Newsflash! More Bad News!

Sounds familiar. 

Loose women! hee!

Just a little aside here, kids.

When someone is going through a tough time, I believe it's proper etiquette to not tell them MORE bad news about something or someone else.

Or send them articles about deeply depressing things about certain possible health issues or cancer scares.

Honestly?

Like I need one more damn thing on my plate right now?

Send me kittens or videos of dogs singing, thank you.

I need positive distractions, not doom or gloom. Yeesh.

My friend in MA sent a very nice article today about being fully yourself. How to let go of the distractions and attempt to focus on the here and now.

Well, that, too is all fine and dandy when you've got money in the bank and can focus on that.

Right now? I'm wondering how on EARTH I'm gonna pay some bills that are due in the next two weeks. I haven't got anything in the bank and people keep saying they're gonna hire me to work in their garden or at their house and then? They disappear on me. There is absolutely a lack of follow-through in Anchorage.

It's the oddest thing.

I show up when I say I'm going to. I do what I tell people I am gonna do. I call when I say I'm going to and if I can't do something, I let people know well in advance.

On the other hand, I cannot tell you how many times I've shown up for a client meeting and then POOF? They are a no-show and they don't even call to say they're sorry when I text or call to remind them of our meeting.

I've driven almost an hour round-trip to a client's house to confer with her on her garden? She wasn't home. And there were no apologies when I saw her. She just said, "Oh, I flaked out."

Yep. You did.

And you wasted an hour out of my day. Actually more, because I had planned to spend at least an hour planning your garden with you. SO, it was 2 hours of wasted time. That translates to $80.

My time is valuable. I have sh*t to do. Things going on. Even if it looks like I'm just browsing at a garden center, I'm not. I'm taking mental notes. Comparing prices to the other three garden centers I've just visited.

When I go to the Botanical Garden, I'm not doing it for fun. It's a fact-finding mission so I can see the native plants that thrive here in Alaska. I've only lived here for a year and I'm learning all the time. I ask questions, I wanna know so my business will also thrive!

When I'm at the restaurant up the street, I'm networking. The bartenders know me and actually give my card to patrons who they know might use my business. I strike up conversations wherever I go - yes, I'm friendly - but it's also an attempt at shameless self-promotion! And it works about 90% of the time. If I can give my card out at least once or twice a day? That's forward motion.

So, re-establishing yourself in a completely different part of the world is a challenge. It's a matter of learning your environment and also the behavior of the humans therein.

It's a totally different place here in Alaska, from a purely psychological standpoint. People REALLY are different. Like REALLY REALLY different. I'd have poo-pooed it if someone had told me that people's behavior would be so different here, but here I am, and I'm tellin' ya? It's just straight up WEIRD.

I've lived all over the world and in many parts of the country I've experienced the "locals." From California to Florida to Maine to Michigan and lots of places in between.

Midwestern people: Nice. Helpful. Kind. Do unto others as you would have done to you. Salt of the earth. Slow-paced type of life. Family-oriented.

Southern people: SUPER nice. Very kind. Genteel. Very respectful toward women. A little scary with the guns. Traditional. Slow-paced. Family-oriented.

California/Oregon/Washington people: Laid back. Outdoorsy. Judgemental. Frugal. Generally take themselves too seriously (in my humble opinion). Creative.

Northeast people: Appear cold at first, but once you're vetted? They will kill for you. True. Kind. Generous. Giving. Highly philanthropic. Creative. Smart and QUICK. Family and friend-oriented.

West but not West coast Westn people: Highly independent. Self-sufficient. Free-thinking and a bit on the wild side. Family oriented. Helpful and make-do-with-whatcha-got type of attitude.

European people: Self-assured. Smart. Very well-mannered. Highly independent thinking. Creative. Family-oriented. Wordly.

Alaskan people: The women are very much like the Midwestern people but most of the men (the transplant men) come at you with the scary attitude of me me me me me. Not all Alaskans are like that - mind you, I'm being REALLY generalized here on the things I've noticed since moving here. There is just a different attitude about living side by side with others.

Now, the NATIVE Alaskans I've found to be the most wonderful humans I have met to date. Very kind. Very spiritual. VERY intuitive. VERY generous with their time and care. SO in tune with nature and the animals and the seasons. It's what I've been striving to learn and do with my gardening and my study of animals, ecology and conservation.

The people with whom I've made the best friendships here are the Native Alaskans, and the transplanted people from Michigan, Minnesota, Wisconsin and a smattering of East Coast transplants.

It's like we all immediately recognize another fellow Midwesterner or East Coaster - that's what they call us here or more likely, "One of you damn liberals" - I've had that thrown at me a jillion times.

Nothing makes a person feel more welcome than being immediately pegged in a certain political light.

And, furthermore, what the hell is wrong with liberal-ness?

And, further furthermore, what the hell is your problem?

Don't judge me before you know anything at ALL about me.  Yikes.

Settle down there, Judgy Judgerton. 

It's an odd place to live, for sure. The women of Alaska rock. Pretty much all of them I've met are really amazing women.

But all of the Alaskan women issued me one warning upon my arrival:

"The odds are good. Yes. But? The goods? Are odd."

Ain't THAT the truth.

