SNOW. September. W.R.O.N.G!!!

We got our first snow in Anchorage yesterday and last night.

While I know my New England people are enjoying the fall and my people in the South are enjoying the warm last days of summer and my people in the other parts of the planet are all like:

Saaaay, WHAT, now?

It's so pretty!!

The snow right now was sort of wet and sloppy since it was really quite warm for it to stick. But - stuck it did and I have to say the juxtaposition of the fall leaves on the trees with the white white snow? It's cheered me up considerably.

I was downright grim yesterday until I ran into some friends that I've been missing.

And the day before that I was also feeling VERY grim until I met one of the Deadliest Catch captains and hung out with him all evening. He is a delightful person and we had a ton of fun horrifying his newest greenhorn! 

Ah, the sea stories!

I miss my Gloucester guys and gals that worked the boats with me. Some of the best humans you'd ever hope to meet. Salt of the Earth.

So it was great fun talking Bering Sea stuff with these kids and the Captain. He's really famous and on camera a LOT! Delightful.

Then yesterday I hung with my guy Brian (who's originally from Minnesota) and a world-famous Chef that you've likely seen on TV many a time. I've known him for a while and we have a lot of mutual friends, so it was another unexpectedly fun evening.

Then I got home and ate some leftovers? Not good. Paid for it all night. BLECH. Luckily there was no barfing involved but it was darn close a couple times. I just hate being nauseous.

Better today after eating some apple and drinking about 80 gallons of water to flush out  my poor system. 

So, the housemate sitch? Still ongoing. She had told me she'd be out by the end of this month. Well, that's pretty much right about now in about 13 hours.

With the help of some legal advice, I was told to write her a specific letter to ask her specific things about her exit. So, little Miss Sunshine informed me that she may, in fact, not be able to be out until Saturday.

Three days. 72 more hours of closed doors and louds sighs. And the in and out of the bathroom each morning at O dark 30.

So, the note she left me was, as you'd imagine, terse. And my favorite part is something I've come across soooooo many times in my recent past.

And that thing is that the people (and I use that loosely) of the world who are the 9 to 5-ers or the 8 to 5-ers? They all think that people like me are lazy or unproductive.

My ex-husband D who I still adore, used to think that until he realized how much I actually did while I still had my gardening business and did lots of philanthropic stuff. 

My current soon-to-be ex-husband Mr. Sunshine also viewed me as some kind of leech because I had to get my business and life re-established in a brand new place 5000 miles from anything familiar.

My ex-housemate (past one) and present one - same thing. They think I don't do anything because I get paid to do the shit that they'd LIKE to do but don't know HOW to do.

You know what I've got to say about that? Too f*cking bad, princesses. I do what I have to do and what I CAN do to make ends meet. And up until I spent my g*ddamn life savings moving here getting my identity stolen (fun) going through a shitty divorce (real fun) and then being forced to move AGAIN and marketing and schmoozing clients and networking? 

I have been utterly self-sufficient since my 20s. 

So, yeah. Things are tough right now financially. Whooopie-SH*T. Happens when you least expect it.

Last thing I'll say - you cubicle people need to get a grip. Where do you think the books or newspapers you read come from? Poetry, art, dance, music - all of those things come from us non-traditional WORKERS of the world. 

Artists are workers. 

Writers are workers.

And frankly, if you can't understand that? You can SUCK IT.

To my Salem peeps - Happy October tomorrow! Try not to get too frustrated with the traffic and crazy - you have no idea how much you miss it when you leave. No one celebrates Halloween here. So sad...

Ciao for now and thanks for reading! 

xooxo

Blah and Ugh

I officially have a case of the blahs.

It's rainy and gray. My mood is sort of the same.

I've got VERY little money. VERY little since all the bills and rent and internet fees and phone fees and housemate moving out makes it such that I now have to pay all of October (or so it seems) on my own.

I'm interviewing tomorrow for a job I want want want. Have no idea if I'll be hired, but I'd certainly appreciate any or all good vibe that may be sent my way at 10am Alaska Standard Time (That's 2pm, Mom!).

There's just this overwhelming scaredness in my gut and I don't like it. I try to ignore it and put on my big girl boots each day and face the day with as much bravery as I can muster, but you know what?

Sometimes being an "adult?" Suck balls.

I know that's not a lovely term to use, but here - it seems appropriate.

And anyway, too? It's been proven that people who are demonstrative emotionally and also verbally (i.e. using swear words) are happier, healthier and generally more positive in life.

If you bottle stuff up and keep things to yourself and generally are prudish? Well, you've probably got health issues or your gonna. You gotta get that sh*t off your chest and out of your head! Otherwise? The stress and the bad feelings or anger that you might feel will only eat at you. Cortisol levels rise up. Then you gain weight for no reason. And you can't get the weight off no matter what you do.

I'm living proof. At one point I had terrible anxiety disorder paired with high blood pressure and weight issues. My allergies were nearly unmanageable and I developed terrible psoriasis - an auto-immune disease of the skin (can also cause psoriatic arthritis which is terrible). I had (still do) a bad back and was in constant pain. It's a wonder anyone even still likes me! What a mess!

My diet was great, my lifestyle was good (lots of fresh air, working in gardens, going boating, lots of power walks)... NOTHING made me better until I finally got chiropractic treatment and then got out of my failing marriage.

Nothing worked until I got brutally honest with my therapist, myself and my then husband.

Even after that I had some major blows. Major bad things that happened. Then the depression set in.

There's a weight loss plan for you. Major grief and depression. I pretty much didn't eat for 6 months.

Ugh.

So, back to therapy I went. More brutal honesty. More grieving.

And then I started walking everywhere. All the time. Walking and going to the beach and therapy. Those were my life for almost a year.

No more blood pressure meds after that. No more anxiety pills (until recently with all the SH*T I've been dealing with with my divorce and having to MOVE AGAIN).

But for the most part, I'm doing fine. I have my moments where I feel scared and very alone, but I know it'll all work out.

Ok. I'm off to make cookies. A friend of mine ordered some for a party she's having and she's PAYING me to cook!  : ) Woo HOOO!!

Ciao for now and thanks for reading.

xoxo