The Difference Between Being Alone and Being Lonely

The view from our room in Tortola at Long Bay Beach Resort.

Triana River in Seville.

Quisset Harbor in Buzzard's Bay, Massachusetts.

Martha's Vineyard, Vineyard Haven.

Lady and Koty in a stream at Mount Washington.

Sadie and Koty on Boaty.
I miss my dogs.

You know, you never really can tell what it's like to be in someone else's shoes, so to speak. Our experience of life is singularly our own.

We all, for reals, are just alone in the world. We can have friends and family and all that good stuff, but we're products of our genetics and experiences and no one else has it exactly the same as you.

Kind of weird to think about that.

The first time I really thought about it was my introduction to Sociobiology; The New Synthesis by Edward O. Wilson. One of the most revolutionary books I've ever read on evolutionary psychology.

Thinking about free will, and how much a person actually has, was and is odd to ponder.

But in a way, it's also kind of freeing when you can let go of expecting another person to behave just as you would in every situation.

That, however, does not give people a pass for plain old bad behavior.

There is someone I love a lot who is not able to return it. He tries all the time. He tries hard. He "tries" to be nice and "tries" to love me like I love him.

But something gets lost in the "trying" because it's just not genuine.

If you are constantly seeking and trying, you're missing out on the being of it in the present.

I knew a person who went in search of herself. She traveled and did this and that and the other and meditation and yoga and spiritual quests.

When she returned from all the seeking, all that was left? Was her. There was nothing else.

She kept looking for answers when all along the answers were right in front of her face. She was too busy looking in all other directions and she forgot to just experience life as it came.

It's an interesting thing how so many people are always busy and have so many appointments and outings and going here and there all the time. The phones, the ipads, the televisions, the computers. This constant need to fill up every waking moment with stuff.

To me? That is sheer and utter hell.

I cannot STAND a constant barrage of things to do and places to go and the constant chatter of people and phones and television...

I like being alone. I like silence. I REALLY like quiet and just the sounds of the house around me or the sounds of the birds twittering and the wind chimes lightly dinging in the trees out back.

One of my most favorite sounds is the lapping of water up against the hull of a boat while I'm sitting in the sun watching birds or whales. Or the sounds of water against the hull while I'm in a bunk drifting off to sleep after a long day of working on the boat or in the garden.

I don't need music going or the television in the background. Right now, in fact, I'm listening to the fan, the buzz of the refrigerator and the sound of my little dog breathing deeply as she sleeps on the couch.

My phone is off. And I'm just typing. My back is tight from gardening all the time this past week and also from being tense after a not-so-nice interaction yesterday with that person I love.

So, being alone is fine with me. But I can be lonely when I'm alone and even MORE so when I'm with a person who doesn't even care if I'm there or not.

My ex-husband made me feel desperately lonely. When he got home from work, he was either on the phone, on his ipad or watching television. Sometimes it was all three at the same time.

Well, I managed to find another person who is pretty checked out. He has no interest in my day or what I want or hope or dream about. I tell him things out of sheer boredom, but he doesn't even remember what I said. He'll ask me the same questions 20 times and never ever remember what my answer was.

He lost his job and then, without ever asking, decided he's seeking a new job in a different state. He didn't even ask me if I WANTED to live in that state or take into account the fact that I spent over $30,000 to move my stuff here and get my new business established through networking, licensing and marketing during the last 10 months. It's been a huge financial strain on my personal savings to get all of this done.

He didn't even offer to help me move here. He didn't even "try" to help.

So, when I tell people about this person and how poorly I'm being treated, there's a lot more to the story. Like how I took care of him during the darkest days of winter in Alaska - three months - while he recuperated from a triple surgery.

I didn't get to go anywhere or do anything because he was in constant need of help. He couldn't even drive or tie his shoes, for heaven's sake.

Nobody was around to help me take care of him, the house, the dogs, our tenant, the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning and then also trying desperately not to get depressed during days of little or no sunlight.