But then, again, most men and women I know who cohabit or are married or whatever, are in a constant struggle to just "be" together. We come at life SO very differently.

I choose to be positive and to try to be the best I can be for just today. Tomorrow will come and I'll just try to do the same all over again, but I CANNOT change yesterday or make tomorrow different than what it will be. All we've got is right now.

And right now, I'm eating delicious pasta with butter, salt, pepper and parmesean. Then, I'll go work it off as I garden all day today.

Not too bad. I'll take it.

Ciao for now. Thanks for reading.

My bestie, Karen and I were butterflies for Halloween. Natch.
My talented Momma made all of our costumes. 

The Difference Between Being Alone and Being Lonely

The view from our room in Tortola at Long Bay Beach Resort.

Triana River in Seville.

Quisset Harbor in Buzzard's Bay, Massachusetts.

Martha's Vineyard, Vineyard Haven.

Lady and Koty in a stream at Mount Washington.

Sadie and Koty on Boaty.
I miss my dogs.

You know, you never really can tell what it's like to be in someone else's shoes, so to speak. Our experience of life is singularly our own.

We all, for reals, are just alone in the world. We can have friends and family and all that good stuff, but we're products of our genetics and experiences and no one else has it exactly the same as you.

Kind of weird to think about that.

The first time I really thought about it was my introduction to Sociobiology; The New Synthesis by Edward O. Wilson. One of the most revolutionary books I've ever read on evolutionary psychology.

Thinking about free will, and how much a person actually has, was and is odd to ponder.

But in a way, it's also kind of freeing when you can let go of expecting another person to behave just as you would in every situation.

That, however, does not give people a pass for plain old bad behavior.

There is someone I love a lot who is not able to return it. He tries all the time. He tries hard. He "tries" to be nice and "tries" to love me like I love him.

But something gets lost in the "trying" because it's just not genuine.

If you are constantly seeking and trying, you're missing out on the being of it in the present.

I knew a person who went in search of herself. She traveled and did this and that and the other and meditation and yoga and spiritual quests.

When she returned from all the seeking, all that was left? Was her. There was nothing else.

She kept looking for answers when all along the answers were right in front of her face. She was too busy looking in all other directions and she forgot to just experience life as it came.

It's an interesting thing how so many people are always busy and have so many appointments and outings and going here and there all the time. The phones, the ipads, the televisions, the computers. This constant need to fill up every waking moment with stuff.

To me? That is sheer and utter hell.

I cannot STAND a constant barrage of things to do and places to go and the constant chatter of people and phones and television...

I like being alone. I like silence. I REALLY like quiet and just the sounds of the house around me or the sounds of the birds twittering and the wind chimes lightly dinging in the trees out back.

One of my most favorite sounds is the lapping of water up against the hull of a boat while I'm sitting in the sun watching birds or whales. Or the sounds of water against the hull while I'm in a bunk drifting off to sleep after a long day of working on the boat or in the garden.

I don't need music going or the television in the background. Right now, in fact, I'm listening to the fan, the buzz of the refrigerator and the sound of my little dog breathing deeply as she sleeps on the couch.

My phone is off. And I'm just typing. My back is tight from gardening all the time this past week and also from being tense after a not-so-nice interaction yesterday with that person I love.

So, being alone is fine with me. But I can be lonely when I'm alone and even MORE so when I'm with a person who doesn't even care if I'm there or not.

My ex-husband made me feel desperately lonely. When he got home from work, he was either on the phone, on his ipad or watching television. Sometimes it was all three at the same time.

Well, I managed to find another person who is pretty checked out. He has no interest in my day or what I want or hope or dream about. I tell him things out of sheer boredom, but he doesn't even remember what I said. He'll ask me the same questions 20 times and never ever remember what my answer was.

He lost his job and then, without ever asking, decided he's seeking a new job in a different state. He didn't even ask me if I WANTED to live in that state or take into account the fact that I spent over $30,000 to move my stuff here and get my new business established through networking, licensing and marketing during the last 10 months. It's been a huge financial strain on my personal savings to get all of this done.

He didn't even offer to help me move here. He didn't even "try" to help.

So, when I tell people about this person and how poorly I'm being treated, there's a lot more to the story. Like how I took care of him during the darkest days of winter in Alaska - three months - while he recuperated from a triple surgery.

I didn't get to go anywhere or do anything because he was in constant need of help. He couldn't even drive or tie his shoes, for heaven's sake.

Nobody was around to help me take care of him, the house, the dogs, our tenant, the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning and then also trying desperately not to get depressed during days of little or no sunlight.

There was no laughter anymore. There was no one being nice to me. In fact, I got yelled at when my help was unwelcome at times.

And this was all coinciding with my identity being stolen and more of my money just disappearing into the mist.

So, when I tell you I'm okay and I'm going to be fine, I am. I've endured way more than all of this.

However, do NOT start my day each day with news of death, destruction and your mistaken idea that you've "ruined my life."

No one is responsible for my happiness. Nor am I responsible for yours.

My sunny outlook is just that. It's mine. You do not get to steal my sun or suck my oxygen.

I already had someone in my life that tried to put me down and make me feel bad about myself.

There is not a person in the world who is capable of doing that to me now. I worked too long and too hard to claw my way out of that terrible hole and there's no way I'm getting back in there.

