the house clean and I'll cook for myself and may make a little extra from time to time. 
All those other things that you've come to expect? I just can't. It makes me too sad. And I don't want to disrespect myself in those ways any more. 
And frankly, you don't deserve it if you cannot even tell me you love me. 
Still floored. Still amazed at the way you can just sit there and not care.
Just wow.
And to make matters worse? It's this - the world is filled with men just like you. JUST like you. 
You just DON'T GET IT.

A Study in Mixed Emotions

Had a faboosh day yesterday. Gardened at my house and then spent a bunch of time with my excellent friend K and her guy at their house planning their garden. I also cooked them a special dinner as their son was headed out for a three day trip - his first ever trip away from home without the parents! Big goings on for both parents and the son!

The dinner was a cioppino of gorgeous squid, mussels and smoked oysters. I cooked it with chicken broth, red wine, balsamic vinegar, beer, onion, garlic and loads of good Italian seasonings - parsley, dill, thyme, some red chili for bite, some mustard, paprika and celery seed. It came out beautifully.

Then I made some flavored couscous and a spring cabbage, cuke and onion salad in a balsamic/mustard sauce.

Nom nom NOM!

None of these fine people really LIKE to cook and they had all this gorgeous seafood in the freezer, so I just did my thing! I like to make others happy. It makes ME happy.

Which brings me to the topic at hand.

After my day of gardening and being outside and getting a play date for my doggie with NORBERT the mouser (who, incidentally did not catch the gray mousie in my kitchen which is now in a Havaheart trap on the way across town!), I decided to meet up with a couple friends at the local watering hole that I love.

So, in comes this OTHER person who shall remain nameless other than calling him Mr. Cretin. So Mr. C comes in all puffed up like he usually does (mind you, NO one likes this guy. Can't name one person who would call him a friend).

Well, of course, he sits himself right down next to me. Ugh.

See, I know of a certain something that Mr. C did to my friend K (up there ^). I know of his lies and his attempts to cheat his ex-wife out of something and the lies that he asked my friend to tell on his behalf.

I also know of a couple shady business practices this person has going on.

He is a misogynistic bigot and, frankly? I don't want a thing to do with him. I've had go-rounds with this CRETIN on more than a few occasions. He does NOT like me because I'm way smarter than he is and his daughter looks up to me.

Well he started in on his name-calling and swearing at me and insinuating that because my politics do not align with his that I am dumb.

I informed this person that, in fact, I'm not a Democrat or a Liberal or a Republican or a Conservative. I'm an independent thinker and am very independent in the voting booth. His assumptions are incorrect. Period.

Then, I politely asked him to please stop talking about subjects that we obviously would not agree upon. I just wanted to visit with my friends and have a nice evening.

Well, this CRETIN would not stop. He would NOT stop. I even moved away from him physically - and what'd he do? He kept yelling at me across the bar.

Very suave.

Shocking that you're single, there, Bub.

Shocking.

See, I was there with FRIENDS. That like me and call me and come to my house and we really like each other.

You, Cretin-face, on the other hand, inserted yourself where you were not welcome.

So, what happened, pray tell?

Security was called (not by me) and one of the big, burly guys who is my friend, came and sat next to me and basically dared this CRETIN to continue his tirade of crap.

He was cut off (he'd been drinking beer and was getting a little, let's say, wobbly).

He embarrassed himself further by stating "You know, this country went to hell in a handbasket the minute we gave those broads and immigrants the right to vote."

Very debonaire.

Impressively ignorant.

Again, SHOCKING that your wife divorced you. Hmm. A real mystery there.

So, my thing is this. Today was the first day a woman piloted one of the Thunderbirds.

Yet, we still have to have this sh*t thrown at us. Like it's some MYSTERY that a woman can fly a godd*mn plane.

WHAT THE H*LL?

This makes me angry and sad all at the same time.

Why is this some big deal? Of COURSE women can do anything that men can do.

Of course.

Duh.

I've been saying lately that just because you have a penis, it does not give you some sort of special privilege in this world. But I guess I'm one of the few that truly believes it.

Since I was a kid people always kind of pigeonholed me as a "tomboy." I didn't want dolls or to play house, I wanted Matchbox cars and magnets and even a cap gun. I liked fishing and climbing trees and playing sports. I loved school and learning and words and my microscope and telescope.

Animals were always my thing - from pet spiders in the garage to the beautiful fish I'd catch and pet. Tadpoles, mud puppies, ducks, muskrats, beavers, birds, ocean critters, swimming, pretending I was a mermaid.

Never was or will be a girly-girl, I was and continue to just be a person with big dreams about sailing the Seven Seas and being out in the wilderness.

So far I've sailed the Eastern and Western North Atlantic, The Caribbean, The North Pacific, The Mediterranean and The Aegean Sea.

And the list continues to grow as I learn more and live more!

What I'd like people who read this to think about today is how we raise our children to be in this world. Don't automatically assume that your child wants to wear a dress because she's a female. Likewise, don't assume that if your male child is attracted to pink and likes sparkles that he's wrong for liking those things.

I didn't want to wear dresses or skirts. I wanted to dress in a practical way so that I could run and jump and play and do the monkey bars and dig in the dirt.

Kids are just people. We're all just people. All colors, races, ethnicities, cultures, ideas, dreams, souls.

If we could all just wake up and literally smell the roses, do our jobs, open a window, listen to the birds, enjoy a view over a lake or mountain or even just a nice sky...

It's not that hard to find the tiniest little pleasure in a smile from a baby or even a nice "hello" when you see someone.

Yesterday there was a woman at that same watering hole where I encountered cretin-man. Well, she was in a KILLER dress and had a rockin' body and was just gorgeous. One of those all-natural beauty types. She was probably around my age and she was stunning.

