Long time, no post!

Christmas pretty.

So much has happened since my last posting. It's been 5 months and that's like 50 years in Alaska time.

Let's see. Where to begin?

Two different lawsuits regarding two very different matters. Both are resolved, thankfully.

My old housemate fell off the proverbial wagon. He not only fell off, he jumped off with a resounding CRASH and BURN and the drama of that whole situation at the end of July/beginning of August just about did me in emotionally.

He moved out (THANK GOD ALMIGHTY) and left me to pay the rent on my own for August and September.

Then I had to move out. Another move. Three moves in a little more than two years.

UGH.

Talk about emotional and physical drain. I'm STILL recuperating from all the changes I've endured.

Between the high cost of living here, paying movers, trying to work as much as possible and find a meaningful full-time gig, two lawsuits and just trying to be a person, I'm DRAINED.

Financially and in every other way.

Now, it's the holidays, of course. We're all supposed to be cozy and comfy and surrounded by family and the perfect tree and 2.5 children and ho, ho, ho.

I'm trying. I really am. I am making special Christmas cards that make me giggle, but I find that certainly the lack of sun and the location of my new housing situation (I live with a most wonderful family that has been utterly beyond generous and kind to me during this very odd time in my life) - I'm getting the winter doldrums more than I have in years.

I turn on that S.A.D. light and listen to happy music and focus on all of the things I'm grateful for, but - you know? Sometimes? It just gets to me.

When I think of "home," I think of my house on Derby Street. And my puppy dogs that I miss all the time. I miss boaty and that feeling of security that I felt there for so long.

This was the view from my driveway.

My beloved stove.

Lady and Koty and the ex on our beloved boaty.

Fun at Halloween.

My Sadie girl.

I miss my little Phoebe.

When I think back on the holidays I also remember my Aunt Bob and Uncle Sis and how we'd all look forward to seeing Bobby when he could make it back from Colorado. We'd all be together at their house and have that jello with the cream cheese in it (blech) and we'd eat and the adults would drink Asti Spumante and my Mom ALWAYS gave Grandpa Vern a bottle of Akadama plum wine. We'd play "Dit-dot-doe" - which is what my Mom called the game "Sorry" - or "One Card."