I do appreciate advice from the people who know and love me. I know you're concerned that I'm not okay.

But the truth is I'm okay.

I might not be thrilled with the circumstances or some of my choices, but given what I knew at the time, I'd likely make those same choices again.

Hindsight is 20/20, but the truth is only in the present.

My Beebles. I adore this little pumpkin.

My poor Dallas. I loved that pooch.

A Poem and my BIRTHDAY!

Coneflower or echinacea. I love these.

Cute Mr. bumblebee that was cold from the fall night temperatures.
You can pet them, you know? I pet him and he waved his little feets at me.

Nasturtium. I love this buttery yellow variety

Love the antique color of this hydrangea in my old driveway.

This is a garden I re-designed and cared for for 8 years in MA.
It was a glorious shade garden. SO lush and happy.

So, it's officially May 6th. That means it's only 24 days until my beloved birthday. I turn 50 this year and I personally do not understand people who do not love their birthday and who are afraid to say how old they really are.

I'm proud of my 50 years. I've had friends who didn't make it to their 50th, so I am thankful for that large number with the zero on the end of it.

Who cares?

There's that cliche about age just being a number and that your TRUE age is how you feel and act. I think it's true. I have known people who are in their 20s and they are FAR more responsible than I'll ever be. They are "adult" in their actions and their sort of staid manners.

I'm not "adult" if you wanna use those terms. Staid? Moi? Nope!

I find "adult" humans to be rather boring and most times they take themselves far too seriously.

On the other hand, they are the people who have those steady jobs and incomes and a big, fat retirement waiting for them the moment they decide to do that thing.

On the other other hand, I've had a fun and interesting life. I don't have a big, juicy paycheck. I don't have a big fat retirement waiting for me. I will tell you this, though, I've got no regrets. I've never stayed in a miserable job, working in a cubicle, making myself miserable with my 2.5 children and a job that pays just the right amount for my mortgage, food, bills and putting my 2.5 kids into the "right" school and blah blah blah.

Oh, I find the whole idea of living like that completely suffocating.

Never have I wanted to work inside a building. Ever. Ew.

The moment I had a "break" or lunch or whatever when I was working my few short stints as a working stiff, I'd get outside as quickly as possible. If I couldn't be outside, I'd be near a window at least gazing out at the birds or trees or whatever.

I HATE hate hate being in rooms where there are no windows. Ugh. I don't know how people do it. I really really don't.

My days start here in Alaska with the window behind my head cracked open for fresh air and also so I can hear the little cheepy birds start singing at about 4am. They are rose-breasted nuthatch and a couple different kinds of chickadees with their chick-a-dee dee dee dee dee songs and calls.

Upon arising, first thing I do is look out to see the birds and the greenery of the trees. Alaska is amazing in that when spring arrives, it does so fiercely and SOOOO quickly. We already have nearly 17 hours of sunlight. Incredible.

The birch trees have already leafed out with their bright green new leaves. Stunningly bright and beautiful. My Chinese poppies out front are over a foot tall and I just saw that my bleeding heart is about ready to bloom! WOW!! And it's only May 6th! Yeesh!

Generally my puppy dog and I head out into the back yard quickly so she can do her business and I can watch the birds flitting around the yard. SO many of them. Several pairs of chickadees, nuthatch, robins, starlings, warblers, Stellar's jays and more.

It's really quite loud, but so glorious to hear them and to see the amazing growth of the plants and grass back there even in a 24 hour span.

So, the big and little natures have sort of ruled my life. Animals and plants are my gig. People are okay sometimes, but I like most people in sort of smaller doses and I loathe small talk, so it's kind of a weird measured way I lead my existence.

My husband (the current one!) finds me to be extremely flamboyant and overly trusting. I will take both of those adjectives as major compliments.

The opposite of flamboyant?

Dull
Plain
Restrained

Yuck!

The opposite of being trusting?

Distrustful
Suspicious

Again, YUCK. Who'd want to be running around like that?

There it is. Fine. I'm okay with being flamboyant and trusting. 100%. No issues with that.

And I tend to make friends who are just like that. My bestest friend, Karen, is TOTALLY flamboyant - she makes me look like a shrinking violet! I adore her crazy, out-there-ness. Love it. I love that she doesn't apologize for how she is. If you don't like it? You can lump it.

I was told, by another really good friend, that there comes a time in a woman's life that she just basically doesn't give a sh*t what other people think of her or how she dresses or any of those things. I am exactly who I am and seriously, if you make me monitor myself and how I do my stuff and how I dress and how I speak and my opinions on certain things? Well, I'm just not gonna play in your sand box.

Of course there are social tenets like not swearing in certain situations and having a sense of decorum near children or certain others and not breaking laws, etc. - I get that and you know what I'm talking about when I say things like not giving a rat's *ss about others...

I'm nice to people even sometimes when they don't deserve it. I choose to be nice because it makes me feel better about life. I'm not a nasty person - never have been and never will be. However, if you make the mistake of being icky to me over and over, well? Then you've just gotten yourself kicked out of MY sandbox!

Homie don't play dat. (That's a blast from the past - thank you In Living Color!)

So, all in all, I guess today's rant is about that same stuff I've been touting for months now. It's the thing about being nice to others and frankly, if you don't have something nice to say to me? Then ZIP IT.

