Amazing Poem.

By Oriah © Mountain Dreaming from the book The Invitation



The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me 
what you do for a living. 
I want to know 
what you ache for 
and if you dare to dream 
of meeting your heart’s longing. 

It doesn’t interest me 
how old you are. 
I want to know 
if you will risk
looking like a fool 
for love 
for your dream 
for the adventure of being alive. 

It doesn’t interest me 
what planets are 
squaring your moon... 
I want to know 
if you have touched 
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened 
by life’s betrayals 
or have become shrivelled and closed 
from fear of further pain. 

I want to know 
if you can sit with pain 
mine or your own 
without moving to hide it 
or fade it 
or fix it. 

I want to know 
if you can be with joy 
mine or your own 
if you can dance with wildness 
and let the ecstasy fill you 
to the tips of your fingers and toes 
without cautioning us 
to be careful 
to be realistic 
to remember the limitations 
of being human. 

It doesn’t interest me 
if the story you are telling me 
is true. 
I want to know if you can 
disappoint another 
to be true to yourself. 
If you can bear 
the accusation of betrayal 
and not betray your own soul. 
If you can be faithless 
and therefore trustworthy. 

I want to know if you can see Beauty 
even when it is not pretty 
every day. 
And if you can source your own life 
from its presence. 

I want to know 
if you can live with failure 
yours and mine 
and still stand at the edge of the lake 
and shout to the silver of the full moon, 
“Yes.” 

It doesn’t interest me 
to know where you live 
or how much money you have. 
I want to know 
if you can get up 
after the night of grief and despair 
weary and bruised to the bone 
and do what needs to be done 
to feed the children. 

It doesn’t interest me 
who you know 
or how you came to be here. 
I want to know if you will stand 
in the centre of the fire 
with me 
and not shrink back. 

It doesn’t interest me 
where or what or with whom 
you have studied. 
I want to know 
what sustains you 
from the inside 
when all else falls away. 

I want to know 
if you can be alone 
with yourself 
and if you truly like 
the company you keep 
in the empty moments. 

Jimmy and Bruce! Love this!

Incredible!

The Nitty and the Gritty

A cute snow bunting. I saw some today on a walk!

SO, the other day when I started blogging again, I sort of skimmed over the misery of the last couple of years. A lot happened in the last two years. A heaping pile of terrible.

The deep and abiding depression that went along with overwhelming losses that JUST.KEPT.COMING was the hardest part of all. Unless you have experienced deep depression, it is just about impossible to impart the feeling and the utter hopelessness that a person experiences.

Now, mind you, this is coming from a person over here who has been upbeat, optimistic, positive and downright cheerful pretty much her entire life. I have had some bouts of sadness, blues, and some somewhat depressed times in my life, but this? This was something else entirely.

This was depression like I had never known. Before, even when I was sad or feeling blue, I kind of innately knew that things would be fine and that I'd be fine and that my life was just fine, deep down. However, this time around, there was no hope or innate feeling that things would be fine. On the contrary, I felt that things would never, ever be fine again. There were no glimmers of hope. Nothing at all.

Of course, people that like and love you don't want you to feel so wretched, so they give advice and try to solve your depression away with ideas --

"Just call a friend and go out! You just need to get out!"
"How about online dating? Have you tried that?"
"How about taking a yoga class?"
"How about  going for a walk? Being in nature always makes me feel better!"
"Try to focus on the good things! Really, it could be worse!"
"Think about how good you have it compared to those earthquake victims (insert any disaster scenario here). Imagine how THEY feel!"
"Well, you wanted the divorce, didn't you? This is what you wanted! You should be glad!"

And my most favorite thing that someone said to me after my beloved dogs had died, my husband left, I had to sell my house and put all my things in storage, my Grandma died and then a good friend who I loved and adored ALSO died (and that's not even a remotely complete list of the horrid things that happened in the last two years):

"I'm so jealous! It must be amazing to be so unencumbered. If I were you, I'd travel, and take advantage of being so free!"

Uh...yeah. I'm just livin' large over here. Livin' the dream, man. You'd trade places with me, huh?

Riiiiigghhhht.

So, if you get my drifty-poo, next time someone you know or love is experiencing deep depression? Just tell them that you are so very sorry and that you are there for them. Tell them that you love them and will support them if they need or want to talk. Just listen to them and tell them that you hear them.

And bring them food. I dropped 25 pounds because I couldn't eat.

Don't SOLVE their problems with stupid cliches "Ohhh, it could be worse, you know! huh huh huh..." Or this favorite "God closes one door and opens another, huh huh huh..."

The only advice that was good and sound was that I should talk to my doctor about it (which I did) and try anti-depressants (which I did but I didn't find one that really helped) and lastly, get thee to therapy. I was lucky enough to find a wonderful therapist who really helped me get to the heart of a lot of issues and triggers. The most important lesson of all that I've learned through all the darkness - was to be kind to myself.

I'm still in therapy but the tone and content has changed drastically in the last couple of months. And, in fact a few days ago, I had tears of utter relief because I realized I was feeling fine! Not great, not yaaahooo, or yippee or anything momentous. I was, and am still today, feeling fine.

Fine, in comparison, feels like a miracle.


PS - the most incredible representation of what it feels like to be depressed is via the brilliant blog by Allie Brosh called Hyperbole and a Half. Click here if you'd like to see it. It's truly amazing.

WHAT Were They Thinking? Or - Fire Your Stylist Immediately

 And here we go with the ranty portion of this here blog. Do enjoy!

Okie dokie. I'm fed up to HERE with Zoe Deschanel and her cutesy bit. GROW the EFF UP already. You are no longer 17 and adorable. You are a woman and you bug. This is a ridiculous look if you are older than about 14 (and I'm being kind). All matchy matchy with the bed spread top and ballerina tulle skirt and the BOW IN YOUR HAIR? Really now? Ugh. She bugs.

Olivia Wilde a.k.a. the Green Latex Tube. 

Blech.

Drew Barrymore. Princess Cupcake Sprinkles.

Again, enough with the cutesy bit. 

She bugs.

Julia Roberts looks confused. And frankly, it's not flattering, it's weird and it's just dumb. 

In other words? I didn't like it. 

Julia's look reminds me a lot of the Sharon Stone disaster look at the Oscars in 1998:

Lord help me. First off, Paula Patton is dumb as a stump. Have you ever seen her interviewed? She acts like she's on drugs or drunk or both. And she's married to that idiot Robin Thicke and don't get me started on HIM! Ugh. Annnnnnywho, this dress is atrocious. 

She looks like a giant bleached potato chip to me.

And this was just plain disappointing. This dress does NOTHING for her. And the clunky necklace and the hair down all just are too much. If I had her body I'd always be wearing dresses that were form-fitting and a nice, flattering color. This looks like a bad bridesmaid dress and makes her look chunky, which we all know is decidedly NOT true. 

Oy to the vey with this. The color alone is SO unflattering. Ugh. No need to beat girlfriend up, but Lena? Please, for the love of all that is holy and good, please, please, 

I'm imploring you to PLEASE hire a good stylist. Mmmmkay?

Haley Cuoco + this awful dress = Haley No no.

Shoulder ma-pads? YUCK. And this new trend of red and purple or red and maroon or red and orange? U to the G to the LEEE. Julie Bowen also needs to hire a new stylist immediately. She always has too much going on, bows and geegaws and bustles and trains and now shoulder pads. Oy.

This also was a huge disappointment to me. She's been looking beyond faboo lately and I was really hoping for something gorgeous. Nope. The pink part is too nipply and then the color blocking and the up/down skirt part and then the pink on the interior of the skirt and that terrible hairdo? Nope. Big miss.

Really? A marshmallow gunny sack? What? Oh, Jenny honey. No. Just no.

Reese is sporting the newest in the Jantzen formal swimsuit line. This sporty green floor-length maillot can take you from the award show to the pool without needing to change! A real time saver!

And now, for the biggest a**hole of the evening:

This is some nobody socialite person from England or something. And she looks utterly ridiculous.

Ok. End of rant. I feel better now. Phew.

Ciao for today! xoxo

The Best Commentary on Our...ummmm...Commentary?

I'm doing another post today on the Golden Globes (the "What was she thinking?" installment), but it's taking a long time because I have to find the pictures, load them on my desktop and then upload them to blogger.com. This is taking a loooong time since blogger.com is S.....L.....O...........W today. Must be lots of peeps blabbing on their blogs today. So, in the meantime, here is a veedeeeo for your viewing pleasure. I just LOVE this and have watched it a million times and it never ceases to thrill me! 

