“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.”So, my best friend in the world, Karen, is a writer. An excellent writer. Puts me to shame and I think I'm pretty darn good at expressing myself.
― Thomas à Kempis
Karen does it with such finesse and humor. Like Erma Bombeck, that one...
She has her own very successful blog, Bye Bye, Pie and she also writes for an online magazine called Purple Clover. Here's her most recent article that talks about the introvert/extrovert conundrum.
I recently read a wonderful book called "Quiet" written by Susan Cain. It talks about the introvert/extrovert thing and also about a category that most people don't know about called "ambivert" - which is how I identify myself. Most people would say that I'm an extrovert. And I partially am. But when I took the test in the book to see what my deeper self is? Sixteen out of twenty questions indicate that I'm a tried and true introvert. I just have mad extrovert skillz that I employ when I'm feeling the need to connect with others. It certainly doesn't mean that I'm dumb or have only that one set of skills!
I'm a big-picture thinker and very creative. I love art and music and reading. I REQUIRE my alone time each day. Right now, for instance, I'm writing, the dogs are snoring, and I have NPR going in the background. I've not said a word since my husband left for work - except to talk to the dogs and mutter to myself!
Which brings me to my rant du jour.
I was at a restaurant that I frequent here in Alaska. I've dropped major coinage in that joint and I have made several friends just by sitting there at the bar or having coffee in the morning or having a lunch there with my husband, friends and colleagues.
Well, we had a big dramatic thing happen here at the house (which I wrote about when it happened) and it really, really shook me up. After the drama of the morning had passed and everything had settled down, I went to that restaurant for a bite to eat and to have a glass of wine with my friend who also had experienced the same drama.
I, of course, know the staff at this restaurant VERY well - many of them have had lunch or dinner here at my house, some have come over to play music and some even attended my wedding!
ANNNYway, after the drama-filled day, as I was waiting to get my food at the restaurant, the lady that runs the restaurant (who I happen to like very much) basically told me that I needed to stop telling her staff what had happened to me that morning...
? ? ?
Excuse me?
She was trying to do the very thing that my ex-husband used to do which is edit me. And nothing raises my ire more than someone shushing me or telling me what I can or cannot say.
What the WHAT?
OOOO, I was mad. REALLY mad. And frankly, I was very hurt. It doesn't feel very good to be treated like I'm a three year old and talking out of turn.
So, here's the thing that relates to my friend's article in Purple Clover today. I understand I am very gregarious and that most people really kinda like me and are drawn to my outgoingness. I am happy that people seem to genuinely like me because there are a lot of people here in Alaska that I've met that are really smart, cool and interesting peeps.
But don't BLAME me for that. Don't tell me that I cannot speak to people that are my friends.
Just because you're maybe more introverted or don't like to hear about my dramatic morning doesn't mean you have the right to tell ME what I can or cannot say.
Damnit. It really gets me all ired up when someone does crap like that. I hate hate hate seeing other people editing (trying to control) other people. Like my friend who had us over for a dinner party one evening and her husband proceeded to tell her how much wine she was "allowed" to have. This gem of a guy also made her "weigh in" to make sure she was not getting fat.
Can you fucking imagine? I'd have taken that scale and cracked it over his thick, stupid skull! What an asshole.
So, that's my rant. Just leave the adults to their own devices - unless of course, they're hurting themselves or someone else.
Yes. This is what I'm wearing today.
Yes. I'm wearing mascara.
Yes. That's what I want to eat on my baked potato.
Yes. I did not exercise today because I was too busy cleaning the house, cooking, doing laundry, taking care of the dogs, grocery shopping, gardening, dusting and varnishing the wood on our boat. Oh, and I balanced the bank account, paid bills and also did some work for my clients.
Yes. I would rather be struggling by myself and working three jobs than have ANYONE tell me what I can or cannot do. Those are MY decisions to make because I'm a fucking adult and even my PARENTS were never as controlling as you are.
Ugh. I guess I have identified a hot button issue for me! : )
I do feel better now.
Here's a simple quiz you can take to see for yourself if your beloved is not treating you with utter respect and love: Take the Quiz.
Thanks!
“There are those whose primary ability is to spin wheels of manipulation. It is their second skin and without these spinning wheels, they simply do not know how to function. They are like toys on wheels of manipulation and control. If you remove one of the wheels, they'll never be able to feel secure, be whole.”
― C. JoyBell C.
