The Art of Kissing but NOT Telling

It's been an interesting time of it being newly single (AGAIN) and in the land of manly men who do manly things. Even the wimpy men here have a certain sex appeal since they are all out and about doing interesting things like fishing, camping, hiking and such.

The statistic is that there are eight men to every one woman. Basically it's like being a kid in a candy store if, well, you're interested in men!

I happen to be one of those ladies that likes the men folk. I like 'em in all colors, shapes and sizes. If you're nice to me and respect my boundaries and limits and my WORK (i.e. don't call me at midnight or 4:00 a.m. because you're feeling randy or lonely), then I will entertain the idea of kissing your face.

However, I've come across some pretty amazingly unkind behavior and just basically some REALLY bad manners.

What is this obSESSION you all have with discussing politics in public places? Can't I just have a beer and watch Monday Night Football without being bombarded by the woes of the world and the virtues of FUCKING DONALD TRUMP? What the hell? Please please shut your cake hole and please can we just discuss the football game and bad play calls? Or something? Please?

So, mens of Alaska, attention! Here are some tips for those of you interested in wooing a woman who has a brain in her head and will NOT entertain your rants and raves, bashing liberals or gays or Muslims or whomever seems to be your ignorant generalization du jour to hate. No one is all one thing. I'm not always nice. I sometimes struggle with listening and slowing down. We hall have our limitations and flaws.

Whoever told people that they need to be perfect at all moments has set all of us up for being utter failures. That doesn't mean you get a green light to be an asshole whenever you feel like it, but the idea that we can all just try our BEST to be kind while also maintaining our integrity? That seems like a thing we could all rally around, right?

So, these are my suggestions to make the sitch here in Alaska a little more civil and less "I'm gonna shoot you if you don't believe everything I'm about to spill out of my unshaven gullet." Here they are:

1 - Stop referring to your trip to the lower 48 as going to the United States. Alaska IS the United States. Stop trying to be separate. It's creates an unfriendly and stand-offish kind of vibe and no one likes to feel like an "outsider."

2 - Stop telling me I'm a "fucking liberal" who voted for Obama and therefore that's why your shoelaces broke and your dog died and your Mom has the Diabeeetus. We are NOT enemies. We are fellow countrymen. Our ancestors likely came over on the same boat from Germany, Poland or Ireland or wherever. WE are the People of the United States of America. WE are. No one has any say in this except the Native People who were slaughtered and sent to "reservations" where there was nothing but sadness and pain. Look it up.

3 - Stop bashing Native People. Stop it. You make me sick.

4 - Stop referring to other cultures by derogatory terms. Again, if it weren't for other cultures, this would be one BORING world.

5 - Travel. Get outside of your comfort zone. You should not be proud of the fact that you've never been outside of Alaska or the REST of the United States. Go look at a tree in Africa. Go see the Bridge of Sighs in Venice (not California, dude). Look at the art work in the great museums of the world. Listen to an opera (not the woman on TV, dude). Try spicy food (meat and potatoes do NOT make the world go around). There's a great big world out there that is NOT Alaska. Get out there.

6 - Stop telling me what is best for me. You have NO fucking idea what it's like to be me (really, you don't want to get inside this head of mine. It's a scary place!). I have panic attacks at odd situations like in the mall at Christmastime. Like when I get near the edges of cliffs or have to go over a long bridge in the mountains with thousands of feet of rock up and down around me. That scares the life right out of me.

7 - Try to learn what empathy REALLY is.

8 - Don't be threatened by my presence around your fucking husband or boyfriend. I don't want your shitty husband or boyfriend. I've got my hands full with the flock of boys who have been around me since I separated from my ex-husband.

9 - Please can we not talk about my stupid ex-husband? I divorced his ass for a good reason. He's a certified schmuck - let's leave it at that, mmmkay?

10 - Yes, the divorce is FINAL. Over. KAPUT. Done. Nada else. K? K.

11 - No, I will not show you my boobs.

12 - No, I really won't.

13 -Not here, not now, and not ever because you KEEP ASKING and it's tacky and demeaning.

14 - Don't tell me how smart you think I am. I know I'm smart. I have worked my whole life to learn things and to keep expanding my learning and curiosity. You might do well to do the same.

15 - When I tell you NO, it means just that. Stop asking.

16 - Don't make assumptions about my political views and affiliations because of where I'm from or because I voted a certain way. If you must know, I'm politically unaffiliated, but it is my privacy here. I am under no obligation to tell you what I think or HOW I voted, nor are you. And frankly, if you're asking, likely we voted on the opposite end of things.