Hope you like it, too!

Check back later my little rant on the badly dressed at the GG.

Too cute not to post..the Dog Goldberg Machine by Beneful!

The Best at the Globes that are Golden

First, thanks for the well wishes via comments and Facebook. I appreciate it a lot. 2013 was the worst and I'm very thankful it has passed.

Now, onto the important stuff, right?

So, my four top favs at the Golden Globes were:

Lupita Nyong'o:

Perfection in every way. The color, the fit, her makeup, the minimal jewelry...Wow. Just wow.

Next favorite was Cate Blanchette:

 

She looks like a superstar. Her hair, the collar of the dress (usually not a fan of a high collar on formal dresses), the drape of the material and the BACK! Ohmygod the back of that dress! Lemme see if I can find a picture... Oh good - here's the back if you didn't see it at the show:

I am generally not down with the "business in front, party in the back" look, particularly at these types of awards shows, but this dress just worked on her and fit her body to perfection. And you could tell that she knew she looked beautiful. Another wow for me.

Next up? I just love Elisabeth Moss. I love her spunkiness and her personality. She was on Watch What Happens Live not too long ago and she really seems like a genuinely nice person. Someone I'd be happy to befriend. And the big controversy about her giving the middle finger to the stupid "mani-cam?" Really, people? This is all you've got to worry about these days? Sheesh. Annnnnyway, she looked perfect. The hair, the hair color, her minimal makeup, the jewelry, THAT dress and those teensy shoes. I loved how this fit her also gave the illusion that she is littler in the middle that she really is (not that she's big in any way - she's got the perfect body in my book). And, again, I'm generally not a fan of the high/low dress, but this is JUST right on her. I give her stylist two big thumbs up!

And lastly on the list of favorites - here we have Margot Robbie from the new Scorsese film, The Wolf of Wall Street. Holy moly! Really a perfect combination here. The makeup, the hair, and that DRESS! Generally again NOT a fan of the white dress (they can be too wedding-y) and also never a fan of the slit-up-to-there dress, but the angle of the slit and the fit of this dress make it completely un-offensive. Again, big points to the stylist on this entire look.

Honorable mentions for me were: Sarah Hyland (first, below, from Modern Family) she looked adorable and age-appropriate. And Zoe Saldana (second, below) - an interesting dress that just looked interesting on her. I liked it a lot.

 Kerry Washington, below, always looks great. She really knows how to dress.

Uma Thurmon (below) looked amazing. This picture doesn't really do her justice, but on the live show she looked spectacular. And Julia Louis-Dreyfus - WOW! (second, below) Another woman who just knows how to dress. She's also age appropriate, sexy and holy cats, she was so funny during the show!

And lastly, this was a big trend at the show, the metallic dresses. I am decidedly NOT a fan. Even Naomi Watts, who probably weighs more than my ink pen, looked like she had a tummy in her liquid-y gold dress. It's a very difficult look to pull off (like the shiny fabrics, too). In any case, the person who I think wore the best of the metallic dresses was Kate Beckinsale. Could she be any prettier? And, again, not usually a fan of the mermaid look, but this worked on her. I liked her hair and the minimal jewelry that didn't compete with the bold dress.

So, that's the big GG best of the best for me. Next up will be the "Ohmygod what was she thinking" category. There were a lot of them for me! Hope you're having a good Tuesday! 

Ciao for now.

I'm baaaacccck!

This will be a SHORT first installment of my re-installment on Life With Flowers!

I will talk more about what the heck has been going on that I've been missing for 11 months. Quick timeline explanation:

My two dogs died + separated from husband after 13 years together + adopted new dog + dog has extreme mental/behavioral issues + start most miserable job of my entire life + have to sell my house + formalize divorce + have to pack entire life up & move out + move in with a friend + ex-husband moves in with his girlfriend, gets engaged, married, buys new house + I have to give up my dog + quit miserable job & loss of a lot of friends along the way = Deep depression and sadness and sense of loss like I never knew could exist.

It's been a long, hard road to hoe. I'm finally feeling like myself again (with a large dose of humility added), so I'll be discussing hard-hitting issues like the best and worst dressed of the Golden Globes (among other truly meaningful subjects!)!

For now, I must vamoose, as I have a therapy session and I cannot miss it!

Ciao.