I'm not sure if life was simpler 35 years ago or if I've just gotten wiser to how hard life can be. It's really tough being alone at 50+. In a million years I'd never have envisioned being single and having to make a go of it all by myself.

~~~~~~

The last two years have been such times of uncertainty for me. And I know I'm not alone in that. The economy and job scene are not easy for a lot of us.

And I CERTAINLY know I've got it so much better than hundreds of thousands of people in the United States, and WAAAAY better than millions that live elsewhere.

There's that guilt that comes sometimes when I'm worried about my damn bills and how I'm gonna make ends meet THIS month - and then I look around me at this warm house, a fridge overflowing with food, my car that is now operable thanks to the kindness of family and friends who've helped me, a closet full of clothes, and on and on the list goes.

So many of us get caught up in the worrying that we forget to live today. We don't have the 1st of January yet. My bills will be due, but I'll find a way to pay them. I'm trying to remain positive and keep hope that something really good is around the corner.

I hope this post doesn't sound too Debbie Downer for all of you who are enjoying the holiday season. I generally ADORE the holidays and the sparkle lights and the songs and the camaraderie that abound this time of the year. I'm just having a time of it over here ... missing all that is familiar. My family, my friends and my old life. I was so very settled in Salem up until my dogs decided to die and then my divorce and having to sell my beloved home.

I'm not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me. I guess my point today is that sometimes the holidays are exceptionally hard for some people for a million different reasons.

Change is in the air. I'm just hoping that 2017 will bring positive change for all.

SNOW. September. W.R.O.N.G!!!

We got our first snow in Anchorage yesterday and last night.

While I know my New England people are enjoying the fall and my people in the South are enjoying the warm last days of summer and my people in the other parts of the planet are all like:

Saaaay, WHAT, now?

It's so pretty!!

The snow right now was sort of wet and sloppy since it was really quite warm for it to stick. But - stuck it did and I have to say the juxtaposition of the fall leaves on the trees with the white white snow? It's cheered me up considerably.

I was downright grim yesterday until I ran into some friends that I've been missing.

And the day before that I was also feeling VERY grim until I met one of the Deadliest Catch captains and hung out with him all evening. He is a delightful person and we had a ton of fun horrifying his newest greenhorn! 

Ah, the sea stories!

I miss my Gloucester guys and gals that worked the boats with me. Some of the best humans you'd ever hope to meet. Salt of the Earth.

So it was great fun talking Bering Sea stuff with these kids and the Captain. He's really famous and on camera a LOT! Delightful.

Then yesterday I hung with my guy Brian (who's originally from Minnesota) and a world-famous Chef that you've likely seen on TV many a time. I've known him for a while and we have a lot of mutual friends, so it was another unexpectedly fun evening.

Then I got home and ate some leftovers? Not good. Paid for it all night. BLECH. Luckily there was no barfing involved but it was darn close a couple times. I just hate being nauseous.

Better today after eating some apple and drinking about 80 gallons of water to flush out  my poor system. 

So, the housemate sitch? Still ongoing. She had told me she'd be out by the end of this month. Well, that's pretty much right about now in about 13 hours.

With the help of some legal advice, I was told to write her a specific letter to ask her specific things about her exit. So, little Miss Sunshine informed me that she may, in fact, not be able to be out until Saturday.

Three days. 72 more hours of closed doors and louds sighs. And the in and out of the bathroom each morning at O dark 30.

So, the note she left me was, as you'd imagine, terse. And my favorite part is something I've come across soooooo many times in my recent past.

And that thing is that the people (and I use that loosely) of the world who are the 9 to 5-ers or the 8 to 5-ers? They all think that people like me are lazy or unproductive.

My ex-husband D who I still adore, used to think that until he realized how much I actually did while I still had my gardening business and did lots of philanthropic stuff. 

My current soon-to-be ex-husband Mr. Sunshine also viewed me as some kind of leech because I had to get my business and life re-established in a brand new place 5000 miles from anything familiar.

My ex-housemate (past one) and present one - same thing. They think I don't do anything because I get paid to do the shit that they'd LIKE to do but don't know HOW to do.

You know what I've got to say about that? Too f*cking bad, princesses. I do what I have to do and what I CAN do to make ends meet. And up until I spent my g*ddamn life savings moving here getting my identity stolen (fun) going through a shitty divorce (real fun) and then being forced to move AGAIN and marketing and schmoozing clients and networking? 

I have been utterly self-sufficient since my 20s. 

So, yeah. Things are tough right now financially. Whooopie-SH*T. Happens when you least expect it.

Last thing I'll say - you cubicle people need to get a grip. Where do you think the books or newspapers you read come from? Poetry, art, dance, music - all of those things come from us non-traditional WORKERS of the world. 

