Blogging In a Fog!

This is Karen and me. We were probably four or five years old here.
This was one of the puppies our neighbor dog, Spooky, brought to my house to show us.
Spooky was an incredible dog.
My goodness we were cute! Still are, if you ask me.

Lady and Koty were in love at first sight. Inseparable.

 Hi. It's not foggy out at all. My brain is foggy because I've done nothing but copy edit for the last five days. Read read read read and then edit edit edit edit. Oy.

I've also been house-, dog- and cat-sitting for a week and a half so I've not even been home which adds another layer of "Huh?!" to my world. I wake up in a different bed (which sounds racy, but I assure you it's not) and I've got to reconstruct where the hell I am TODAY when my eyes finally focus!

Right now I'm with fabulous Mr. Blazer! He's the sweetest nicest boy - with the white face and soulful eyes. He really looks like a beagle on steroids with smaller ears than normal. He probably weighs close to 100 pounds and is just starved for attention. Lucky for him the neighbor is my pal Kathy who takes him out for walks and stays with him when his momma is out of town for her job.

Kathy is just one of those people you meet along the way who will absolutely break her neck to do something nice for others - especially if they are four-legged and furry! She's got a heart the size of the Grand Canyon and is just a hoot and a half. She's almost my Momma's age but you'd never know it given her schedule! She's always - and I do mean ALWAYS on the go. Cleans for people at their houses and businesses, walks a bevy of dogs each day (including Mr. B) and house- and pet-sits for countless people.

I can barely keep up with her!

In any case, I've just finished copy editing my first full-length book. I can't disclose the author or subject matter just yet, but it's a reference book that will be in the Library of Congress and I'm just about bursting that my name will be at all related to it. My name. In the Library of Congress. That's some shit, man.

The feeling of pride I have keeping true to my heart; knowing that if I worked really hard and stuck to what I KNOW I am able to do - I KNEW it would all work out for me somehow.

I've got a lot of faith in the universe, karma, God - however you want to call it. I know I'm a good person and that I've got so much to offer. I'm not afraid of the hard choices or to speak up for myself these days!

And the reason for that? Well, there are many - but the REAL reason is that I have the world's best friends and family. I really do. I love all of you so much it kind of hurts sometimes.

I miss you all terribly and look forward to the snippets when I get to be with all of you.

I know a lot of my family and some friends were and still might be concerned for me. I appreciate it so much. Knowing you all care is all I need! I know you all think I might slip back into that dark place I was a few years ago.

Nope. Ain't gonna happen. I like myself for the first time in my life. I appreciate the skills I've garnered and professional relationships I've forged. I appreciate the legislation I helped make to protect the whales and fish and birds off the coast of Massachusetts and beyond.

Hell, I look at my resume and I wonder who the HELL is that person? She's pretty accomplished! Wow. I'd like to meet that person!

After all that I've been through in the last three years I deserve a bit of a break, don't you think? Between my second and third husbands most women would have melted into a puddle. Boy, that asshole third husband... What a creep, right? The ONLY thing I miss about him is the dog. Poor Beebles.

So, today is a day of reflection for me. Today is husband #2's 42nd birthday. I wish him happiness.

It's also the three year anniversary of me selling and moving out of my house on Derby Street. Crazy shit.

It's also when I started my unexpected journey into therapy and getting brutally honest with myself and everyone else. I know a lot of you didn't like the "new" me; the undepressed me. Well, I ain't sorry for the shift I've gone through. I'm strong as an ox and super proud that I won't be told how to be in the world.

I got very tired of the "is that what you're wearing?" Or, "if you'd wear your hair up, you'd look much prettier." Or, "what did you do today? Did you exercise?" That was my favorite.

Did I exercise?

Let's see. I walked our two dogs for 30 minutes, twice. Did the woodwork on the boat, polished the boat, cleaned the house, tended and watered our gardens, went to a client's and gardened, made dinner and did some laundry. Oh, and I made you lunch and walked it down.

Yeah. I had a TON of time to get on the elliptical and "exercise."

Ugh.

He made me feel so horrible about myself. He actually once told me that making fun of me and watching me eat and monitoring everything I did was "fun" for him.

It was that moment that I knew I needed to get the hell away from him.

Can you imagine telling someone that making someone else feel inferior was "fun?"

I sure hope he remembers he did that stuff to me. I also sure hope his new wife doesn't put up with that kind of crap.

As for Mr. Sunshine, I'm afraid he's just doomed to be unhappy. He has no intention of ever getting help or getting honest about his utter lack of empathy and the black hole in his chest where his heart should be.

I also sure as hell hope this man NEVER lies to lure another woman into his vacant world. Karma. It's real. You'll find out.
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This day is also one of reflection for me as I wrap up the book job and the dog-sitting job here...

