Uno Mas for your giggling pleasure

Getting ready for a biiiig yard sale tomorrow - so here's THIS!!

The Roots, Jimmy Fallon and Madonna!

BOOM!

We all need a Holiday, right?

Ciao for today. Busy day today!

xoxo

I Did! I Did! I Did the Iditarod!

I walked the entire route. In my heavy Bogs boots and my GoreTex coat and warm Marmot snow pants and my knitted hat and Black Diamond gloves.

LOOK!!! LOOK!! Video from Saturday...

It was everything I had hoped but a million times waaay more cool. Not even exaggerating.

The dogs! The mushers! The hustle, the bustle! The helicopters and volunteers! The handlers, the camera people and reporters! It was soooooo amaaaaaaaazing. Everyone should experience the magic of Alaska and the Iditarod. Innnnncreeediiible.

Words fail.

Donate online to IDITAROD TRAIL COMMITTEE INC at Razoo

I have a flu bug, so please enjoy these sillies...

And no day of funnies would be complete without a word from our best pun-pal and jokester,
Hank:

A mounted police officer was on his horse waiting to cross the
street.

A little girl On her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and
handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa
to put a reflector light on the back of it!'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
'Nice horse you've got
there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered,
'Yes, he sure did!'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said:

'Next year tell Santa; 

The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top'!

Thirsty Thursday and a word from Hank

Sunrise in Grand Teton National Park. Shared via Instagram:http://instagram.com/wildernesssociety. Photo by Chip Phillips.

The title up there is in honor of my friend, Bob, who recently lost his Papa. They are a wonderful family and each Thursday the whole clan of them would get together either at someone's house or one of the many great places downtown and they'd have a meal together and a few pints.

Families like theirs are what we all saw in those paintings when we were kids - grandparents, parents, kids, grandchildren and even sometimes great-grandchildren if you were lucky enough to come from "good stock!"

Well, I was one of those lucky ones who got to meet and know both my maternal and paternal great-grandparents. Can you imagine? I remember them clearly and I was just a mere peanut of a thing when I met them all. I remember them all to be so much larger than life - they knew so much and had done so much.

My paternal Great Grandparents came over from Germany during the war. They were the "good" Germans. Picklemanns and Foresters - picklers and forest people. No wonder I like vinegar and trees so much - it's in my blood!

On the other side they were far more demure, but also farmer people. Some of my relatives still farm the land. They emigrated from places like Ireland and England, went to Michigan and that's the end of that story! Michigan is totally in my blood.

My parents were childhood friends, which I find so interesting, since I've been pretty much a vagabond my entire life. I've never really "settled" anywhere. Wanderlust has also always been in my blood. I love traveling, seeing new and exotic places, meeting new people, learning about other cultures and food and art.

Since I was a fetus I was raised to be kind of odd. My parents were not part of the 9-5 "normal" people. My Dad was a radio announcer-personality, the morning man on the most popular radio station in our region. My Mom was an outspoken, smart lady who ran her own advertising agency. It wasn't unusual to turn on the radio and hear a commercial written by my Mother, produced by my Father and sometimes even had all of our voices broadcasting over the air!

It was an idyllic childhood filled with mischief, mud pies, fishing, cavorting until dark (and sometimes well after dark), camping, building snowmen or sometimes snow "warts." Hot chocolate, mulled cider, pumpkins, donuts right off the press, hay rides, lots of presents and good friendships.

There were many concerts, plays and visits to museums. Symphonies, ballets, golf, tennis and softball tournaments. I kind of marvel at my childhood given the fact that my parents were children themselves when they had me. My Mom was merely 20 and my Dad only 21 when I came into this world. When I was 20? I think maybe I knew how to tie my shoes. Good gravy! Having a baby when you're that age is completely nuts!

Neither of my parents went to college, but that is not a bad thing. They really had their shit together (as much as a person can at 20 and 21). I would have had NO business having a kid when I was that age. Shit, I can barely keep it together these days and I'm knocking on 50 this coming May. How do people do it?

I briefly talked to my good friend yesterday. She's a single mother, she's only 43, SO smart, so incredible, high-powered sales job, makes SIX figures, manages to work from home most days, has a gorgeous house, beautiful garden, nice car, an involved Father to her child - you get the picture. She's one of those "has-it-all" type women. Well, no wonder this amazing woman has insomnia and drives herself so hard that she just has a meltdown every so often...How is anyone supposed to keep all those balls up in the air like that?