Artists are workers. 

Writers are workers.

And frankly, if you can't understand that? You can SUCK IT.

To my Salem peeps - Happy October tomorrow! Try not to get too frustrated with the traffic and crazy - you have no idea how much you miss it when you leave. No one celebrates Halloween here. So sad...

Ciao for now and thanks for reading! 

xooxo

A Blog about Blogging

This causes me great fits of laughter. It goes on for pages like this...

Did someone lose a kitten?

Then.

Now.

If you click on this and enlarge it, you will see the totem that was given to me by a new friend who is a Native Alaskan.
She felt moved to paint this without even knowing my background.
It is a blue-eyed Eagle with Orca teeth and an open mouth calling out.
The Eagle's eye has silhouettes of a Magpie, a Raven and an Eagle in its pupil
Amazing. Gives me chills. Thank you again, Karen.
You can also see the logs that were fitted
and shaped to make the walls. Each was handmade to fit.

So, I just went on Twitter because I got another request from some stranger who wants to "follow" me on there. Such an odd concept, really, this whole social media weirdo thing.

People from every part of the world read this blog (I have no idea why) and people from all over the world and every walk of life are "friends" with me on Facebook and then now want to follow me on Twitter.

It's really confusing to me. I can see if you've met someone in person and enjoyed a conversation or have a common goal or interest via other friends, that you might connect with someone you don't necessarily know.

However, this whole notion of someone who has NO connection to me whatsoever would want to read my drivel or see the environmental or social justice stuff I put on Facebook and Twitter? I find that just strange!

I'm an old fashioned gal. Verging on 50 years old, I am told again and again that my attitude and looks do not match the number. I'm thankful that I look and act young - however that gives some people the need to discredit the fact that I AM almost 50 and have that many years of experience under my belt.

The conclusions I've reached over the course of a half century have been hard-learned lessons. Since I am terrible at receiving advice or "constructive criticism" I have made many mistakes and have had my heart broken a bunch and have endured several disasters.

I've done a lot of therapy is what I'm saying!

And therapy is not easy. It's really one of the hardest things I've done. I've done marriage counseling with all three husbands now (yeesh), have done individual talk therapy on several occasions - a year of intensive therapy just a little over a year ago. I also did two years of group therapy with men and women in the group lead by a wonderful therapist.

It's very strange to be in therapy with another person or other people. I once was in a different group for a short time and quit after just two sessions because there was a woman in my group who intensely hated me for no good reason. She resented my femininity and positive attitude.

???

What the hell? How the hell does that make me a bad person?

People are so damn strange. That's why I like animals and plants so much. They do no pre-judge and make ridiculous claims.

That's also why I cannot STAND working in an office environment. It's ridiculous the rumours and stupid gossip that inevitably happens in those places.

Give me the ocean, a hiking trail, a lake or a garden. Thank you very much.

Even this whole thing of living with another person or other people. It's HARD to live with someone and constantly feeling like you have to compromise.

I'm lucky in that I get to work out of my home. I get to write here in my living room. I get to have my alone time as much as I really need it.

The idea of the forced social interaction ALL DAY LONG with other people you work with? Ugh. Makes my skin crawl.

So you gotta be social ALL DAY and then go home and have PEOPLE there that want to talk to you? UGH.

Again, it's likely an only-child thing. Only children just are different, I think.

If I don't have time and space to myself each day, I really feel like I'm going to explode. And I've talked to so many other people whose experience is utterly the opposite. They HATE being alone. I simply cannot imagine hating being alone.

Truly, the thing that makes me happiest is being out in the yard frutzing around in the garden with the birds and the insects and my little sweet doggie. If you think about it, that's hardly being alone. The plants are all living things, the birds and the bugs and my dog - they are all living things....

Maybe that's my twisted weird way of viewing the world, but even my house? I feel that it has a soul and is a living thing - especially living in a very old log cabin home.

In fact, this house I live in is a very famous home here in Anchorage. It survived a HUGE earthquake that happened in 1964 and was moved from its original location to the place I am right now.

This house has seen a lot.

Of course, my home in Massachusetts was built in 1800, so imagine the things THAT house has experienced. There was a fire upstairs in that house, it's been a brothel, a shoe store, a grocery store, a home, part of the Underground Railroad, a couple restaurants and even the most favorite bar of a whole generation of Salemites called The No Name Pub!

All the people who used to frequent the No Name wanted to see my house after my husband and I put it back together and made it a happy home again. We had lots of parties so that people could enjoy that amazing, incredible house. I never felt it "belonged" to me, but instead that I was lucky enough to be tasked with the joyous duty of loving and caring for that amazing home.

