Dumbfounded, Shocked and Amazed

This is the pretty, furnished room that I will be renting out.
Available October 1st.

Okie dokie.

Another little sort of ranty post but not really.

I'm just gonna tell you what happened and see what you think.

So, I'm 50 years old. I'm newly single -ish. I'm separated and close to the finish line on the divorce.

That's all just fact.

This person with whom I am currently living is a 40s professional person, an engineer.

More facts.

She dates on occasion and goes out after work with her work friends. She also is going to school to complete her Master's degree.

I like all of those things about her.

She can be silly and likes to laugh and tells great stories about the trials and tribulations of dating and also the situation at her workplace.

Now. Back to the sitch here at the abode.

So, I pay more than half of the rent. I also paid ALL of the security deposit for this apartment.

I do most of the cleaning, take out the garbage, recycle, etc. Her room is smaller than mine, but she's using all of my furniture, dishes, cooking utensils, etc. She has her room decorated like she likes and I even gave her an extra closet in the hallway that is solely hers. She also is using the garage for storage. I even unpacked three of her boxes that sat in the dining area.

Now. Onto the things that finally got my goat only 2 weeks into living with her. TWO WEEKS.

First off, I also like the company of men from time to time. There is a man I met during the Iditarod who is coming to visit me hopefully in December. I have a GIANT crush on him. He also comes to town from time to time as he lives part-time in Alaska.

When he and I made plans to get together while he was here, I stayed at his place one evening and then I decided I'd like to make him dinner and have him spend the night here, too. Mind you, he's gone for months at a time, so I don't see him all that often, but we remain in touch by phone, text, email...

So, I told my housemate that he was coming over and would be spending the night here.

SHE looked at me - totally AGHAST - and exclaimed, "HE'S SPENDING THE NIGHT?"

And I simply replied, "Yes. He's spending the night."

Is it unreasonable for a 50 year old woman to have a man-friend spend the night once in a while?

This is my house. Like the place where I live. As in, I pay rent to live here and this is where I sleep and if I want someone to stay here - once in a while - it's totally my prerogative.

Right?

Now, I know it's HER place of residence, too, but I'm not asking her to share HER bed with me and my guy friend! She still has her private space. Not to mention, when he does stay here, my bedroom is right next to the bathroom. He does not wander around the house! She still can use the living room, kitchen, laundry, bathroom...

So he showed up unexpectedly last week after his flight got cancelled at midnight. I was not cool with him showing up unannounced and ringing the doorbell at midnight, and then just assuming he could spend the night here. All of those things were quite uncool but I was not gonna send him off in the rain without a vehicle (he had taken a taxi from the airport).

He spend the night that night and again the following night. Again, it's not like he's here all the time and these last couple nights were totally unplanned and I could have had no way to know he'd show up like he did.

Two days later, the housemate person announced that she was not okay with him staying here (at all). That she was afraid she was going to "run into him" whatever that means.

Hmmm. So, now she's telling me who I can have in the house? Hmmmmm.

The thing here, too, is that she likes to run around the house in just her bath robe. I'm certainly not thrilled seeing her in her robe all the time, but I was taught a sense of decorum wherein if the situation were reversed? I'd never be running about in my robe if SHE had a guest or guests here. I'd be properly covered up and respectful of THEIR space and time together.

THEN my married friends L and T flew in on Saturday evening. I'd told the roommate several times that they were arriving in the evening on SATURDAY. Not a Monday or Wednesday, not a work day, but a WEEKEND day.

These people flew 5000 miles to see me and I haven't seen them since last October! Almost a whole year! And this is one of my best buddies from Massachusetts and her hubby.

So, they arrived later than expected at about 9:30pm. Of course there was hugging and conversation and I got them settled with their luggage in my room and blah blah blah.

Well, I opened some wine for them and we were in the living room just talking. The husband was in the kitchen getting a beer and talking when the roommate burst out of her room (in her robe, of course) and very tersely exclaimed "Can you please keep it down? I'm TRYING to sleep!"

I was dumbfounded. It wasn't even 10:00pm. They hadn't even been in the house for a whole half an hour before she SO rudely made them feel totally unwelcome. SO rude.

Now, of course, if the situation were reversed, I'd have come out (with CLOTHES on), introduced myself and then probably make a reference to the fact that I was pooped and was going to turn in early. That would be the cue for the other parties involved to know that you'd enjoy a quieter environment.

There are also these great things called EAR PLUGS. I use them almost every morning when the roommate is banging about getting ready for work.