There was no laughter anymore. There was no one being nice to me. In fact, I got yelled at when my help was unwelcome at times.

And this was all coinciding with my identity being stolen and more of my money just disappearing into the mist.

So, when I tell you I'm okay and I'm going to be fine, I am. I've endured way more than all of this.

However, do NOT start my day each day with news of death, destruction and your mistaken idea that you've "ruined my life."

No one is responsible for my happiness. Nor am I responsible for yours.

My sunny outlook is just that. It's mine. You do not get to steal my sun or suck my oxygen.

I already had someone in my life that tried to put me down and make me feel bad about myself.

There is not a person in the world who is capable of doing that to me now. I worked too long and too hard to claw my way out of that terrible hole and there's no way I'm getting back in there.

I do appreciate advice from the people who know and love me. I know you're concerned that I'm not okay.

But the truth is I'm okay.

I might not be thrilled with the circumstances or some of my choices, but given what I knew at the time, I'd likely make those same choices again.

Hindsight is 20/20, but the truth is only in the present.

My Beebles. I adore this little pumpkin.

My poor Dallas. I loved that pooch.

Reflections on The Iditarod and the Power of Doing Nothing

Me as Snooki at the last epic Halloween Party at my old house!

Snickerdoodles lounging! This was when Lady was fat!
She got right lithe after a while! Koty was still a baby here. Only about 1.5 years.

So, my friends are out there on the snowy, cold trail. Top dog athletes, top human athletes, all finely tuned, organized and brilliant.

[Check out my videos on my public Facebook Page here: IDITAROD Ceremonial Start]

I'm some of those things, certainly not a top dog nor a top human, but I'm pretty organized and smart and a number of other nice adjectives.

Alaska has changed my perspective on some topics quite nicely. It's kind of empowering when you move to a place with all of these outdoorsy, fishing, camping, live-life-to-the fullest types. And also doesn't hurt that there are a LOT of men and many fewer women. You kinda can take your pick!

Of course, as you know, I got married last summer under my crabapple tree after looking at Denali on the beach in the morning. (Right? Crazy!) So I'm not looking for a guy, but they certainly come a-knockin' and so many of them are military or retired military men. Manly men! Wow! From all over the world. I just talked to a lovely Commander and a General who were here volunteering for one of the Iditarod teams from Canada.

These two guys were so interesting and also knew the fine art of asking a question of me and finding out what the hell a woman from Massachusetts is doing wearing a Canadian Olympic snowboarding coat from Banff??????

I'm confusing. I know.

I don't always do things the easy way. I enjoy a challenge and that's why I decided to drive my car from Massachusetts to Alaska via the Cassiar in the Canadian Rockies! I wanted to experience the critters and the landscape and see Lake Louise and Banff and all those other amazing places I've only ever read and dreamt of visiting.

So the coat I was wearing CLEARLY needed to be mine since it was on BIG sale at the Quicksilver store right there in downtown Banff! Derr. Um, yah! Get on my body, coat with your seagulls and blue sky and clouds. Duh!

It was a blast. Really! Would do it all over again.

But not today. I decided I'm on strike from bad behaviour.

For instance, I ain't doing anyone's laundry except mine.

If I make a mess, I'll clean it up, but otherwise? Nope.

If you drop something and spill something, it will remain dropped and spilled.

You wanna attend therapy? Go right ahead. Be my guest. No one will stop you.

If you want to behave badly, then I'll be elsewhere.

It's really empowering to know that you don't NEED someone's bad behavior in your life. It's a choice. Mine AND theirs.

Verbal abuse comes in many formats. It can be little side comments, insinuations, flat out lies, bullying, yelling, encroaching on my space, nasty comments...Lots of ways it can sneak in.

One thing ALL verbal abuse (and other types, of course) is? Is not fun.

I'm not down with it anymore. I did that stint for a long time and I'm not about to jump into the fire again.

So, strike and probation seem about right. If I was a police officer, I'd have you check in with a probation officer twice or three times a week to make sure you're following your plan.

