I Can't Believe it's Not Butter. I TOTALLY believe it's not butter.

I went to the website of the supposed "new" and "improved" I Can't Believe it's Not Butter today.

I was doing some fact-checking for my Twitter account.

Good gravy.

The claims they are making about the ingredients are completely outrageously untrue. It's basically pretty close to eating some plastic. You'd be better off melting the plastic tub it comes in and eat that on your toast.

It's all fake. Fake fake fake and when we eat that stuff? It makes us sick and it makes us fat.

Eat butter.

Butter is GOOD for you, actually. Since I stopped eating all the fake shit, "low fat" or "fat-free" foods? I've dropped 25 pounds. I still eat sugar, butter, pasta, all of it.

The fewer ingredients on the list of the food you eat? The better. Even better are raw foods, but, you don't have to go that rogue! Just eat food food. And if you can get your hands on organic, even better. No hormones or pesticides in my food, thank you.

So, I won't bore you with the details, but this is a little thing I was able to get my hands on regarding the ingredients of "I Can't Believe it's Not Butter."

This is what it SAYS on their screen for the common LAY folk:

A new rich and creamy spread made with simple ingredients such as... Scroll to Believe... Yogurt Canola oil A pinch of salt 100% taste. 0% artificial preservatives. When you can eat what you love and feel good about eating it, it’s time to... believe! See Ingredients Taste to Believe

However, these assholes think that no one else out there knows how to read the SOURCE CODE.

Source code is often written in HTML or some other coding language.

Well, unlucky for the ICBiNB people, I know how to read HTML and I know how to generate it.

If you click on THIS LINK this will show you exactly WHAT is in this "spread"

As you can see, this comes directly from their website. I just know how to navigate it because the people they hired are amateurs and using an old coding system that I happen to understand and use right here on this blog all the time. That's how I make nifty links and put photos and videos on here.

Further, here's a screen grab I just did with my phone. It's THEIR website, but what we see and what they're telling us is clearly not the same:

It's NOT made with canola oil. Canola oil is made from rapeseed. It's made with Palm Oil and Palm Kernel Oil and Lactic Acid via CORN and it's not what they are telling the American public. It's made by UNILEVER, for pete's sake. They are the same people selling you the pharmaceuticals that you take because you're fat and sick all the time from eating the crap they're telling you is good for you.

NOPE.

Here is a link, again, directly to their site that compares their spread to other similar spreads

Of course, this was listed in the "Health Care Professionals" area of their website so that most people think you need to be a medical doctor to get in there. Well, it's open to anyone who cares to look and knows how to read a GODDAMN food label.

Their stuff, non-technically speaking, is SHIT.

Technically speaking, it is not natural, it is NOT good for you and NO ONE should eat it.

Ever.

Preaching to the Choir

A peaceful little Veined Octopus that I snorkeled with off a beach in Tortola, British Virgin Islands.

I know I've been on a roll lately with my bitching about our failed political system. It's just going from bad to worse with the cronyism and the stroking of each others' dicks up there on Capitol Hill.

The people listening to me are the smart, wonderful folks who already KNOW this shit is wrong and that we clearly have NO right to take 2,400 acres of sacred Apache land to suck out some oil and then give the money to a multinational corporation that plays with Iran.

You all already know this stuff, and for that I am grateful. I'm grateful I have amazing, smart, talented, informed friends who teach me stuff every day.

We, my friends and family, are not the problem. We are independent thinkers. I may not always agree with you or your politics, but I appreciate that you've done your homework and that you vote accordingly.

The problem with this whole premise is to believe that your vote is doing what you intended. The corruption in our voting system and the presence of gerrymandering and hostility toward people of color? Well, that's a problem.

Do you wanna know some dirty little secrets that I've been harboring for a while now? I've got a bunch, let me tell you!

One is that there are A LOT of men out there that like porn. (Hahaha! Like that's a secret?!!) What you don't know is that there are a LOT of men, married with children, fine upstanding citizen types, right? Well, when their wives are away on business or pleasure for a week or even just a weekend? Well, A LOT of them (used to) go to video stores and rent a crap ton of gay porn. The real gross stuff with circle jerks and all kinds of grossness.

You see, back about a hundred years ago when I was a poor whale researcher, I'd work at a video store up the street from me to earn extra cashola in the winter months.

You learn a LOT about people by what they choose to watch. Likewise, what they read also speaks volumes (pun intended).

So, when the likes of Sarah Palin and her "liberal gotcha" comment when Katy Couric (God bless her) asked what Ms. Palin reads? And then there was silence.