I feel very much like that in my current home. When I moved here, this was a shell that was where my husband was living. It was not being properly loved or revered.

That's MY job. I understand what this house needs and that it was feeling very unloved for the last few years.

So, yeah. I'm weird. Super sentimental and sappy and all that crap. And I don't feel the need to apologize for ANY of it. I'm weird. I own it. I don't care if you like me or don't.

That's freeing when you kind of cease giving a crap if other people "approve" of the way you go about your business. I'm not here to hurt any one or be mean or unkind. I'm just trying to take care of myself, my home, my garden and my family and friends.

I've made a lot of wonderful friends upon arriving in Alaska. Loads of wonderful women and a few really great young men.

Looking forward to my visits from family and friends this summer! Come WEST my peeps! Summer in Alaska is unbelievable. Gorgeous, lush, long warm days, short warm nights...

Despite all the mistakes and do-overs I wish I had, I've really got no regrets. Maybe regret that I didn't have a child to pass on my weirdness, but that's it, really.

Otherwise? Yaaay for the next 50 years! Bring 'em on!

Ciao for now.

xoxo

My beloved Boaty. I miss her. Altair.

My little pine that made it from my driveway in Massachusetts,
was put in my container, rode by rail to Tacoma, Washington
and then came by boat to Anchorage!
2+ months in the dark with no water. God bless this little pine!
And he survived his first Alaska winter with flying colors.

Happy Birthday to Jane Gooddall! And stuff.

A bit of a trip around some places I've been and loved:

Buckingham Palace in London.

Ivan's Stress-Free restaurant and resort on Jost Van Dyke in the British Virgin Islands.

Snorkeled with cuttlefish in many locations now. They are the COOLEST critters.
There was a whole family of them and they kept following me around
as I was snorkeling in Roatan, Honduras.

My most favorite whale in the entire world, Spoon.

Conch in my yard in Salem. That conch is now here in Alaska!

This was taken by a professional photographer when I was coming home from walking the dogs.
He was enamoured by my house and my puppies!
That wreath is now on my front door here in Anchorage.
(And I've lost about 40 pounds since this was taken!)

This is where I would take the dogs most mornings so Koty could swim.
(He is all wet in the above picture.)
This is Salem Harbor looking out toward Marblehead.
Morning fog was just burning off. 

Kenai Lake last summer. Incredible. Those are the Chugach Mountains
over yonder and the Kenais are behind me.

Well, I got up earlier than I had wanted because of the coughing fits that plague me now. There is a "bowl" formed by the mountains that surround Anchorage, and during the spring it is a big dust bowl. Terrible particulate dust that permeates everything. And it's just so dry dry dry that the dust just flows down from the mountains and shoots down the streets in the city.

I've got a humidifier going in the house - more than a gallon disappears each day!

We luckily live in a log cabin, so the wood retains the water and makes it more livable, but, as anyone who knows me will tell you? I like to be outside! I go stir crazy if I'm in the house too long.

So I go out, do some gardening or whatever and then I have to come back inside to get my humidity on. Yeesh. Weird stuff in Alaska to contend with.

I was unsure what I was going to blog about today and then I flipped on Facebook for a few minutes and there was the video I've seen a bunch of times of Jane Gooddall and her team releasing a chimpanzee back to the wild.

The chimp doesn't leave right away. Instead he hugs the main handler and then he goes up to the top of his cage and gives Jane Gooddall a giant, giant hug.

Now, mind you, this looks all sweet and cuddly, but - anyone who knows about these animals knows that that chimpanzee could kill all of those five people that were there to release her. They are powerful and athletic and have HUGE teeth.

That's why, for so long, I've partially worked and given money to organizations that help prevent the smuggling or breeding wild critters into domestic situations. People who have Lynx or Lions for pets. Or monkeys that are not service animals. It's not right for the people involved OR the critter. Even tropical fish - if they're not properly cared for and maintained in just the right way? They suffer and then die.

Likewise people who do not know how to handle dogs properly? Should not have dogs. Even little chihuahuas can be very dangerous. They are fiercely protective and can cause a lot of damage to a hand or face - especially children.

My dog Koty, who was 12 and very very docile, was attacked by an American Bulldog. My dog was on the leash walking with my husband, my other dog Sadie and me. The owner luckily was home, but it took us all about 15 minutes to get that Bulldog to unlatch its jaws from my Koty's throat.

200 stitches and a lot of tears and strife and two overnight surgeries put him back together, but he was never the same. He died of a liver infection a year later. We were all never the same. Sadie died shortly thereafter.

Those people, by the way, that had that dangerous animal? They had two tiny children - little girls. That dog is gonna haul off and bite the wrong person or those kids and then guess what? Bye bye to the dog and trauma left behind. I am STILL traumatized by that dog's viciousness. I've also been cornered by two giant Rottweilers and charged just the other day by another Rottweiler that was running loose.