17 - Religion. Don't ask. None of your business. It's a personal decision by each and every human (except those poor souls who've got no choice at all because of where they were born).

18 - Women are NOT inferior. We are DIFFERENT. Not second class citizens (again unless you were born in a certain area of the world).

19 - I love our military. My family has served every branch except the Marines.

20 - Just be nice. Try it. It's easier than being contrary and angry and nasty to your neighbor or acquaintance or colleague.
'

Newsflash! More Bad News!

Sounds familiar. 

Loose women! hee!

Just a little aside here, kids.

When someone is going through a tough time, I believe it's proper etiquette to not tell them MORE bad news about something or someone else.

Or send them articles about deeply depressing things about certain possible health issues or cancer scares.

Honestly?

Like I need one more damn thing on my plate right now?

Send me kittens or videos of dogs singing, thank you.

I need positive distractions, not doom or gloom. Yeesh.

My friend in MA sent a very nice article today about being fully yourself. How to let go of the distractions and attempt to focus on the here and now.

Well, that, too is all fine and dandy when you've got money in the bank and can focus on that.

Right now? I'm wondering how on EARTH I'm gonna pay some bills that are due in the next two weeks. I haven't got anything in the bank and people keep saying they're gonna hire me to work in their garden or at their house and then? They disappear on me. There is absolutely a lack of follow-through in Anchorage.

It's the oddest thing.

I show up when I say I'm going to. I do what I tell people I am gonna do. I call when I say I'm going to and if I can't do something, I let people know well in advance.

On the other hand, I cannot tell you how many times I've shown up for a client meeting and then POOF? They are a no-show and they don't even call to say they're sorry when I text or call to remind them of our meeting.

I've driven almost an hour round-trip to a client's house to confer with her on her garden? She wasn't home. And there were no apologies when I saw her. She just said, "Oh, I flaked out."

Yep. You did.

And you wasted an hour out of my day. Actually more, because I had planned to spend at least an hour planning your garden with you. SO, it was 2 hours of wasted time. That translates to $80.

My time is valuable. I have sh*t to do. Things going on. Even if it looks like I'm just browsing at a garden center, I'm not. I'm taking mental notes. Comparing prices to the other three garden centers I've just visited.

When I go to the Botanical Garden, I'm not doing it for fun. It's a fact-finding mission so I can see the native plants that thrive here in Alaska. I've only lived here for a year and I'm learning all the time. I ask questions, I wanna know so my business will also thrive!

When I'm at the restaurant up the street, I'm networking. The bartenders know me and actually give my card to patrons who they know might use my business. I strike up conversations wherever I go - yes, I'm friendly - but it's also an attempt at shameless self-promotion! And it works about 90% of the time. If I can give my card out at least once or twice a day? That's forward motion.

So, re-establishing yourself in a completely different part of the world is a challenge. It's a matter of learning your environment and also the behavior of the humans therein.

It's a totally different place here in Alaska, from a purely psychological standpoint. People REALLY are different. Like REALLY REALLY different. I'd have poo-pooed it if someone had told me that people's behavior would be so different here, but here I am, and I'm tellin' ya? It's just straight up WEIRD.

I've lived all over the world and in many parts of the country I've experienced the "locals." From California to Florida to Maine to Michigan and lots of places in between.

Midwestern people: Nice. Helpful. Kind. Do unto others as you would have done to you. Salt of the earth. Slow-paced type of life. Family-oriented.

Southern people: SUPER nice. Very kind. Genteel. Very respectful toward women. A little scary with the guns. Traditional. Slow-paced. Family-oriented.

California/Oregon/Washington people: Laid back. Outdoorsy. Judgemental. Frugal. Generally take themselves too seriously (in my humble opinion). Creative.

Northeast people: Appear cold at first, but once you're vetted? They will kill for you. True. Kind. Generous. Giving. Highly philanthropic. Creative. Smart and QUICK. Family and friend-oriented.

West but not West coast Westn people: Highly independent. Self-sufficient. Free-thinking and a bit on the wild side. Family oriented. Helpful and make-do-with-whatcha-got type of attitude.

European people: Self-assured. Smart. Very well-mannered. Highly independent thinking. Creative. Family-oriented. Wordly.