I'm lucky if I shower, get dressed and make a few dollars each day. Not to mention keeping up with cleaning, laundry, the garden, food shopping, cooking, dishes, taking care of the dogs, trying to do my writing each day, promoting my new business and then the social stuff that is necessary to maintain some semblance of "normalcy."

And I don't even have a kid! That's another whole ball of wax, there! Feeding them, getting them off to school, caring for their emotional well-being, coordinating their pick-ups and drop-offs, play-dates, social time, alone time, reading, writing and arithmetic...I do not, for the life of me, understand how you parents all do that shit and then have any time left for anything else?!! It amazes me.

When I visit my friends who have children, I generally have a fabulous time with the kids. I tend to find kids far more interesting than most adults. Kids have wondrous imaginations and, for them, the sky is the limit - and these days, the sky ISN'T the limit. My own amazing little cousins are out there in hyperspace all the time, flying giant planes and going places that test the imagination.

In any case, kids are super cool and I do have some regrets that I didn't test out my maternal skillz by having a child. However, I DO know that when I'm with my friends' kids I'm EXHAUSTED after about 3 hours. I don't know how parents do that stuff full time! Again, amazed by the parents out there who are doing their damndest to do it up right. Amazing.

So, the moral of this story (is there?) is that I'm giving mad props (terrible saying) to my 'rents and to the other parents out there. Kudos to all of you.

For today, I will leave you with a funny email from my good pal, Hank! Happy holidays to you and yours and thanks for reading:

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the  page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? * Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple? * The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? * It will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? * No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? * You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? * Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a  wall, how long would it take four men to build it? * No time at all, the wall is already  built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? *Any way you want, concretefloors 

are very hard to crack.

A picture of Antarctica from NASA. Amazingly beautiful, our Earth.

Monday Musings

So, my last post was rather ranty - about immigration, but mostly a response to John Boehner's blatherings about Obama's executive order providing relief to 5 million immigrants who were in danger of deportation.

I'm going to try not to be so ranty and provide a more balanced look at subjects in the coming year (an early resolution).

Of course, the other side of immigration is over-population and the troubles that arise from it - lack of infrastructure, non-insured overwhelming the health care system, not enough books for some schools in areas inundated by children of illegal immigrants, and the list goes on.

Rarely is there an issue that is completely black and white. However, we cannot just solve these issues by ignoring them (i.e. Congress sitting on a bill for over a year) or creating a one-size-fits-all solution to a very complex problem (i.e. the executive action).

The real basis for the bigger problems in the US (I believe) is the refusal of our Congress to work with a Democratic president. The lame-duck approach to government is an affront to ducks. At least ducks seem to get along and get their shit done in a timely matter.

Is there a way to refuse to pay these fools for a job not done? If we all behaved as they did, we'd lose our jobs. We certainly wouldn't get paid and we wouldn't get our pensions and insurance paid for the rest of our days. I certainly don't have all the solutions, but I can identify that unless Congress gets a bit of a fire under their collective asses, we have two more years of this ridiculousness to come.

Ok. I'm done with that (for the moment).

In other world news, my husband is doing MUCH better with his shoulder and biceps. He's able to dress himself and even wash his own hair!! Score for me!

My Dad's wonderful wife just has surgery this morning. Spinal fusion and a laminectomy. Ouch. I spoke with her in the recovery room, and she's in a lot of pain, but doing okay...good thoughts her way are appreciated.

And lastly, my beautiful friend Bob, who lost his partner Marcel to liver cancer last summer - well, his Dad just died on Friday. Again, any good thoughts or prayers you've got laying around waiting on a good cause - well this is a good one. Bob is no less than an angel on earth. One of the most wonderful people I've ever had the pleasure to know. In fact, his whole family sort of adopted me after my divorce - warmly, welcomingly and kindly. They deserve only the best. Much love to them.

Now for something completely different!

I just saw a TED talk this morning about a singer from Australia who struggles with a speech impediment in her daily life. She's a great speaker and makes the case about not judging people. I love these TED talks. Really uplifting. I often get them via a great site called Upworthy - they collect all manner of stories from around the internet that will make you feel better about humans (and sometimes other animals!)...This TED talk is worth the 13 minutes. Click HERE to see it.