My pal of pals is going through a terrible thing today. RIP Talu. I'm so so so sorry. I wish I could take the pain of this away, but there is no way.

This is Sadie. One of the sweetest beings ever to be born.

Lady, Koty and Sadie are still always on my mind all these years later. As are Neshi, and all of my Mom's and Dad's dogs; all of the doggies and kitties and birds at my Aunt and Uncle's house; Aunt Sis's dogs, Grandma and Grandpa's dogs...All of my friends and their wonderful pets.

It's God's cruellest trick - to give us these critters that love us no matter - and then they go away far too soon.

It's the worst pain I've endured, for sure. And, yes. We all know it gets easier over time, but once in a while there's a really really special critter that comes into your life. When they go - like when my Lady and Koty died - a bit of my heart just will never be the same.

Even my Aunt's dog, Serena - I cried almost as hard over her as I did when my own dogs died. Her dog, Lily is super special, too. Just something about her...

My Mom's dog, Jack - he's a particularly sensitive little munchkin. He's blind and diabetic, bless his little soul.

Another one that springs to mind is my friend Erika's dog Bear. I call him my Bear-ito because I could just eat him up he's so sweet to me.

Another special one is Callie - a blonde border Collie. She's SUCH a special dog and has the best moms in the world.

And of course, Talu. She is just such a great great dog. Regal and amazing and smart. I'm so very sad you have to go through this, Karen. Sending you love. I will always be on Team Tallulah.

________________________________________________________

So, anyway. I'm having one of those emotional days - which is totally fine.

I wish I had all the money in the world so I could fly everywhere and comfort my friends and family who need me for good or sad occasions.

I'd also use that money to create a giant sanctuary for any critter who needs TLC. I'd make it into a retreat center for people who also need TLC. Nothing makes a person feel better than helping feed an orphaned baby otter or sloth or elephant that needs 24 hour care!

I've got nothing more to report other than I'm going to take a drive today to sit by the ocean and look for marine critters and birds. I need a nature day to refresh my weary body and mind.

Thanks for reading.

Ciao for now and GO PET YOUR CRITTERS!!

Celebration of Earth Day

Sunset in Martha's Vineyard a few years ago.

Evening camping in Homer, Alaska

Sunset over the Alaska Range near the mouth of the Kasilof River.
We caught 9 beautiful sockeye salmon the next morning.

Hi everyone! Happy Earth Day!

Despite the gray day we're having here in Alaska, I'm feeling good. Slept like a baby and my arm is feeling better a bit today after I did WAAAY too much with it yesterday.

I have a fractured bone in my wrist - an injury I first sustained when I was like 7 or 8 years old - and it never healed quite right, so I've re-fractured this same dang bone probably  5 or 6 times over the years. It doesn't take much. I was digging in the garden and heard the distinct "snap" when it came apart.

There's nothing anyone can do except immobilize it and try to rest it. But, for those of you who know me all too well, I'm kinda gung-ho about cooking or moving furniture or gardening.

Kinda like a bull in a China shop when it comes to my body. I'm always and forever bruised, cut or hurt! Right now my right groin is not quite right again, my index and ring fingers on my right hand are all cut up and my wrist is bad and my back is all tight from vacuuming and moving couches yesterday (don't ask).

Ugh.

I cannot sit still. I'm sure I've got some form of ADHD or some such thing. I'm definitely a whackadoo. I know that for certain.

Today started very nicely with blue sky and birdies tweeting all over the place. Right now I've got juncos, red polls, nuthatch and chickadees chirping and beeping outside the window!  The Stellar's jays come through later, magpies are always around and then my Raven friend who makes the sounds like a dripping, echo-y faucet is never too far away.

Eagles circle overhead all the time. Gyrfalcons, Marsh hawks, owls, a million duck species, ring-necked pheasant, Sandhill cranes, falcons, osprey (in MA), kestrels (in MA)...

I've also seen some HUGE starlings in the yard, Mountain chickadees, pygmy nuthatch (so cute), brown creepers, yellow flicker, warblers (of some variety), white-banded crossbills (amazing), some sort of small swallows, Plain titmouse, Winter wren, and others I'm sure I'm forgetting.

So fascinating the different critters that inhabit this part of the world. We get these interesting accidentals, too, like the Asian Waxwing that were mixed in with a BIG flock of Bohemian Waxwings we had here in January and February. I've not seen a lot of them lately.

In the course of the last year, I've seen well over 100 new animal species (in the wild, of course) including a LARGE red fox, caribou, many moose, 1 grizzly bear, 30+ black bears, many Beluga, a Pacific white-sided dolphin, a Dall's porpoise, several Stellar's sea lions, river otters, sea otters, giant Sun Stars, GIANT jelly fish, harbor seals, Dall's sheep, mountain goats, and on and on the list goes.

