Hard at work. Again.

Despite my continued mood of yuck, this never, ever, EVER fails to make me at least smile!

Holy cow, this poor dog!

Oh, and by the way? I'm divorced, not dead.

I have one thing to say for today.

I got divorced. It doesn't mean I have some incurable disease and that you have to tell me "Well, you sure look good!" when you see me.

This is why I hide. This is why I don't want to go out and see people...they act like it's some miracle of nature that I am still surviving and that I still exist.

It was totally hideous when I saw some people last weekend and I felt utterly uncomfortable and weird.

Holidays, schmolidays. I cannot wait until 2013 and I can just say goodbye to 2012. It has been a most unkind year.

Ok. Now that I've got you totally depressed, here is a little holiday something-something that I thought was pretty neat:

Click here to see your house with gentle snow falling in front of it!

And it continues...

I have one question for you.

When does it get better again?

I appreciate the comments from my last post and the suggestions. I have tried tried tried many different things. I know I'm better because everyone says I am, but I still am struggling. I look forward to a day when I don't have that terrible pit in my stomach and when I feel like I can take a deep breath.

Man, things can really catch you off guard, huh?

Well, in another entirely different vein, I saw two things today that made me laugh out loud despite the crud that has been happening.

This is the first one, from facebook:

 I know. It's not particularly nice if you're a big Mitt fan, but I think it's no secret to anyone who knows me even remotely that I live in Massachusetts for a VERY good reason. There. Enough said. I don't like to get into politics with people - it truly isn't worth it because I'm not going to change your mind and you're not going to change mine.

Ballot questions? Those are another thing. I thought I was going to vote one way on one of the big questions this year, but I've COMPLETELY changed my mind after reading a lot of background and differing opinions. So, there ya go. I'm not completely set in my ways!

Last thing for today is my beloved, dear friend Hank who has continued to send me terrible, wonderful puns despite my grimness of late. I appreciate them so much, Hank! Even sometimes they  make me smile and then todays? Made me say "yaaayyy!" inside my head! Big accomplishment.

So, here's the bad pun, kids. Hope you enjoy:

Paints were a very precious quantity in the good old days, and British merchants could make a small fortune supplying paints to the colonies.

One company sent a clipper ship full of red paint across the ocean. It had the very bad luck to collide with another ship full of blue paint.

As a result of this disaster, both crews were ... marooned.

That thing called depression. Ick.

I know. I have been absent for freaking ever.

If you have ever experienced the thing called severe depression than you will understand my disappearance.

To put it lightly, I have had a shitty year. I was happily in denial about all of it for a long time. But then when the denial thing doesn't work anymore? Crap. Or as my best friend would say, "Carp!"

In any case, I am alive. Not doing all that well, thank you very much, but I am alive. Been working as best I can and trying to survive the storm of emotions and sadness that I have going on.

I will not go into details here, but suffice it to say that most of my time is spent alone and not very happily so.

If anyone reads this, I congratulate you for even finding it after my long absence from blogging.

I'm going to try to muddle through and start really cathartically write about all the things that have been bothering me and that have happened in the recent months.

I feel very glad for the few friends and my family who have persevered and stuck by me despite my sadness and not having anything good to report for so long. I'm trying to fight my way out of that dark place and see glimmers of hope every so often. Right now, I'll take a glimmer.

So, of course, my funny friend Hank has continued to send me terrible puns, jokes and the occasional picture to brighten my day. Here is a recent favorite! If it can make me smile lately, you know it has to be really funny. Hope it makes you smile, too.

It's a wonderful world...

Amen.

Photo Lesson #207

• This is an easy image to recreate at home. You just need a large bubble, a rabid German Shepherd, and a child you won't miss.

Shady bidness!

So, in the course of my 7 years of my gardening biz, two of my firstest clients were ladies who have shade gardens. Though shade gardens present their own challenges, I've learned quite well now that there are AMAZING varieties of plants (annuals and perennials) that thrive quite nicely in the shade. And, FYI, I am NOT talking about impatiens.