Now, to round out the day, a few sillies that have tickled me recently...

My two dogs? Their names are commonly, "Stopitstopitstopit!"
and "Heyheyheyheyheeeeyyyy!"

I adore John Oliver. I would love to be stuck
in a room with John Oliver, Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart!
How much fun would THAT be?

World's best photo-bomb EVER!!!

Thanks for reading! Ciao for now.

Funday Monday

I'm tired of complaining. I've got bigger fish to fry than to scold our government.

The headlines are disheartening though. Pipeline? Sure. Health care? Who cares about Americans.

See, there I go complaining again.

So, my friend of pun fame has been on a roll of late! I've gotten some doozies from him and I FINALLY have a moment to myself to post some fun stuff! I've also cooked up a storm today. I made a giant pasta and sausage marinara sauce with onion, portobello mushrooms and then a million cheeses from provolone to cheddar to mozzarella to parmesan. All layered up and cooked to perfection:

Then I made a quiche lorraine with some mild herbs - thyme, dill, paprika, celery seed, garlic - and that has a few cheeses in it as well. This has a mushroom, onion, potato flake crust! Decided to fancy it up with rounds of baby red peppers:

Went on a hike with Mr. Big and Tall yesterday - he's doing SO much better after a very tough week last week. (I think it was tougher on me because I wasn't in lala land with the pain meds.) Anywho, here are a few of my favorite pictures from yesterday. We were in a place called the Campbell Tract in the foothills of the Chugach Mountains:

This is a type of lichen called Old Man's Beard.
It's really pretty and feathery.

Beautiful sky in the afternoon.

These little guys are adorable.
Like a tiny forest at the base of many of the trees.

More lichens. Such a lovely array of color. 

Bract fungus on a birch.

After our hike we got a bite to eat and then got back home to watch the New England Patriots beat the Colts! Boy, Brady sure looks good this year!

Now, as promised, onto the funnies from our dear friend, Hank:

I  had amnesia once -- or twice.

    *****
Protons have mass?  I didn't even know they were Catholic.

    *****
I am neither for nor against apathy.

    *****
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

    *****

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

    *****
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

    *****
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he

grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

    ******
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

    *****
One nice thing about egotists ... They don't talk about other people.

    *****

I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not sure.

    *****
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

    *****

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and

I'll show  you a man who can't get his pants off.

    *****

Is it just me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough. So the husband went to the clinic and told them that he and the missus didn't want to have anymore children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it was expensive.

"A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherrybomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put 
it in a beer can then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in 
a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
'1'
'2'
'3'
'4'
'5'
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas,Mississippi, and parts of Georgia, Missouri, and West 
Virginia.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I LOVE this one:

An elephant was drinking at a riverbank one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. The elephant ambled over and kicked the turtle across the river.

"Why did you do that?" asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, you have quite a memory," commented the giraffe.

"Yes," said the elephant, "I have turtle recall."

Ok. That's all for today! Hope you're having a good Monday. Ciao for now.

Halloween approacheth!

This is the first year in over 20 years that I find myself living away from Salem, MA during Halloween. Now, for 99% of the world that means absolutely nothing. But for those of us who have lived in the Halloween Capitol of the World (and we take that title quite seriously), it all just feels so strange to be away!

In recent years I dressed up as Cleopatra, Snooki (I know), Manny Ramirez and a host of other ridiculous outfits meant only to make others laugh and point! It's a good excuse to be silly and dance and laugh and show others how "adulthood" does not have to equal "boringhood!"

Here's a bit of the ridiculousness that was my life during October in Salem, MA:

The domestic Cleopatra! (I miss that gorgeous kitchen of mine)

My bestie, Karen. We were probably four or five here.
I believe we were going for Fairy-Princess this particular Halloween.
She can probably tell you the exact date, the time of day and what we ate for dinner.
She's one of those people who has a steel trap memory. Amazing.

Butterflies - homemade by my Momma!
It rained this particular Halloween and I remember crying because my
beautiful costume started to disintegrate! Booo hoooo!

Snooki!! My ex-husband went at Mike - The Situation this year! Hilarious

 Here are the decorations I did today in Alaska! Werd to my Salem homies!