Get yourself outta jail, roll the dice and collect $250. (To quote one of my most favorite games!)

I actually did some work in the Salem Jail after it was converted to a multi-unit housing development. They did really nice work and the apartments and restaurant and carriage house and jail keeper's house were just amazing. However, it was kind of spooky to be wandering the halls of a converted jail. So many stories, so much sadness, such tortured souls in there.

To be in there at night after the sun set and then the sounds of the building would become so magnified for me...

They even kept one of the cells as part of a small exhibit in the entry of the main building. I hated seeing that cell. Just imagining what it would be like to sit in that tiny space with nothing to do but reflect on your bad decisions. Ugh. That's a bad deal.

So, I'm on strike and someone else is on probation. I'm drinking my V-8 juice (delish) am gonna grab some lunch soon and then take my puppy dog to look at Denali.

Clear mind, full heart, eyes ahead.

Ciao for now and Shalom.

My beloved car! She drove 5,500 miles with me to get to Anchorage! Good car.
As Jimmy Fallon 

 say: "Theees? Theeees guuudd carrr" Funny!

There's this thing called privacy

Stolen from a friend via her website.
Tru dat.

Well.

The stuff I put on here is completely anonymous. For the most part the people that read this do not know me at all.

There are very few people from my "real" life who I even let read this stuff.

I truly write this here bloggity because it's cathartic for me. I feel better when I can get this stuff out of my cranium and onto this here screen.

I'm sitting in my living room, looking out onto my pretty back yard and deck and the Tibetan Prayer flags gently waving in the wind.

In the front yard is a blue spruce that my neighbor cut down and gave to us for Christmas. It's still decorated with cute bulbs and a garland made of oyster shells from Africa. Also has some paper ribbon of red and purple in it.

Whether or not you believe in this kind of stuff, I feel protected by the trees and the birds and the little voles and mices that are living in my yard. My Beebles also protects me. She's very alert, and, as my Mom used to say, "The world needs more Lerts!"

My parents didn't raise me in a traditional way - I mean they were pretty traditional when you get down to the WASPy roots I enjoy, but my parents were always the spectacular people in the room. The people that threw the big parties that everyone wanted to attend.

I remember having the group, "Hot Chocolate" in my house for their big Gold Record party celebration. The DJ that was my Dad's co-worker, Phil Orth, or "Orth from the North" - was the first to release their song "You Sexy Thing" so he was being celebrated along with the band.

That's not your typical childhood memory. Or at least I thought so.

Turns out that there are a lot of people with famous connections, because "celebrities" are just people. They grew up just the same as you and I did! They have families, friends, co-workers from the past and present! Just people.

So, I used to watch award shows and criticize (and also celebrate) what the pretty people were wearing. I was harsh sometimes. Now I feel bad about that. What if you went to some fancy affair and then the next day there are hundreds of sites on the internet declaring you the "Worst Dressed" in all of the land?

I'd HATE that!

Living in Alaska, I feel a bit like that. Because I'm from Massachusetts, I'm labeled as weird, liberal and naive.

???

Really, now? So, the degrees I've earned and the whole Phi Beta Kappa thing?

Oh, right. You would know about PBK because you think it's some special brand of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.

Dumb sh*ts.

Honestly.

Yes. I have blonde hair. Blue eyes. Yes, I'm in good shape (thank you) again.

I lost weight. Not my brain.

So, again. I beg of you. Please stop with the bashing of men, women or whatever.

JUST BE NICE.

My Mom and Dad taught me the old maxim:

If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

I realize I'm a bit of a hypocrite when I say that and then call certain people dumb sh*ts. However, if you pick on me, over and over, and you continue to underestimate me, you can't expect me to just sit here and take it.

Gonna go study for the Bar.

You know, not the kind with cocktails, you dumb ****.

Yeesh.

Ciao again for now.

Recent Activity and Other Fun Stuff

Heyo!