EeeeeK!

I have to say, between the impatiens, marigolds and geraniums that permeate most flower beds, I'm just DYING for everyone to try new plants! Enough with these old, moldy stand-bys! Branch out! (No pun intended!) Try something different like lamium or torenia or even some amazing new varieties of begonia!

Below are the almost-completely-mature versions of the gardens I started for these ladies 7 years ago! Each had their own unique flow and the one in particular has an area in the back that replicates marshy conditions (shady, marshy conditions! Not easy!), but we've made them work and they are both stunningly beautiful now.

This first one is my most favorite garden. It's like a fairy tale land! So gorgeous and lush! Just look:

If you look closely (or enlarge the picture) you can see there are hanging baskets along the fence and then I also do two other planters in this garden. I'll take more photos soon, as all along the walkway are fairy roses that will be blooming shortly! They are loaded with blossoms and should look incredible in about a week or so.

Here's the other one - the shady, marshy garden:

I added those planters this season to solve the issue of erosion and waaaay-too-wet soil for planting anything. They are really pretty! Filled with lamium, brunerra macrophylla and coral bells (heuchera)...Those are among my most favorite shade plants to use.

And, last for today, but not least, is a small bouquet I made from the fleurs in my garden! I gave this to my good friend for a Mother's day gift! It's got white ranunculus, orange poppies, blooms from my broccoli rabe, jacob's ladder (the purple) and bleeding heart! GORGEOUS!

Hope you will come back for a visit soon. I've been overwhelmed with personal icky stuff - most notably my Dad has been in the hospital on and off for the last 3 weeks. He's on the mend and back home, thankfully...

Ciao & Happy Holiday weekend!

Another bad joke. You can blame Hank again! : )

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind. to tell him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

 

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

Flash Mob in Moscow! FUN!

OMG. I love Diane Keaton!

The Colbert Report
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Tuesday Punday!

More puns courtesy my dearest friend, Hank!

I have less than no time to do this so here it is and now I must run! Ciao!

Puns for Educated Minds

1.

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

He acquired his size from too much pi.

2.

I thought I saw an eye- doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to

be an optical Aleutian.

3.

She was only a whisky- maker, but he loved her still.

4.

A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class because it

was a weapon of math disruption.

5.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum

Blownapart.

8.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9.

A hole has been found in the nudist- camp wall. The police are looking

into it.

10.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said

to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15.

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium

at large.

16.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a

seasoned veteran.

17.

A backward poet writes inverse.

18.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count

that votes.

19.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20.

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

21.

A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess

looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

23.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak

and heat it too.

24.

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says,

'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.

26.

There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Puntastic Monday!

 Here is your giggle (or several) for the day!

These are great - courtesy, of course, my friend Hank who has been keeping me in the puns for close to 16 years now! That's alotta puns!

 And, it's come to my attention that the bit I wrote a while back about the unsolicited advice to men was "ugly" and made me a bad person. Hmmm. My blog. My opinion. Don't wanna read it? Don't visit, right? Sheesh.

 Anyway, enough negativity...On to the puns! Enjoy!

  I don't enjoy computer jokes; not one bit. I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. 


 When chemists die, they barium. 


 Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.


 I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. 


 How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. 


 I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. 


 This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. 


 I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. 


 I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. 


 They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O. 


 PMS jokes aren't funny; period. 


 Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. 


 We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.


 I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. 


 Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? 


When you get a bladder infection urine trouble. 


 Broken pencils are pointless. 


 I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. 


 What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. 


 England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. 


 I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. I


 dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. 


 All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on. 


 I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. 


 Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes. 


 Velcro — what a rip off! 


 A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy. 


 Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! 


 The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault. 


 Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

Dogs Underwater

This is adorable! Makes me love dogs more than I even did before, and that's quite some feat! I have had zero point zero zero moments to do any blogs recently, which is a shame, because we have been furiously planting things and making gardens Oh, SO pretty in the recent weeks! I've also been trying to keep up with my other job, in the midst of refinancing my house, getting divorce papers signed and finished and then also moving all my belongings to the first floor of my house to accommodate a new roommate who will be living on the 2nd and 3rd floor. We have some shared space, but mostly she will be up there and I'll be here...It helps us both out on a monetary level and, frankly? I don't relish living "alone" in the night when there's a weird sound!!! So, this is a good thing! And, just so my parents know, I'm doing well and have loads of help and have been doing the move slowly over weeks, but this is the final crunch. Movers come tomorrow to move my big stuff down here and her stuff up there! Loads and LOADS to do... Yet, here I sit to do an all-important silly blog post! Nice priorities! : ) So, here are the cute photos that were emailed to me today by my gorgeous, smart, amazing, cute, funny cousin A!!! She's going to be a PILOT for the Air Force! So cool. Her big bro and Dad are already pilots too...Cool peeps! Ok. Enough blabbing, here are the photos for your viewing pleasure! Ciao!

Holy Honeybadger! He don't give a sh*t!!!

LOLOLOL!!

I just saw this on TV for the first time tonight and I'm laughing myself silly!! : )

Unsolicited advice to men

OK. So that guy that I was supposed to spend the whole weekend for Passover and Easter?

Ummm...Not so much.

Can you spell passive aggressive? Cripes.

Moody, arrogant, mean, angry and passive aggressive are the words that come to mind immediately and I'm sure there are a wide variety of other words that would probably work equally well.

I will not go into details to protect the innocent and also the not-so-innocent, but suffice it to say that it did not end on a pretty note. I recall him saying something (in front of his children) to me that I was a "waste of time" and I'm pretty sure he called me a "loser." Which, of course, is obsurd. I'm far from being anything close to those two things.

Which leads me to this post. Dating sucks. Most men? You are idiots. Not all men, but most of you? Need a looooong look in the mirror and also? By the way? Could use a load of therapy to get over your mommy issues and your fake over-confidence to compensate for your own feelings of inadequacy.

I've been through loads of therapy. I've got self-esteem issues like every other human on the planet. I'm not perfect. FAAAR from it, but I'm WILLING to work on myself and to recognize my shortcomings. I'm also willing to apologize when I'm wrong. Sheesh. It's not that hard, kids. It's really not.

Now, I'm not one of those "angry" types. I'm not a man-hater. On the contrary! I ADORE men! Just love them. However, most of you really, really need to work on a few things. So here's the unsolicited advice:

1 - Three words that mean a lot (no, not THOSE three words!): "How are you?"

And wait for the answer. Listen. Stop thinking about your OWN agenda. Stop and actually think about what the woman in your life is SAYING to to. We are verbal creatures. Take five effing minutes and LISTEN to her. She'll love you for it even more.

2 - Compliment her on ONE thing every day. It can be the cooking, now nice the house looks, her pretty hair, her nice eyes, her skin, her outfit, now great she is with the kids, how hard she works...Anything! Just get out of your own HEAD for three seconds and take a look around you and appreciate one little thing every day. She will really love you for it.

3 - Tell her about YOUR day. Don't be all angry and stressed out and quiet and moody and shit when you arrive home at the end of the day. If you feel cranky, TELL her. If you feel like you need some time to yourself, just SAY so. This leads to the next item:

4 - Don't ASSUME we know what the EFF you are thinking. WORDS. Use your words.

5 - Don't assume that if you have money, power, or both, that we will take your verbal or physical abuse. Women are better than that. You don't have any right to treat a woman as anything less than your equal. Many of you are in situations where you are actually with a woman who is WAY better than you and you should feel LUCKY that she sticks around and takes your shit.

6 - Treat others kindly. Women love men who are nice to others and who root for the underdog. Do the right thing. Be a nice person.

7 - Learn what empathy means. If you can't be empathetic right away, learn the trick of "mirroring" which involves you actually listening and using your words.

8 - News flash! You are not the center of the universe! Hah! Nope. It's not you. Never has been, never will be. You're a little tiny being just like the rest of us.

