Funday Monday

I'm tired of complaining. I've got bigger fish to fry than to scold our government.

The headlines are disheartening though. Pipeline? Sure. Health care? Who cares about Americans.

See, there I go complaining again.

So, my friend of pun fame has been on a roll of late! I've gotten some doozies from him and I FINALLY have a moment to myself to post some fun stuff! I've also cooked up a storm today. I made a giant pasta and sausage marinara sauce with onion, portobello mushrooms and then a million cheeses from provolone to cheddar to mozzarella to parmesan. All layered up and cooked to perfection:

Then I made a quiche lorraine with some mild herbs - thyme, dill, paprika, celery seed, garlic - and that has a few cheeses in it as well. This has a mushroom, onion, potato flake crust! Decided to fancy it up with rounds of baby red peppers:

Went on a hike with Mr. Big and Tall yesterday - he's doing SO much better after a very tough week last week. (I think it was tougher on me because I wasn't in lala land with the pain meds.) Anywho, here are a few of my favorite pictures from yesterday. We were in a place called the Campbell Tract in the foothills of the Chugach Mountains:

This is a type of lichen called Old Man's Beard.
It's really pretty and feathery.

Beautiful sky in the afternoon.

These little guys are adorable.
Like a tiny forest at the base of many of the trees.

More lichens. Such a lovely array of color. 

Bract fungus on a birch.

After our hike we got a bite to eat and then got back home to watch the New England Patriots beat the Colts! Boy, Brady sure looks good this year!

Now, as promised, onto the funnies from our dear friend, Hank:

I  had amnesia once -- or twice.

    *****
Protons have mass?  I didn't even know they were Catholic.

    *****
I am neither for nor against apathy.

    *****
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

    *****

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

    *****
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

    *****
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he

grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

    ******
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

    *****
One nice thing about egotists ... They don't talk about other people.

    *****

I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not sure.

    *****
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

    *****

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and

I'll show  you a man who can't get his pants off.

    *****

Is it just me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough. So the husband went to the clinic and told them that he and the missus didn't want to have anymore children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it was expensive.

"A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherrybomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put 
it in a beer can then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in 
a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
'1'
'2'
'3'
'4'
'5'
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas,Mississippi, and parts of Georgia, Missouri, and West 
Virginia.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I LOVE this one:

An elephant was drinking at a riverbank one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. The elephant ambled over and kicked the turtle across the river.

"Why did you do that?" asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, you have quite a memory," commented the giraffe.

"Yes," said the elephant, "I have turtle recall."

Ok. That's all for today! Hope you're having a good Monday. Ciao for now.

Halloween approacheth!

This is the first year in over 20 years that I find myself living away from Salem, MA during Halloween. Now, for 99% of the world that means absolutely nothing. But for those of us who have lived in the Halloween Capitol of the World (and we take that title quite seriously), it all just feels so strange to be away!

In recent years I dressed up as Cleopatra, Snooki (I know), Manny Ramirez and a host of other ridiculous outfits meant only to make others laugh and point! It's a good excuse to be silly and dance and laugh and show others how "adulthood" does not have to equal "boringhood!"

Here's a bit of the ridiculousness that was my life during October in Salem, MA:

The domestic Cleopatra! (I miss that gorgeous kitchen of mine)

My bestie, Karen. We were probably four or five here.
I believe we were going for Fairy-Princess this particular Halloween.
She can probably tell you the exact date, the time of day and what we ate for dinner.
She's one of those people who has a steel trap memory. Amazing.

Butterflies - homemade by my Momma!
It rained this particular Halloween and I remember crying because my
beautiful costume started to disintegrate! Booo hoooo!

Snooki!! My ex-husband went at Mike - The Situation this year! Hilarious

 Here are the decorations I did today in Alaska! Werd to my Salem homies!

Fall/winter in Anchorage...

Our perpetual motion machines, Phoebe and Jax! 

Spiral staircase with skulls and purple LED lights!

Huh?

Gay skeleton! Faaaabbulooous (said like Paul Lynde would)....

So that's the dealio from AK today! I hope you're all having a wonderful, safe Saturday. 