Certainly I've done my share of speaking ill about others. I'm not immune to it. And, in particular there was that young person who scammed me out of a bunch of money and caused a lot of heartache. But I don't think that constitutes gossip. I wasn't making up stories. I was talking about what happened to me and I didn't want her to scam any of my other friends she knew. So, I do have room for people explaining their own experiences - especially when it involves a schmuck.

In closing, I will leave you with two things.

First, yaaaay for our new Mayor of Anchorage, Ethan Berkowitz. Major yaaay there! Phew. Dodged a proverbial bullet with the other candidate.

Second, a poem by one of my favorites, Robert Frost. It's called "A Passing Glimpse"

I often see flowers from a passing car
That are gone before I can tell what they are.

I want to get out of the train and go back
To see what they were beside the track.

I name all the flowers I am sure they weren't;
Not fireweed loving where woods have burnt -

Not bluebells gracing a tunnel mouth -
Not lupine living on sand and drouth.

Was something brushed across my mind
That no one on earth will ever find?

Heaven gives its glimpses only to those
Not in position to look too close.

My bestie during our "princess" Halloween phase!

Montauk daisies I grew in MA.

Bad News and Other People's Problems

A spectacular Bleeding Heart in my old back yard.

Lilacs. yumm.

I won an award for the flower boxes I did this year. 1st place!

Pretty rose in Loja Spain.

It is so very interesting how people react to bad news.

My husband lost his job for various reasons on Friday. That's happening a lot around here as the oil companies take their money and run.

Luckily the Native Corporations are booming and hiring loads of people, so thank GOD for that.

In any case, this brings me sort of full circle back to when I was going through my hardest, darkest times. If you didn't know about my saga a few years back, it ranged from dying dogs, divorce, two deaths (my Grandma and one of my dearest friends), a deranged dog that I tried to help but could not - he bit three people, lost my job and my house (I sold it - made a profit, so that was a blessing) and basically lost every last shred of confidence I'd ever managed to muster.

I didn't even know how to cook or garden or make decisions or take care of myself in any meaningful way. For a while I took prescription pills for my high blood pressure, a different one for my CRAZY anxiety attacks, a pill to help me sleep and I drank a lot to just numb the pain of everything.

Notsomuch did I want to kill myself because that would require planning and it was too much like work to even think about how sad my Mom and Dad and my other relatives and friends would be.

So it wasn't really thoughts of suicide, it was just wanting out. I just wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to not be nauseous all the time. I hardly ate anything for about a year. It was too much work to try to make any food and nothing sounded good. Ever.

I ended up losing 25 pounds and ironically, that was one of the things that helped get me un-depressed and partially helped me be not sad ALL the time.

Losing the weight also helped me regain my health - I stopped taking the blood pressure medication and my anxiety levels started to even out.

I realized that numbing myself was not going to cure anything. So I got into therapy, stopped drinking for a year and stopped taking the sleeping meds, too.

Now, with the loss of my husband's job, money is now a huge issue. We're talking about our options and what the future might look and feel like, so it's actually kind of a good thing. It's allowed us to kind of join forces to try to come up with suitable solutions to our present situation.

It's so interesting though, when people ask how you're doing and for the most part, I just say I'm fine and move on to other topics. But sometimes, it's necessary to tell people the honest truth about how you REALLY are. Sometimes I'm NOT fine. I'll certainly BE fine but sometimes shit happens and it's just shitty.

Sometimes it's okay to tell people that things are not good at the present moment. Sometimes a good cry is exactly what is needed.

It's OKAY to have emotions and feelings.

They WILL NOT kill you! Not at all.

Some people just kind of laugh and give a cliche to you to make you feel better. My favorite was the "God closes one door in order to open another."

Nope. Sometimes it's just shit everywhere you look. And then sometimes? It gets even worse.

So, when someone tells you bad news, and I know I've said this before, sometimes they just want to be heard and get some damn sympathy for their crappy day or crappy year.

Utter strangers have given me hugs recently when I told them what had happened. And then other people that I thought were good friends? They just run for the hills! Yikes!

It's shocking the way people react. Like if you possibly get too close the bad luck or sad emotions will rub off on them.

As if we are all supposed to be super stoic and everything is supposed to be perfect at all times.

No. No it's not.

There are wars going on, leaving children orphaned, there was a HUGE earthquake in Nepal killing thousands of souls, our government has gone totally mental, riots and protests in Baltimore, domestic violence everywhere, racism rampant STILL and loads of hard-working people - like my husband -OUT OF A JOB in a terrible economic environment.

And frankly? There's just a lot of bad behaviour out there. The "Me Monster" as my favorite comedian, Brian Regan, calls them.

There are LOADS of Me Monsters around these days and they do not give a flying crap about anyone or anything except lining their pockets and "getting ahead."

It's like these asshats in traffic who will NOT let you into a lane and speed up to get to a red light.

WTF?

It's baffling to me.

And the woman at the bar a few months back - I bought a round for some of my friends and she was sitting with them. She actually had the audacity to accept the drink and then act like I was trying to "get" something from her. She said "I don't KNOW you. What are you doing buying ME a drink?"

?

Nice. Very classy. And you're welcome, jerkface.

