Rock, Paper, Scissors : Ignorance Ain't Bliss

I had a Facebook fight last night. Actually I had two of them. One was important and the other was semi-important.

My friend, Karen, will think one of them was ridiculous, but it speaks to an aggression problem that seems to be getting more rampant in our "society." She got yelled at the other day when she was at Target trying to buy dog food on Black Friday. A woman actually yelled at her and told her that "she had picked the WRONG day to buy dog food."

?

Who gets to tell who what is the right day to buy dog food? 

Heyyyy, it's dog food Monday! Everyone buys dog food on MONDAY now!

???

Nope. That's not how it works.

Nobody gets to tell me when I get to buy dog food, when I get to go to the bathroom, or how I get to live my life. I mean murdering is bad and that sort of thing should go without saying, but I'm talking about societal "norms" like telling me I'm selfish because I didn't have children, or that I'm irresponsible because I don't work a 9-5 job in a cubicle.

Fuck. Off.

I recently had to "inform" individuals that it is not my job in life to educate them. The information is readily available and if you don't take the time to educate yourself, then you don't get to form an opinion about a subject matter so important as climate change or reproduction or gene expression.

There was a fool here yesterday in Alaska who mistakenly believed me to be a sweet, cute person that would listen to his bullshit and be impressed with his "business acumen" and his "5,000 square foot house" in Ketchikan.

Nope.

Your assumptions, sir, are getting you nowhere very quickly. Well, he continued to hit on me despite my wedding rings and the mention of my husband who was at a table watching the Seahawks football game.

This idiot went so far as to FOLLOW me to the table so that he could meet this so-called husband of mine because I was so feisty and I called him out on his bullshit and he thought that no man would EVER be able to put up with a woman like me!

And, of course, this noodlehead began every sentence with "I" and never asked one question of me.

It's absolutely amazing that men (a lot of them - not all of them) see women as prizes and pieces of meat  to rip apart. I don't mean to be vulgar, but a lot of men see women as a place to stick their dicks and that's really all they believe women to be good for - oh, and the cooking and cleaning and the toiling to make their lives comfortable.

There is a complete lack of empathy for others, lack of emotion, lack of caring, lack of equality.

This dude did his damndest to impress me - but, for those of you who really know me? I'm not impressed by money or the fact that you fly helicopters and you have, apparently, a very small penis.

When you have to try THAT hard to impress a lady, it is CLEAR that you are lacking in certain departments.

Like those poor middle-aged guys driving the little shiny convertibles or the EFFING cigarette boats and their loud, disruptive, gas-guzzling engines. Ugh. Each time we'd go past one of these assholes, I'd wave and yell "Sorry about your small penis!" and these idiots, of course, would wave right back because they couldn't possibly hear me over the loud "ROAR" of the engine!

Oy.

This guy's wife drank herself to death 4 years ago and died at 49. He talked about it like it was HER fault for not being able to just power through it.

She didn't die of drinking, asshole. She died of a broken heart because she was married to a man who spent 80 hours a week working and was completely unsympathetic and called her "an emotional wreck suffering from empty nest syndrome" after their three children moved away.

He actually went so far as to tell me that he had "wasted" $50,000+ dollars on rehab for his wife, but she kept relapsing.

Yep. I'd probably drink myself to death, too. Or better, DIVORCE his ass and take HALF of all of the fucking money because that the ONLY thing he values in this world.

So, the thing I'm talking about is that women really should stop putting up with anything less than a wonderful person who treats you like gold and LISTENS to you. Men who talk OVER me or interrupt me or try to SCHOOL me on biological science or animals or gardening?

Nope. Those are MY areas of expertise. Listen to me. I've done the work. I have spent 42 years (or more) schooling myself in these areas. I'm willing to have a conversation about it, because sometimes I learn things from other people on these subjects, but a conversation is a give and take. It's not a monologue.

Just because I don't have a penis (thank GOD for that) doesn't mean I don't have balls. My cojones are ragingly big and I'm not afraid to use them. I know Karate, too, so don't try to bully me and get in my personal space. And don't TOUCH me. For the love of ALL that is holy, I will SLAP you and then I will punch you. I'm not afraid to break my hand. Done it before, will do it again.

Make no mistake:

Just because I'm KIND doesn't mean I'm a pushover.

Just because I'm pretty and cute and have a nice figure (thanks, Alaska) doesn't preclude the fact that I have a really, really good brain and I know how to use it.

And just because I'm smaller than you doesn't mean I can't stomp all over your ass - with my words, fist, kicks or whatever it takes for me to defend myself.

AND REALLY. Just because you have a penis, it doesn't mean you have some special privilege. It actually makes you weak and stupid and acting like a total asshole even in front of my husband.

So, when my husband got up to leave at half-time (we had driven separately), this fool ass first told me what a great guy my husband was. Well. Yeah. I married him. I know that, douchebag.

And then he offered to get me a hotel room so he could fuck me.

What a nice guy.

Men. Jesus. What the hell.

Which leads me to the 10 keepers that are out there. Like this one, below. This video is amazing and beautiful and it made me cry cry cry, so be warned! It's the reunion of a man who raised a gorilla and then the gorilla was released into the wild. This is their reunion. And the world needs more men like THESE.

