Black and White and Red inside

Tomatoes I grew in my driveway in MA!

Gorgeous sunset overlooking White Bay, Jost Van Dyke.

Hobiecat sailors on Jost Van Dyke.

More tomatoes I grew!

Cukes, too!

Eggplant, as well! (God I miss those gorgeous countertops!)

I am SOOOOOOO sick of these articles detailing how "white" people view the experience of "black" people after the death of that guy in Baltimore and countless other black men.

Why are we so hell bent on separating people from people?

What the hell is color anyway? It's all perception.

What I call purple, some call blue. What I call green some call blue or turquoise.

It's all in the label that we give things.

Why do we so desperately feel the need to label things, anyway?

Can't we just go about our business and just BE?

I'm really really really fed up with the overwhelming desire to judge people based on something you probably don't even understand.

Take, for instance, my friends who have transitioned from male to female.

This was not just some rash decision that someone makes and goes about lightly. This is a painful and very complicated decision and process. My one friend -  who is now Tiffany - when I first met Tiff, he was a burly biker dude. Hairy and very very manly. And very very sweet. I loved him from the first time I met him.

Over the many years I knew him as a he, it was clear that his appearance didn't match the way he felt inside. He thought, at one point, that he might be gay, but that didn't work either.

After a lot of soul searching, counseling and meeting with doctors, he came to the obvious conclusion that he had been born with external physical identifiers that did not jibe with the internal feelings and desires of a female.

It took a LONG time for him to become Tiffany. Painful electrolysis, hormone therapy, psychological counseling, lots of mean people making ignorant comments during the transition.

Tiffany is now a Mom (she adopted several kids), has an incredible job and is just an all around wonderful human.

When I hear people make fun of people they don't understand or have biases against someone because of the way they dress or what color they are or whatever? It makes my blood boil.

There have been some very cruel things said about Bruce Jenner and the gawking that people are doing during his transition to female. The big show the other night - I refuse to watch such things. He's obviously going through a very big thing in his life and I just wish that people would stop with the ugly jokes and ignorant commentary.

I do not purport to know what Bruce Jenner is going through. But I do know what my friend Tiffany went through and I have two other young friends who identify as female and  - to me - it was obvious all along that these "boys" were just basically born with the wrong external body parts. They were always "girls" but through the process of genetics got the X and Y chromosomes when, in fact, internally they are CLEARLY XX.

Something you hear people who have dogs say a lot is that we learn so much from our dogs. They are totally present - they know how to anticipate a good time or a good meal, but mostly they are right there with ya just as life is happening.

They don't care what you're wearing or not wearing, they don't care how you look or what color you are. Most of the time they don't care what gender you are or if you're gay or whatever you may or may not be.

They just care how you treat them and even then, some dogs take terrible abuse and still can muster a wag when they're treated kindly for two minutes.

Kids - same thing for the most part. If you treat them fairly and kindly, they become fair and kind adults (for the most part - there are those sociopath crazy people who need extra special help).

But, blanket statement - if you're good to others, for the MOST part, they will return the favor.

There are nasty people out there for sure, but I really do think that the nastiness comes from either mental illness or being really mistreated somewhere along the way by someone who was supposed to protect and love them.

So, to go on with my theme of Polly Purebread sweetness - I'm just begging people to be nice to each other. You really have no idea what someone else's journey feels like.

Just yesterday I was in the library voting for the mayoral runoff election (Go Berkowicz!) and there was a woman there with a sign on her that said "Sin is Same Sex."

Really? Just how the f*ck do you know?

Most of my friends are gay, bi, lesbian, trans or something else other than "straight"  - and I love that term "straight" as most of the heterosexual humans I know are FAR more weird about the boudoir than any other subdivision of people.

You think it's normal that that guy literally sews her hands together and she is getting off on it? Holy schneikies. That, my friends, is some WEIRD stuff. Yeesh.

