Pun-tastic

I have a friend who sends me puns by email allllll the time. Some of them are so bad that I literally groan out loud!

I love that!

A good pun is hard to find, you know? I really enjoy them and I think it's become less and less of a form of humor. Remember Steven Wright? Now that man knew how to PUN! Fantastic!

Anyway, my friend up there, sent me some noteworthy one-liners today and they were just too good not to share! Please enjoy them, below, after a not-so-brief update on stuff...

I have been biz biz bizzzzy with my garden. Did a bunch of trimming, dead heading, and water water watering in the last week. It's looking particularly nice now that my tall phlox is blooming (pictures to come, I promise!).

Also? I decided to enter the flower box competition. Our city's garden club and the city itself hold a flower box competition each year. The first year I entered, I got an honorable mention, which thrilled me because I was sort of new to the whole flower design thing. All I remember is I used a bunch of angelonia. Lemme go find a picture.

Ok. Here it is:
To me now? This looks like a mess. Wrong use of colors, the assymetrical design is horrible on the eye, and I cannot believe I used English ivy. Ugh. I hate that stuff now! The only thing good are the different flowers like angelonia, lantana, brachyscome and that cute purple bacopa.

Not to be a flower snob or anything (but I am), I am sick sick sick and tired of people using geraniums, petunias, impatiens and coleus. Good HEAVENS! Experiment a little people!! PLEEAAASE! Enough with the same, tired old flowers!

So, that's been the thing about me re-entering the flower box competition. The ladies who do the judging seem to like a certain "look" that perhaps might have to do with being on the more, ummmm, how shall I say this diplomatically? They tend to be on the more "mature" end of the spectrum. Ahem. I think you get the drift...

So, after several years of boycotting the competition, I decided to enter it again this year. And because I have a business now doing this professionally, they entered me as a business in the competition. Which, is either going to help or hinder my chances of winning the dang thing. The judging started yesterday and runs through next Thursday. So I've been fuss fuss fussing over those flowers in the last few days! I even fertilized with evil Miracle-Gro last week to give them a boost! (Don't get me wrong, Miracle-Gro is GREAT stuff, but it is not good for the environment, so I generally only use it in my indoor plants. I use organic fertilizer outside 99% of the time!)

Anywho, this is a shot of one of the flower boxes I took at the beginning of the month - they are even fuller and prettier now!
Pretty, no? Lush, full, has a theme (purples and yellows/whites), it has balance and lots of interest.

Will keep you posted on the outcome.

And the other thing that's been keeping me busy is the boat! Doing odds and ends projects on there (it's like a house - there's always something to do, repair, paint, sand, etc.) ANNNNND, we've been LOBSTERING!!!!! Wheeeeee!

We have been out many times to drop our 6 pots (we started with three and quickly recognized that we needed more!) and since we began just a couple weeks ago, we have caught 16 lobsters!!! In fact, we got so many earlier this week that we decided we had to buy a live well to keep them alive at our dock! We have 6 of them in there as I write this!

Isn't that so exciting? Oh, we're just having a blast at it!

Last thing to tell you is that I just ate my first tomato from my Big Boy tomato plant. The weather did something funky and it looks like it's pretty much dead now, but I have two more tomatoes ripening on there right now. Phooey. Don't know what happened there. My friend's Early Girl tomato did the same, exact thing, so I know it's not just me...

The cherry tomato plant, on the other hand, is going crazy and producing tomatoes like wild. I've eaten three already and then have five more I've picked and there's probably 50 more on the plant right now ripening and more blooms coming!

One of the eggplants bloomed, so that's exciting! And I've got three BILLION pickling cucumbers coming along beautifully in the driveway! Oh, I'm gonna be eating cucumbers like they're going out of style soon!

Ok. I think that's all for now.

Enjoy the puns! Ciao!

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A man with dyslexia walked into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer for me please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "This tastes funny"!

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.""Is it common?"
"It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, you lost your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...And pulled a mussel.

14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

15. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

16. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)...A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

17. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

18. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.