The people I knew who were with her were trying to get her to calm down, but she was in some sort of alcohol-induced anger circuit. It was really embarrassing for her and her friends who know me.

People.

Whatever, right? That's her problem - entirely hers. Not at all mine.

So, again. My plea? Just go be nice. That's all. You really don't have to go out of your way to do anything in particular, but just be nice to other people.

If they need to talk? Listen. Put aside your agenda for like 10 minutes and just listen.

If they need to cry? Comfort them. Give them a warm hug or hold their hand or whatever. Just listen and then when they stop crying or talking? Just tell them you're there for them.

Sometimes we all need a bit of reassurance that things sometimes are shitty but they do not REMAIN shitty forever.

Ups and downs are all a natural part of life.

My ex-husband's Grandmother, Bea, was one of the kindest, nicest humans I've had the pleasure to meet. She was gentle and artistic and just sweet as can be.

After her beloved Dave passed away, she would often call either my husband or me and describe that she was feeling "blue." She didn't really cry but you could see the sadness in her eyes when we'd go for visits sometimes.

We'd talk about Dave and her art and the news and what birds had recently visited the feeder we put outside her window. We'd talk about her sister and other relatives and her friends in the assisted living home she lived in. On occasion, I'd stay and have dinner with her and her 100 year old table mate (who was SOOOO interesting!) and Eleanor who was never married and was in her late 80s and was a big wig in the Army.

These women had done everything in their lives the way they wanted. Eleanor regretted not having children because she was often very lonely. The other woman, Mary, she was a world traveler and had a big family but no one close by to visit.

And then there was lovely Bea who had family and friends and was sharp sharp sharp up to the last minute, but her body was failing her. Even her esophageal muscles were failing. Can you imagine?

I digress. My point was that despite losing her husband and basically being taken away from her home and everything familiar, Bea remained so very positive. She just forged ahead each day anew.

Often I'd let Bea know she was a huge inspiration to me. All that she had accomplished and her immense talent could have made her a bit egotistical.

Quite the contrary. She was a very gentle, quiet, kind force with which to be reckoned.

I hope to be just like that and I wish that upon all of you out there.

Clovers for luck!

Celebration of Earth Day

Sunset in Martha's Vineyard a few years ago.

Evening camping in Homer, Alaska

Sunset over the Alaska Range near the mouth of the Kasilof River.
We caught 9 beautiful sockeye salmon the next morning.

Hi everyone! Happy Earth Day!

Despite the gray day we're having here in Alaska, I'm feeling good. Slept like a baby and my arm is feeling better a bit today after I did WAAAY too much with it yesterday.

I have a fractured bone in my wrist - an injury I first sustained when I was like 7 or 8 years old - and it never healed quite right, so I've re-fractured this same dang bone probably  5 or 6 times over the years. It doesn't take much. I was digging in the garden and heard the distinct "snap" when it came apart.

There's nothing anyone can do except immobilize it and try to rest it. But, for those of you who know me all too well, I'm kinda gung-ho about cooking or moving furniture or gardening.

Kinda like a bull in a China shop when it comes to my body. I'm always and forever bruised, cut or hurt! Right now my right groin is not quite right again, my index and ring fingers on my right hand are all cut up and my wrist is bad and my back is all tight from vacuuming and moving couches yesterday (don't ask).

Ugh.

I cannot sit still. I'm sure I've got some form of ADHD or some such thing. I'm definitely a whackadoo. I know that for certain.

Today started very nicely with blue sky and birdies tweeting all over the place. Right now I've got juncos, red polls, nuthatch and chickadees chirping and beeping outside the window!  The Stellar's jays come through later, magpies are always around and then my Raven friend who makes the sounds like a dripping, echo-y faucet is never too far away.

Eagles circle overhead all the time. Gyrfalcons, Marsh hawks, owls, a million duck species, ring-necked pheasant, Sandhill cranes, falcons, osprey (in MA), kestrels (in MA)...

I've also seen some HUGE starlings in the yard, Mountain chickadees, pygmy nuthatch (so cute), brown creepers, yellow flicker, warblers (of some variety), white-banded crossbills (amazing), some sort of small swallows, Plain titmouse, Winter wren, and others I'm sure I'm forgetting.

So fascinating the different critters that inhabit this part of the world. We get these interesting accidentals, too, like the Asian Waxwing that were mixed in with a BIG flock of Bohemian Waxwings we had here in January and February. I've not seen a lot of them lately.

In the course of the last year, I've seen well over 100 new animal species (in the wild, of course) including a LARGE red fox, caribou, many moose, 1 grizzly bear, 30+ black bears, many Beluga, a Pacific white-sided dolphin, a Dall's porpoise, several Stellar's sea lions, river otters, sea otters, giant Sun Stars, GIANT jelly fish, harbor seals, Dall's sheep, mountain goats, and on and on the list goes.

All the changing landscapes as I traveled from The North Atlantic to the North Pacific were so interesting. Seeing the Rocky Mountains for the first time? Crazy. Absolutely overwhelming.

A quote from Nathaniel Hawthorne.
I worked and lived across the street from the House of the Seven Gables.

Black bear Momma.

Canadian Rockies in Banff.

Kayaking with icebergs in Portage Lake.