About writing...

Some of my friends I know are concerned for my well-being due to living here in Alaska and experiencing my first winter here. The perception is that it's dark 24 hours a day, that no one goes out, that it's a frozen wasteland filled with transient people with guns, that everyone is an alcoholic and that there is nothing to do except build fires and hope the polar bears and moose don't getcha!

Well, the moose part is true.

And the transient people part is partially true.

And the gun part is also partially true.

However, the rest of the overwhelming perceptions of Alaska are just not true. There are people I know who have been born and raised here. And there are a lot of native Alaskans who are Inuit, Inupiat, Aleut, Wolf Clan...There are people from every culture imaginable and subsequently, the food is TO DIE FOR! Awesome Thai food, Mexican, Spanish, French, Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Mongolian...There are significant Hawaiian, Russian and Samoan populations and people from different countries in Africa - notably The Sudan and South Africa.

It's an interesting place for sure. And it's NOT DARK ALL THE TIME! We have gorgeous, bright sunlight right now from about 9am to 4:30pm. It will reduce a bit as we head toward the equinox in December. The sun, as my friend Carol Ann noticed in my pictures, is at a different angle up here at this time of year. It's not so high up in the sky, but it's intense and shines against the mountains and ocean in the loveliest way.

The coolest parts of living in Alaska are the mountains and volcanoes and their juxtaposition with the Pacific ocean for sure. They are spectacular and different every day. The critters here are fascinating, as well. Strange and amazing from the whales to the birds to the bears to the moose.

My husband had surgery on Thursday morning (he's doing much better today - yesterday was not so hot) and I came home to prep the house for his arrival and let the dogs out. Well, I noticed some movement in the front yard and jumped about a mile when I looked out our picture window to see a BIG BIG BIG momma moose just a few feet from the window!! She had apparently decided the pumpkins by my front door and the mountain ash and mountain laurel in the front yard were too tasty to pass up!

Pre-surgery at the hospital.

Munching on the small mountain ash in the front yard!

Moving over to the mountain laurel!

Now munching on the pumpkins by Kelly's truck!

Eating shoots in the neighbor's garden. Look how TALL she is!

View of the Chugach from the hospital cafeteria.
It was a lovely morning. I watched the moon set and then the sun rise.

Here's the moon setting - it was a big, full moon called the Beaver Moon or the Full Frost Moon.
It was low and orange like the Harvest moon we see in Massachusetts in October.

So, in the pictures you can clearly see the sun. It rises in the morning just over the Chugach Mountains and then makes its way Westward to set in the early evening. It's not a vast tundra here  - Anchorage has 350,000 people! We've got skyscrapers, roads, schools, churches, two giant Universities, a vibrant food, arts and music scene. Loads of creative, nice people, world-class athletes, adventurers and artists of all varieties. Many of my friends are poets, writers, musicians and service people - restauranteurs, servers, engineers, landscapers. 

There IS frozen tundra but that's in the interior of Alaska and up north. We are about as far south as you can get and still be in Alaska. We're located right there by the Yukon Territory and across the way, not so far, is Russia. There's currently a typhoon barreling its way toward the Bering Sea, and that's a 1000 miles to our North. We'll get some rain and wind, called a Chinook, but we won't see the 45 foot seas that are predicted in its wake.

My friends in Massachusetts are concerned that I sit in the house, with the wind-driven snow piling up outside my door. That I never leave the house and I just sit here with my books and notebooks and journals and sit in front of my computer all day. Well, that's not the case!

I'm out and about every day! I have two dogs, a husband, a 19-year old friend living here (who is very much like my adopted daughter). I do laundry almost every day. I cook loads of goodies, meet friends out for lunch. When Mr. Big and Tall isn't recovering from surgery, we often head out for a drink and appetizers in the evenings or do yard work together. We go for hikes and kayak paddles and go birdwatching and whale watching on the coast. We go out with friends to watch football games on the weekends, we have friends over for dinner at least 2 or 3 times a month. Loads of people do the "pop-in" - so there are lots of impromptu get-togethers with people. My neighbors are very neighborly and everyone exchanges food and conversation. EVERYONE gardens here and has at least one dog. My neighbor next door? She has seven sled dogs! 

Truth be told, I'm more active and go more places and do more things now than I ever did. My go-to in Massachusetts was my beloved boat. And when I got divorced I no longer had boaty to play with, so I resorted to lots of long walks to fill that void. 

So, I appreciate everyone's concern for my well-being. I'm actually really happy here! My trip to Massachusetts was a bittersweet one - bitter in that I miss my friends and Salem and all that is so familiar. It was sweet, as well, in that being there and seeing all those things that are a little too familiar like my ex's real estate signs everywhere and reminders of my life with him and my poor doggies that passed away - it's sweet to be away from those reminders. 

Coming back to Alaska with my husband, my new little doggies, my new friends, my new environment, my new lease on life - it  is completely sweet with no bitter at all. No regrets. Forge ahead. New frontier, new challenges, renewal of spirit.

Thanks for reading!

Here's a wonderful essay about the art of writing. I found it fascinating.

Hasta la vista.