There are ways to say or do things without being utterly and completely without manners. It was horrifying and embarrassing that this person would be so icky to my guests who had just traveled for a WHOLE day just to visit me all the way here in Alaska.

Ugh.

So, my guests and I went out to breakfast Sunday morning and did some sightseeing. We came back here and she, of course, was in the damn robe making her coffee and being passively aggressively surly.

The husband, T, actually approached her and apologized for keeping her up. And she mumbled something rude, certainly not being nice about it or saying anything kind back to him.

I didn't speak to her at all for fear of what I might say. I was TRULY and am STILL very angry that she could be that shitty to my good friends.

I left with them and took them on a long sightseeing day. Ended up in gorgeous Seward and spent the night at my favorite cabin/retreat center called Angel's Rest. It's heavenly.

Resurrection Bay yesterday at about noontime. 

This is a four-apartment cabin at Angel's Rest. I stayed in the one
on the lower right with the pretty deck! I've also stayed in the lower left one.
All are different and totally lovely.



Click on this link:  This my friend, Hobo, who spent all his spare time with me!

While I was away I really thought a lot about how this all went down and what on EARTH motivates people to be shitty like that. Especially in a living situation there is a level of compromise that is required.

What did she possibly gain by being rude to my friends? Or to attempt to dictate who/where/when I can have people in my own home?

Why would you want to be nasty like that? It's only going to create resentments and upset.

And? It did.

I got home fairly late from my trip back to Anchorage. I was BEAT. Long two days... Hell, it's been a long effing year for me between two moves, a pending divorce and dealing with all the emotion and physical drain.

She was thankfully not home. So, I unpacked and went right to bed after having a light dinner. I also left her a note asking for her to find somewhere else to live. There was no discussion needed as far as I'm concerned.

Selfish, entitled people cannot be changed. I am divorcing one of them and I CERTAINLY do not need to live with another one.

So when she came in last night she knocked on my door and informed me that she was seeking a new location but reminded me, of course, that she is paid through the end of the month and would be here until then.

I grunted "Good." And that was that.

Know anyone who wants to live in a gorgeous, furnished apartment?

Jeez.

I've had it up to my EYEBROWS with the effing drama here. I need calm. CALM. No more.

Ok. Ciao for now and thanks for reading.

xoxo

Happy Birthday to Jane Gooddall! And stuff.

A bit of a trip around some places I've been and loved:

Buckingham Palace in London.

Ivan's Stress-Free restaurant and resort on Jost Van Dyke in the British Virgin Islands.

Snorkeled with cuttlefish in many locations now. They are the COOLEST critters.
There was a whole family of them and they kept following me around
as I was snorkeling in Roatan, Honduras.

My most favorite whale in the entire world, Spoon.

Conch in my yard in Salem. That conch is now here in Alaska!

This was taken by a professional photographer when I was coming home from walking the dogs.
He was enamoured by my house and my puppies!
That wreath is now on my front door here in Anchorage.
(And I've lost about 40 pounds since this was taken!)

This is where I would take the dogs most mornings so Koty could swim.
(He is all wet in the above picture.)
This is Salem Harbor looking out toward Marblehead.
Morning fog was just burning off. 

Kenai Lake last summer. Incredible. Those are the Chugach Mountains
over yonder and the Kenais are behind me.

Well, I got up earlier than I had wanted because of the coughing fits that plague me now. There is a "bowl" formed by the mountains that surround Anchorage, and during the spring it is a big dust bowl. Terrible particulate dust that permeates everything. And it's just so dry dry dry that the dust just flows down from the mountains and shoots down the streets in the city.

I've got a humidifier going in the house - more than a gallon disappears each day!

We luckily live in a log cabin, so the wood retains the water and makes it more livable, but, as anyone who knows me will tell you? I like to be outside! I go stir crazy if I'm in the house too long.

So I go out, do some gardening or whatever and then I have to come back inside to get my humidity on. Yeesh. Weird stuff in Alaska to contend with.

I was unsure what I was going to blog about today and then I flipped on Facebook for a few minutes and there was the video I've seen a bunch of times of Jane Gooddall and her team releasing a chimpanzee back to the wild.

The chimp doesn't leave right away. Instead he hugs the main handler and then he goes up to the top of his cage and gives Jane Gooddall a giant, giant hug.

Now, mind you, this looks all sweet and cuddly, but - anyone who knows about these animals knows that that chimpanzee could kill all of those five people that were there to release her. They are powerful and athletic and have HUGE teeth.

