Preaching to the Choir

A peaceful little Veined Octopus that I snorkeled with off a beach in Tortola, British Virgin Islands.

I know I've been on a roll lately with my bitching about our failed political system. It's just going from bad to worse with the cronyism and the stroking of each others' dicks up there on Capitol Hill.

The people listening to me are the smart, wonderful folks who already KNOW this shit is wrong and that we clearly have NO right to take 2,400 acres of sacred Apache land to suck out some oil and then give the money to a multinational corporation that plays with Iran.

You all already know this stuff, and for that I am grateful. I'm grateful I have amazing, smart, talented, informed friends who teach me stuff every day.

We, my friends and family, are not the problem. We are independent thinkers. I may not always agree with you or your politics, but I appreciate that you've done your homework and that you vote accordingly.

The problem with this whole premise is to believe that your vote is doing what you intended. The corruption in our voting system and the presence of gerrymandering and hostility toward people of color? Well, that's a problem.

Do you wanna know some dirty little secrets that I've been harboring for a while now? I've got a bunch, let me tell you!

One is that there are A LOT of men out there that like porn. (Hahaha! Like that's a secret?!!) What you don't know is that there are a LOT of men, married with children, fine upstanding citizen types, right? Well, when their wives are away on business or pleasure for a week or even just a weekend? Well, A LOT of them (used to) go to video stores and rent a crap ton of gay porn. The real gross stuff with circle jerks and all kinds of grossness.

You see, back about a hundred years ago when I was a poor whale researcher, I'd work at a video store up the street from me to earn extra cashola in the winter months.

You learn a LOT about people by what they choose to watch. Likewise, what they read also speaks volumes (pun intended).

So, when the likes of Sarah Palin and her "liberal gotcha" comment when Katy Couric (God bless her) asked what Ms. Palin reads? And then there was silence.

Yep. Of course she doesn't read. She thinks she's smart because she calls herself a "maverick" and it contains more than one syllable.

I'd rather have Wyle E. Coyote as my vice president. At least he's entertaining.

So, when these "straight" homophobic jerk-offs (literally) are telling me that gay people are unnatural or whatever bullshit religious crap you wanna spout (again, pun intended), and then on the weekend, when the wife's at church with the kids? You run into my video store and rent a gay porn and then return it exactly 1.5 hours after you came (again, intended) in the first place?

YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE.

And, further, you're gross and living a lie and ohmygod your poor thing and your poor wife and kids.

See, it's this lying thing that really gets my goat. What the hell? Why are you so afraid to be utterly YOU?

I've often contended and have been told by many of my LGBTQ friends that I am a gay man stuck in a woman's body! And it's absolutely a very accurate description of me! I'm so guy-ish with my jobs and who I like to hang (pun intended) with and I have LOADS of man and boy friends.

Same with my best friends, and particularly my bestest bestie Karen who is JUST like me except she likes Hello, Kitty and pink and sparkles and high heels and that girlie crap.

I like shoot 'em up bang bang movies and getting my hands dirty and hard, physical labor.

But that's just one aspect of me. I also love cooking, floral arranging and being smooshy with my dogs and about any other critters you can throw at me. I'm emotional as all get out and cry at those dumb commercials and little babies who laugh? Send me into orbit!

So, the moral to my story is that no one is all one thing. But if we can learn to embrace those things in each other, we'd really be making headway with all the depressed, sad and lonely people out there.

I'm sure even Dick Cheney might have one redeeming quality.

There was a young woman I heard about that passed away last night. It was unexpected and the circumstances are still being figured out. But my heart just broke for her, for her family, for her few friends. She was a loner, a very sad figure. I'd smiled and said hello to her on a few occasions, and she just sort of looked through me while she sat smoking her cigarette.

I figured she had a lot on her mind and was in a bad mood.

Well, turns out she was a depressed, sad person. Away from her family. No friends to speak of and just filled with self-loathing. She had health issues I didn't know about and she spent most of her time by herself.

Had I known any of those things, I'd have reached out more and tried to help.

Last thing I'll say is that it's the holiday season and it SUCKS when you're alone and away from your family or loved ones. Sometimes even a person's family can be toxic, especially if they're judgemental hypocrites who don't understand you or your personal path.

Be kind to each other. Always and to a fault. Everyone is not necessarily happy even if they're smiling on the outside. And people are told that they SHOULD be happy.

"Don't cry, it's okay."

I heard that a million times during my bout with situational depression.

NO! Dammit! Sometimes it simply ISN'T okay. Sometimes things suck. Like when your dogs die and then your grandmother dies and then one of your best best friends dies and then you get in a car accident and lose your house in a divorce.

That? That fucking SUCKS!

Just acknowledge when someone's life is hard. Just be compassionate and try to just listen. Don't interject your own story. Ask questions. Ask if there is anything you can do to help.

It made all the difference in the world to me when my friend N & K reached out to me. And when my little cousin called to tell me she prayed for me every day. And when my Dad told me to have hope that  things would not always be so bad. And when my Mom would cry with me and tell me to please not hurt myself because she would not be able to carry on if I did.

I'm crying right now just remembering how much those little gestures meant to me. That these fine people were rooting for me and had faith in me, made ALL the difference in preventing me from committing the terrible act of suicide.

Thank you so much & I wish you a good day and the happiest of holiday seasons.

I'll keep writing. I just feel sad today about this girl and I need fluff and silliness for a while.

Ciao for now.

Gorgeous tangs feeding on the coral reef.