So, I quietly went to her table and apologized for interrupting. I told her that we all were admiring her beautifulness and that the dress was amazing on her.

I cannot TELL you how happy that made her! She thanked me about 20 times before she left with her friends. Told me I made her whole week with that one little compliment.

It is NOT hard to make others happy. It just takes the tiniest effort.

So. Whatcha waitin' for?

Ciao for now!

xoxo

Rock, Paper, Scissors : Ignorance Ain't Bliss

I had a Facebook fight last night. Actually I had two of them. One was important and the other was semi-important.

My friend, Karen, will think one of them was ridiculous, but it speaks to an aggression problem that seems to be getting more rampant in our "society." She got yelled at the other day when she was at Target trying to buy dog food on Black Friday. A woman actually yelled at her and told her that "she had picked the WRONG day to buy dog food."

?

Who gets to tell who what is the right day to buy dog food? 

Heyyyy, it's dog food Monday! Everyone buys dog food on MONDAY now!

???

Nope. That's not how it works.

Nobody gets to tell me when I get to buy dog food, when I get to go to the bathroom, or how I get to live my life. I mean murdering is bad and that sort of thing should go without saying, but I'm talking about societal "norms" like telling me I'm selfish because I didn't have children, or that I'm irresponsible because I don't work a 9-5 job in a cubicle.

Fuck. Off.

I recently had to "inform" individuals that it is not my job in life to educate them. The information is readily available and if you don't take the time to educate yourself, then you don't get to form an opinion about a subject matter so important as climate change or reproduction or gene expression.

There was a fool here yesterday in Alaska who mistakenly believed me to be a sweet, cute person that would listen to his bullshit and be impressed with his "business acumen" and his "5,000 square foot house" in Ketchikan.

Nope.

Your assumptions, sir, are getting you nowhere very quickly. Well, he continued to hit on me despite my wedding rings and the mention of my husband who was at a table watching the Seahawks football game.

This idiot went so far as to FOLLOW me to the table so that he could meet this so-called husband of mine because I was so feisty and I called him out on his bullshit and he thought that no man would EVER be able to put up with a woman like me!

And, of course, this noodlehead began every sentence with "I" and never asked one question of me.

It's absolutely amazing that men (a lot of them - not all of them) see women as prizes and pieces of meat  to rip apart. I don't mean to be vulgar, but a lot of men see women as a place to stick their dicks and that's really all they believe women to be good for - oh, and the cooking and cleaning and the toiling to make their lives comfortable.

There is a complete lack of empathy for others, lack of emotion, lack of caring, lack of equality.

This dude did his damndest to impress me - but, for those of you who really know me? I'm not impressed by money or the fact that you fly helicopters and you have, apparently, a very small penis.

When you have to try THAT hard to impress a lady, it is CLEAR that you are lacking in certain departments.

Like those poor middle-aged guys driving the little shiny convertibles or the EFFING cigarette boats and their loud, disruptive, gas-guzzling engines. Ugh. Each time we'd go past one of these assholes, I'd wave and yell "Sorry about your small penis!" and these idiots, of course, would wave right back because they couldn't possibly hear me over the loud "ROAR" of the engine!

Oy.

This guy's wife drank herself to death 4 years ago and died at 49. He talked about it like it was HER fault for not being able to just power through it.

She didn't die of drinking, asshole. She died of a broken heart because she was married to a man who spent 80 hours a week working and was completely unsympathetic and called her "an emotional wreck suffering from empty nest syndrome" after their three children moved away.

He actually went so far as to tell me that he had "wasted" $50,000+ dollars on rehab for his wife, but she kept relapsing.

Yep. I'd probably drink myself to death, too. Or better, DIVORCE his ass and take HALF of all of the fucking money because that the ONLY thing he values in this world.

So, the thing I'm talking about is that women really should stop putting up with anything less than a wonderful person who treats you like gold and LISTENS to you. Men who talk OVER me or interrupt me or try to SCHOOL me on biological science or animals or gardening?

Nope. Those are MY areas of expertise. Listen to me. I've done the work. I have spent 42 years (or more) schooling myself in these areas. I'm willing to have a conversation about it, because sometimes I learn things from other people on these subjects, but a conversation is a give and take. It's not a monologue.

Just because I don't have a penis (thank GOD for that) doesn't mean I don't have balls. My cojones are ragingly big and I'm not afraid to use them. I know Karate, too, so don't try to bully me and get in my personal space. And don't TOUCH me. For the love of ALL that is holy, I will SLAP you and then I will punch you. I'm not afraid to break my hand. Done it before, will do it again.

Make no mistake:

Just because I'm KIND doesn't mean I'm a pushover.

Just because I'm pretty and cute and have a nice figure (thanks, Alaska) doesn't preclude the fact that I have a really, really good brain and I know how to use it.

And just because I'm smaller than you doesn't mean I can't stomp all over your ass - with my words, fist, kicks or whatever it takes for me to defend myself.

AND REALLY. Just because you have a penis, it doesn't mean you have some special privilege. It actually makes you weak and stupid and acting like a total asshole even in front of my husband.

So, when my husband got up to leave at half-time (we had driven separately), this fool ass first told me what a great guy my husband was. Well. Yeah. I married him. I know that, douchebag.

And then he offered to get me a hotel room so he could fuck me.

What a nice guy.

Men. Jesus. What the hell.

Which leads me to the 10 keepers that are out there. Like this one, below. This video is amazing and beautiful and it made me cry cry cry, so be warned! It's the reunion of a man who raised a gorilla and then the gorilla was released into the wild. This is their reunion. And the world needs more men like THESE.