That's why, for so long, I've partially worked and given money to organizations that help prevent the smuggling or breeding wild critters into domestic situations. People who have Lynx or Lions for pets. Or monkeys that are not service animals. It's not right for the people involved OR the critter. Even tropical fish - if they're not properly cared for and maintained in just the right way? They suffer and then die.

Likewise people who do not know how to handle dogs properly? Should not have dogs. Even little chihuahuas can be very dangerous. They are fiercely protective and can cause a lot of damage to a hand or face - especially children.

My dog Koty, who was 12 and very very docile, was attacked by an American Bulldog. My dog was on the leash walking with my husband, my other dog Sadie and me. The owner luckily was home, but it took us all about 15 minutes to get that Bulldog to unlatch its jaws from my Koty's throat.

200 stitches and a lot of tears and strife and two overnight surgeries put him back together, but he was never the same. He died of a liver infection a year later. We were all never the same. Sadie died shortly thereafter.

Those people, by the way, that had that dangerous animal? They had two tiny children - little girls. That dog is gonna haul off and bite the wrong person or those kids and then guess what? Bye bye to the dog and trauma left behind. I am STILL traumatized by that dog's viciousness. I've also been cornered by two giant Rottweilers and charged just the other day by another Rottweiler that was running loose.

Luckily I am now armed with the knowledge of what to do with dangerous dogs - especially when they're coming after my little doggie Phoebe who is only 40 pounds and she LOVES everyone.

But the owners of these damn dangerous animals? Don't get it. If your dog is aggressive, PUT IT ON A LEASH.

SO, moral of the story is that people are dumb. Animals do what they do and live where they do because that's where they BELONG. Only humans screw things up for the rest of the critters. Pumping chemicals into the air and into our oceans.

It's pathetic and nasty.

Climate changes are happening at rates that far exceed any natural cycles that have occurred since people started making records of such things.

For Pete's SAKE! I'm growing apple trees in Alaska and it's April. That ain't natural.

I've got plants growing in the front of my house right now that are almost a foot tall. Chinese poppies that are gorgeous and green. Bizarro.

Meantime, they're getting MORE snow on the East Coast. Luckily by the end of the month they're going to be consistently in the 60s, so they will get spring very quickly.

Non sequiter alert! Bing Bing Bing!

In any case, I'm trying to be more mindful of stuff. Thinking about what I say to people and how I behave and just trying to be nicer than I have been in the past. Not to excuse other people's bad behavior, because that's not proper either. But I will strive to surround myself with other like-minded people, while also making room for others' opinions.

It would be a boring world if we were all the same - that's a truism.

However, it would also be a NICER world if we were all dedicated to being nice to others.

Things I wanna do with the rest of my 2015:

1 - Be nicer
2 - Have fun whenever it's possible
3 - Sing and dance
4 - Work hard but not too much
5 - Get back into yoga
6 - See if I can do something about my arthritis in my hands
7 - Celebrate my 50th birthday with GUSTO!
8 - Continue to eat well and cook good food
9 - Enjoy Alaska's beautiful mountains, sea and animals

10 - Have visitors here from the East Coast and show them this incredible state
11 - Celebrate my friends
12 - Love my little dog
13 - Adopt a friend for her so she's not bored when I'm typing on this dumb computer!
14 - Sleep, rest well, and enjoy my alone time
15 - Take time as often as possible to enjoy the view over the ocean
16 - Enjoy my garden and yard
17 - Relish silence when it's upon me

Jacaronda trees in Seville. Gorgeous.

This is another area of Seville called Triana. This is the Triana River.
Stunningly gorgeous weather, architecture, people and food.
Everyone should go there and just eat! Yumm.
Gazpacho and fresh fish and the bread and the COFFEE!!

For today, the one thing I want to do is wish Jane Gooddall a Happy Birthday! And I also want to thank her for being a mentor from afar. I have read everything I could about her and followed her career from the days she was just dumped in the jungle to her current incredible work. I wanted to be exactly like her and I honestly cannot think of too many other people I looked up to like I did Jane Gooddall. E.O. Wilson was another, Dian Fossey was another and the Cousteau Society and all they showed me as a child in Michigan. Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom? Never missed it. All the Planet Earth shows, Discovery Channel, BBC specials? Never missed them.

I've had a really interesting life so far and I don't intend to get boring any time soon. Can't wait for the next 50 years to reveal themselves.

My car while driving through the Cassiar.

Kayaking with icebergs in Portage Lake last summer.

Resurrection Bay. One of the most beautiful places I've ever seen.

And then there's this:

Ohmygoodness.

Ciao for now! Have a great Wednesday.