Alaskan people: The women are very much like the Midwestern people but most of the men (the transplant men) come at you with the scary attitude of me me me me me. Not all Alaskans are like that - mind you, I'm being REALLY generalized here on the things I've noticed since moving here. There is just a different attitude about living side by side with others.

Now, the NATIVE Alaskans I've found to be the most wonderful humans I have met to date. Very kind. Very spiritual. VERY intuitive. VERY generous with their time and care. SO in tune with nature and the animals and the seasons. It's what I've been striving to learn and do with my gardening and my study of animals, ecology and conservation.

The people with whom I've made the best friendships here are the Native Alaskans, and the transplanted people from Michigan, Minnesota, Wisconsin and a smattering of East Coast transplants.

It's like we all immediately recognize another fellow Midwesterner or East Coaster - that's what they call us here or more likely, "One of you damn liberals" - I've had that thrown at me a jillion times.

Nothing makes a person feel more welcome than being immediately pegged in a certain political light.

And, furthermore, what the hell is wrong with liberal-ness?

And, further furthermore, what the hell is your problem?

Don't judge me before you know anything at ALL about me.  Yikes.

Settle down there, Judgy Judgerton. 

It's an odd place to live, for sure. The women of Alaska rock. Pretty much all of them I've met are really amazing women.

But all of the Alaskan women issued me one warning upon my arrival:

"The odds are good. Yes. But? The goods? Are odd."

Ain't THAT the truth.

But then, again, most men and women I know who cohabit or are married or whatever, are in a constant struggle to just "be" together. We come at life SO very differently.

I choose to be positive and to try to be the best I can be for just today. Tomorrow will come and I'll just try to do the same all over again, but I CANNOT change yesterday or make tomorrow different than what it will be. All we've got is right now.

And right now, I'm eating delicious pasta with butter, salt, pepper and parmesean. Then, I'll go work it off as I garden all day today.

Not too bad. I'll take it.

Ciao for now. Thanks for reading.

My bestie, Karen and I were butterflies for Halloween. Natch.
My talented Momma made all of our costumes. 

Bad News and Other People's Problems

A spectacular Bleeding Heart in my old back yard.

Lilacs. yumm.

I won an award for the flower boxes I did this year. 1st place!

Pretty rose in Loja Spain.

It is so very interesting how people react to bad news.

My husband lost his job for various reasons on Friday. That's happening a lot around here as the oil companies take their money and run.

Luckily the Native Corporations are booming and hiring loads of people, so thank GOD for that.

In any case, this brings me sort of full circle back to when I was going through my hardest, darkest times. If you didn't know about my saga a few years back, it ranged from dying dogs, divorce, two deaths (my Grandma and one of my dearest friends), a deranged dog that I tried to help but could not - he bit three people, lost my job and my house (I sold it - made a profit, so that was a blessing) and basically lost every last shred of confidence I'd ever managed to muster.

I didn't even know how to cook or garden or make decisions or take care of myself in any meaningful way. For a while I took prescription pills for my high blood pressure, a different one for my CRAZY anxiety attacks, a pill to help me sleep and I drank a lot to just numb the pain of everything.

Notsomuch did I want to kill myself because that would require planning and it was too much like work to even think about how sad my Mom and Dad and my other relatives and friends would be.

So it wasn't really thoughts of suicide, it was just wanting out. I just wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to not be nauseous all the time. I hardly ate anything for about a year. It was too much work to try to make any food and nothing sounded good. Ever.

I ended up losing 25 pounds and ironically, that was one of the things that helped get me un-depressed and partially helped me be not sad ALL the time.

Losing the weight also helped me regain my health - I stopped taking the blood pressure medication and my anxiety levels started to even out.

I realized that numbing myself was not going to cure anything. So I got into therapy, stopped drinking for a year and stopped taking the sleeping meds, too.

Now, with the loss of my husband's job, money is now a huge issue. We're talking about our options and what the future might look and feel like, so it's actually kind of a good thing. It's allowed us to kind of join forces to try to come up with suitable solutions to our present situation.

It's so interesting though, when people ask how you're doing and for the most part, I just say I'm fine and move on to other topics. But sometimes, it's necessary to tell people the honest truth about how you REALLY are. Sometimes I'm NOT fine. I'll certainly BE fine but sometimes shit happens and it's just shitty.

Sometimes it's okay to tell people that things are not good at the present moment. Sometimes a good cry is exactly what is needed.

It's OKAY to have emotions and feelings.

They WILL NOT kill you! Not at all.

