This is for my mom and dad.

So, this is a draft that I never published from November of 2012. This was a turning point in my depression. It had started to shift because I had decided to stop fighting and I decided that I was just gonna forge ahead. I didn't realize at the time, that things were going to get worse before they got better, but I at least had decided that I wasn't gonna off myself or do something stupid. I also stopped drinking for about a year to clear the cobwebs from my sad brain.  All were essential elements in my recovery from such monumental sadness.

Anyway, this is interesting to read now that I'm on the other side of the depression...it's like reading words from an entirely different person!

Here it is:




Hi.

I know I don't post often and it's basically because I have absolutely nothing nice to say right now. Except that I've got some really good friends and relatives that worry and care about me even though I don't even seem to care too much about myself sometimes. I'm very thankful to have these people in my life who actually seem to give a sh*t if I'm eating or sleeping or even remotely functioning.

I'll tell you what. I can only hope and pray that things will get better.

Just when I think,

"Well, THIS! This is the worst things could possibly get, right? This is the final bad piece of news or nasty thing that's going to happen, and then it's GOT to get better, right? RIGHT? PLEEEAAAASE let this be the last crap thing that has to happen for a long while, okay? I would really like to have a sense of peace again. Even just for a little bit."

Well, just when I've gotten over piece of crap #1, #2 and #3, here comes #4 through #8 to follow right behind.

I said to my mom the other day, I just don't DO drama. It's not me. I don't like it and I won't have it.

Well, even though I may protest the drama, it keeps on knocking. 

It's an unstoppable chain of ridiculousness. There are times when it just gets to the point that I have to just shake my head at it. I don't even cry when then next crap thing happens. I just try try try to solve the issue as best I can and move forward. Sometimes I cry - don't get me wrong - but the daily sobfest at least is over for now.

So, that's why I don't write. I am tired of listening to my own sad story and the next horrible thing that has happened. I won't go into details because the most recent subject matter doesn't even deserve the words on this screen.