Celebration of Earth Day

Sunset in Martha's Vineyard a few years ago.

Evening camping in Homer, Alaska

Sunset over the Alaska Range near the mouth of the Kasilof River.
We caught 9 beautiful sockeye salmon the next morning.

Hi everyone! Happy Earth Day!

Despite the gray day we're having here in Alaska, I'm feeling good. Slept like a baby and my arm is feeling better a bit today after I did WAAAY too much with it yesterday.

I have a fractured bone in my wrist - an injury I first sustained when I was like 7 or 8 years old - and it never healed quite right, so I've re-fractured this same dang bone probably  5 or 6 times over the years. It doesn't take much. I was digging in the garden and heard the distinct "snap" when it came apart.

There's nothing anyone can do except immobilize it and try to rest it. But, for those of you who know me all too well, I'm kinda gung-ho about cooking or moving furniture or gardening.

Kinda like a bull in a China shop when it comes to my body. I'm always and forever bruised, cut or hurt! Right now my right groin is not quite right again, my index and ring fingers on my right hand are all cut up and my wrist is bad and my back is all tight from vacuuming and moving couches yesterday (don't ask).

Ugh.

I cannot sit still. I'm sure I've got some form of ADHD or some such thing. I'm definitely a whackadoo. I know that for certain.

Today started very nicely with blue sky and birdies tweeting all over the place. Right now I've got juncos, red polls, nuthatch and chickadees chirping and beeping outside the window!  The Stellar's jays come through later, magpies are always around and then my Raven friend who makes the sounds like a dripping, echo-y faucet is never too far away.

Eagles circle overhead all the time. Gyrfalcons, Marsh hawks, owls, a million duck species, ring-necked pheasant, Sandhill cranes, falcons, osprey (in MA), kestrels (in MA)...

I've also seen some HUGE starlings in the yard, Mountain chickadees, pygmy nuthatch (so cute), brown creepers, yellow flicker, warblers (of some variety), white-banded crossbills (amazing), some sort of small swallows, Plain titmouse, Winter wren, and others I'm sure I'm forgetting.

So fascinating the different critters that inhabit this part of the world. We get these interesting accidentals, too, like the Asian Waxwing that were mixed in with a BIG flock of Bohemian Waxwings we had here in January and February. I've not seen a lot of them lately.

In the course of the last year, I've seen well over 100 new animal species (in the wild, of course) including a LARGE red fox, caribou, many moose, 1 grizzly bear, 30+ black bears, many Beluga, a Pacific white-sided dolphin, a Dall's porpoise, several Stellar's sea lions, river otters, sea otters, giant Sun Stars, GIANT jelly fish, harbor seals, Dall's sheep, mountain goats, and on and on the list goes.

All the changing landscapes as I traveled from The North Atlantic to the North Pacific were so interesting. Seeing the Rocky Mountains for the first time? Crazy. Absolutely overwhelming.

A quote from Nathaniel Hawthorne.
I worked and lived across the street from the House of the Seven Gables.

Black bear Momma.

Canadian Rockies in Banff.

Kayaking with icebergs in Portage Lake.

All the different trees I've seen - Alders, scrub willow, scrub sage, huge redwoods, Sitka spruce that are GIANT, Aspen, HUGE birch. I've got a spruce tree in the back yard that is only about 50 years old and he is just gigantic. Made thousands of spruce cones for the birds and squirrels this past year. Still has cones up top!

I've also met people from every corner of the Earth. Native Alaskans that live in the Pribilof and Aleutian Island chains. People who herd reindeer, people who live from the Earth and respect the Earth and all of its wonders.

People who would never, in a million years, litter and leave their trash behind.

People whose spirit is so strong it sometimes overwhelms me.

People who have recognized my love and reverence for animals and plants and even little natures like spiders and beetles.

People that tell me I am a whisperer of animals. Which I find to be the highest compliment you could ever give me!

Since I was a kid (and my Mom and Dad will attest), I've had a probably unhealthy attachment to all of my animals and even the ones that are supposed to live outdoors. I go to Switzerland, for instance, and come back with a million pictures of the Swiss Brown Cows!

Mammals are not in my diet now, either. The very occasional piece of bacon may jump into my mouth, but 99% of my protein intake is seafood and organic dairy. I can barely even eat chicken anymore. I love chickens. I love their personalities!

I never wanted to kill any of the animals I found (except maggots and slugs - they give me the heebeejeebees!), I only wanted to understand them and talk to them.

For a long time when I was a kid I thought I was a fish - I'd be in our pool or in the lake or in the stream pretending I was a fish. My poor parents would have to basically drag me out of the water to get my skin to un-pickle! Ironic that I hated taking baths, right? I was a grubby little thing.

My Mom would have to sneak into my room to wash these disgusting blue polyester pants I had that were my favorite. Those pants probably could have walked out of my room they were so dirty and disgusting!

Now, of course, I'm a neat freak. Organization is EVERYTHING to me, from my work stations, kitchen, bathrooms, garden equipment.

The only thing I allow to get messy is my car. It's the dog car and gardening car. Why clean it all up when Beebles is just gonna snot it up, get it hairy and then I'm gonna throw dirt and 8000 plants in there? Silly to clean it.

Man, I've still got hair in there from Lady, Koty and Sadie! It's basically a time capsule with wheels.

Tangent there much? Yeesh. My brain. Gotta wonder what the hell happened to me that my brain is so bazonga.

Right now I'm texting with a good friend, Kari. She's gonna come by for lunch. I love feeding people. In the fridge I've got fresh, homemade marinara, crab/vegetable chowder, Dungeness crab legs, turkey breast, croissants, sourdough bread, cheeses, salads, vegetable lasagna (no noodles) and lots of juices like V-8, San Pellegrino Arranciata and Limonata, Orange Juice, 9-berry juice from Costco, Limeaid...

So, what better way to celebrate Earth Day than to have lunch with a friend, play with my pooch in the back yard, watch some birds (and chat with them, of course), then will go out to Balto Park and Point Woronzof and pick up trash.

Sending love out there to all of my peeps near and far. Love you all and miss you.

Ciao for now.

xoxo

A public garden in Seville, Spain. Amazing.

Gardens at an amazing Hotel called Barcelo de Bobadilla in Loja, Spain.
One of the most incredible places I've ever been.

Oleander is everywhere in Spain. Luscious.

Snorkeling near Norman Island in the British Virgin Islands.

Parrot fish smiling at me! He's actually at a cleaning station - see the fishy on his back?
He's got more in his mouth that clean his chompers. This was in Roatan Honduras.

Puffer fish. I love these guys.

Nathaniel Hawthorne was a Saint

This is a quote from Nathaniel Hawthorne's birth home.
It is emblazoned on the wall in his parlor.

I'm not sure if you've ever read Nathaniel Hawthorne's works - from his poems to his beloved Sophia to his master works like The House of the Seven Gables or The Scarlet Letter.

Sophia writes of her husband's work:

I am always so dazzled and bewildered with the richness, the depth, the ... jewels of beauty in his productions that I am always looking forward to a second reading where I can ponder and muse and fully take in the miraculous wealth of thoughts.

Another Hawthorne quote from his birth home, now in situ at The House of the Seven Gables in Salem, Masssachusetts. I lived across the street from HSG National Historic Landmark District for 20 years.

I happen to adore and admire and simply love Hawthorne's way of expression. His simplicity and complexity are all intertwined in the sweetest, most loving and romantic of word choices:

What we need for our happiness 

is often close at hand, 

if we but knew how to seek for it.

This is on my mouse pad. I read it every day and I remember to be grateful for all that has been shown,  given and blessed upon my soul. God is good, God is great, Yaaay God!  : ) That was one of my first prayers and it still works for me! 

Now, I ain't talking religion or some place you gotta go to give thanks. It can happen every single minute and taking pleasure in a beautiful vista, an apple or your puppy dog or a fine cup of coffee. It's the same.

Yesterday I found some writings that I had written from the time I was 14 up until just last year. I'll share what I wrote two years ago after I lost my dogs, my husband and my job. Little did I realize I'd also lose my home, my beloved Grandma Marion and then my Marcel and I was left holding a big old bag of shit. 

Here's the passage:

The things that are completely

taking over my thoughts.

I cannot and do not feel like

doing anything.

My brain is no longer clear.

I am so fucking sad.

I am so fucking lonely.

I cannot concentrate or think in

a linear way.

I am constantly worried about 

money.

I am constantly worried about

my financial security if I

cannot find a job.

I made a BIG mistake only taking

2 years of alimony. I was

NOT thinking straight at the

time and was in the post-separation

state of euphoria.

I worry about Dallas.

I worry about myself withOUT Dallas.

(

Will I get out of bed?

Will I feel even more lonely?

Will I just want to give up?

What the fuck am I going to do for

work? I feel useless and like

I have no skills.

Why doesn't anyone seem to care

except for my Mom & Dad &

occasionally Dan?

I reach out to people & they can

only be there for me for a 

short while. They don't stick

around??

Where is Karen? Where is Penny?     { (they were there all along) }

Where am I going to go?

What do I need to do?

How the fuck did everything get so

bad all at the same time?

Why did my therapist treat me so poorly

at the last appointment?

I need to sell this fucking house.

And then What?

   Where do I go?

    What do I do?

     Who will even care if I

          stay or go?

How do I start all over again?

How much longer can I go on feeling

     this way? I can

      barely fucking function.

This is so totally suck. I want

     someone to help, but there

     is no one. So, that leaves

     me.

I feel numb.

I don't care about anything.

How is it that there are people

     all around, but there is no one?

I need a break. One good. really good -

     thing to happen.

I just feel so tired. And spent.

     And overwhelmed and sad.

Am I going to regret this with 

     Dallas? I want him to be okay

     and I want ME to be okay.

Will I ever feel happy and silly and

     like myself again?

WHEN.

I don't want to wait much longer to 

     have me back. I don't like

     this person. this feeling. these

     thoughts that keep me frozen.

I am scared.

Am I going crazy?

Why won't this just go AWAY?

SO, yes. There's that. It's the age old dilemma of letting go in order to break down into a million shards of brokenness. In the break-down is the delicious task that lies ahead of building up from a place of innocence and grace. My Dad and Mom and both my wonderful step-parents told me to have faith and hope. Keep your head down and just plunge forward into that abysmal nothing and there WILL be something at the end. They all told me that. My cousins, my Aunt, my Uncle, a few essential souls that reached out to me out of nowhere. You all know who you are and I love you desperately for helping me when I didn't know how to help myself.

And then this morning. I had a friend over last night and he's a young and up and coming poet and artist. Nate is his name. Well, Nathaniel is his name...Here's what he wrote to me after I gave him a book last night (and it's hand written in gorgeous cursive like Hawthorne himself):

In the end, their was a new

Time behold, my emotion your

This treasure is more than I could fathom

Upon this time, my words may not grab them

   Lost I am for this world

     But this gift brings my hand 'for Saints.

His name is Nate Rank. Watchout world. He's on his way!

(Aren't words wonderful?)