9 - Be kind to the elderly. They've earned it. (This goes for everyone.) Even if they are cranky and set in their ways and do things that you hate? They still have earned your respect.

10 - Don't assume that because you are brilliantly smart and rich and talented, that other people's opinions and knowledge are to be questioned. Again, this involves listening.

11 - Teach your children to respect the opposite sex. Yes, men and women are different. But, I believe in much of the world, because women are objectified, that boys are taught a terrible lesson about women. That lesson is that women are not equally smart or determined and that we have less to offer this world than men.

12 - Never wear sock with sandals. Ever.

Next one? Is sexual in nature...

THIS IS NOT FOR MY PARENTS OR ANYONE UNDER 18 TO READ!

I mean it. Don't read this if you don't want to hear about something on the physical side of the spectrum of man/woman relationships...

I mean it.

I really mean it!

You have been warned! WARNED!

This is the last warning...

13, 14 & 15 - Learn some shit. LEARN some shit. Find out about women's bodies and their anatomy. Lots of us women love sex and we love all that stuff that goes with it. HOWEVER! Men? Really? 45 seconds and it's over? REALLY? ASK her what she likes! Learn to give her an orgasm. LEARN it. It's NOT that difficult! I'm serious. Why do you think there are 75 million toys in the sex store for women and there are WAAAAY fewer fake va-jay-jays and that stuff? You know why? Learn why.

Ok. Rant is over now. I feel much better.

I hope I didn't offend anyone out there. Sorry if I did, but that's what blogging is all about, right?

Oh, and Happy Easter. Sheesh. This seems sacrilegious to put up today. It can wait until tomorrow!

Classy Dallas-y

So, yesterday afternoon I was pooped. I had a hot date the night before (Hi Mom and Dad!) and my beau stayed over night...We were awake until about 1am and then I made him an egg sandwich, as we had not eaten very much at the restaurant where he took me out to eat.

Well, I tossed and turned much of the night due to a terrible back issue...I have degenerative disc disease and had been gardening for 8 hours on Tuesday and then again for about 8 hours on Wednesday. Not smart especially since this is the beginning of the season and I am not completely in shape yet for the physicality of my job. I should work into it slowly. But I didn't. And so I paid the price.

My back is still tweaky today but doing a little better...

ANNNNnnnyway, Dallas seems to know when I'm not at the top of my game and he takes advantage. He pulls and he barks at stupid stuff and he generally acts like a big, fat jerk. It's exhausting! He can be such a fart!!

So, yesterday at about 4:45pm we went out for our PM "W" of the day (as you cannot say the word "walk" without much fuss and mayhem ensuing!). And, much to my happiness and Dallas' extreme excitment, we came upon Callie (Dallas' A-#1 FAAAAVORITE girlfriend!)!! Callie's momma was walking her and OH, BOY it was such a momentous occasion for Mr. D!!!

He loves loves loves loves LOVES Callie girl!! And they are so adorable together! Callie is an adorable, diminutive, brown and white version of Mr. D (but she has much better manners, as she is 7 years old and such a sweet, sweet girl!).

Well, Callie and Mr. D wagged and talked and cooed and wiggled and visited and then the four of us "walked" (he pulled, I followed) to Derby Wharf where there is a lot of grass and open space.

Dallas pulled and pulled and pulled and did not listen to me for ONE.LOUSY.SECOND. UGH!!!! I wanted to kill him, but he was just so darn excited to be with Callie! It was adorable!

Here he is PEEING on her head:

So classy! So debonaire!

Good heavens.

So, Mr. Dallas and I are off to my beau's house to spend Passover and Easter with his wonderful family. We are very excited and this will be the first time Mr. D visits my beau's house and meets his two girls! I'm very excited. I only hope he doesn't pee on anyone's head!! : )

Happy Passover! Happy Easter!

Ciao!

Orcas on ice!

WOW. This is a good one, and worth the few minutes of your day!

This is a GREAT video! Thanks, Hank!

Spring in Salem!