Feeling much more like myself instead of the angry ranty person that has been me of late.

See, I get very bitchy when I'm treated poorly repeatedly. After a thirteen year marriage where the last year was from HELL? I now have a zero tolerance policy for being treated poorly.

I'll put up with a little crappiness from my new husband because he doesn't know me that well yet, and I also am getting to know him more, too.

However, if you mess with me or my family or one of my best friends? You're gonna hear about it.

I've had dinners at a certain person's home - she's lovely and sweet and was very kind to me when I was so depressed I wanted to die. She and her husband were both very sweet and nice to me, in fact.

So, at one of these dinners, the guy, we'll call him Bob was remarking to his wife, Bobbi, that she should not have another glass of wine.

Now, this woman works full time, and also does side jobs to make extra $$$. She made us a gourmet meal in the beautiful house she decorated herself, replete with gorgeous candles, chandeliers and trompe l'oeille features in the kitchen. It was an incredible home.

If the lady wants a SECOND glass of wine. She can have a second glass of effing wine, there, Bob.

So, they started to have words at the table in front of my husband and me.

And, frankly, I let Bob have it will all barrels. If you wanna make a scene in your house with dinner guests, well, don't expect us to not HEAR it. Good LORD. Have some couth.

So, I said to good ol' Bob,

"Bob. Why don't you mind your own business? If Bobbi wants a goddamn BOTTLE of wine with a straw in it in her own house at her own damn dinner table, then she can have that, too. You're not her Father or guardian. She's a goddamn adult and can drink whatever the hell she deems necessary."

Mind you, this is not an alcoholic person. She's totally adorable and fun and gets tipsy on occasion because she weighs about 5 ounces.

I also understand that he may not like her getting tipsy or a little sloppy or whatever. Well, then he shouldn't have married her. She's no different now than when you were dating for 2 years.

(And he was cheating on his ex-wife, which is totally, you know, like totally COOL.)

So, yeah. You're perfect, there, Bob. Totally without blemish.

GIVE ME A LARGE BREAK!!

So, that's why I was ranty. I'm tired of other people telling me what to do or what not to do. Telling me what I can or can't say. Or that I laugh too loud. Or that I shouldn't wear my hair this way or that.

Or that if someone's TERRIBLE behavior has caused me about 40 hours of having to deal with the police, the Attorney General's office, the credit card fraud departments and my bank and BILL COLLECTORS even!

I don't skip out on my bills. Ever.

Nor do I intend to START, Verizon, who will not call me or let me speak with a human person i their fraud detection department. Form letters and the runaround. 

Well done, Verizon. Way to treat a faithful customer of about 15 years.

So, that's why I get angry. I don't want to have to spend my time on this. I'm a nice person who was simply trying to help out a woman who I thought was in serious trouble with domestic violence.

To retaliate? I've been aggressively generous these past few days! Giving away four bags of food, old clothes that I never wear, backpacks left behind in a closet...I even gave away a beautiful arrangement that I had caringly made for someone who also just left it behind and my old iPhone4S. Those are going for a charity that helps teens and adults in need. They're called the Pacific Northwest Adult & Teen Challenge. I also am donating about $1200 worth of clothes to three different charities around town, including AWAIC - Abused Women's Aid In Crisis and a few other fine charities. Even gave some of the cute things away that I had given to decorate this young woman's room. They were mine to give and frankly, if you leave a room in shambles and then leave behind 800 hangers? Well, I'm gonna give that stuff to people who actually appreciate the kindness of others.

No names. No pictures today. No bullsh*t anymore. I've had enough. So the more you are icky, I'm gonna trump that with excellence of character and kindness toward others who truly are in need.

"Be kind. Always and to a fault" - told to me by my Dad. Wise words.

"The best revenge is a life well-lived" - by somebody famous. Google it.

I say. The best revenge is to cancel out the negativity by being aggressively generous. Always and to a fault.

Thank you and commence paying it forward!

Ciao for now.

Something in the Air?