I know that I appear a certain way to most people. I was blessed with a strong body, pretty face and a generally optimistic attitude. I'm smart, well-traveled, educated and look white white white. What people DON'T realize is that my Momma is married to a black man, that I'm half German and also Italian, English, Irish and who know's what other stuff is in my genetics!

They don't know that my Momma marched with Martin Luther King, Jr. and that I was brought up for the first 6 years of my life on the "wrong" side of town in a highly racially divided city. Most of my friends were "black" and I put that in quotes because I didn't see them as any different - they were just my friends.

I lived in an integrated neighborhood and went to an integrated school for kindergarten and half of first grade. I didn't know it was integrated, it was just my school!

Then my Dad got a big opportunity to work for one of the most popular radio stations in the lower peninsula of Michigan, so we moved on up to Traverse City. A lovely lovely city, but OOOOOHHHH so not diverse!! I remember thinking how weird it was that nearly everyone in the whole town was white.

As I've aged I really do take notice of the diversity around me and I relish it. I love that I can walk into a place here in Anchorage and hear any language you can imagine, eat any ethnic food, and see people of all colors married to each other. It's such a transitional place and we're so close to Europe (just hop over the North Pole!), Russia and Asia - it's truly fascinating.

I once asked a person I was related to at the time (ex-husband numero uno) "How would you know who to hate if you were blind?"

She didn't like that too much.

Something that bigots and other sundry assh*les need to keep in mind is that during an emergency or disaster, would you turn down the aid of someone because they weren't the "right" color?

I think not.

Likewise, when there is someone in need who doesn't necessarily look like you, do you just turn your back?

Probably.

That's the thing. Maybe you should reconsider your motives. Because I will promise you, if you're losing blood and there is a person who has donated blood and your life is saved because that kind soul was nice enough to give blood? Well, the only color that truly matters then is Red.

That's all I gots for today.

Ciao for now & thanks for reading.

xoxo

My Lady and Koty. They certainly look different from each other but they had SO much love for each other.

And these two looked alike and he just tolerated her. She was a bug, but a sweet one!
My Sadie and Koty.

My Beebles. I love my little red girl!
She's a ball of energy and joy,

Troubles But Not Really At All

Koty and our morning howl before our first walk of the day!
Aarrrooooooooooo! (He's border and Bernese Mountain dog.)
At his height of fitness he swam twice per day about a half mile each time
and he ran and exercised for about 2 hours per day,
not to mention ridding my yard of scumbag squirrels!
He was very independent and liked to do certain things. Retrive a ball? Why would I ever do that?
You're just gonna throw it again! Don't waste Koty's time!!
You wanna pet me? Nope. Not in the mood.
If he wanted to be pet, he'd sit on my foot. He adored me.
My poor husband was heartbroken! Traitor!
I cry over Koty to this day. He died just a few days before turning 14.
A good, long life for an 80 pound powerhouse.

My sweet Sadie. Great Pyr, border and 1 brain cell.
Such a loyal and SOFT sweet pea. 70 pounds of sweetness.
I adopted her when she was 10.

My Lady. Biggest, toughest, sweetest pain in the butt of a dog!
I adopted her when she was six, so she was pretty set in her ways!
Strong as 10 oxes and fast as the wind. She could outrun young Koty
even though she was very advanced in age.
She was border, German Shep and part Pygmy goat?
Not sure! Just my 80 pound lovebug who held on for 14 years despite evil cancer.

So, as I've said to myself about a zillion times in the last three years, life is a roller coaster of emotions and times.

I've had a giant roller coaster ride from being suicidal a few years ago to now being pretty okay with my life most days. I've got a good life going and ain't nobody gonna take that away from me now. I've done my HARD therapy work after two years of group therapy (every single week for two years) and then I did a very intensive year-long set of sessions with an incredible woman from Marblehead.