Fall/winter in Anchorage...

Our perpetual motion machines, Phoebe and Jax! 

Spiral staircase with skulls and purple LED lights!

Huh?

Gay skeleton! Faaaabbulooous (said like Paul Lynde would)....

So that's the dealio from AK today! I hope you're all having a wonderful, safe Saturday. 

Ciao for now,
xoxo

A Few Gems from Hank. My GOODness I love his sense of humor!

A man walked into a bar. He told the bartender that he didn't have any money, but he would show the bartender something amazing in exchange for a drink. It was a slow day, so the bartender agreed.

The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a frog, a hamster and a tiny piano. The frog started playing a fantastic jazz solo. Then the hamster started singing along in an amazing duet. Impressed, the bartender gave the man a drink.

Just then another bar patron rushed up to the man and offered him $1,000 for the singing hamster. The man instantly agreed to the deal.

The patron paid the man and quickly left with the hamster. After the patron left, the bartender couldn't keep quiet anymore and exclaimed, "I can't believe you sold a singing hamster for only $1,000!"

The man shrugged and said, " the frog is a ventriloquist."

The Pleasures of Reading...

I love to read. When I have nothing to do I pick up a book and read. Sometimes I read for fun. Other times I read to learn something. I really enjoy reading.

Sometimes I become unhappy while reading. I will be enjoying a fine story when all of a sudden a big word will stare back at me. Now I know a few big words but, after all, isn't it true that in simplicity there is beauty?

Take the other day. While reading a particularly engrossing story I ran across the word "scree."  I later found out that the word "scree" meant "pebbles and rocks." Why didn't the author just say "pebbles and rocks?"

Another thing. People just can't say anything the simple way any more. Yesterday I read about a guy "adroitly manipulating the shifting mechanism!" So he threw the car into second gear.

Now if I were a writer, I would try to avoid confusing my readers. We all feel that confused and pompous prose has no place in contemporary society. It does no good to engulf you readers in a sea of indistinguishable trivia.

I feel quite strongly about this. I feel that perpetual adherence to enigmatic expression stultifies intellectual response. Furthermore, excess circumlocution inevitably leads to incomprehensible mayhem.

When authors engage their literary crampons into my lethargic intellect, I feel like poking my pate into a catatonic mound of fronds and lianas. I would rather ascend icy scarps or embroil my ego into a capacious sea of undulating hummocks than perambulate through a plethora of insatiable verbiage.

It all leaves me flaccid as a sprag.

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads "Talking Dog for Sale." Intrigued, he walks in.

"So what have you done with your life?" he asks the dog. "I've led a very full life," says the dog. "I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home."

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog's owner, "Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?"

The owner says, "Because he's a liar! He never did any of that!"

It's all Hank's Fault...

Another gem via my beautiful friend, Hank, who I love and adore!

Thanks, Hank:

The Pleasures of Reading...

 

I love to read. When I have nothing to do I pick up a book and read. Sometimes I read for fun. Other times I read to learn something. I really enjoy reading.

 

Sometimes I become unhappy while reading. I will be enjoying a fine story when all of a sudden a big word will stare back at me. Now I know a few big words but, after all, isn't it true that in simplicity there is beauty?

Take the other day. While reading a particularly engrossing story I ran across the word "scree."  I later found out that the word "scree" meant "pebbles and rocks." Why didn't the author just say "pebbles and rocks?"

Another thing. People just can't say anything the simple way any more. Yesterday I read about a guy "adroitly manipulating the shifting mechanism!" So he threw the car into second gear.

Now if I were a writer, I would try to avoid confusing my readers. We all feel that confused and pompous prose has no place in contemporary society. It does no good to engulf you readers in a sea of indistinguishable trivia.

I feel quite strongly about this. I feel that perpetual adherence to enigmatic expression stultifies intellectual response. Furthermore, excess circumlocution inevitably leads to incomprehensible mayhem.

When authors engage their literary crampons into my lethargic intellect, I feel like poking my pate into a catatonic mound of fronds and lianas. I would rather ascend icy scarps or embroil my ego into a capacious sea of undulating hummocks than perambulate through a plethora of insatiable verbiage.

 

It all leaves me flaccid as a sprag.