Antarctica from space. We will all be watching as this giant ice sheet continues to melt.
Oh, and by the way? Polar Bears live on the OTHER END OF THE PLANET, you dumbo.

Is there something going on in the atmosphere that is making our men be bigger jerks than usual?

I've been experiencing major growing pains with my new marriage. My best friend is going through a major breakup in her world. My Mom continues to amuse me with stories of the ridiculousness of her ongoing relationship.

So, what gives?

Is it the age old dilemma of "Can't live with him, can't live without him? And can't (or shouldn't) kill him?"

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - a great book that sort of describes the hopelessness of the man/woman interaction.

However, this goes for many of the couples I know across the board. Men with men, women with women.

I guess it's the human condition. We are all truly just alone and trying to make our relationships work, but in reality, we are all still truly a product of our brains, hormones, experiences and perceptions.

When you think about the human body and what it's capable of doing and the amazing little cells that all band together to create sight, thought, hearing, touch, taste - our bodies are a miracle. I find that to be true of all of nature's forms.

Just yesterday I went on my first trip to Palmer and Wasilla, Alaska. The people who are born in these places just see the mountains as part of the landscape. It's normal to them.

When I'm in these places surrounded by the Talkeetna and Chugach Mountains, I'm in a constant state of wonder. How did these mountains form, what makes some of them jagged and the other ones smooth? What type of rock makes them? What type of critters can survive in the harsh mountainous altitudes during the cold cold winter months?

It's a constant state of asking how and why and when and what's next? I never get tired of learning about new things. It's thrilling to me.

My guy yesterday remarked at how we were grocery shopping the other day and he said he was amazed at how I "work the room." As if it's not a genuine thing when I speak with someone.

I am not "working" the room at all. I really enjoy getting to know others and their experiences and their perspectives.

I found it an odd set of words and an odd observation considering he lives with me and purports to love me.

Like my friend, over there, who's been as sick as I was with a bad flu.

She was finally hungry again and asked for a simple thing. Spaghetti and sauce. Doesn't get much more simple than that, right? Well, this guy she lives with brought home whole wheat spaghetti and a tomato.

Ummm.

This is after three years? And he does that bullshit? WHAT the hell?

When the chips are down is when a person's true colors come out and selfishness and laziness and self-absorption REALLY rear their ugly heads.

So, to these people (men and women alike) who are selfish assholes? Why don't you all go find each other and be selfish with each other and then just leave the rest of us nice people alone?

Why do you have to glom onto us nice people and suck our air and be shitty?

I wish there was some sort of comprehensive test that people had to take in order to:

1 - get into a relationship
2 - make a friendship
3 - enter your home
4 - use your shit & eat your food
5 - make babies
6 - breathe

Life is a privilege. The Earth is magnificent.

If I am nice to you, please return the favor.

And if I love you, please respect that and savor it.

Love is a rarity.

Carry on and BE NICE. Jeez, already.

There's a story, of a lovely lady...Or beauty is only skin deep. And it's fleeting. Owch.

First off, free speech is a thing. It's real and it works and it creates positive social change.

When I write these works of fiction on my blog, it is to prove a point. 

The point is, that when you are shitty to other people, there are repercussions. 

I'm not wishing ill upon anyone. Not a soul. 

To the contrary, I'm gonna try to help you as best I can. I'm gonna do what I can to help you when you're in need. I did that. 

However, I'm NOT a doormat. You can't do what you want, when you want to whomever you want and expect that I'm not going to take notice. Right?

Jeez. You're smarter than all that. And I tried and tried and tried. And got my heart stomped on a bit, but I'll be okay. I promise. And I'm gonna code this so no one can read it. Except you, if you're smart enough to be able to read code. Oh. Wait. Right. You're more concerned with partying and your make up than those who really care about you. Right. I forgot that. 

Too bad. 

So, again. And again. And again. And NOW again.

This is my story. A story. It might be fictional, it might not be. And Free Speech is the First Amendment to the Constitution. It's also a real thing and you might want to read about it.