All the changing landscapes as I traveled from The North Atlantic to the North Pacific were so interesting. Seeing the Rocky Mountains for the first time? Crazy. Absolutely overwhelming.

A quote from Nathaniel Hawthorne.
I worked and lived across the street from the House of the Seven Gables.

Black bear Momma.

Canadian Rockies in Banff.

Kayaking with icebergs in Portage Lake.

All the different trees I've seen - Alders, scrub willow, scrub sage, huge redwoods, Sitka spruce that are GIANT, Aspen, HUGE birch. I've got a spruce tree in the back yard that is only about 50 years old and he is just gigantic. Made thousands of spruce cones for the birds and squirrels this past year. Still has cones up top!

I've also met people from every corner of the Earth. Native Alaskans that live in the Pribilof and Aleutian Island chains. People who herd reindeer, people who live from the Earth and respect the Earth and all of its wonders.

People who would never, in a million years, litter and leave their trash behind.

People whose spirit is so strong it sometimes overwhelms me.

People who have recognized my love and reverence for animals and plants and even little natures like spiders and beetles.

People that tell me I am a whisperer of animals. Which I find to be the highest compliment you could ever give me!

Since I was a kid (and my Mom and Dad will attest), I've had a probably unhealthy attachment to all of my animals and even the ones that are supposed to live outdoors. I go to Switzerland, for instance, and come back with a million pictures of the Swiss Brown Cows!

Mammals are not in my diet now, either. The very occasional piece of bacon may jump into my mouth, but 99% of my protein intake is seafood and organic dairy. I can barely even eat chicken anymore. I love chickens. I love their personalities!

I never wanted to kill any of the animals I found (except maggots and slugs - they give me the heebeejeebees!), I only wanted to understand them and talk to them.

For a long time when I was a kid I thought I was a fish - I'd be in our pool or in the lake or in the stream pretending I was a fish. My poor parents would have to basically drag me out of the water to get my skin to un-pickle! Ironic that I hated taking baths, right? I was a grubby little thing.

My Mom would have to sneak into my room to wash these disgusting blue polyester pants I had that were my favorite. Those pants probably could have walked out of my room they were so dirty and disgusting!

Now, of course, I'm a neat freak. Organization is EVERYTHING to me, from my work stations, kitchen, bathrooms, garden equipment.

The only thing I allow to get messy is my car. It's the dog car and gardening car. Why clean it all up when Beebles is just gonna snot it up, get it hairy and then I'm gonna throw dirt and 8000 plants in there? Silly to clean it.

Man, I've still got hair in there from Lady, Koty and Sadie! It's basically a time capsule with wheels.

Tangent there much? Yeesh. My brain. Gotta wonder what the hell happened to me that my brain is so bazonga.

Right now I'm texting with a good friend, Kari. She's gonna come by for lunch. I love feeding people. In the fridge I've got fresh, homemade marinara, crab/vegetable chowder, Dungeness crab legs, turkey breast, croissants, sourdough bread, cheeses, salads, vegetable lasagna (no noodles) and lots of juices like V-8, San Pellegrino Arranciata and Limonata, Orange Juice, 9-berry juice from Costco, Limeaid...

So, what better way to celebrate Earth Day than to have lunch with a friend, play with my pooch in the back yard, watch some birds (and chat with them, of course), then will go out to Balto Park and Point Woronzof and pick up trash.

Sending love out there to all of my peeps near and far. Love you all and miss you.

Ciao for now.

xoxo

A public garden in Seville, Spain. Amazing.

Gardens at an amazing Hotel called Barcelo de Bobadilla in Loja, Spain.
One of the most incredible places I've ever been.

Oleander is everywhere in Spain. Luscious.

Snorkeling near Norman Island in the British Virgin Islands.

Parrot fish smiling at me! He's actually at a cleaning station - see the fishy on his back?
He's got more in his mouth that clean his chompers. This was in Roatan Honduras.

Puffer fish. I love these guys.

Getting ready for a biiiig yard sale tomorrow - so here's THIS!!

The Roots, Jimmy Fallon and Madonna!

BOOM!

We all need a Holiday, right?

Ciao for today. Busy day today!

xoxo

On Mommas, Fathers, Daughters and Others

The Chickens and I had a nice talk in October! THE GIRLS!!

So, there've been a lot of goings on in the last few months. What with the attempts at identity theft, bad behavior, burglaries, shootings, nasty weather, mild weather, birds, whales, dolphins, seals, sea lions, otters, mooses, Valentine's Day, Alaska, Salem, Boston, The Grammy Awards, #SNL40 celebrations, Discovery Channel here in town, Huffington Post posts, etc.

A lot. LOT LOT.

But one thing remains. My friends and family and the concept of having a sense of place.