Some people just kind of laugh and give a cliche to you to make you feel better. My favorite was the "God closes one door in order to open another."

Nope. Sometimes it's just shit everywhere you look. And then sometimes? It gets even worse.

So, when someone tells you bad news, and I know I've said this before, sometimes they just want to be heard and get some damn sympathy for their crappy day or crappy year.

Utter strangers have given me hugs recently when I told them what had happened. And then other people that I thought were good friends? They just run for the hills! Yikes!

It's shocking the way people react. Like if you possibly get too close the bad luck or sad emotions will rub off on them.

As if we are all supposed to be super stoic and everything is supposed to be perfect at all times.

No. No it's not.

There are wars going on, leaving children orphaned, there was a HUGE earthquake in Nepal killing thousands of souls, our government has gone totally mental, riots and protests in Baltimore, domestic violence everywhere, racism rampant STILL and loads of hard-working people - like my husband -OUT OF A JOB in a terrible economic environment.

And frankly? There's just a lot of bad behaviour out there. The "Me Monster" as my favorite comedian, Brian Regan, calls them.

There are LOADS of Me Monsters around these days and they do not give a flying crap about anyone or anything except lining their pockets and "getting ahead."

It's like these asshats in traffic who will NOT let you into a lane and speed up to get to a red light.

WTF?

It's baffling to me.

And the woman at the bar a few months back - I bought a round for some of my friends and she was sitting with them. She actually had the audacity to accept the drink and then act like I was trying to "get" something from her. She said "I don't KNOW you. What are you doing buying ME a drink?"

?

Nice. Very classy. And you're welcome, jerkface.

The people I knew who were with her were trying to get her to calm down, but she was in some sort of alcohol-induced anger circuit. It was really embarrassing for her and her friends who know me.

People.

Whatever, right? That's her problem - entirely hers. Not at all mine.

So, again. My plea? Just go be nice. That's all. You really don't have to go out of your way to do anything in particular, but just be nice to other people.

If they need to talk? Listen. Put aside your agenda for like 10 minutes and just listen.

If they need to cry? Comfort them. Give them a warm hug or hold their hand or whatever. Just listen and then when they stop crying or talking? Just tell them you're there for them.

Sometimes we all need a bit of reassurance that things sometimes are shitty but they do not REMAIN shitty forever.

Ups and downs are all a natural part of life.

My ex-husband's Grandmother, Bea, was one of the kindest, nicest humans I've had the pleasure to meet. She was gentle and artistic and just sweet as can be.

After her beloved Dave passed away, she would often call either my husband or me and describe that she was feeling "blue." She didn't really cry but you could see the sadness in her eyes when we'd go for visits sometimes.

We'd talk about Dave and her art and the news and what birds had recently visited the feeder we put outside her window. We'd talk about her sister and other relatives and her friends in the assisted living home she lived in. On occasion, I'd stay and have dinner with her and her 100 year old table mate (who was SOOOO interesting!) and Eleanor who was never married and was in her late 80s and was a big wig in the Army.

These women had done everything in their lives the way they wanted. Eleanor regretted not having children because she was often very lonely. The other woman, Mary, she was a world traveler and had a big family but no one close by to visit.

And then there was lovely Bea who had family and friends and was sharp sharp sharp up to the last minute, but her body was failing her. Even her esophageal muscles were failing. Can you imagine?

I digress. My point was that despite losing her husband and basically being taken away from her home and everything familiar, Bea remained so very positive. She just forged ahead each day anew.

Often I'd let Bea know she was a huge inspiration to me. All that she had accomplished and her immense talent could have made her a bit egotistical.

Quite the contrary. She was a very gentle, quiet, kind force with which to be reckoned.

I hope to be just like that and I wish that upon all of you out there.

Clovers for luck!

And Now Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Program...

In the Chugach State Park in the Campbell Tract. 

Crystals that form when the snow evaporates and then refreezes. 

October in New England at my favorite Orchard and farm.
My friends, the chickens. Hilarious girls!

I have no idea what the hell is going on in the world right now.

Planets must be aligning or something as nearly everyone I know has major turmoil going on.

Family members in and out of the ICU, losing jobs, people behaving badly.

Really just loads of strife.

Surely has been a ration of absolutely crazy grossness happening all around these parts.

I, for one? Am tired of it. I'm ready for some smooth sailing again.

As many of you know, I went through a VERY rough patch in life about three years ago. Took me a LONG time, lots of money and lots of therapy sessions to get my head back on even close to straight.