What I learned in those many thousands of hours of talking and thinking and reflection are these things below:

1 - Tell the truth. Sometime people will get hurt, sometimes they will come around and understand WHY you told the truth, sometimes they will not. That's their choice.

2 - Make the choice to be the best you can be each day. Or not. That's your choice. Not up to me.

3 - You cannot make someone change. You can initiate change in yourself, but it takes work to make a real change and to stick with it. Again, it's about making a choice each day.

4 - When you "cheat" you really only hurt yourself. Cheating is weak and bad and just a cop out. Anyone can cheat, not everyone can live truthfully and faithfully.

5 - Don't try to lie and then deny when you get caught. The least you can do is accept the fact that you lied.

6 - There's no such thing as "I just didn't tell you the WHOLE truth." That's utterly bullshit and it's just another lie you're telling yourself. Anyone with a brain can see that you're just covering your tracks.

7 - Own up to the fact that you have made mistakes. Just own it, for F*CK's sake. Own it. Don't try to cover up your shitty behaviour with yet ANOTHER "mistruth" or whatever you want to call your lies.

8 - Everyone has baggage. It's just how you choose to carry it. Some people get upset when I talk about the fact that I made mistakes, that I cheated on someone in my waaay past, that I needed help because I was depressed. They're just my life. I can talk about it if I want to.

9 - There's no shame in being depressed or mentally ill or bipolar or having to grieve a loss. Crying is GOOD for you. It releases those stress hormones. It's necessary sometimes to cry or to ask for help from a doctor or therapist. No one thinks anything less of you when you go to physical therapy after surgery. Your brain is simply another organ that needs some fine-tuning from time to time.

10 - Think about what you say to people. Words hurt. They have power. Use your vocabulary and don't just ASSUME you know what I'm thinking or feeling. ASK A G*DDAMN question. Ask.

11 - Be nice to those that you say you love. Don't yell at me. Don't be stern and withholding. Don't ignore me and walk away when I'm hurting.

12 - Don't marry someone for the wrong reason. Marry a person for their devotion and continued happiness. I married someone because I wanted to make him happy, not because I "thought that's what he wanted." What a terrible thing to say.

13 - My vows are sacred and not to be taken lightly. Same with my friendship. If I say I'm going to be there for you, I will. Period.

14 - Have some FUN! Dance! Sing! Eat a dessert. Spend some money on others. Make people happy. Stop brooding and focusing on the negative. Jeez.

15 - Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Comfort them and then ask what you can do to help make it better. Don't assume you know what they're feeling or thinking. Just be nice and listen.

16 - Listen. Put YOUR agenda down. Stop thinking about your next response and listen to them. You just might learn something.

17 - There's a difference between conversation and inquisition.

18 - Don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about when it's actually YOU who doesn't know what you're talking about. Sometimes you talk to a person and find out they're an expert in their field or they're an astronaut or a rocket scientist or a custodian or a car mechanic or whatever it is that turns them on. Science turns me on. So don't assume I'm NOT a scientist because I look like I do.

19 - Cool humans come in all packaging, colors, sizes and genders.

20 - Take the time to read, learn and do something unusual each day. It's the way to be an ever-expanding force just like our universes and planets and stars.

21 - There is another dimension you don't know about, so don't pooh pooh someone's beliefs. They are not to be discounted and FAITH is huge. It's huge. So don't tell me I don't know what I believe or not. That's for me to know and you to hopefully find out.

Yep.

Those are the things I learned. Plus about 800 billion other big and little gems.

Ciao for now and good luck Iditarod athletes and mushers! Godspeed!

Lady did NOT like those dang fish that we'd haul in!
(We threw back almost everything!)
This was my boaty, The Altair. She's still around in Chelsea, MA.

Koty and Sadie during a quiet moment. She doted on him when she got dementia.
He was wonderful to her. Let her eat his food, he was her cue for how to be a dog.
She died 10 days after he did. She didn't know what to do without him.
She passed away in my arms. My sweet dogs. I miss you.