Yep. Of course she doesn't read. She thinks she's smart because she calls herself a "maverick" and it contains more than one syllable.

I'd rather have Wyle E. Coyote as my vice president. At least he's entertaining.

So, when these "straight" homophobic jerk-offs (literally) are telling me that gay people are unnatural or whatever bullshit religious crap you wanna spout (again, pun intended), and then on the weekend, when the wife's at church with the kids? You run into my video store and rent a gay porn and then return it exactly 1.5 hours after you came (again, intended) in the first place?

YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE.

And, further, you're gross and living a lie and ohmygod your poor thing and your poor wife and kids.

See, it's this lying thing that really gets my goat. What the hell? Why are you so afraid to be utterly YOU?

I've often contended and have been told by many of my LGBTQ friends that I am a gay man stuck in a woman's body! And it's absolutely a very accurate description of me! I'm so guy-ish with my jobs and who I like to hang (pun intended) with and I have LOADS of man and boy friends.

Same with my best friends, and particularly my bestest bestie Karen who is JUST like me except she likes Hello, Kitty and pink and sparkles and high heels and that girlie crap.

I like shoot 'em up bang bang movies and getting my hands dirty and hard, physical labor.

But that's just one aspect of me. I also love cooking, floral arranging and being smooshy with my dogs and about any other critters you can throw at me. I'm emotional as all get out and cry at those dumb commercials and little babies who laugh? Send me into orbit!

So, the moral to my story is that no one is all one thing. But if we can learn to embrace those things in each other, we'd really be making headway with all the depressed, sad and lonely people out there.

I'm sure even Dick Cheney might have one redeeming quality.

There was a young woman I heard about that passed away last night. It was unexpected and the circumstances are still being figured out. But my heart just broke for her, for her family, for her few friends. She was a loner, a very sad figure. I'd smiled and said hello to her on a few occasions, and she just sort of looked through me while she sat smoking her cigarette.

I figured she had a lot on her mind and was in a bad mood.

Well, turns out she was a depressed, sad person. Away from her family. No friends to speak of and just filled with self-loathing. She had health issues I didn't know about and she spent most of her time by herself.

Had I known any of those things, I'd have reached out more and tried to help.

Last thing I'll say is that it's the holiday season and it SUCKS when you're alone and away from your family or loved ones. Sometimes even a person's family can be toxic, especially if they're judgemental hypocrites who don't understand you or your personal path.

Be kind to each other. Always and to a fault. Everyone is not necessarily happy even if they're smiling on the outside. And people are told that they SHOULD be happy.

"Don't cry, it's okay."

I heard that a million times during my bout with situational depression.

NO! Dammit! Sometimes it simply ISN'T okay. Sometimes things suck. Like when your dogs die and then your grandmother dies and then one of your best best friends dies and then you get in a car accident and lose your house in a divorce.

That? That fucking SUCKS!

Just acknowledge when someone's life is hard. Just be compassionate and try to just listen. Don't interject your own story. Ask questions. Ask if there is anything you can do to help.

It made all the difference in the world to me when my friend N & K reached out to me. And when my little cousin called to tell me she prayed for me every day. And when my Dad told me to have hope that  things would not always be so bad. And when my Mom would cry with me and tell me to please not hurt myself because she would not be able to carry on if I did.

I'm crying right now just remembering how much those little gestures meant to me. That these fine people were rooting for me and had faith in me, made ALL the difference in preventing me from committing the terrible act of suicide.

Thank you so much & I wish you a good day and the happiest of holiday seasons.

I'll keep writing. I just feel sad today about this girl and I need fluff and silliness for a while.

Ciao for now.

Gorgeous tangs feeding on the coral reef.

How much is enough?

I think that's a fair question to ask at this time of year.

Some of us are actually asking how much can I give. I had $21 on me yesterday, so I gave $20 to the homeless veteran who was outside Walgreens.

And meantime, our Congressmen and women enjoy free food, free health care, a hefty salary that lasts ad infinitum, even free hair cuts. They are celebrated and supposedly wonderful, fine folks "serving" our country.

I think not. That vet who was out in the cold there yesterday? HE served our country. He gave up everything. And now this poor soul is left, literally, out in the cold to have to beg for money for his next meal.

Well done,  Congress. Well done.

As if it doesn't actually get worse...

John "the Crying Cheezit" Boehner and his idiot cronies subversively buried a Federal Lands deal down on page 1105 or so of a piece of legislation that was appropriated for the defense of our country.