Luckily, despite all of the crap that has been happening in the recent months, I'm totally fine. I might shed some tears and I might get angst-y at times, but for the most part? I'm really quite okay.

Big revelation to know that whatever is thrown at you, pretty much? Meh. Whatever. It can be dealt with. Just take it one thing at a time.

Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT having much fun with all the monetary turmoil and lack of income and waiting on the IRS to issue me my refund (yeesh) - however, as a wise friend once told me:

"If you can throw money at a problem to make it go away? You're in really good shape!"

And that's the truth. Money can be made. It can be gotten. Real problems and REAL sadness happens upon the death or illness of a loved one. Or when your loved one doesn't love you anymore.

THOSE are real issues.

Jobs come and go, friends sometimes come and go, houses come and go, money, cars, material stuff - all comes and goes.

What really matters?

Like we've all heard when someone is on their deathbed, they do not regret that they didn't spend more time in the office or at their job. They regret that they didn't take part in the every day joy of being with a loved one or friend. Spending time with the dog playing fetch. Playing baseball with their kids. Going for a midnight swim with their spouse.

Those moments that you look back upon and remember fondly? They certainly don't involve a stack of paperwork at your job.

So, as I'm going through the crap of daily life, I really really really do make the effort to take the time to smell the roses. And marvel at the little butterfly that landed on my Chinese poppies on Saturday. And take in lovely lavender color of the crocuses in my neighbor's yard.

The birds that are nesting in my yard bring me so much happiness! I know most people think I'm whacko because most days I take an hour or two just to go birdwatching and keeping track of the progress of the plants as spring warms us up.

I was just outside putting a letter in my mailbox, red flag up for the postman. (Who is delightful, by the way and also a transplant from MA!)

There are about a million little sprouts of lichens in the yard, wild snapdragons, Jacob's ladder, LOADs of life! Green sprouts of grass, red peony leaves and my beautiful bleeding hearts are bursting forth.

There's also a weird mystery plant that has found its way right next to the front door. Can't wait to see what the heck it turns into! It may be a cyclamen that seeded itself - I grow them inside in the upstairs bathroom and when the blooms or leaves are spent, I throw them out the window to adorn the walkway (even spent flowers are pretty to me).

Annnyway, I read a big article about the protests in Baltimore and all that's happening there.

Gives a person some perspective. I'm not gonna worry about a lost job or a few hundred dollars that someone stole from me. How lucky that I had the money to steal to begin with, right?

So, straighten up, fellow humans. Let's do this thing together. Let's help each other out. We are, after all, floating around a huge star on a planet that is mostly water and getting waterier every day.

I suggest we all learn to swim. Reeeaaaalllly well!

Yikes.

Take care of yourself and go forth and be nice to a stranger today. Make someone's day brighter.

Ciao for now and thank you for reading.

xoxo

Mom, You'll HATE This! My Dad probably will too!

This is an explicitly sexual video (no nudity) that Beyonce and her HUSBAND Jay Z did together. A love song to their marriage and their obviously very hot sex life!

More power to them!

If you don't have a good marriage and you don't have a hot sex life, why you be hatin'?

Jeez!

I've lucked out in my marriage with a kind, loving, wonderful man who treats me like a Queen.

Not quite @QueenB or @MrsJayZ, but close enough for this particular lady!  : )

If you're jealous, then just admit it. Beyonce works for the gorgeous body of hers. She's amazing, talented, sexy and young and has it all. But, guess what? She's also a person with feelings, hopes, desires and probably some disappointments along the way.

Same with Brian Williams. Don't be hatin' on him because his memory is a big foggy due to some (I'd imagine) pretty serious PTSD just seeing the war in Iraq and the devastation after hurricane Katrina.

How many times have YOU reported from a live war with shells being thrown at helicopters? How many times have you seen piles of dead bodies, bloated from levees broken?

Right.

So just leave these people alone and let them do their jobs of reporting or singing or whatever.

THEY ARE PEOPLE.

As are we? Sometimes I gotta question the motives of the bad people out there. I just don't get why making someone else feel BAD makes you feel BETTER.

It makes you small and bitter and very, very insignificant in my book.

SO, here's the video - don't watch it if you don't want to! Nobody makes you get on your computer, log onto MY private Idaho and then BASH me for it. Jeez.

Again, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything AT ALL.

The end. (Oh, and I CANNOT WAIT for the Grammy's tonight!! FUN!)

Ciao for now.