My first "official" plantings of the season for my one of my favorite clients! She hired me to do her garden over 6 years ago, and it is soooo gorgeous now and in addition to the garden, I do 6 planters for her. I finished two of them yesterday:




These are a mixture of tulips, pansies, violas, strawberry plants and italian parsley! LOVE!

So cute, huh?

Busy again today...Did flowers for a new client (at my favorite organic food store) this morning with pansies, violas, lettuce and white forget-me-nots! SOOOOO cute! I also added curly willow to the flower boxes to liven them up!

Off to Boston later today to visit with my new beau and to see his daughter play soccer! Can't wait! : )

Gots to run, so I'll bid you adieu for now!

I promise!

Soon I will get back to the gorgeous garden I experienced in New Port Richey, Freedom House Farm...

For now? Busy bee with work and so only have time for a quick funny for your giggling pleasure!

This has been around for a long time, but it never ceases to make me laugh! This poor, poor creature:



I think if I had that dog? I'd never leave the house with him and I'd never be sad ever, ever again!! Heeee! : )

Ciao for now.

Words by which to live

The difference between Knowledge and Wisdom:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting tomatoes in a fruit salad.

I will be showing you some pictures of this amazing garden that is just up the street from my Dad's house in New Port Richey, FL.

There is a man there, Jim Kovaleski, who is a magical green thumb gardener. He uses his techniques to work with nature to create the most gorgeous organic vegetable gardens you've ever laid your eyes on. His farm, which provides food for restaurants and citizens of New Port Richey, is called Freedom House Farm, and it is one of the most special places I've ever visited.

His tender care of all things living was really something to behold and I was thrilled to be able to spend a couple hours with him and his lovely Mother (who, incidentally, lives a block away, and her entire yard is also dedicated to growing these gorgeous foods for the community).

He will be giving a workshop in Portsmouth, NH this May (which is supposedly filled, but I'm going anyway!) about permaculture and how it fits into the world. Organic, local and sustainability are the basic tenets of his garden practices. The joy he gets from creating and caring for these gardens is utterly contagious! I was there easily 4 times during my short visit to my Dad's!

Here's a brief preview of the beauty of these amazing gardens:




If you're ever in that part of the world, look up Freedom House Farms. You won't be sorry.

Extreme giggliness

Ok. This made me cry I was laughing so hard!

I was in Florida for the past week soaking up the sun, visiting my parents and generally misbehaving. I'm good at that lately!

Good news? I met an amazing man just before my trip. We had a ten hour first date that goes down in the history of mankind as the best first date EVER! We talked for at least an hour or two or three (not kidding) every day while I was gone. Really quite something, this guy. I'll tell you more as the story unfolds, but long story short? Seeing him tomorrow and then again Tuesday for a date to the SYMPHONY!! ACK! I'm so excited!

OK. Now, onto some of the most clever fake words ever...Enjoy!

Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an #$$%%.

3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting lucky.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

Seriously. If you haven't watched this yet? Whaaaat?

Coolest thing EVER.

Holy mother of cuteness.

Ok. I know I've been sorta remiss about the garden stuff and talking flowers and sh*t. I've been so busy, girl! I am producing a brand new newsletter for The House of the Seven Gables...Am partially responsible for their new presence in social media and "re-branding" them. They've needed a facelift for some time and I am working hard to give them a fresh face and also to help their image. They took a beating publicly with some decisions that were made that I will NOT go into on this here blog. But they are working their way back after sort of losing focus for a little bit.

I am very proud to work there and to represent what they do in the community. The Executive Director, in my humble opinion, is nothing less than a magician...All the plates she is able to spin at the same time? Something to behold, really...

So, girl??? I been busy. And, in the words of Honey Badger fame, Randall? Honey badger don't care! He don't give a sh*t! Honey badger is BAD As*!! Heavens that silly video makes me giggle! He is just so funny! And now so famous! Pop culture is really just something to behold these days.

Here are three things for your viewing pleasure.

First, two cute little jpg things...



Love those.