Home. Really a HOME and not just a place that you lay your head.

It's warm, it's inviting, it's filled with good will and trust. Food and drink and comfort and caring.

And home can travel with you. 

I know it did for me as I trekked across the continent in my little VW Passat with my beloved plants and most cherished belongings!

My husband and I made homes all along the way, whether it was a camp for a night or two or renting a tiny cabin in the middle of the Cassiar in British Columbia at the base of the GIANTEST Canadian Rocky Mountains.

Banff, Jasper, Canmore, Lake Louise - every human on the planet should be required to go through these places. Thunder Bay. Land's End. Homer, Seward, Hope, Cook Inlet, The Turnagain Arm Fjord, Kenai Lake...And the list goes on and on and on.

After I'm done here I'm gonna hop into my little car and head over to Point Worzonoff to gaze at the magic of the Alaska Range and the Talkeetna mountains. Mt. Susitna (Sleeping Lady) rests right across the inlet.

Who DOES that? Denali will be out today along with Mt. Spurr, Mt. ReDoubt and Mt. Illiyamna.

ReDoubt is a volcano! It blew in 2009. A volcano is over there. And I'm LOOKING AT IT!

What?

Then there are the flocks and flocks of birds. Raven that have a vocabulary of 68 words.

?HUH?

It's all so mind-blowing that it hurts!

Well, again...The grounding that we need comes from our Moms and Dads. It used to be a bad thing to get grounded, right?

Well, now, I RELISH the groundings! Thank you! Please, may I have another?

When the times are tough, they're only half as tough when you have love in your life.

And When the times are good, they're TWICE AS GOOD because you have all these people that love you and care about you and want the best for you!

Those little gems were dropped on my head by my beloved Papa. He's the best. BEST!

Those parents of yours know their sh*t, to be crass for a moment!

So, listen dearheart turning 16 yesterday! Listen other dearheart who just turned 25 on Saturday:

We love love love you. Big sloppy, messy, complicated, sometimes confusing love.

That's how it works and we cannot turn it off to save our souls.

Wouldn't want it any other way.

Love completely and fully and with WILLLLLD abandon. It's the only way to the truth.

And, as the old cliche says "The truth shall set you free."

Be free, young chicken!

Free as a little bird riding the wind.

Never stop to wonder at the marvel of a feather or a butterfly or a tiny tiny spider that makes his living by weaving a complicated, beautiful web.

There is a web and it's not the internet; it's every one and every thing.

Kindness and love always overcome the bad. Because that's just how it is. Karma. It's real.

It's never ever ever wrong to get yourself hurt or in sometimes sticky situations. That's how we learn and grow.

And then, just move on.

Grieving is necessary and it's deeply personal. Your gut will tell you when it's time to move on. 

And last, but certainly not least:

EVERYONE's got baggage. It's just how you carry it.

Carry on and be kind!

And Happy Birthday!

Ciao for now.

Mom, You'll HATE This! My Dad probably will too!

This is an explicitly sexual video (no nudity) that Beyonce and her HUSBAND Jay Z did together. A love song to their marriage and their obviously very hot sex life!

More power to them!

If you don't have a good marriage and you don't have a hot sex life, why you be hatin'?

Jeez!

I've lucked out in my marriage with a kind, loving, wonderful man who treats me like a Queen.

Not quite @QueenB or @MrsJayZ, but close enough for this particular lady!  : )

If you're jealous, then just admit it. Beyonce works for the gorgeous body of hers. She's amazing, talented, sexy and young and has it all. But, guess what? She's also a person with feelings, hopes, desires and probably some disappointments along the way.

Same with Brian Williams. Don't be hatin' on him because his memory is a big foggy due to some (I'd imagine) pretty serious PTSD just seeing the war in Iraq and the devastation after hurricane Katrina.

How many times have YOU reported from a live war with shells being thrown at helicopters? How many times have you seen piles of dead bodies, bloated from levees broken?

Right.

So just leave these people alone and let them do their jobs of reporting or singing or whatever.

THEY ARE PEOPLE.

As are we? Sometimes I gotta question the motives of the bad people out there. I just don't get why making someone else feel BAD makes you feel BETTER.

It makes you small and bitter and very, very insignificant in my book.

SO, here's the video - don't watch it if you don't want to! Nobody makes you get on your computer, log onto MY private Idaho and then BASH me for it. Jeez.

Again, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything AT ALL.

The end. (Oh, and I CANNOT WAIT for the Grammy's tonight!! FUN!)

Ciao for now.

Not Possible for me to Love Jimmy Fallon more

than I do right now after watching this AMAZING performance by James, Kevin Hart, Will Ferrell and Drew Barrymore!

(By the by, Drew Barrymore looked absolutely stunning!)

Here's nice morsel for you to enjoy and have a good giggle: