Blogging In a Fog!

This is Karen and me. We were probably four or five years old here.
This was one of the puppies our neighbor dog, Spooky, brought to my house to show us.
Spooky was an incredible dog.
My goodness we were cute! Still are, if you ask me.

Lady and Koty were in love at first sight. Inseparable.

 Hi. It's not foggy out at all. My brain is foggy because I've done nothing but copy edit for the last five days. Read read read read and then edit edit edit edit. Oy.

I've also been house-, dog- and cat-sitting for a week and a half so I've not even been home which adds another layer of "Huh?!" to my world. I wake up in a different bed (which sounds racy, but I assure you it's not) and I've got to reconstruct where the hell I am TODAY when my eyes finally focus!

Right now I'm with fabulous Mr. Blazer! He's the sweetest nicest boy - with the white face and soulful eyes. He really looks like a beagle on steroids with smaller ears than normal. He probably weighs close to 100 pounds and is just starved for attention. Lucky for him the neighbor is my pal Kathy who takes him out for walks and stays with him when his momma is out of town for her job.

Kathy is just one of those people you meet along the way who will absolutely break her neck to do something nice for others - especially if they are four-legged and furry! She's got a heart the size of the Grand Canyon and is just a hoot and a half. She's almost my Momma's age but you'd never know it given her schedule! She's always - and I do mean ALWAYS on the go. Cleans for people at their houses and businesses, walks a bevy of dogs each day (including Mr. B) and house- and pet-sits for countless people.

I can barely keep up with her!

In any case, I've just finished copy editing my first full-length book. I can't disclose the author or subject matter just yet, but it's a reference book that will be in the Library of Congress and I'm just about bursting that my name will be at all related to it. My name. In the Library of Congress. That's some shit, man.

The feeling of pride I have keeping true to my heart; knowing that if I worked really hard and stuck to what I KNOW I am able to do - I KNEW it would all work out for me somehow.

I've got a lot of faith in the universe, karma, God - however you want to call it. I know I'm a good person and that I've got so much to offer. I'm not afraid of the hard choices or to speak up for myself these days!

And the reason for that? Well, there are many - but the REAL reason is that I have the world's best friends and family. I really do. I love all of you so much it kind of hurts sometimes.

I miss you all terribly and look forward to the snippets when I get to be with all of you.

I know a lot of my family and some friends were and still might be concerned for me. I appreciate it so much. Knowing you all care is all I need! I know you all think I might slip back into that dark place I was a few years ago.

Nope. Ain't gonna happen. I like myself for the first time in my life. I appreciate the skills I've garnered and professional relationships I've forged. I appreciate the legislation I helped make to protect the whales and fish and birds off the coast of Massachusetts and beyond.

Hell, I look at my resume and I wonder who the HELL is that person? She's pretty accomplished! Wow. I'd like to meet that person!

After all that I've been through in the last three years I deserve a bit of a break, don't you think? Between my second and third husbands most women would have melted into a puddle. Boy, that asshole third husband... What a creep, right? The ONLY thing I miss about him is the dog. Poor Beebles.

So, today is a day of reflection for me. Today is husband #2's 42nd birthday. I wish him happiness.

It's also the three year anniversary of me selling and moving out of my house on Derby Street. Crazy shit.

It's also when I started my unexpected journey into therapy and getting brutally honest with myself and everyone else. I know a lot of you didn't like the "new" me; the undepressed me. Well, I ain't sorry for the shift I've gone through. I'm strong as an ox and super proud that I won't be told how to be in the world.

I got very tired of the "is that what you're wearing?" Or, "if you'd wear your hair up, you'd look much prettier." Or, "what did you do today? Did you exercise?" That was my favorite.

Did I exercise?

Let's see. I walked our two dogs for 30 minutes, twice. Did the woodwork on the boat, polished the boat, cleaned the house, tended and watered our gardens, went to a client's and gardened, made dinner and did some laundry. Oh, and I made you lunch and walked it down.

Yeah. I had a TON of time to get on the elliptical and "exercise."

Ugh.

He made me feel so horrible about myself. He actually once told me that making fun of me and watching me eat and monitoring everything I did was "fun" for him.

It was that moment that I knew I needed to get the hell away from him.

Can you imagine telling someone that making someone else feel inferior was "fun?"

I sure hope he remembers he did that stuff to me. I also sure hope his new wife doesn't put up with that kind of crap.

As for Mr. Sunshine, I'm afraid he's just doomed to be unhappy. He has no intention of ever getting help or getting honest about his utter lack of empathy and the black hole in his chest where his heart should be.

I also sure as hell hope this man NEVER lies to lure another woman into his vacant world. Karma. It's real. You'll find out.
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This day is also one of reflection for me as I wrap up the book job and the dog-sitting job here...

My pal of pals is going through a terrible thing today. RIP Talu. I'm so so so sorry. I wish I could take the pain of this away, but there is no way.

This is Sadie. One of the sweetest beings ever to be born.

Lady, Koty and Sadie are still always on my mind all these years later. As are Neshi, and all of my Mom's and Dad's dogs; all of the doggies and kitties and birds at my Aunt and Uncle's house; Aunt Sis's dogs, Grandma and Grandpa's dogs...All of my friends and their wonderful pets.

It's God's cruellest trick - to give us these critters that love us no matter - and then they go away far too soon.

It's the worst pain I've endured, for sure. And, yes. We all know it gets easier over time, but once in a while there's a really really special critter that comes into your life. When they go - like when my Lady and Koty died - a bit of my heart just will never be the same.

Even my Aunt's dog, Serena - I cried almost as hard over her as I did when my own dogs died. Her dog, Lily is super special, too. Just something about her...

My Mom's dog, Jack - he's a particularly sensitive little munchkin. He's blind and diabetic, bless his little soul.

Another one that springs to mind is my friend Erika's dog Bear. I call him my Bear-ito because I could just eat him up he's so sweet to me.

Another special one is Callie - a blonde border Collie. She's SUCH a special dog and has the best moms in the world.

And of course, Talu. She is just such a great great dog. Regal and amazing and smart. I'm so very sad you have to go through this, Karen. Sending you love. I will always be on Team Tallulah.

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So, anyway. I'm having one of those emotional days - which is totally fine.

I wish I had all the money in the world so I could fly everywhere and comfort my friends and family who need me for good or sad occasions.

I'd also use that money to create a giant sanctuary for any critter who needs TLC. I'd make it into a retreat center for people who also need TLC. Nothing makes a person feel better than helping feed an orphaned baby otter or sloth or elephant that needs 24 hour care!

I've got nothing more to report other than I'm going to take a drive today to sit by the ocean and look for marine critters and birds. I need a nature day to refresh my weary body and mind.

Thanks for reading.

Ciao for now and GO PET YOUR CRITTERS!!