Ciao for now,
xoxo

Trippin' maaaan! To Massachusetts and Back. Phew.

(Just a reminder, if you click on a photo, it will enlarge for you!)

A beautiful mountain pass in the Kenai Mountain range.
Fall colors in Alaska are sages, yellows. oranges and deep green.

So, as you all may be aware, I left last Saturday the 11th to return to Massachusetts for a visit with my Gloucester and Salem peoples that I really didn't get to see before I packed up and moved my arse to Alaska.

It was kind of a closure trip meets walk down memory lane with my new husband who I will call Mr. Big and Tall. (He is both (if you get my drift! Hey there Mom and Dad!)!)

I wanted to show Mr. B&T the leaves in October in New England and also the National Seashore, which ain't all that easy to access unless you know the right places and the right people. Luckily, I worked as a researcher and guide for 20 years, so I got to know all the nicest places and people.

So we arrived in Boston about 9pm EST on Saturday night and then drove up to my dear friends P and M's house near Annisquam. She has a lovely house in the woods overlooking the Annisquam River. The house and her garden are TO.DIE.FOR. I love it there. It's quiet and lovely and she's the hostess with the mostess. PLUS they have a little sweet hound mix named Maggie who reminds me SO much of my dog Phoebe it's kind of crazy! Same feisty attitude along with a humorous personality...

Mr. B&T and I stayed there for two nights and then headed North along the coastal route from Gloucester to Essex, Ipswich, along coastal NH and then into Maine. We stayed in Kennebunkport at a GORGEOUS bed and breakfast called The Captain Jefferd's Inn. I cannot recommend this place enough. The accommodations, gardens, staff, amenities and food were nothing less than perfect.

We ate that evening at The Tides Beach Club which is located right on the beach. A beautiful place featuring fresh, local seafood, a very talented Executive Chef and great staff. The bartender knows his stuff, I'll say!

After Maine, we headed down to Salem, MA to stay with another great set of friends, L and T, at their 1800s home near downtown. We had dinner with my excellent friends Hank (of pun fame) and his schmoo, Marylou who I love and adore. They made us an Italian feast (as they are both excellent cooks) and we got to hang out in the garden and enjoy the unseasonably warm evening.

The next day, it was raining and windy, a feature of a perfect October storm in New England. Mr. B & T and I drove up the coast again through Salem, Beverly, Beverly Farms, Manchester and then on to Gloucester. I got to have lunch with my Captain Jeff that I hadn't seen in EONS! I am proud to tell you that I set Jeff and his wonderful wife up on their first date. They were married about a year later! They are so very good for each other...Jeff and I blabbed for hours and then he showed me their new home and drove me all the way back to Salem. I miss my Gloucester peeps.

I also got to see my excellent friend K and her beautiful daughter E...It was recently E's 5th birthday, so I brought her wonderous goodies from Alaska. She was quite wide-eyed and very appreciative. I love them both just tons. Miss you K & E!

The next day was my day to wander around Salem and visit with about 853 of my closest friends...I didn't realize how many people I know and love in Salem! Crazy how that happens after you live in one place for 26 years...a person tends to make a few friends along the way! Many thanks to all of you who visited and spent time with me. I miss you all and appreciated your time during the bustle of October...

I will leave you with some pretty pictures of fall in Alaska and a joke from my Hank! Ciao for now, dear readers!

The fall view of the Chugach Mountains along Northern Lights Boulevard.

Pretty trees along the highway near Seward.

A gorgeous fall day on our way home from Seward. We saw rainbows three times on this trip!

And finally, a word from Hank (I love this one!):

Ship in distress: May Day, May Day, help please.

 German in need of a Berlitz English course: Jah, vas is wrong?

 Ship in distress: we are sinking and need assistance.

 German in need of a Berlitz English course: Jah, I vill try to help, vas is it that you are sinking about?

On Contemplating Your Navel...

The David. What a beauty Michelangelo created. At the possibility that you will think I'm full of shit
(which I clearly am), my husband looks this good. I am a lucky schmoo.