Put down the makeup and get out a book. Read. Pet your dog. Stop the madness.

Going to the club and hanging out until 5am or not sleeping for 48 hours is decidedly NOT cool. It's the opposite of cool.

If you recognize yourself in this forum that is mine, and I do not use your name at all. AT ALL, then there's probably something going on.

The only person who even saw the damn thing was my own Mother and your Mom, because she knows what I'm doing and where I am and what's happening in my life (because she's a good mother), then where's the issue?

The issue is that you treated other people very unkindly, left a big mess, hurt the feelings of my darling husband who was only kind and protected you, and you confused the LIFE out of me until I caught on.

I had to hide my belongings, lock my doors vigilantly, hide my cameras and other valuables - and even then a video camera, given to me as a gift, went missing as I looked for it a couple weeks ago and again last night. See, I was going to loan it to a friend who was interested in using old video equipment, but it was taken from my home while I slept one night.

That's some scary stuff to realize, that when you're fast asleep in one room, there are people that you don't know - AT ALL - going through your things and taking whatever they feel they are entitled to take.

I'm not saying it was you! I know it wasn't you. You leave things behind! I saw the little gifts in the bathroom, and I appreciate them. They are lovely and rather extravagant and I thank you for them.

However, I'd really like to not have to do laundry for two days and then take out the bags of garbage that will now cost us extra money and time to dump.

My husband and I were discussing it this morning (he's really upset) because no one likes to feel used. No one likes it. Ever. That's why those boys react the way they do. That's why I reacted the way I did. That's why I didn't want to see you or your precious dog when you offered to come back.

My heart is aching but not broken. I've had my heart broken and it took me three long years to put it back together again. I'm thankful I was able to do that and am grateful to the people who helped me.

I'm not trying to defend you or whatever. At some point there is no excuse for bad behavior and that's why you had to leave. That's why people talked about you and said unkind things about you. And me.

The level of complete self-absorption was really something I've rarely experienced.

I was also self-absorbed as a kid your age, but it was NOT to the detriment of people that treated me kindly.

I was taught (as you were) to go out of your way to be kind to others. Always and to a fault.

My husband was trying to juggle about 85 things these past three days. The death of a young person, their grieving family and friends. I had a virulent flu and nearly had to go to the hospital on Saturday. He had to take care of our little puppy dog who was missing her friend SO badly. And then groceries, dishes, the odd people coming to our home looking for you at night. And sometimes in the early morning. The guy who tried to break down our door looking for you. So, we had to call the police. Then there was the other guy, there, that got you involved in GOD only knows what with the fake ID and all that bullshit.

As I told you, my dear little friend, if you recognize yourself in one of my ranty posts, it's because I am simply writing about MY experience, and if you recognize yourself, honey? It's because you didn't do the right thing by us and by several other people who have reached out already to ask if they can come over and console us or do anything to help.

More than mad, I'm just disappointed and so very sad. Really sad. I truly love you, still do, but I don't get why you would do those things to upset poor Mr. Big who never hurt anyone for a minute.

I'm hoping this will rattle your cage. You are a beautiful person - your downfall, perhaps, right now.

The beauty, however, is only skin deep. And it fades and then what? What have you got left?

An empty cage and people and others who've flown the coop long ago.

Mitt Romney is an idiot

Newman wasn't kidding when he said
"When you control the mail (communication) you control....information!

He's actually a very smart man, but it's a terrible thing when people use their brilliant brains for stupid things. When they get caught doing bad things and then they try to backtrack and make up MORE lies for their own egotistical purposes.

I had a guy in my life - actually a few - that did that very thing. Lies upon lies upon lies. If you think, for one MINUTE, that that shit is gonna fly with me?

You have quite obviously underestimated EVERY.THING. ABOUT. ME.

And I don't have to tell these people who they are. Women underestimate me and men do. It's a full-fledged frontal attack from all sides. Democrats, Republicans, Tea-Baggers, the like. Doesn't matter. If you've got blonde hair, blue eyes, and a somewhat high voice?