All the different trees I've seen - Alders, scrub willow, scrub sage, huge redwoods, Sitka spruce that are GIANT, Aspen, HUGE birch. I've got a spruce tree in the back yard that is only about 50 years old and he is just gigantic. Made thousands of spruce cones for the birds and squirrels this past year. Still has cones up top!

I've also met people from every corner of the Earth. Native Alaskans that live in the Pribilof and Aleutian Island chains. People who herd reindeer, people who live from the Earth and respect the Earth and all of its wonders.

People who would never, in a million years, litter and leave their trash behind.

People whose spirit is so strong it sometimes overwhelms me.

People who have recognized my love and reverence for animals and plants and even little natures like spiders and beetles.

People that tell me I am a whisperer of animals. Which I find to be the highest compliment you could ever give me!

Since I was a kid (and my Mom and Dad will attest), I've had a probably unhealthy attachment to all of my animals and even the ones that are supposed to live outdoors. I go to Switzerland, for instance, and come back with a million pictures of the Swiss Brown Cows!

Mammals are not in my diet now, either. The very occasional piece of bacon may jump into my mouth, but 99% of my protein intake is seafood and organic dairy. I can barely even eat chicken anymore. I love chickens. I love their personalities!

I never wanted to kill any of the animals I found (except maggots and slugs - they give me the heebeejeebees!), I only wanted to understand them and talk to them.

For a long time when I was a kid I thought I was a fish - I'd be in our pool or in the lake or in the stream pretending I was a fish. My poor parents would have to basically drag me out of the water to get my skin to un-pickle! Ironic that I hated taking baths, right? I was a grubby little thing.

My Mom would have to sneak into my room to wash these disgusting blue polyester pants I had that were my favorite. Those pants probably could have walked out of my room they were so dirty and disgusting!

Now, of course, I'm a neat freak. Organization is EVERYTHING to me, from my work stations, kitchen, bathrooms, garden equipment.

The only thing I allow to get messy is my car. It's the dog car and gardening car. Why clean it all up when Beebles is just gonna snot it up, get it hairy and then I'm gonna throw dirt and 8000 plants in there? Silly to clean it.

Man, I've still got hair in there from Lady, Koty and Sadie! It's basically a time capsule with wheels.

Tangent there much? Yeesh. My brain. Gotta wonder what the hell happened to me that my brain is so bazonga.

Right now I'm texting with a good friend, Kari. She's gonna come by for lunch. I love feeding people. In the fridge I've got fresh, homemade marinara, crab/vegetable chowder, Dungeness crab legs, turkey breast, croissants, sourdough bread, cheeses, salads, vegetable lasagna (no noodles) and lots of juices like V-8, San Pellegrino Arranciata and Limonata, Orange Juice, 9-berry juice from Costco, Limeaid...

So, what better way to celebrate Earth Day than to have lunch with a friend, play with my pooch in the back yard, watch some birds (and chat with them, of course), then will go out to Balto Park and Point Woronzof and pick up trash.

Sending love out there to all of my peeps near and far. Love you all and miss you.

Ciao for now.

xoxo

A public garden in Seville, Spain. Amazing.

Gardens at an amazing Hotel called Barcelo de Bobadilla in Loja, Spain.
One of the most incredible places I've ever been.

Oleander is everywhere in Spain. Luscious.

Snorkeling near Norman Island in the British Virgin Islands.

Parrot fish smiling at me! He's actually at a cleaning station - see the fishy on his back?
He's got more in his mouth that clean his chompers. This was in Roatan Honduras.

Puffer fish. I love these guys.

Enough

Happy as a clam snorkeling off Norman Island in the British Virgin Islands.

This is a lovely post I grabbed off of Facebook. It didn't have a specific author that I could see, so I'm just re-posting this as I found it.

It was inspired by an elderly woman saying goodbye to her daughter in the airport. She wished her daughter "I wish you enough." And the daughter responded in kind.

Upon asking the woman about their tearful departure and the words they exchanged, the woman explained that she knew that was the final goodbye with her daughter...

And the part about wishing someone enough? This is what that meant:

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. 
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. 
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. 
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. 
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. 
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. 
I wish enough "Hellos" to get you through the final "Good-bye.."

I so get that. Until you are there for the final moments of someone's life - be it a friend, family-member or even your beloved dog or cat, you just cannot understand the value of having "enough."

Being wealthy is fine and dandy, but being lonely? There's no amount of money that can fill that void.

Money is grand, but when you have all the money in the world, but cannot make your Mom or Dad any younger or you cannot cure the cancer that is killing your best friend? Money suddenly is dumb.

There have been a lot of losses in my realm in the last few years. Grandparents, young friends, old friends, dogs, cats that were my friends...It just sucks. I was just crying because two of my Auntie's cats passed away in the last few months. I adored both of them.

So, for today, not a lot to say except that all I want is enough for you, for me, for anyone who is going through a tough time (which seems to be rampant right now).

I just want to live a good life and be happy. I don't need fancy or complicated. I surely don't need or want drama.

I just want a good life. Good food. Health. The ability to travel on occasion. The ability and wherewithal to work, heal my hurts and make a little money.

Hope this post finds you well.

Ciao for now.

xoxo

Happy as a clam again playing in my garden last summer in Alaska!

Dilemmas, conundrums and WTFs

Spring. A time for renewal and fresh starts. I thought...

It seems to me, lately anyway, that there are very few humans who are authentically themselves.

They are the people who just go about their business, no pretenses, very un-judgementally wending their way through life.

They are generally speaking, much happier than most other humans, they are unapologetic for their way of living and they really tend not to give a crap what you think of them.

I like that in a human.

Of course, I'm not talking about people who are mean to others and then unapologetic, you know what I'm talking about. People who are just content to do their thing and if you want to come along for the ride, even better!!

I'm having a major dilemma with someone I care about deeply. Or I thought I did. It seems this person is not the person I originally thought. When a person tells you they love you, I tend to believe it. Love is not a simple thing, but it can be given freely and without reservation even when times are tough. Or at least that's what I was always told.

Even when my parents were mad at me, I never doubted their love. Even when harsh words were said, no one questioned the underlying love we all have for each other. Even now, when I'm "all growed up (hah!)" my parents get mad at me for things, and I get mad at them, too! But I never, ever for ONE second, question their love and I know they do not question mine.

My relatives are among the best humans I've ever known. I trust them and love them and I'd do anything at all for them to ensure their happiness or health or safety.

I thought that's what this other person was about, but it's not feeling that way lately. It's feeling really quite the opposite. More like I'm an imposition. Like I'm a burden or something.

It's not like I'm not industrious! Good heavens. In the last year I've moved across the country with all of my beloved art and antiques and plants, started a new business (which is thriving, by the by), continued my writing, made loads of friends, created a giant perennial cutting garden in the back yard, planted loads of beautiful other perennials to make this property a dream place, I've fixed things, had my identity stolen (yuck), lost lots of money, plan to make it back, have gone on several trips, taken care of the house, dog, a husband who had surgery, and in the meantime have also taken care of myself mentally and physically.

Those are no small feats.

And yet, this person in my life? It's a mystery why the words "I love you" no longer exit his mouth.

Unbelievable, really. And exceptionally painful.

I'm so hurt I can barely even stand it sometimes.

But the thing that I can know? Is that I'm okay. And that I'm not a bad person.

I'm a flawed person, yes. But who isn't?

So, it's a dreary day here. Springy and dreary. Aunt Flo decided to visit (ugh) so that's always a blast. And I'm here in the quiet with my puppy dog that I adore and I just wish to GOD that this person would wake up before I'm gone gone gone.

Dwelling on the past gets us in trouble. Always. If you're constantly mulling over what happened then, you never EVER will be in the here and now and I can GUARANTEE that your future will be as dull and gray as this day...

As my friends say, "Wake UP, buttercup!"

There's no time like the present to get your sh*t together...

That's all I've got today. Back hurts and I need some giggling to happen PRONTO.

Ciao for now,
xoxo

Cute little crab on the beach on Jost Van Dyke! He was hilarious!

Spring is Upon Us!

Bleeding hearts. 

Crocus!

Spring fleurs.

Tete-a-tete narcissus and violas.

Grape hyacinth, parsley and clovers!

Here I am in Alaska with clients already asking me to come by to check out their gardens and to start spring cleanups!

This started in MARCH! In a thousand years, I'd never dream that I'd move to Alaska (in the first place) and then I'd be gardening in March? That's just whack.

But, here I am and here is spring and I'm looking at bright blue sky and it just rained for a while. There is no snow - some of the ground is still frozen where it's shady, but otherwise I've got green plants shooting up here and there out in the yard. My bulbs have gone mental - the foliage is incredible, no flowers yet, but it's just so satisfying to see life out there!

The willow trees have bloomed, so I have fresh pussy willows in on of my pots outside. I have to bring them in at night because it's still getting down below freezing, but by mid-day it's been in the 50s. And the bright, hot sun of Alaska is here in full force.

We have SO much sunlight already. The sun is rising at about 7am, setting at 9pm! That's a lot of sunlight and I THRIVE when it's sunny. My mood is elevated and my energy level is off the chart.

By mid-June, at the solstice, we'll have a full 22 hours of sunlight. Truly amazing. And weird!

Yesterday I cooked and gardened all day. Had 7 friends come by and we ate together and laughed and cooked and generally had a wonderful time.

The last person left about 7:30 last night after we took turns playing the piano. It was great - so many talented people around the world.

Languages heard yesterday in my house included Japanese (an 11 year old son of my friend is fluent), Russian, German, French and Spanish. These are world traveler types and so very interesting. Real estate people, a teacher, baker, 4 students, musicians, a non-profit director, and a massage therapist.

And moi. A little bit of everything and nothing in particular. I say I'm a gardener and designer, but in reality I've been thinking a lot about getting back to my research roots. I'm fascinated by the climate issues of the day and how it's affecting the ocean critters. Big shifts are already happening in habitat and migration patterns. Bird species are showing up from Asia and the water in Cook Inlet was not even that cold on Sunday when we were there. I was, of course, stomping around in the water with my boots picking up interesting rocks.

So, I'm sort of at this odd point in my life and career. Knocking on 50 and again asking myself what do I want to be when I grow up?

I've got ideas of getting my law degree to become an advocate. Another idea is to become a conductor for an orchestra. Or get back into piano more. And then I do love cooking, so I think about working in a restaurant as a sous chef. Or then I think I might like to have a small business where I do a five course meal for 6 people at my table on Saturdays and charge a fixed price. And then I think about leading trips again to teach about conservation, marine mammals, fish and birds.

Too many interests, too little time!

And then I remember how much I love gardening and putting plants together to attract birds, butterflies and bees. And making a garden safe for dogs and cats.

Well, I guess you'll have to stay tuned. I know I'm always curious about what the heck will happen on any given day. You never can tell!

Cheers to spring and the sun!

Ciao for now.

The incredible sunset overlooking White Bay
in Jost Van Dyke, British Virgin Islands.

A gorgeous blue tang in the waters off of White Bay.

Death, taxes and disappointment

So, there's a happy little title to this today!! The three things we can depend upon in this life!

I've been dealing with such utter bullshit in the last week - fraudulent charges from Sprint on my bank account (someone lifted the numbers from my debit card - nice), fraudulent charges from a skin care company (false advertisement on Facebook) and another false charge at some gourmet grocery store in Kansas.

I've never been to Kansas.

And then my day began anew with a phone call from my favorite garden center in Massachusetts, Marblehead Garden Center (MGC). I've been utilizing their fine products for 20+ years and I adore them and appreciate their incredible part in making my business flourish when I opened Fox's Flower Boxes about 800 years ago!

I've always loved the people there and I even worked there for a few summers (what a blast!). Being surrounded by flowers is pretty much totally awesome!

So, then my day started with a phone call from their billing department. There was a $140 charge incurred this summer on my charge account at MGC. Well, this summer I was, as you may well be aware, in a car driving across country AND I was coming to Alaska to stay here and open my NEW business, The FlowerSmith.

Well, it turns out that this "person" who used to work for me (heavy lifting and designing - he was talented as all get out) had used my charge account (his name is on the slip) to buy himself some flowers for his yard this past summer.

Hmmm.

Nope. Not cool.

So, of course, I confronted him about via email (it's always best to have written record of these things, by the way - phone calls go into the mist unless you record them). A few hours later, I of course get this from him (this is the exact email he sent me minus his name because I'm not an asshole like he is):

"On Dec 3, 2014, at 3:21 PM, A*** W****** wrote:

Lisa,

I only used your Foxes Flower Boxes for the discount, as you said I could.  I have NEVER charged anything to

that account!

You need to grow up and learn how to talk to people. You have issuse still can clearly you need to have more

therapy Lisa. What is shitty Lisa is how you communicate!

A***"

Can you imagine writing that to a person who had been in intensive therapy for a year? I can't imagine ever speaking to another person in that cruel way. And if I'm the shitty communicator, why am I paid for my communication skills? I was the Communications Specialist and a Public Affairs Associate at two world-class museums (and I wasn't fired - I left those two jobs!).

I don't think my communication is the issue. I think someone doing something fraudulent and illegal is the issue.

He's mad because he got caught and I am not gonna bail his ass out! Not my job. Never has been and never will be.

There's even more to the story - he also apparently told the people at MGC that he "took over" Fox's Flower Boxes. Well, up there in his email, he doesn't even spell the thing correctly. He spelled it "Foxes" which has never been the spelling.

So this dumbass was going around trying to drum up business for himself by telling folks it's now HIS business. Nope. Not the case.

Then, of course, I had to get on the phone with all the people with whom my OLD business was associated to let them know that this person is in NO way connected to or representing me.

Oy to the vey with this bullshit all day.

Luckily, I've got really really good relationships with my old clients and all the vendors I used, so it was a blessing in disguise to get to talk to all of them after two years of my absence! Everyone was happy to hear from me (which sounds cocky, but it's true! I love these people!), so it was fun catching up with everyone and then to have to tell them this unfortunate turn of events - well, they were all very understanding and kind.

I guess the lesson I learned here is be very careful who you trust. I have known this guy for more than 10 years. Totally trusted him. Had him in my home. He even supported me on one of the worst days of my life. But, MAN! What the heck?

I guess we never really ever can completely know another person. 

Trust yourself and protect yourself. (Isn't there a song like that?)

I luckily listened to my gut a few years ago and sort of cut him out of my life and now I totally understand why. Turns out other people also did the same thing after he showed his true colors.

Also turns out he left Massachusetts and is in Texas now, likely finding another "friend."

With a "friend" like him...

And on it goes! I'm good and healthy and happy and married to a wonderful man. Some pipsqueak in disguise cannot hurt me...I just hope he leaves the nice people of Texas alone. 

The FlowerSmith Website

My hydrangeas on the side of the Derby Street house. Yummy.

Angelonia in a pot by the back door.

Eggplant blossom!
I grew these in raised beds in our parking area...
They did very well. Small, sweet eggplants.

Gorgeous butterfly enjoying the nectar on one of the
oversized butterfly bushes in the backyard.

I don't know why this has taken me so long!


Ridiculous!

Anyway, my website is almost done. More photos to load and some tweaking to do here and there, but it's basically allllmost done!

Let me know what you think!

Click here: The FlowerSmith

Fall pretties with bunny tail grass, sweet potato vine, chili peppers and kale.

Purple asters provide a bit of bright color to this arrangement.

Grasses, pumpkins, kale...

Winter doesn't have to be bleak!

A festive wreath, garland and planter for the holidays!