So, Matt Damon (LOVE) and this wonderful man named Gary started up the incredible organization known simply as Water.Org. No less than miraculous things are happening because of their simple mission to bring clean water and sanitation to third world countries where a child dies EVERY 20 SECONDS due to water-borne illnesses such as giardia (which I got just recently here in Alaska), dysentery and other painful, unnecessary diseases.

Watch Matt Damon and Gary talk about their work and the incredible things that happen when women and children have easy access to water...Children get to go to school, study, learn, have hopes and dreams. Women get to work at their jobs, to make money to help better the life they live. Pride happens, smiles happen, community happens. Instead of the women and children (who are the primary water providers for their families) having to walk miles and miles, back breakingly cart home gallons of water, just to SURVIVE, they instead are gifted with time and clean, sanitary water.

So, you there. American idiot. When's the last time you had to walk miles and miles and miles to drink dirty, virus and bacteria filled water?

Oh, never? Right. Never. Ever.

So, let's all get off our collective duffs and start helping our brothers and sisters who suffer. Take that stupid $5 half-caf, double mocha, grande ridiculous hipster stoopid coffee and your $100 designer fucking shirt and matching shoes (gimme a break) and make a donation to the people who need it.

And, same goes for you Republican, corporate greedy jerks. WTF? Why you wanna have all that cash and do nothing good with it except buy another island and another house and another this or another that?

You know, I used to scoff at the idea of tithing. I DO take issue with the riches that many of the large churches accumulate in the name of God or Jesus or whomever your Idol of the day might be.

Why, pray tell, do we not just directly give the $$$ or the water or the aid to the peeps that need it? That's kinda like getting rid of the middle man, isn't it?

And I'm not talking about only the third world countries here. We have many needy right here in the good old US of A. Homeless. Addicted. Mentally ill. Children, men, women, animals, the abused, the elderly, the orphaned...

The list is too long and too depressing. Ugh.

Also, too, when's the last time you read up on another religion other than yours? It's quite useful. And it gives you a perspective on where others are coming from - mentally, spiritually...I love me some Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, Christianity, and even Islamic beliefs. You can't hate someone until you understand them, right?

That old adage about judge not lest ye be judged, or the other one that you should never judge a book by its cover or even the one where we're told not to judge another until you've walked a mile in their shoes.

Well, let's get on with it, shall we? Don't get me wrong...headway is being made daily! I'm just impatient! I've always been that way...it's in me bones! Hey, don't judge me, dude!!  : )

I'm so sorry for being so ranty lately. Alaska and lots of healthy living and good therapy and relief from my depression has made me cranky. Ironic, I know. I don't purport to make sense! I'm just little old me.

Now's the Non-Sequiter Warning time!!! BEEP BEEp Beep!

Pitcher time:

I love this.
This was blatantly stolen from my dear friend Bob's facebook post a few days ago!
Thanks, Roberto!

Hee. My friend Karen says "the diabeetus" and "veedeo" and I love her for that! Photo from icanhazcheezburger.com.

My beautiful friend getting ready for a night on the town a few nights ago.
She's a keeper, that one and so lovely, right?

Approximately 35,000 walruses in need of a place to mate, have taken refuge in Northern Alaska. They can't find any icebergs to do their deed, so they've taken to a beach. Not a bad choice by the walruses, however, this speaks to CLIMATE CHANGE and our need to reduce greenhouse gasses. This, while interesting, is f*cked up. Photo is credited to NOAA/NMFS (and if you don't know what those acronyms mean, you should)

My co-pilot Phoebe! I love this picture of us.
She is currently gnashing her teeth and playing wildly with our other little doggie, Jax.

This is poor Jaxie trying desperately to stay awake! He's only 9 months old and just the sweetest, funniest, hilarious, smart ploopie dog. He's basically a small, white pig-sausage snort machine.  That farts. A lot.

COOKIES! And fruit. And pretty things. I am grateful every day.

The Chugach Mountains. I see them every day. Utterly paradise here. 

Phoebe passed OUT. She and Jax play and play at a thousand miles a minute and then they CRASH!
 I wrote on Twitter yesterday that Phoebe has two speeds. Asshole and Exhausted. This was E.
 And it never takes long for her to get back to speed #A. Oy to the vey.

My cute house. It's very fall-y right now. Chilly and crisp as a Jonathan Apple!