UN Equality Campaign and being a Woman

THE UN EQUALITY CAMPAIGN.NNomen

And on it goes.
I think a big part of what is wrong with the relationships we try to foster - especially those between men and women, is that there is a gigantic lack of respect for women that exists so fully that it is shocking.
When we are reduced to a couple of boobs and a vagina or a nice "ass" or a pretty face? You're missing a whole lot of what makes a woman a person. 
The objectification of women is pervasive to this very moment. It's part of what is wrong in a certain relationship right now. I'm hardly respected at all. Hardly. It's pretty much a given that I'm gonna contribute to the household in tangible ways and that I'm the one who makes this house a home.
I bring an emotional existence and intention to the house, the garden, my cooking, my decorating...
It's just a given. Not appreciated, not respected but instead, expected.
When we raise little boys in the environment of "the men watch the game on TV while the 'little woman' is in the kitchen cooking and cleaning and doing the laundry..."? 
Well, I say F*ck that sh*t.
Again. Going on strike. I'll still clean as much as I need to feel the house clean and I'll cook for myself and may make a little extra from time to time. 
All those other things that you've come to expect? I just can't. It makes me too sad. And I don't want to disrespect myself in those ways any more. 
And frankly, you don't deserve it if you cannot even tell me you love me. 
Still floored. Still amazed at the way you can just sit there and not care.
Just wow.
And to make matters worse? It's this - the world is filled with men just like you. JUST like you. 
You just DON'T GET IT.

Dilemmas, conundrums and WTFs

Spring. A time for renewal and fresh starts. I thought...

It seems to me, lately anyway, that there are very few humans who are authentically themselves.

They are the people who just go about their business, no pretenses, very un-judgementally wending their way through life.

They are generally speaking, much happier than most other humans, they are unapologetic for their way of living and they really tend not to give a crap what you think of them.

I like that in a human.

Of course, I'm not talking about people who are mean to others and then unapologetic, you know what I'm talking about. People who are just content to do their thing and if you want to come along for the ride, even better!!

I'm having a major dilemma with someone I care about deeply. Or I thought I did. It seems this person is not the person I originally thought. When a person tells you they love you, I tend to believe it. Love is not a simple thing, but it can be given freely and without reservation even when times are tough. Or at least that's what I was always told.

Even when my parents were mad at me, I never doubted their love. Even when harsh words were said, no one questioned the underlying love we all have for each other. Even now, when I'm "all growed up (hah!)" my parents get mad at me for things, and I get mad at them, too! But I never, ever for ONE second, question their love and I know they do not question mine.

My relatives are among the best humans I've ever known. I trust them and love them and I'd do anything at all for them to ensure their happiness or health or safety.

I thought that's what this other person was about, but it's not feeling that way lately. It's feeling really quite the opposite. More like I'm an imposition. Like I'm a burden or something.

It's not like I'm not industrious! Good heavens. In the last year I've moved across the country with all of my beloved art and antiques and plants, started a new business (which is thriving, by the by), continued my writing, made loads of friends, created a giant perennial cutting garden in the back yard, planted loads of beautiful other perennials to make this property a dream place, I've fixed things, had my identity stolen (yuck), lost lots of money, plan to make it back, have gone on several trips, taken care of the house, dog, a husband who had surgery, and in the meantime have also taken care of myself mentally and physically.

Those are no small feats.

And yet, this person in my life? It's a mystery why the words "I love you" no longer exit his mouth.

Unbelievable, really. And exceptionally painful.

I'm so hurt I can barely even stand it sometimes.

But the thing that I can know? Is that I'm okay. And that I'm not a bad person.

I'm a flawed person, yes. But who isn't?

So, it's a dreary day here. Springy and dreary. Aunt Flo decided to visit (ugh) so that's always a blast. And I'm here in the quiet with my puppy dog that I adore and I just wish to GOD that this person would wake up before I'm gone gone gone.

Dwelling on the past gets us in trouble. Always. If you're constantly mulling over what happened then, you never EVER will be in the here and now and I can GUARANTEE that your future will be as dull and gray as this day...

As my friends say, "Wake UP, buttercup!"

There's no time like the present to get your sh*t together...

That's all I've got today. Back hurts and I need some giggling to happen PRONTO.

Ciao for now,
xoxo

Cute little crab on the beach on Jost Van Dyke! He was hilarious!

A Study in Mixed Emotions

Had a faboosh day yesterday. Gardened at my house and then spent a bunch of time with my excellent friend K and her guy at their house planning their garden. I also cooked them a special dinner as their son was headed out for a three day trip - his first ever trip away from home without the parents! Big goings on for both parents and the son!

The dinner was a cioppino of gorgeous squid, mussels and smoked oysters. I cooked it with chicken broth, red wine, balsamic vinegar, beer, onion, garlic and loads of good Italian seasonings - parsley, dill, thyme, some red chili for bite, some mustard, paprika and celery seed. It came out beautifully.

Then I made some flavored couscous and a spring cabbage, cuke and onion salad in a balsamic/mustard sauce.

Nom nom NOM!

None of these fine people really LIKE to cook and they had all this gorgeous seafood in the freezer, so I just did my thing! I like to make others happy. It makes ME happy.

Which brings me to the topic at hand.

After my day of gardening and being outside and getting a play date for my doggie with NORBERT the mouser (who, incidentally did not catch the gray mousie in my kitchen which is now in a Havaheart trap on the way across town!), I decided to meet up with a couple friends at the local watering hole that I love.

So, in comes this OTHER person who shall remain nameless other than calling him Mr. Cretin. So Mr. C comes in all puffed up like he usually does (mind you, NO one likes this guy. Can't name one person who would call him a friend).

Well, of course, he sits himself right down next to me. Ugh.

See, I know of a certain something that Mr. C did to my friend K (up there ^). I know of his lies and his attempts to cheat his ex-wife out of something and the lies that he asked my friend to tell on his behalf.

I also know of a couple shady business practices this person has going on.

He is a misogynistic bigot and, frankly? I don't want a thing to do with him. I've had go-rounds with this CRETIN on more than a few occasions. He does NOT like me because I'm way smarter than he is and his daughter looks up to me.

Well he started in on his name-calling and swearing at me and insinuating that because my politics do not align with his that I am dumb.

I informed this person that, in fact, I'm not a Democrat or a Liberal or a Republican or a Conservative. I'm an independent thinker and am very independent in the voting booth. His assumptions are incorrect. Period.

Then, I politely asked him to please stop talking about subjects that we obviously would not agree upon. I just wanted to visit with my friends and have a nice evening.

Well, this CRETIN would not stop. He would NOT stop. I even moved away from him physically - and what'd he do? He kept yelling at me across the bar.

Very suave.

Shocking that you're single, there, Bub.

Shocking.

See, I was there with FRIENDS. That like me and call me and come to my house and we really like each other.

You, Cretin-face, on the other hand, inserted yourself where you were not welcome.

So, what happened, pray tell?

Security was called (not by me) and one of the big, burly guys who is my friend, came and sat next to me and basically dared this CRETIN to continue his tirade of crap.

He was cut off (he'd been drinking beer and was getting a little, let's say, wobbly).

He embarrassed himself further by stating "You know, this country went to hell in a handbasket the minute we gave those broads and immigrants the right to vote."

Very debonaire.

Impressively ignorant.

Again, SHOCKING that your wife divorced you. Hmm. A real mystery there.

So, my thing is this. Today was the first day a woman piloted one of the Thunderbirds.

Yet, we still have to have this sh*t thrown at us. Like it's some MYSTERY that a woman can fly a godd*mn plane.

WHAT THE H*LL?

This makes me angry and sad all at the same time.

Why is this some big deal? Of COURSE women can do anything that men can do.

Of course.

Duh.

I've been saying lately that just because you have a penis, it does not give you some sort of special privilege in this world. But I guess I'm one of the few that truly believes it.

Since I was a kid people always kind of pigeonholed me as a "tomboy." I didn't want dolls or to play house, I wanted Matchbox cars and magnets and even a cap gun. I liked fishing and climbing trees and playing sports. I loved school and learning and words and my microscope and telescope.

Animals were always my thing - from pet spiders in the garage to the beautiful fish I'd catch and pet. Tadpoles, mud puppies, ducks, muskrats, beavers, birds, ocean critters, swimming, pretending I was a mermaid.

Never was or will be a girly-girl, I was and continue to just be a person with big dreams about sailing the Seven Seas and being out in the wilderness.

So far I've sailed the Eastern and Western North Atlantic, The Caribbean, The North Pacific, The Mediterranean and The Aegean Sea.

And the list continues to grow as I learn more and live more!

What I'd like people who read this to think about today is how we raise our children to be in this world. Don't automatically assume that your child wants to wear a dress because she's a female. Likewise, don't assume that if your male child is attracted to pink and likes sparkles that he's wrong for liking those things.

I didn't want to wear dresses or skirts. I wanted to dress in a practical way so that I could run and jump and play and do the monkey bars and dig in the dirt.

Kids are just people. We're all just people. All colors, races, ethnicities, cultures, ideas, dreams, souls.

If we could all just wake up and literally smell the roses, do our jobs, open a window, listen to the birds, enjoy a view over a lake or mountain or even just a nice sky...

It's not that hard to find the tiniest little pleasure in a smile from a baby or even a nice "hello" when you see someone.

Yesterday there was a woman at that same watering hole where I encountered cretin-man. Well, she was in a KILLER dress and had a rockin' body and was just gorgeous. One of those all-natural beauty types. She was probably around my age and she was stunning.

So, I quietly went to her table and apologized for interrupting. I told her that we all were admiring her beautifulness and that the dress was amazing on her.

I cannot TELL you how happy that made her! She thanked me about 20 times before she left with her friends. Told me I made her whole week with that one little compliment.

It is NOT hard to make others happy. It just takes the tiniest effort.

So. Whatcha waitin' for?

Ciao for now!

xoxo