An incredible talent

Strong Women and a Few Good Men

The above graphic is via Hypberbole and a Half, by Allie Brosh

So, lately there's been a lot of discussion about Depression and Suicide and it's about goddamn time that we made this public and open and really talk about what's going on.

I went through a deep, situational depression for about 20 months. I started coming out of it in January of this year. I woke up one day to find that I felt ok. I didn't feel good, great or any other nice adjective, but I felt ok. I had stopped the horrible loop of depression and wanting to not exist anymore.

Now, that's a thing that needs to be explained further. I wasn't necessarily suicidal - I had thoughts of jumping into the icy ocean or ramming my car into a cement wall. They were passing thoughts and some days I wouldn't even leave the house for fear that those thoughts would take over in a flash and I'd do it because I was feeling so beaten down

However, I love my crazy family too much. My cousin, A, called me and she begged me not to hurt myself. She told me she prayed for me every day and that made me want to stay alive just for her. She doesn't know the power that one little conversation had for me. Just to know that my beautiful cousin cared that much that she prayed for me every day? Wow. It hit me really hard.

So, I went into intensive talk therapy with the BEST therapist in the world named Shelley. An unassuming, soft-spoken, BRILLIANT woman who changed my life. Best thing I ever learned was on a poster on her wall. It said "Everyone's got baggage...it's all about how you carry it."

Yep. Truth. Anyone who says they don't have baggage has been living in a hole or something. And even THAT has its own baggage! Jeez. Get over yourselves.

I also give props to my new friends at the time, N and K and K's daughter E, who also lifted me up, fed me (I lost 25 pounds from not eating), helped me pack my beloved house and sell it, helped me move, helped me by giving me a home and the courage to face my worst demons. Honest, wonderful women that don't feed into the bullshit. I love these women.

Strong women and a few good men... It was my ex's Momma, my ex, Dan, my friends Karen, Liz and Penny, my Momma, my Dad, my Dad's lovely, strong wife, Lorie, Hank, Marylou, my cousins, my amazing Aunt and Uncle...Without these amazing, wonderful people I just don't know what would have become of me.

There are peripheral people with whom I wasn't all that close, but somehow they knew I needed them. Christine, Mickey, Bob, Charlie and his wife, Patty...

So, depression is fucked up. If you've never had it, you can NEVER totally get it. What Robin Williams did is completely understandable to those of us who've been through it. I was a lucky one that had situational depression. That means that so much shit happened all at once, that I basically just shut down. My chemicals were all fucked up and there was no way to straighten them out without dealing with pain and sadness and grief. Anti-depression drugs didn't even help. I tried three different kinds.

Here's another thing. When people are grieving = being depressed, just LET THEM. Don't try to fix it. Don't tell them to do yoga at sunrise or gaze at the ocean or travel or whatever your lame-ass solution is.  Just let them grieve and feel sad.

It's okay to feel your feelings. They.Will.Not.Kill.You.

However if you ARE suicidal, please get help. I am not a psychologist or therapist or any of those "ists" - so this is only talking about MY experience. I don't feign to have all the answers. Just suggestions for what helped me.

The only thing you can do when someone is really sad and grieving is give them a hug. Tell them that you love them and that you're so very sorry for the losses they've had to endure. Make them food. Give them their time to grieve. The process is different for every single person.

I spent the evening last night with a really good friend, S. This woman has endured more loss in the last two years than any of you might imagine. Her dear husband, her sister, her father...And there's more I won't divulge. In any case, she's struggling with her losses and such deep terrible grief. I cannot imagine what that feels like to have lost all of these people she loves so deeply. And then her daughter's dog died yesterday while we were having lunch. So a bunch of us at the restaurant just tried to comfort her. I cried, of course, because I'm still grieving the losses I've endured. My puppies, Lady, Koty and Sadie. I loved them so much, it still hurts to think of them not being on this earth.

I don't mean to be preachy or any of that. I want to give insight to those of you lucky folks out there who never have had real depression. Bad days or feeling blue are totally different. Depression takes you over and breaks you down so far that there is not even a pin prick of light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. There's no hope. That's an awful thing.

The last thing I'm gonna touch on here today is the list of people up there that helped me. It's a lotta good women and just a few good men. So, what the eff, boyz? What's all up in your girdle that the most of you have to be such assholes? Most men say they love women. Nope. That ain't love, kids. That's USING women for your own selfish needs. It's fucked up and I have absolutely no time for the asshole men of the world. And, I know. There are a load of asshole women out there, too. I ain't got time for them either.

