 |
| This causes me great fits of laughter. It goes on for pages like this... |
 |
| Did someone lose a kitten? |
 |
| Then. |
 |
| Now. |
 |
| If you click on this and enlarge it, you will see the totem that was given to me by a new friend who is a Native Alaskan. She felt moved to paint this without even knowing my background. It is a blue-eyed Eagle with Orca teeth and an open mouth calling out. The Eagle's eye has silhouettes of a Magpie, a Raven and an Eagle in its pupil Amazing. Gives me chills. Thank you again, Karen. You can also see the logs that were fitted and shaped to make the walls. Each was handmade to fit. |
People from every part of the world read this blog (I have no idea why) and people from all over the world and every walk of life are "friends" with me on Facebook and then now want to follow me on Twitter.
It's really confusing to me. I can see if you've met someone in person and enjoyed a conversation or have a common goal or interest via other friends, that you might connect with someone you don't necessarily know.
However, this whole notion of someone who has NO connection to me whatsoever would want to read my drivel or see the environmental or social justice stuff I put on Facebook and Twitter? I find that just strange!
I'm an old fashioned gal. Verging on 50 years old, I am told again and again that my attitude and looks do not match the number. I'm thankful that I look and act young - however that gives some people the need to discredit the fact that I AM almost 50 and have that many years of experience under my belt.
The conclusions I've reached over the course of a half century have been hard-learned lessons. Since I am terrible at receiving advice or "constructive criticism" I have made many mistakes and have had my heart broken a bunch and have endured several disasters.
I've done a lot of therapy is what I'm saying!
And therapy is not easy. It's really one of the hardest things I've done. I've done marriage counseling with all three husbands now (yeesh), have done individual talk therapy on several occasions - a year of intensive therapy just a little over a year ago. I also did two years of group therapy with men and women in the group lead by a wonderful therapist.
It's very strange to be in therapy with another person or other people. I once was in a different group for a short time and quit after just two sessions because there was a woman in my group who intensely hated me for no good reason. She resented my femininity and positive attitude.
???
What the hell? How the hell does that make me a bad person?
People are so damn strange. That's why I like animals and plants so much. They do no pre-judge and make ridiculous claims.
That's also why I cannot STAND working in an office environment. It's ridiculous the rumours and stupid gossip that inevitably happens in those places.
Give me the ocean, a hiking trail, a lake or a garden. Thank you very much.
Even this whole thing of living with another person or other people. It's HARD to live with someone and constantly feeling like you have to compromise.
I'm lucky in that I get to work out of my home. I get to write here in my living room. I get to have my alone time as much as I really need it.
The idea of the forced social interaction ALL DAY LONG with other people you work with? Ugh. Makes my skin crawl.
So you gotta be social ALL DAY and then go home and have PEOPLE there that want to talk to you? UGH.
Again, it's likely an only-child thing. Only children just are different, I think.
If I don't have time and space to myself each day, I really feel like I'm going to explode. And I've talked to so many other people whose experience is utterly the opposite. They HATE being alone. I simply cannot imagine hating being alone.
Truly, the thing that makes me happiest is being out in the yard frutzing around in the garden with the birds and the insects and my little sweet doggie. If you think about it, that's hardly being alone. The plants are all living things, the birds and the bugs and my dog - they are all living things....
Maybe that's my twisted weird way of viewing the world, but even my house? I feel that it has a soul and is a living thing - especially living in a very old log cabin home.
In fact, this house I live in is a very famous home here in Anchorage. It survived a HUGE earthquake that happened in 1964 and was moved from its original location to the place I am right now.
This house has seen a lot.
Of course, my home in Massachusetts was built in 1800, so imagine the things THAT house has experienced. There was a fire upstairs in that house, it's been a brothel, a shoe store, a grocery store, a home, part of the Underground Railroad, a couple restaurants and even the most favorite bar of a whole generation of Salemites called The No Name Pub!
All the people who used to frequent the No Name wanted to see my house after my husband and I put it back together and made it a happy home again. We had lots of parties so that people could enjoy that amazing, incredible house. I never felt it "belonged" to me, but instead that I was lucky enough to be tasked with the joyous duty of loving and caring for that amazing home.
I feel very much like that in my current home. When I moved here, this was a shell that was where my husband was living. It was not being properly loved or revered.
That's MY job. I understand what this house needs and that it was feeling very unloved for the last few years.
So, yeah. I'm weird. Super sentimental and sappy and all that crap. And I don't feel the need to apologize for ANY of it. I'm weird. I own it. I don't care if you like me or don't.
That's freeing when you kind of cease giving a crap if other people "approve" of the way you go about your business. I'm not here to hurt any one or be mean or unkind. I'm just trying to take care of myself, my home, my garden and my family and friends.
I've made a lot of wonderful friends upon arriving in Alaska. Loads of wonderful women and a few really great young men.
Looking forward to my visits from family and friends this summer! Come WEST my peeps! Summer in Alaska is unbelievable. Gorgeous, lush, long warm days, short warm nights...
Despite all the mistakes and do-overs I wish I had, I've really got no regrets. Maybe regret that I didn't have a child to pass on my weirdness, but that's it, really.
Otherwise? Yaaay for the next 50 years! Bring 'em on!
Ciao for now.
xoxo
 |
| My beloved Boaty. I miss her. Altair. |
 |
| My little pine that made it from my driveway in Massachusetts, was put in my container, rode by rail to Tacoma, Washington and then came by boat to Anchorage! 2+ months in the dark with no water. God bless this little pine! And he survived his first Alaska winter with flying colors. |
No comments:
Post a Comment