Well OBVIs you're stoopid.

So, not that long ago, Mitt Romney was quoted about the "other" 98%. You know, the rest of us poor schlubs who should shine his shoes and do something with his pathetic hairdo from 1970. Wake up, Mitt!

And, really? What kinda name is that anyway? Your parents obviously hated you cos they named you after a baseball glove.

Mitt.

Right.

Now Mr. Mitt has flip-flopped his whole deal and is talking about "helping" the poor?

Oh, wait. You wanna run for Prez AGAIN and now suddenly you're "for" the people instead of speaking with disdain about "the other 98%."

Riight.

That's just very handy.

Very slick.

NOT.

You are a transparent fool who thinks you're SMARTER than the other 98% and you, sir, are DECIDEDLY full of proverbial shit.

Ugh with these stupid boys with their small, shrunken "members" that think they're smarter than anyone else in the room.

Like that fool asshole in Alabama promoting the new abortion law that would require women to get "permission" from the "father" because fetuses have more rights than the actual woman who is carrying that shit.

WTF?

It's a real thing. This guy ACTUALLY believes that the fetus is more alive and has more rights than the person in whose uterus it is.

Is is.

Be.

WHAT THE HELL?

Or H eee double hockey sticks as my parents would say when I was a kid (like I couldn't spell!!). My IQ is higher than my Mom's or Dad's (sorreee!!).

In any case, to H eee double hockey sticks with these raging jerks who don't think we're paying attention.

Take your small d*ck and suckit. And leave me the f*ck alone because your advances are uncalled for, unattractive and revolting.

Learn SUM WerDs. And punctataions and read a goddamn book and GROW the f*ck up.

(By the by, the misspellings and bad grammars are ON PURPOSE. It's called Irony. Satire. Learn about it.)

I'm smarter than you, I tread lightly, but I carry a VERY, VERY large and scary stick.

It's called higher learnin'

It's a type of StraTEEgeory, there, Bushie and Cheney and all of you stupid assholes who won't listen to science and "the other 98%."

Can you please pluralize tomatoes or potatoes? Oh, right. You couldn't even manage that at a National Spelling Bee.

Good heavens. And we vote for these cretins? Just Wow. Wow wow wow wow wow.

I believe I will be asking for advice from my dog. He just turned one and has the good sense to respect my boundaries and behave civilly. More than I can say for some people.

Jesus would NOT be pleezed. Nor would the other 8000 Gods that exist in every other place in the world.

Travel. Learn something. Google that shit. Stop stealing from others and just CARRY the F*CK On with being NICE.

Rock, Paper, Scissors : Ignorance Ain't Bliss

I had a Facebook fight last night. Actually I had two of them. One was important and the other was semi-important.

My friend, Karen, will think one of them was ridiculous, but it speaks to an aggression problem that seems to be getting more rampant in our "society." She got yelled at the other day when she was at Target trying to buy dog food on Black Friday. A woman actually yelled at her and told her that "she had picked the WRONG day to buy dog food."

?

Who gets to tell who what is the right day to buy dog food? 

Heyyyy, it's dog food Monday! Everyone buys dog food on MONDAY now!

???

Nope. That's not how it works.

Nobody gets to tell me when I get to buy dog food, when I get to go to the bathroom, or how I get to live my life. I mean murdering is bad and that sort of thing should go without saying, but I'm talking about societal "norms" like telling me I'm selfish because I didn't have children, or that I'm irresponsible because I don't work a 9-5 job in a cubicle.

Fuck. Off.

I recently had to "inform" individuals that it is not my job in life to educate them. The information is readily available and if you don't take the time to educate yourself, then you don't get to form an opinion about a subject matter so important as climate change or reproduction or gene expression.

There was a fool here yesterday in Alaska who mistakenly believed me to be a sweet, cute person that would listen to his bullshit and be impressed with his "business acumen" and his "5,000 square foot house" in Ketchikan.

Nope.

Your assumptions, sir, are getting you nowhere very quickly. Well, he continued to hit on me despite my wedding rings and the mention of my husband who was at a table watching the Seahawks football game.

This idiot went so far as to FOLLOW me to the table so that he could meet this so-called husband of mine because I was so feisty and I called him out on his bullshit and he thought that no man would EVER be able to put up with a woman like me!

And, of course, this noodlehead began every sentence with "I" and never asked one question of me.

It's absolutely amazing that men (a lot of them - not all of them) see women as prizes and pieces of meat  to rip apart. I don't mean to be vulgar, but a lot of men see women as a place to stick their dicks and that's really all they believe women to be good for - oh, and the cooking and cleaning and the toiling to make their lives comfortable.

There is a complete lack of empathy for others, lack of emotion, lack of caring, lack of equality.

This dude did his damndest to impress me - but, for those of you who really know me? I'm not impressed by money or the fact that you fly helicopters and you have, apparently, a very small penis.

When you have to try THAT hard to impress a lady, it is CLEAR that you are lacking in certain departments.

Like those poor middle-aged guys driving the little shiny convertibles or the EFFING cigarette boats and their loud, disruptive, gas-guzzling engines. Ugh. Each time we'd go past one of these assholes, I'd wave and yell "Sorry about your small penis!" and these idiots, of course, would wave right back because they couldn't possibly hear me over the loud "ROAR" of the engine!

Oy.

This guy's wife drank herself to death 4 years ago and died at 49. He talked about it like it was HER fault for not being able to just power through it.

She didn't die of drinking, asshole. She died of a broken heart because she was married to a man who spent 80 hours a week working and was completely unsympathetic and called her "an emotional wreck suffering from empty nest syndrome" after their three children moved away.

He actually went so far as to tell me that he had "wasted" $50,000+ dollars on rehab for his wife, but she kept relapsing.

Yep. I'd probably drink myself to death, too. Or better, DIVORCE his ass and take HALF of all of the fucking money because that the ONLY thing he values in this world.

So, the thing I'm talking about is that women really should stop putting up with anything less than a wonderful person who treats you like gold and LISTENS to you. Men who talk OVER me or interrupt me or try to SCHOOL me on biological science or animals or gardening?

Nope. Those are MY areas of expertise. Listen to me. I've done the work. I have spent 42 years (or more) schooling myself in these areas. I'm willing to have a conversation about it, because sometimes I learn things from other people on these subjects, but a conversation is a give and take. It's not a monologue.

Just because I don't have a penis (thank GOD for that) doesn't mean I don't have balls. My cojones are ragingly big and I'm not afraid to use them. I know Karate, too, so don't try to bully me and get in my personal space. And don't TOUCH me. For the love of ALL that is holy, I will SLAP you and then I will punch you. I'm not afraid to break my hand. Done it before, will do it again.

Make no mistake:

Just because I'm KIND doesn't mean I'm a pushover.

Just because I'm pretty and cute and have a nice figure (thanks, Alaska) doesn't preclude the fact that I have a really, really good brain and I know how to use it.

And just because I'm smaller than you doesn't mean I can't stomp all over your ass - with my words, fist, kicks or whatever it takes for me to defend myself.

AND REALLY. Just because you have a penis, it doesn't mean you have some special privilege. It actually makes you weak and stupid and acting like a total asshole even in front of my husband.

So, when my husband got up to leave at half-time (we had driven separately), this fool ass first told me what a great guy my husband was. Well. Yeah. I married him. I know that, douchebag.

And then he offered to get me a hotel room so he could fuck me.

What a nice guy.

Men. Jesus. What the hell.

Which leads me to the 10 keepers that are out there. Like this one, below. This video is amazing and beautiful and it made me cry cry cry, so be warned! It's the reunion of a man who raised a gorilla and then the gorilla was released into the wild. This is their reunion. And the world needs more men like THESE.