Ack and other sundries

So, my post yesterday had some dumb type-os. I hate that. It's embarrassing when put something out there and then come back to it the next day and find stupid missing or misspelled words.

Yeesh.

Anyway, my friend over there at Bye Bye, Pie raises a good point.

What's up with all the "meaningful-ness" every minute of the day here now?

I'm soooo tired of people trying to be meaningful.

Sometimes a good cry is just that. Gets it out of my system.

Sometimes when I write about something painful, it's just that. Writing about it to get it out of my head for a minute. I don't need flowers or a hug or your meaningful phone call.

Just let me be sometimes.

Case in point: I sent a picture of some beautiful birds to a person yesterday. She's part of the Audubon Society here in AK. Now, mind you, I've lead about 80 kajillion bird and whale watching trips from Canada to the Caribbean over the course of 30 years. I've got a little experience. And I don't put stuff out there if I've not confirmed and reconfirmed it to be true.

I do my homework.

I've got a thing from Mass Audubon, a thing from the Cousteau Society, a thing from a leading private College in Boston, two things from the Coast Guard, Phi Beta Kappa, Magna Cum Laude, and the list goes on and on.

Whatever. It's just what I enjoy, so shut up.

I'm not looking to brag. I'm just telling you I know my shit.

So, I sent this picture to this person and she turns around and texts me these big LONG ridiculous texts telling me that my bird ID is wrong. Well, I never SAID it was that kind of bird. I was TELLING you that the mixed flock had arrived and that they were in my treetops RIGHT NEXT to my bedroom window. I didn't SAY it was THAT particular kind of bird, I was simply TELLING you that they were here. (And, by the way, they're here in my yard again today, but guess what douchebag? You're not invited to see them now.)

Hunh.

Some people, right?

So she gets all bitchy and up in my bidness because I didn't expressly tell her NOT to give me her opinion.

Well, when someone DOESN'T ask for your opinion, that implies that it is not being asked of you.

Am I missing something here?

Do we now have to preface each statement with "Please. Do NOT give me your opinon!"?

Good heavens to Betsy.

So, when someone sends you a picture of a beautiful bird and tells you that there are also OTHER birds that are RARE in this flock, perhaps you can just text back and say, "WOW! Thanks for letting me know!"

I've been at this for a long long time. Just because I look young does not discount my 30+ years of experience in the field.

Don't assume that you know more than I do just because you're old and wrinkled and dried up. And you don't know ANYTHING about the subject, amateur.

This person came by last week and we talked about the birds and my sanctuary-ish yard for about 1/2 an hour. When she first pulled up in her car, she saw me outside getting the mail. And I saw the look on her face. She was one of those reverse-sexist people.

This is what I saw when she was sizing me up:

"Well, you're blonde. You've got blue eyes. Your house is beautiful. You've got a cute little dog. And a nice husband. So, you're obviously not a person with a BRAIN who could possibly know what the hell you're talking about."

So, Icky Person, this is what I have to say:

I've got a life list like you'd dream about. 

169 birds in the East 

(plus about 70 more in the Caribbean, California and Texas,

 but we don't have to talk about that) 

and 155 and COUNTING so far here in Alaska.

 I'm almost at the 500 mark for life birds.

How many have you've seen? Oh. 

Not close to 500 confirmed? Sorry 'bout that.

NOT.

Lately I feel like society has reverted into some sort of ugly version of itself from about 50 years ago.

Men don't respect me and women underestimate me. ALL. THE. TIME.

Alaska needs to get a life, get some education and get the f*ck into the 21st Century with the rest of the world.

Yeah yeah yeah, "Last Frontier." More like last in line at the "Free! Manners are FREE!!" giveaway.

Grow up. 

And just make ANY effort to BE NICE! 

Yeesh.

Ciao for now. I'm gonna go look a the gorgeous flock of Bohemian and Asian Waxwings that love my beautiful yard that I PLANTED to attract birds, butterflies and bees. TWEET!

Leave People Alone and BE NICE

For PETE's sake.

So much has happened in the last 48 hours, it's making my head spin.

My friend who was moving out tomorrow is now moving back IN!!  : ) I am not at all surprised. Three years is a long time to just throw away. However, someone's gotta do his part in making things work. I think the therapy thingy is a great idea. Total support being thrown your way, sister friend.