They wanna DRILL, baby, DRILL on 2,400 acres of sacred Apache lands.

Here's the article on Live Huff Post.

One lone Republican from Oklahoma, Senator Tom Coburn, tried to get the land deal removed from the legislation, but he, of course was "shot down" by the other assh*les.

A personal thank you to Senator Coburn for trying to do the right thing.

"Our" Congress had shuffled this through during a lame duck session without divulging the covert attempt at this land deal - that - BY THE WAY - is not even an American company. They are saying it'll provide jobs, but those jobs will be short lived AND at what price?

You want a few more barrels of oil and ruin sacred Apache lands. Sacred groves of Oaks and places these lovely, gentle people committed suicide rather than fight the incoming assh*le white people who were stealing their lands and raping their women and killing their children.

Oh. Wait... Looks like we're still doing the stealing part.

This little gem of a multinational oil corporation named Rio Tinto is owned by Australia, England and a smattering of China. Who knows who else has their dirty little hands in this nasty deal.

Oh, and just for sh*ts and giggles? Rio Tinto is in bed with Iran doing business in Africa, too.

Native people continue to be raped, robbed and pillaged all in the name of Big Greedy Oil. In Africa, and still here in the good old U. S. of A.

We put these people in charge of taking care of our lands and people.

This is NOT my Congress.

This is not the way we Americans want to be treated.

HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH? How much money do these people need, for pete's sake??

How much?

I am sitting here nauseous. I live in Alaska, so I get the "news" about four hours after my East Coasters. So, I might be late to the party a bit, but I am mad enough for whomever isn't paying attention.

I'm gonna write about it, talk about it, campaign about it and I'm gonna throw my money and support to stop this terrible Congress of ours. I think we need to stop paying these short-sighted jerks, because they really don't need any more of our taxpayer dollars or our free health care. Or the free trips to Antarctica.

Do you know there was a junket to Antarctica by some of our lovely Republican senators recently?

They were disappointed they didn't get to see polar bears.

If any of these fools with their heads directly up the *sses of Big Oil would even for ONE second learn about Antarctica, they'd know that POLAR BEARS DON'T LIVE IN THE ANTARCTIC.

They live on other end of the planet, you IDIOTS.

These people are literally the polar opposite of informed.

And these are our leaders?

What the f*ck.

I'm steaming mad so much that my hands are shaking while I write this. This hurts my soul that these complete buffoons got ANYONE's vote.

Why? Would. Anyone. Vote. For. These. Idiots.

They don't even know what they're doing.

I sure hope they're pooling their money and buying some big-ass boats, because with this level of completely uneducated blind poking of their dicks in space (thank you, Louis C.K.), all of their beautiful homes on the coasts of our beautiful country?

  Well, those fancy homes of theirs are gonna be flooded in no time flat as the sea levels rise and the terrain is buried beneath hopeless mayhem from climate change.

You can stick your head in the sand, but then the sand is gonna flood and then, 

hopefully, you'll WAKE THE FUCK UP.

Dyslexia, ADHD and Education

Education is an interesting subject. So many people have their ideas about standards and how to do it and when to introduce a certain subject to a child and on and on and blah blah blah.

Kids know intuitively when they're ready to move on or not. They know what they like and what they don't like. They know they have certain skill sets and that those subjects or sports or musical instruments or art or cooking or whatever it is...they know what makes them tick and what turns their brains on. Or off.

I was labeled a lot as a kid. I was a genius with a school problem. My IQ was off the chart, yet I cannot take a standard test to save my fucking life.

I was actually put in a remedial class (even though my IQ was genius level) because the standardized test (created by idiots) told these noodleheads that I didn't know how to do math or read.

Well. Hmm. If your IQ is well over 150, chances are you probably ain't dumb. If you are learning algebra and can write in cursive before you even go to kindergarten, there's probably something else going on.

Could it be the "system" and "institutionalized schooling" that is the issue? I was fortunate enough that my parents recognized that the system was failing me. That I was BORED out of my GOURD in those remedial classes.

So, they fought for me and got me into the advanced placement classes. There, of course, I flourished.

See, I have a form of a learning disability. I wasn't told that EVER, but I have had it since birth. If I wanted my Mom to pick me up? I said "Down, Mommy!" If I wanted her to put me down, I'd say "Up, Mommy!"

I still cannot, without really having to think of it, tell you "right" from "left." My brain simply does NOT work in those terms.

I am ambidextrous, I am a scientist and an artist, I have days of pure scientific thought and reading scientific papers on Theoretical Physics and then I have days where I make 5 flower arrangements and I feng shui the house or I cook a four course meal replete with wine pairings.

My brain is different. I've always known it. And then I was also born with good genetics, so I'm considered to be "pretty." I've got the nice small aqualine nose, big blue eyes and sandy blonde hair. For that reason, I was afforded a lot of extras along the way. I didn't have to fight too hard to get noticed, so it's kind of a shitty thing, but it's a true thing that pretty people generally get along more easily in life. I'm not questioned when I'm on a private beach. Or in a private club. Or in an exclusive party. I walk in like I own the place and people just assume I do. It's ridiculous, but it has gotten me some good contacts and I've tried my entire life to do good with the tools I've been afforded, even the looks part of it.

This is sounding very much like I'm full of myself and, I assure you, I am not. I have learned to be confident, and that's different. I certainly don't go around thinking I'm all that! In general, I feel dumpy and old, but I've been told otherwise, so I start believing that my crappy body image has been wrong all along. I was anorexic, and had terrible body dysmorphic disorder for a good 30 years of my life, so it's been a long road to get back to not hating my body.

So, the "institutional learning" didn't work for me. Experiential learning is what made me flourish. Learn by doing or learn by teaching. When I read, I get to the meat of an article. I don't need to really read something fully to understand it.

The details are not important, so those standardized tests that ask me:

"If a train is going 80 miles per hour and passes a junction at 5pm when will it get to its destination in Akron, Ohio when the sun is shining and there are 50 people on the train and one of them has tuberculosis and coughs near 5 other people?"

I don't know and I don't give a flying fuck. Who CARES? 

So, I'd just fill in a circle and move on to a question that I hoped made more sense to me!

"If all Bees are Boos and no Boos are Flips will Bees and Flips ever be together?"

Again, WHO CARES?

So, again, I'd fill in a circle, make a best guess, and then I'd move on to the next question.

Standardized tests are standards created by who knows? 

Who are these people who tell me how I should think?

Are these people "average" in their intelligence? Well, if that's the case, I don't EVER want to pass a standardized test! What an insult to my weird little brain!!

So, that's my problem. My achilles heel has been that my brain doesn't seem to work like other people's brains. I'm bossy, I'm opinionated, I think I know things that sometimes I am wrong, but at least I have the cojones to admit when I am mistaken!

However, I also know a lot of shit. A lot of shit about a lot of things. My curiosity knows no bounds. There isn't much that a person can throw at me that I cannot at least make a sufficient response so that they feel comfortable talking to me.

I read an important article by a pediatric occupational therapist today, thanks to my friend Megan who shared it on Facebook. It was featured in the Washington Post and it's entitled "Why so many kids can't sit still in school today." You can read the article HERE. The gist of it is that kids are being made to "sit still" and "pay attention."

They're basically oxygen deprived and have no core strength from lack of movement. 

Well, that sucks!

I know even for me, just in the time I've started writing this, well, I've been fidgeting, shifting in my seat, drinking a diet coke, change the way my posture is so that I'm not touching the back of my chair, I've bended, rubbed my back, turned around to look at my snoring dogs...

You get the picture. How often can you sit perfectly still? 

Now, I do not claim to be an expert at this stuff. Child psychology is NOT my forte. I was a mentor/teacher at college level for about 18 years. I had my whale research center called The Center for Oceanic Research and Education (CORE) for 10 years. We were an accredited non-profit and I had students from all over the world who would come and take part in my experiential learning program. Most of the kids got college credits for what we would do for them. 

It was the most rewarding and fun thing to do! And the classroom work? Totally minimal. We did about 20 hours of actual classroom, and the rest of the time (mostly these were 3 month programs, 5-6 days a week, 11-13 hour days) we were on the boat either doing the research, the education or both at the same time. We also had other types of field trips doing beach clean-ups, information booths at the library, creating educational art or other materials, hands-on programs in schools, we even built a life-sized inflatable whale and the little elementary-aged kids would just EAT THIS UP!

The kindergarten through 3rd grade kids were my favorite. We had a very brief slide show about whales, dolphins and porpoises, but mostly I let the kids lead the way and inform me about their knowledge of cetaceans and the ocean.

Each school visit was different. The program was never quite the same from group to group because each child has their own viewpoint about things. I learned stuff from the little ones that I'd never imagined because their curiosity was BOUNDLESS.