Then, a picture of a happy happy SPOILED ROTTEN dog:


My new crush from The Voice, Dez Duron:
To make matters worse? He goes to Yale. And he's smart. Ack.

Now, the piece de resistance...The Honey Badger video. So dumb. SOOO dumb, but this guy, Randall, is just so funny! Huge right now in pop culture. And, I am a fan! I have no idea why, but it's just so dumb that it's brilliant! LOL!


Good Lord! What has come of the human race? We are so bad a*s!! We don't care! heeeee!!

xoxo

REAAAALLLLY bad joke

Reallly bad.

Adult humor.

Be warned.

If you do not like adult humor, please shield your eyeballs.

Oh, and just in case you were wondering? It was 65 degrees here today.

SIXTY FIVE! March 7th. Crocuses blooming all over my yard. BLOOMING! Ack! Suddenly global warming doesn't seem all that horrible, you know? (I'm just kidding, of course. Global warming is a terrible thing. I know. It was a joke!)

Ok.

So, here's the bad joke. And, just FYI? I sent this to all of my Jewish friends. They have a sense of humor, let me tell you!

Here it is:

5,000 Jewish men were surveyed as to why they like receiving oral sex.

1% liked the warmth

2% liked the sensation

3% liked the eroticism
94% just liked the peace and quiet.

heeee!!

The most beautiful "commercial" I have EVER seen...

This premiered last night on Celebrity Apprentice. It is stunningly beautiful and totally worth the 3:31 it lasts. Must see. MUST SEE...

Cartier Odyssee

Oh my GAWD this is funny!!

Whose Line is it Anyway – Things you can’t say about your girlfriend | VidAddict.com

Pretty Men. (This is for the LADIES!) (Not suitable for parental units, cos I ain't apologizing!)

Ok. Of late? There have been these commercials. SO sexual in nature. What is UP with that? Fashion takes a turn for the conservative (like I know this sh*t?!!!) and suddenly, all this innuendo is everywhere.

Like this dude - "The world's most interesting man..." from Dos Equis commercials:\

And then there's THIS guy:Good GOD!

And this ad:Are all of those people not just gorgeous and somewhat androgynous?

And then the LAY'S ad. Good LORD the name is even perverted...

Now there are those commercials for vodka:Sheesh. Dean Martin and the whole Rat Pack revisited!

And here it is in a whole different package for Gillette:

What is GOING ON??? When did MEN become the new women? The object of sexual desire? This is crazy, no? Anyway. I am just noticing this shift. Perhaps the shift is in me? I have no clue. All I know is that I'm noticing men again and it's odd!

So, that must have been uncomfortable for my poor parents. Sorry. I'll put a disclaimer at the top.

Eeeeek!

Fountain in Dubai

This is an old one, but a GOOD one...

Be sure to watch this FULL SCREEN. It will give you chills. CHILLS I tellya!

Not much else going on. We're having a rainy/slushy/icky day here. I was supposed to spend the day with my beau, but he felt hesitant to drive in this muck, and I do NOT blame him! It's only supposed to get bluckier, so he'd be driving home later today in major muck, so that's that.

So, I'm here in my cozy house with my sweet doggie and we're watching terrible morning TV while I catch up on emails and work on stuff for my two jobs.

Here's the veeedeo, as my friend over there at Bye, Bye Pie would say. OOO, and lookit! I made a pretty for a big potluck dinner I hosted on Monday evening. Only about 40 ladies here!! Yikes!

So pretty, huh? A lovely mixture of freesia, alstromeria, daisies, waxflowers and seeded eucalyptus! Best part? The freesia smell even better than they LOOK! They have to be one of my most favoritest fleurs on the Earth.

Ok. Here's the veedeo! Enjoy! Be sure to watch it in full screen mode (click twice quickly on the video)! AMAZING.

Yet ANOTHER Hank forward!! Love this one!

PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IT COMES FROM A SUNDAY SCHOOL TEST.

KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS, GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE . NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.


7. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

8. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA.


9. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

10. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

11. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

12. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

13. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

14. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

15. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

16. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW.

17. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.