HEY! All you good guys out there? You need to school your asshole friends. Women are smarter (I think), funnier, wiser and kinder than the majority of men. In Alaska? The women are a sisterhood. It's palpable. It's amazing. I far prefer the company of the young, middle-aged and older women here in Alaska. These are salt of the earth amazing, wise, hilarious and fun ladies. I feel so lucky to have stumbled my way here for my beautiful husband.

Alrighty. I gotta go cook. I'm hosting a party with 12 ladies tonight (my husband is out of town!), so I best be making something good for them to eat!

Here's another post from Allie Brosh that describes depression. Think about Robin Williams and you'll maybe get it:

Hyperbole and a Half

Alaska's Unique Culture

So, I posted a thing on Facebook the other day about how Alaska has been changing me. My body has changed considerably. I'm fit as a fiddle and have lost quite a bit of weight without even trying. I eat bacon again (I just had coffee and bacon for breakfast!) - after swearing off all mammals for 30 years! Yeah. Bacon is effing delish. I wish pigs weren't so darn cute and smart. Ugh. 

Something else, too? My neighbors here are very special people. I've already exchanged ideas, books and any number of food items with all of my sweet neighbors - R, B, S, A, C... They are all dog people, all are outdoorsy, garden, are liberal as all get-out...but above all? They are kind, thoughtful individuals. All are honest to a fault, will call you out on your bullshit, but mostly? They are just kind and VERY smart.

So, it turns out that many of Alaska's people are this cool combination of Midwestern kindness mixed with thoughtful smartness. It's completely the opposite of what I expected. Given, I live in an area of Anchorage called Turnagain. It's a liberal and historic district (much like where I lived in Salem, MA) and the really neat thing about it is that you have every color, creed, race, religion all living together in a lovely togetherness that I never felt in Salem.

In most areas I've lived (minus Europe), races separate from each other. Why is that? What is that for? I really don't get it. Here in Alaska, everyone is from somewhere else. Only a few people are born and raised here and then actually stick around, so pretty much 9 out of 10 people you meet are from somewhere else.

My favorite restaurant, The Rustic Goat is the perfect example of Alaska's uniqueness - I have now met most of the workers there - two are from the Sudan, one is from Concord, NH, the most delightful one is from Brooklyn, NY! His name is C and he has worked his way up from dishwasher to one of the assistant chefs! He was working the pass just yesterday and he was beaming. Such a pleasure to see someone delight in a job well done.

In any case, the workers at The Rustic Goat are from far and wide. Mexico, Honduras, Oregon, Alaska, Michigan, Indiana...Everyone just treats everyone else as equals. Total respect. 

My neighbors? Are from everywhere. C is a native Inuit. R and B have lived here in Alaska for 30 years. S is from Cape Cod, MA! And the kicker? My other neighbors are from Minnesota and A? Who lives right next door with her SIX awesome sled dogs? She's from Ludington, Michigan which is about 40 miles from where I grew up in Traverse City, MI. A friend I met a few weeks ago - her name is also Lisa - she moved here a year ago from Traverse City. A couple that I met last week - they're from right outside Battlecreek, MI - where my Momma and her sister were raised.

It's just plain weird. And so plainly wonderful. The rest of the country could learn a lot by living in Alaska. It's a live and let live last frontier. We all could use a lot more of that.

  

The pictures below are from a trip to Whittier - Prince William Sound. You have to go through a two mile tunnel to get to Whittier and this is the view from the valley where you wait to enter the tunnel on the half hour. You're surrounded by 8 giant glaciers. If you click on the pictures, they enlarge.

You see how the glaciers have sort of tumbled onto themselves in the pictures above and over here on the right? Those are a formation called a bergschrund. To give you some scale, the bergschrund on the right over here is likely 100 feet tall. A ten story building of ice. 

The scale of Alaska is so oversized it's truly hard to grasp.

I will leave you today with this article from Purple Clover, which is an online magazine with wonderful articles. My best friend, June, over there at Bye Bye, Pie also writes for Purple Clover. Anyhoo, this article kind of sums up what has been happening since I moved here. It's by definition that when you move across country, pretty much everyone will be a stranger until you let yourself open up to the possibility that they could be a potential friend.

Why I Talk to Strangers