She makes is other people's business about what she's up to because she CHOOSES to blog about it. However, that does NOT give utter strangers the right to make judgements about what she wants to do or not. She happens to be my best friend of 46 years. I do have opinions about things, but it mostly stems from my overwhelming desire to protect her.

When we were kids she was a scrawny little thing (she still is rather petite which pisses me off because she's over there eating lasagna and Sonic burgers and I'm over here with my lettuce and one tablespoon of dressing!!).  I have not once been scrawny until I was an anorexic, running addict in college. That was the ONLY time I was told I was "too" thin.

It sent a thrill through me whenever someone commented on how skinny I was. It was positive reinforcement for a very terrible secret I was carrying. 

The secret was that I was an exercise-bulemic person. It wasn't a thing back then, so I was labeled as anorexic, but I didn't mind the label at all. I felt like it was a badge of honor or something stupid like that.

So back to my friend.

I am an athletic gal with lots of muscle mass - so I felt and STILL feel compelled to protect my bestie over there. She's a flibbitygibbit and neurotic and hypochondriacal and all the things I'm not!  We are polar opposites but have always sort of shared a brain. Same sense of humor, same oddball taste in men, same love of the word and all things associated with bathroom humor (much to my Mom's dismay).

We even look similar and when we were kids we were IMPOSSIBLE to be friends with. We judged everyone VERY harshly and both talk a mile a minute. It's really hard for others to keep up!

We try harder now to be more forgiving of others, but it can be difficult - particularly when you date or marry one of our old flames! Majorly judgmental then! Gotta be expected, right? Hee!

I had to call her a while back when I was in traffic in Massachusetts. I had to pull over from the giggle fits I was experiencing as I was calling her at work.

She whispered "Hi! What?"

I said, "I'm in traffic. Big moving truck next to me!"

And she said, "What is it?" 

And trying not to laugh just hearing her voice is impossible! 

She always makes me giggle even when it's sad news.

So, I said, "The name of the company? A. Duie Pyle!"

And we giggled and snorted for about five minutes and then she whispered, "I gotta go. Boss coming. Have a meeting. BYE!"

And I whispered "Ok. Bye!"

That's the majority of our exchanges.

"Baybee mouse in kitchen. Watched me make a BLT. Will keep you posted!"

That was my email to her recently.

And I got back "I WANT BAYBEE MOWSE!"

And we giggle from our opposite coastal locations and continue being ridiculous 46 years into this friendship!

So, sometimes when you see cryptic postings on Facebook, most times it's meant for her. To let her know I'm okay and what's been happening to me over here in GODFORSAKEN Alaska!!

My puppy dog, baybee mowses, voles, mooses, bears, the baby squirrel who lives in my garden shed, the pretty songbirds in my yard that swooped in at sunrise today and are twittering in the plum tree and spruces in my back yard! So beautiful. Bohemian and Asian waxwings, chickadees, nuthatches, magpies, some sorta sparrows, hundreds of birds here right now!

Between my garden and the critters, I'm completely happy. I don't need human interaction even on a daily basis. And my bestie over there is the same way.

I have such issues LIVING with a person. Ugh. Living with people is terribly hard, if you ask me. I'm much better off left to my own devices about 99% of the time.

When I feel like being social, well, WATCH OUT!! I'm crazy social until I get totally burned out, and then I make my big retreat into my home, my yard, my writing, reading or even watching my favorite comedians online or the many DVDs I've got upstairs.

Which, natch, brings me to Russell Brand's new video about humanity and what it means to have good intentions and good will toward your fellow human.

I'm just gonna throw it out there because I used to watch those terrible, addicting shows about people behaving badly. All the Real Housewives bullshit on Bravo & the rag shows like TMZ or others.

They truly are bad for you and bad for everyone involved. It's a money making machine for rich people and it preys upon our morbid curiosity for how the "pretty people" really live. Well, let it come as no surprise, these shows are scripted and have story lines that the "actors" pitch to the producers. I know people in Beverly Hills who are real friends of the Vanderpumps and the Kyles and the rest of them.

Those rotten shows are simply a way for the rich to get richer and the rest of us to get dumber and be fed the KoolAid by the Koch Brothers and the rest of those assholes.

So, stop. Just stop it. Be smart. Get smarter. Take a class, read a book, wonder at the natural beauty that surrounds you each day whether it's a whale or a little tiny mouse or even an amazing insect like the Luna Moth I found the day before I left for Alaska! I had the whole restaurant marveling at this gorgeous creature, in total wonderment at what is sometimes right under your feet.

