Funday Monday

I'm tired of complaining. I've got bigger fish to fry than to scold our government.

The headlines are disheartening though. Pipeline? Sure. Health care? Who cares about Americans.

See, there I go complaining again.

So, my friend of pun fame has been on a roll of late! I've gotten some doozies from him and I FINALLY have a moment to myself to post some fun stuff! I've also cooked up a storm today. I made a giant pasta and sausage marinara sauce with onion, portobello mushrooms and then a million cheeses from provolone to cheddar to mozzarella to parmesan. All layered up and cooked to perfection:

Then I made a quiche lorraine with some mild herbs - thyme, dill, paprika, celery seed, garlic - and that has a few cheeses in it as well. This has a mushroom, onion, potato flake crust! Decided to fancy it up with rounds of baby red peppers:

Went on a hike with Mr. Big and Tall yesterday - he's doing SO much better after a very tough week last week. (I think it was tougher on me because I wasn't in lala land with the pain meds.) Anywho, here are a few of my favorite pictures from yesterday. We were in a place called the Campbell Tract in the foothills of the Chugach Mountains:

This is a type of lichen called Old Man's Beard.
It's really pretty and feathery.

Beautiful sky in the afternoon.

These little guys are adorable.
Like a tiny forest at the base of many of the trees.

More lichens. Such a lovely array of color. 

Bract fungus on a birch.

After our hike we got a bite to eat and then got back home to watch the New England Patriots beat the Colts! Boy, Brady sure looks good this year!

Now, as promised, onto the funnies from our dear friend, Hank:

I  had amnesia once -- or twice.

    *****
Protons have mass?  I didn't even know they were Catholic.

    *****
I am neither for nor against apathy.

    *****
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

    *****

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

    *****
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

    *****
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he

grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

    ******
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

    *****
One nice thing about egotists ... They don't talk about other people.

    *****

I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not sure.

    *****
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

    *****

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and

I'll show  you a man who can't get his pants off.

    *****

Is it just me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

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After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough. So the husband went to the clinic and told them that he and the missus didn't want to have anymore children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it was expensive.

"A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherrybomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put 
it in a beer can then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in 
a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
'1'
'2'
'3'
'4'
'5'
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas,Mississippi, and parts of Georgia, Missouri, and West 
Virginia.

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I LOVE this one:

An elephant was drinking at a riverbank one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. The elephant ambled over and kicked the turtle across the river.

"Why did you do that?" asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, you have quite a memory," commented the giraffe.

"Yes," said the elephant, "I have turtle recall."

Ok. That's all for today! Hope you're having a good Monday. Ciao for now.

A Few Gems from Hank. My GOODness I love his sense of humor!

A man walked into a bar. He told the bartender that he didn't have any money, but he would show the bartender something amazing in exchange for a drink. It was a slow day, so the bartender agreed.

The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a frog, a hamster and a tiny piano. The frog started playing a fantastic jazz solo. Then the hamster started singing along in an amazing duet. Impressed, the bartender gave the man a drink.

Just then another bar patron rushed up to the man and offered him $1,000 for the singing hamster. The man instantly agreed to the deal.

The patron paid the man and quickly left with the hamster. After the patron left, the bartender couldn't keep quiet anymore and exclaimed, "I can't believe you sold a singing hamster for only $1,000!"

The man shrugged and said, " the frog is a ventriloquist."

The Pleasures of Reading...

I love to read. When I have nothing to do I pick up a book and read. Sometimes I read for fun. Other times I read to learn something. I really enjoy reading.

Sometimes I become unhappy while reading. I will be enjoying a fine story when all of a sudden a big word will stare back at me. Now I know a few big words but, after all, isn't it true that in simplicity there is beauty?

Take the other day. While reading a particularly engrossing story I ran across the word "scree."  I later found out that the word "scree" meant "pebbles and rocks." Why didn't the author just say "pebbles and rocks?"

Another thing. People just can't say anything the simple way any more. Yesterday I read about a guy "adroitly manipulating the shifting mechanism!" So he threw the car into second gear.

Now if I were a writer, I would try to avoid confusing my readers. We all feel that confused and pompous prose has no place in contemporary society. It does no good to engulf you readers in a sea of indistinguishable trivia.

I feel quite strongly about this. I feel that perpetual adherence to enigmatic expression stultifies intellectual response. Furthermore, excess circumlocution inevitably leads to incomprehensible mayhem.

When authors engage their literary crampons into my lethargic intellect, I feel like poking my pate into a catatonic mound of fronds and lianas. I would rather ascend icy scarps or embroil my ego into a capacious sea of undulating hummocks than perambulate through a plethora of insatiable verbiage.

It all leaves me flaccid as a sprag.

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads "Talking Dog for Sale." Intrigued, he walks in.

"So what have you done with your life?" he asks the dog. "I've led a very full life," says the dog. "I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home."

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog's owner, "Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?"

The owner says, "Because he's a liar! He never did any of that!"