It was from a third grader in a school in Marblehead, MA that I first learned that polar bears are classified as a Marine Mammal! That little kid had done his research! Here I was a well-known, published whale researcher and I had to learn this from a third grader! 

I love that.

So, my point here is that sometimes adults are fucked. We have our rigid ideas about what's what and how this or that "should" be done, when, in fact, things change. People change and evolve. Nothing remains the same. Ever. Time marches forward and technology advances and it's sometimes very hard to keep up with it all...

I was speaking with my wonderful Dad and his lovely wife yesterday, and even my husband and then my Momma a few days ago about internet security issues. It's a BIG problem. Credit card scanners are every where these days and they don't even have to TOUCH your card to get your number. I've had my identity lifted THREE times just in the last six months. 

Luckily I know what to do to prevent incurring false charges against me like making reports to the Internet Crime Complaint Center and also making reports to your state's Attorney General's Office.

I've had to do this now multiple times on about 10 different issues from false advertising (Duplicell Facebook ad that was untrue), to identity theft (Sprint will NOT give me my money back even though I've clearly never had an account with them), Verizon (who says I used my phone when my phone was broken for 6 weeks and I had cancelled my service), to someone actually stealing my debit card numbers and making other charges in Kansas (I've never been there or bought anything from a company in Kansas).

So what you have to do is contact your bank or credit card company, report the false charges and they will try to intervene on your behalf. In the case of my bank, they could not get anywhere with Sprint or Duplicell, so I had to go directly to the companies. Duplicell was great, actually, and returned the money willfully but not without trying to make me feel stupid about not reading the "fine print" when, in fact, their Facebook ad said, "Free trial, just pay shipping." Well, that's not free in the first place, but the $3.95 shipping was fine. Then 14 days later they charged me another $85! Because I didn't return the product.

So, it wasn't a free trial at all. It was a paid trial. But the ad clearly stated "Free trial." So, they had to give the money back! Dummies.

And I'm still battling with Verizon and Sprint and that asshole Adam who now lives in Texas and charged on my Marblehead Garden Center account and then skipped out on the $140. I've filed claims against all of these fartheads. It's a total of about $800. 

Ridiculous.

Something that even my uber-intelligent relatives and husband didn't know is that when you log into your bank or your credit card company and you give them personal information, make sure your browser up there has the beginning of it say:  "https//..." If it says just "http://" without the "s" then you're not in a secured area on the internet.

That is Hypertext code (which I had to learn back in 1995) for "secure." So, the encoders know how to vet a company and they have a secured place on the internet for your private information like your Social Security number and your address and your maiden name and all those other security pieces of information that they ask for...

If your computer keeps booting you out of a site that is asking for this information, it's because it's likely NOT a secure site and you should not use that particular site. Sometimes the computer knows best.

If you receive an email that looks legit, but it's asking you to reset a password or give up any personal information? Well, it's likely a spam or phishing operating. Phishing is when they are "trolling" for personal, private information so that they can use it to steal your identity and commit fraud or whatever.

There are big operations out there making a shitload of money trying to get your information. Sprint, for instance, likely had someone out there trolling for information, and someone had stolen my debit card number and then, POOF, Sprint used my debit card numbers to charge me a little over $200 even though I have NEVER had an account with them. Never once. I used Verizon (and now they're being total assholes) and then I now use AT&T.

This is rampant, and I suggest that unless you pay your stuff with a secured credit card? You should go back to the old fashioned mailing in of checks or use PayPal which is a top-notch secure company.

Hackers have nothing better to do that make your life miserable. I am a bit of a hacker myself, but I use my knowledge to help make the internet and you safer. However, the hackers are MAKING money and I'm losing, so maybe you shouldn't trust me!!!  

I jest.

But, be safe out there. I've rambled on long enough.

Commence being kind again! 

Thanks for reading.

Rock, Paper, Scissors : Ignorance Ain't Bliss

I had a Facebook fight last night. Actually I had two of them. One was important and the other was semi-important.

My friend, Karen, will think one of them was ridiculous, but it speaks to an aggression problem that seems to be getting more rampant in our "society." She got yelled at the other day when she was at Target trying to buy dog food on Black Friday. A woman actually yelled at her and told her that "she had picked the WRONG day to buy dog food."

?

Who gets to tell who what is the right day to buy dog food? 

Heyyyy, it's dog food Monday! Everyone buys dog food on MONDAY now!

???

Nope. That's not how it works.

