Long time, no post!

Christmas pretty.

So much has happened since my last posting. It's been 5 months and that's like 50 years in Alaska time.

Let's see. Where to begin?

Two different lawsuits regarding two very different matters. Both are resolved, thankfully.

My old housemate fell off the proverbial wagon. He not only fell off, he jumped off with a resounding CRASH and BURN and the drama of that whole situation at the end of July/beginning of August just about did me in emotionally.

He moved out (THANK GOD ALMIGHTY) and left me to pay the rent on my own for August and September.

Then I had to move out. Another move. Three moves in a little more than two years.

UGH.

Talk about emotional and physical drain. I'm STILL recuperating from all the changes I've endured.

Between the high cost of living here, paying movers, trying to work as much as possible and find a meaningful full-time gig, two lawsuits and just trying to be a person, I'm DRAINED.

Financially and in every other way.

Now, it's the holidays, of course. We're all supposed to be cozy and comfy and surrounded by family and the perfect tree and 2.5 children and ho, ho, ho.

I'm trying. I really am. I am making special Christmas cards that make me giggle, but I find that certainly the lack of sun and the location of my new housing situation (I live with a most wonderful family that has been utterly beyond generous and kind to me during this very odd time in my life) - I'm getting the winter doldrums more than I have in years.

I turn on that S.A.D. light and listen to happy music and focus on all of the things I'm grateful for, but - you know? Sometimes? It just gets to me.

When I think of "home," I think of my house on Derby Street. And my puppy dogs that I miss all the time. I miss boaty and that feeling of security that I felt there for so long.

This was the view from my driveway.

My beloved stove.

Lady and Koty and the ex on our beloved boaty.

Fun at Halloween.

My Sadie girl.

I miss my little Phoebe.

When I think back on the holidays I also remember my Aunt Bob and Uncle Sis and how we'd all look forward to seeing Bobby when he could make it back from Colorado. We'd all be together at their house and have that jello with the cream cheese in it (blech) and we'd eat and the adults would drink Asti Spumante and my Mom ALWAYS gave Grandpa Vern a bottle of Akadama plum wine. We'd play "Dit-dot-doe" - which is what my Mom called the game "Sorry" - or "One Card."

I'm not sure if life was simpler 35 years ago or if I've just gotten wiser to how hard life can be. It's really tough being alone at 50+. In a million years I'd never have envisioned being single and having to make a go of it all by myself.

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The last two years have been such times of uncertainty for me. And I know I'm not alone in that. The economy and job scene are not easy for a lot of us.

And I CERTAINLY know I've got it so much better than hundreds of thousands of people in the United States, and WAAAAY better than millions that live elsewhere.

There's that guilt that comes sometimes when I'm worried about my damn bills and how I'm gonna make ends meet THIS month - and then I look around me at this warm house, a fridge overflowing with food, my car that is now operable thanks to the kindness of family and friends who've helped me, a closet full of clothes, and on and on the list goes.

So many of us get caught up in the worrying that we forget to live today. We don't have the 1st of January yet. My bills will be due, but I'll find a way to pay them. I'm trying to remain positive and keep hope that something really good is around the corner.

I hope this post doesn't sound too Debbie Downer for all of you who are enjoying the holiday season. I generally ADORE the holidays and the sparkle lights and the songs and the camaraderie that abound this time of the year. I'm just having a time of it over here ... missing all that is familiar. My family, my friends and my old life. I was so very settled in Salem up until my dogs decided to die and then my divorce and having to sell my beloved home.

I'm not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me. I guess my point today is that sometimes the holidays are exceptionally hard for some people for a million different reasons.

Change is in the air. I'm just hoping that 2017 will bring positive change for all.