Luckily I am now armed with the knowledge of what to do with dangerous dogs - especially when they're coming after my little doggie Phoebe who is only 40 pounds and she LOVES everyone.

But the owners of these damn dangerous animals? Don't get it. If your dog is aggressive, PUT IT ON A LEASH.

SO, moral of the story is that people are dumb. Animals do what they do and live where they do because that's where they BELONG. Only humans screw things up for the rest of the critters. Pumping chemicals into the air and into our oceans.

It's pathetic and nasty.

Climate changes are happening at rates that far exceed any natural cycles that have occurred since people started making records of such things.

For Pete's SAKE! I'm growing apple trees in Alaska and it's April. That ain't natural.

I've got plants growing in the front of my house right now that are almost a foot tall. Chinese poppies that are gorgeous and green. Bizarro.

Meantime, they're getting MORE snow on the East Coast. Luckily by the end of the month they're going to be consistently in the 60s, so they will get spring very quickly.

Non sequiter alert! Bing Bing Bing!

In any case, I'm trying to be more mindful of stuff. Thinking about what I say to people and how I behave and just trying to be nicer than I have been in the past. Not to excuse other people's bad behavior, because that's not proper either. But I will strive to surround myself with other like-minded people, while also making room for others' opinions.

It would be a boring world if we were all the same - that's a truism.

However, it would also be a NICER world if we were all dedicated to being nice to others.

Things I wanna do with the rest of my 2015:

1 - Be nicer
2 - Have fun whenever it's possible
3 - Sing and dance
4 - Work hard but not too much
5 - Get back into yoga
6 - See if I can do something about my arthritis in my hands
7 - Celebrate my 50th birthday with GUSTO!
8 - Continue to eat well and cook good food
9 - Enjoy Alaska's beautiful mountains, sea and animals

10 - Have visitors here from the East Coast and show them this incredible state
11 - Celebrate my friends
12 - Love my little dog
13 - Adopt a friend for her so she's not bored when I'm typing on this dumb computer!
14 - Sleep, rest well, and enjoy my alone time
15 - Take time as often as possible to enjoy the view over the ocean
16 - Enjoy my garden and yard
17 - Relish silence when it's upon me

Jacaronda trees in Seville. Gorgeous.

This is another area of Seville called Triana. This is the Triana River.
Stunningly gorgeous weather, architecture, people and food.
Everyone should go there and just eat! Yumm.
Gazpacho and fresh fish and the bread and the COFFEE!!

For today, the one thing I want to do is wish Jane Gooddall a Happy Birthday! And I also want to thank her for being a mentor from afar. I have read everything I could about her and followed her career from the days she was just dumped in the jungle to her current incredible work. I wanted to be exactly like her and I honestly cannot think of too many other people I looked up to like I did Jane Gooddall. E.O. Wilson was another, Dian Fossey was another and the Cousteau Society and all they showed me as a child in Michigan. Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom? Never missed it. All the Planet Earth shows, Discovery Channel, BBC specials? Never missed them.

I've had a really interesting life so far and I don't intend to get boring any time soon. Can't wait for the next 50 years to reveal themselves.

My car while driving through the Cassiar.

Kayaking with icebergs in Portage Lake last summer.

Resurrection Bay. One of the most beautiful places I've ever seen.

And then there's this:

Ohmygoodness.

Ciao for now! Have a great Wednesday.

Halloween approacheth!

This is the first year in over 20 years that I find myself living away from Salem, MA during Halloween. Now, for 99% of the world that means absolutely nothing. But for those of us who have lived in the Halloween Capitol of the World (and we take that title quite seriously), it all just feels so strange to be away!

In recent years I dressed up as Cleopatra, Snooki (I know), Manny Ramirez and a host of other ridiculous outfits meant only to make others laugh and point! It's a good excuse to be silly and dance and laugh and show others how "adulthood" does not have to equal "boringhood!"

Here's a bit of the ridiculousness that was my life during October in Salem, MA:

The domestic Cleopatra! (I miss that gorgeous kitchen of mine)

My bestie, Karen. We were probably four or five here.
I believe we were going for Fairy-Princess this particular Halloween.
She can probably tell you the exact date, the time of day and what we ate for dinner.
She's one of those people who has a steel trap memory. Amazing.

Butterflies - homemade by my Momma!
It rained this particular Halloween and I remember crying because my
beautiful costume started to disintegrate! Booo hoooo!

Snooki!! My ex-husband went at Mike - The Situation this year! Hilarious

 Here are the decorations I did today in Alaska! Werd to my Salem homies!

Fall/winter in Anchorage...

Our perpetual motion machines, Phoebe and Jax! 

Spiral staircase with skulls and purple LED lights!

Huh?

Gay skeleton! Faaaabbulooous (said like Paul Lynde would)....

So that's the dealio from AK today! I hope you're all having a wonderful, safe Saturday. 

Ciao for now,
xoxo