Here's the video by Russell Brand...I am his #1 fan right now.

Ciao for now!

Commence the niceness. Thank you!

There's a story, of a lovely lady...Or beauty is only skin deep. And it's fleeting. Owch.

First off, free speech is a thing. It's real and it works and it creates positive social change.

When I write these works of fiction on my blog, it is to prove a point. 

The point is, that when you are shitty to other people, there are repercussions. 

I'm not wishing ill upon anyone. Not a soul. 

To the contrary, I'm gonna try to help you as best I can. I'm gonna do what I can to help you when you're in need. I did that. 

However, I'm NOT a doormat. You can't do what you want, when you want to whomever you want and expect that I'm not going to take notice. Right?

Jeez. You're smarter than all that. And I tried and tried and tried. And got my heart stomped on a bit, but I'll be okay. I promise. And I'm gonna code this so no one can read it. Except you, if you're smart enough to be able to read code. Oh. Wait. Right. You're more concerned with partying and your make up than those who really care about you. Right. I forgot that. 

Too bad. 

So, again. And again. And again. And NOW again.

This is my story. A story. It might be fictional, it might not be. And Free Speech is the First Amendment to the Constitution. It's also a real thing and you might want to read about it.

Put down the makeup and get out a book. Read. Pet your dog. Stop the madness.

Going to the club and hanging out until 5am or not sleeping for 48 hours is decidedly NOT cool. It's the opposite of cool.

If you recognize yourself in this forum that is mine, and I do not use your name at all. AT ALL, then there's probably something going on.

The only person who even saw the damn thing was my own Mother and your Mom, because she knows what I'm doing and where I am and what's happening in my life (because she's a good mother), then where's the issue?

The issue is that you treated other people very unkindly, left a big mess, hurt the feelings of my darling husband who was only kind and protected you, and you confused the LIFE out of me until I caught on.

I had to hide my belongings, lock my doors vigilantly, hide my cameras and other valuables - and even then a video camera, given to me as a gift, went missing as I looked for it a couple weeks ago and again last night. See, I was going to loan it to a friend who was interested in using old video equipment, but it was taken from my home while I slept one night.

That's some scary stuff to realize, that when you're fast asleep in one room, there are people that you don't know - AT ALL - going through your things and taking whatever they feel they are entitled to take.

I'm not saying it was you! I know it wasn't you. You leave things behind! I saw the little gifts in the bathroom, and I appreciate them. They are lovely and rather extravagant and I thank you for them.

However, I'd really like to not have to do laundry for two days and then take out the bags of garbage that will now cost us extra money and time to dump.

My husband and I were discussing it this morning (he's really upset) because no one likes to feel used. No one likes it. Ever. That's why those boys react the way they do. That's why I reacted the way I did. That's why I didn't want to see you or your precious dog when you offered to come back.

My heart is aching but not broken. I've had my heart broken and it took me three long years to put it back together again. I'm thankful I was able to do that and am grateful to the people who helped me.

I'm not trying to defend you or whatever. At some point there is no excuse for bad behavior and that's why you had to leave. That's why people talked about you and said unkind things about you. And me.

The level of complete self-absorption was really something I've rarely experienced.

I was also self-absorbed as a kid your age, but it was NOT to the detriment of people that treated me kindly.

I was taught (as you were) to go out of your way to be kind to others. Always and to a fault.

My husband was trying to juggle about 85 things these past three days. The death of a young person, their grieving family and friends. I had a virulent flu and nearly had to go to the hospital on Saturday. He had to take care of our little puppy dog who was missing her friend SO badly. And then groceries, dishes, the odd people coming to our home looking for you at night. And sometimes in the early morning. The guy who tried to break down our door looking for you. So, we had to call the police. Then there was the other guy, there, that got you involved in GOD only knows what with the fake ID and all that bullshit.

As I told you, my dear little friend, if you recognize yourself in one of my ranty posts, it's because I am simply writing about MY experience, and if you recognize yourself, honey? It's because you didn't do the right thing by us and by several other people who have reached out already to ask if they can come over and console us or do anything to help.

More than mad, I'm just disappointed and so very sad. Really sad. I truly love you, still do, but I don't get why you would do those things to upset poor Mr. Big who never hurt anyone for a minute.

I'm hoping this will rattle your cage. You are a beautiful person - your downfall, perhaps, right now.

The beauty, however, is only skin deep. And it fades and then what? What have you got left?

An empty cage and people and others who've flown the coop long ago.