Dumbfounded, Shocked and Amazed

This is the pretty, furnished room that I will be renting out.
Available October 1st.

Okie dokie.

Another little sort of ranty post but not really.

I'm just gonna tell you what happened and see what you think.

So, I'm 50 years old. I'm newly single -ish. I'm separated and close to the finish line on the divorce.

That's all just fact.

This person with whom I am currently living is a 40s professional person, an engineer.

More facts.

She dates on occasion and goes out after work with her work friends. She also is going to school to complete her Master's degree.

I like all of those things about her.

She can be silly and likes to laugh and tells great stories about the trials and tribulations of dating and also the situation at her workplace.

Now. Back to the sitch here at the abode.

So, I pay more than half of the rent. I also paid ALL of the security deposit for this apartment.

I do most of the cleaning, take out the garbage, recycle, etc. Her room is smaller than mine, but she's using all of my furniture, dishes, cooking utensils, etc. She has her room decorated like she likes and I even gave her an extra closet in the hallway that is solely hers. She also is using the garage for storage. I even unpacked three of her boxes that sat in the dining area.

Now. Onto the things that finally got my goat only 2 weeks into living with her. TWO WEEKS.

First off, I also like the company of men from time to time. There is a man I met during the Iditarod who is coming to visit me hopefully in December. I have a GIANT crush on him. He also comes to town from time to time as he lives part-time in Alaska.

When he and I made plans to get together while he was here, I stayed at his place one evening and then I decided I'd like to make him dinner and have him spend the night here, too. Mind you, he's gone for months at a time, so I don't see him all that often, but we remain in touch by phone, text, email...

So, I told my housemate that he was coming over and would be spending the night here.

SHE looked at me - totally AGHAST - and exclaimed, "HE'S SPENDING THE NIGHT?"

And I simply replied, "Yes. He's spending the night."

Is it unreasonable for a 50 year old woman to have a man-friend spend the night once in a while?

This is my house. Like the place where I live. As in, I pay rent to live here and this is where I sleep and if I want someone to stay here - once in a while - it's totally my prerogative.

Right?

Now, I know it's HER place of residence, too, but I'm not asking her to share HER bed with me and my guy friend! She still has her private space. Not to mention, when he does stay here, my bedroom is right next to the bathroom. He does not wander around the house! She still can use the living room, kitchen, laundry, bathroom...

So he showed up unexpectedly last week after his flight got cancelled at midnight. I was not cool with him showing up unannounced and ringing the doorbell at midnight, and then just assuming he could spend the night here. All of those things were quite uncool but I was not gonna send him off in the rain without a vehicle (he had taken a taxi from the airport).

He spend the night that night and again the following night. Again, it's not like he's here all the time and these last couple nights were totally unplanned and I could have had no way to know he'd show up like he did.

Two days later, the housemate person announced that she was not okay with him staying here (at all). That she was afraid she was going to "run into him" whatever that means.

Hmmm. So, now she's telling me who I can have in the house? Hmmmmm.

The thing here, too, is that she likes to run around the house in just her bath robe. I'm certainly not thrilled seeing her in her robe all the time, but I was taught a sense of decorum wherein if the situation were reversed? I'd never be running about in my robe if SHE had a guest or guests here. I'd be properly covered up and respectful of THEIR space and time together.

THEN my married friends L and T flew in on Saturday evening. I'd told the roommate several times that they were arriving in the evening on SATURDAY. Not a Monday or Wednesday, not a work day, but a WEEKEND day.

These people flew 5000 miles to see me and I haven't seen them since last October! Almost a whole year! And this is one of my best buddies from Massachusetts and her hubby.

So, they arrived later than expected at about 9:30pm. Of course there was hugging and conversation and I got them settled with their luggage in my room and blah blah blah.

Well, I opened some wine for them and we were in the living room just talking. The husband was in the kitchen getting a beer and talking when the roommate burst out of her room (in her robe, of course) and very tersely exclaimed "Can you please keep it down? I'm TRYING to sleep!"

I was dumbfounded. It wasn't even 10:00pm. They hadn't even been in the house for a whole half an hour before she SO rudely made them feel totally unwelcome. SO rude.

Now, of course, if the situation were reversed, I'd have come out (with CLOTHES on), introduced myself and then probably make a reference to the fact that I was pooped and was going to turn in early. That would be the cue for the other parties involved to know that you'd enjoy a quieter environment.

There are also these great things called EAR PLUGS. I use them almost every morning when the roommate is banging about getting ready for work.

There are ways to say or do things without being utterly and completely without manners. It was horrifying and embarrassing that this person would be so icky to my guests who had just traveled for a WHOLE day just to visit me all the way here in Alaska.

Ugh.

So, my guests and I went out to breakfast Sunday morning and did some sightseeing. We came back here and she, of course, was in the damn robe making her coffee and being passively aggressively surly.

The husband, T, actually approached her and apologized for keeping her up. And she mumbled something rude, certainly not being nice about it or saying anything kind back to him.

I didn't speak to her at all for fear of what I might say. I was TRULY and am STILL very angry that she could be that shitty to my good friends.

I left with them and took them on a long sightseeing day. Ended up in gorgeous Seward and spent the night at my favorite cabin/retreat center called Angel's Rest. It's heavenly.

Resurrection Bay yesterday at about noontime. 

This is a four-apartment cabin at Angel's Rest. I stayed in the one
on the lower right with the pretty deck! I've also stayed in the lower left one.
All are different and totally lovely.



Click on this link:  This my friend, Hobo, who spent all his spare time with me!

While I was away I really thought a lot about how this all went down and what on EARTH motivates people to be shitty like that. Especially in a living situation there is a level of compromise that is required.

What did she possibly gain by being rude to my friends? Or to attempt to dictate who/where/when I can have people in my own home?

Why would you want to be nasty like that? It's only going to create resentments and upset.

And? It did.

I got home fairly late from my trip back to Anchorage. I was BEAT. Long two days... Hell, it's been a long effing year for me between two moves, a pending divorce and dealing with all the emotion and physical drain.

She was thankfully not home. So, I unpacked and went right to bed after having a light dinner. I also left her a note asking for her to find somewhere else to live. There was no discussion needed as far as I'm concerned.

Selfish, entitled people cannot be changed. I am divorcing one of them and I CERTAINLY do not need to live with another one.

So when she came in last night she knocked on my door and informed me that she was seeking a new location but reminded me, of course, that she is paid through the end of the month and would be here until then.

I grunted "Good." And that was that.

Know anyone who wants to live in a gorgeous, furnished apartment?

Jeez.

I've had it up to my EYEBROWS with the effing drama here. I need calm. CALM. No more.

Ok. Ciao for now and thanks for reading.

xoxo