Nobody gets to tell me when I get to buy dog food, when I get to go to the bathroom, or how I get to live my life. I mean murdering is bad and that sort of thing should go without saying, but I'm talking about societal "norms" like telling me I'm selfish because I didn't have children, or that I'm irresponsible because I don't work a 9-5 job in a cubicle.

Fuck. Off.

I recently had to "inform" individuals that it is not my job in life to educate them. The information is readily available and if you don't take the time to educate yourself, then you don't get to form an opinion about a subject matter so important as climate change or reproduction or gene expression.

There was a fool here yesterday in Alaska who mistakenly believed me to be a sweet, cute person that would listen to his bullshit and be impressed with his "business acumen" and his "5,000 square foot house" in Ketchikan.

Nope.

Your assumptions, sir, are getting you nowhere very quickly. Well, he continued to hit on me despite my wedding rings and the mention of my husband who was at a table watching the Seahawks football game.

This idiot went so far as to FOLLOW me to the table so that he could meet this so-called husband of mine because I was so feisty and I called him out on his bullshit and he thought that no man would EVER be able to put up with a woman like me!

And, of course, this noodlehead began every sentence with "I" and never asked one question of me.

It's absolutely amazing that men (a lot of them - not all of them) see women as prizes and pieces of meat  to rip apart. I don't mean to be vulgar, but a lot of men see women as a place to stick their dicks and that's really all they believe women to be good for - oh, and the cooking and cleaning and the toiling to make their lives comfortable.

There is a complete lack of empathy for others, lack of emotion, lack of caring, lack of equality.

This dude did his damndest to impress me - but, for those of you who really know me? I'm not impressed by money or the fact that you fly helicopters and you have, apparently, a very small penis.

When you have to try THAT hard to impress a lady, it is CLEAR that you are lacking in certain departments.

Like those poor middle-aged guys driving the little shiny convertibles or the EFFING cigarette boats and their loud, disruptive, gas-guzzling engines. Ugh. Each time we'd go past one of these assholes, I'd wave and yell "Sorry about your small penis!" and these idiots, of course, would wave right back because they couldn't possibly hear me over the loud "ROAR" of the engine!

Oy.

This guy's wife drank herself to death 4 years ago and died at 49. He talked about it like it was HER fault for not being able to just power through it.

She didn't die of drinking, asshole. She died of a broken heart because she was married to a man who spent 80 hours a week working and was completely unsympathetic and called her "an emotional wreck suffering from empty nest syndrome" after their three children moved away.

He actually went so far as to tell me that he had "wasted" $50,000+ dollars on rehab for his wife, but she kept relapsing.

Yep. I'd probably drink myself to death, too. Or better, DIVORCE his ass and take HALF of all of the fucking money because that the ONLY thing he values in this world.

So, the thing I'm talking about is that women really should stop putting up with anything less than a wonderful person who treats you like gold and LISTENS to you. Men who talk OVER me or interrupt me or try to SCHOOL me on biological science or animals or gardening?

Nope. Those are MY areas of expertise. Listen to me. I've done the work. I have spent 42 years (or more) schooling myself in these areas. I'm willing to have a conversation about it, because sometimes I learn things from other people on these subjects, but a conversation is a give and take. It's not a monologue.

Just because I don't have a penis (thank GOD for that) doesn't mean I don't have balls. My cojones are ragingly big and I'm not afraid to use them. I know Karate, too, so don't try to bully me and get in my personal space. And don't TOUCH me. For the love of ALL that is holy, I will SLAP you and then I will punch you. I'm not afraid to break my hand. Done it before, will do it again.

Make no mistake:

Just because I'm KIND doesn't mean I'm a pushover.

Just because I'm pretty and cute and have a nice figure (thanks, Alaska) doesn't preclude the fact that I have a really, really good brain and I know how to use it.

And just because I'm smaller than you doesn't mean I can't stomp all over your ass - with my words, fist, kicks or whatever it takes for me to defend myself.

AND REALLY. Just because you have a penis, it doesn't mean you have some special privilege. It actually makes you weak and stupid and acting like a total asshole even in front of my husband.

So, when my husband got up to leave at half-time (we had driven separately), this fool ass first told me what a great guy my husband was. Well. Yeah. I married him. I know that, douchebag.

And then he offered to get me a hotel room so he could fuck me.

What a nice guy.

Men. Jesus. What the hell.

Which leads me to the 10 keepers that are out there. Like this one, below. This video is amazing and beautiful and it made me cry cry cry, so be warned! It's the reunion of a man who raised a gorilla and then the gorilla was released into the wild. This is their reunion. And the world needs more men like THESE.