Questions and answers

My Koty and Lady with Dan on Boaty. Miss all of those!

My sweet Sadie. A gentle gentle soul

Nope. I didn't get to keep Phoebe. It's been the worst part of all of this. She was my little companion all day and all night. She slept with me, rode with me, sat with me. She was my little squirrel and I miss her so badly it kills.

No, the divorce isn't final yet. He keeps delaying it with his stupid antics. Filed a motion for interim possession of the home. So that gave me all of 2 weeks to move everything out. All of my possessions, furniture, piano, clothing, beds, dishes, all of it. Then he filed ANOTHER thing with the court informing them that he had to be "out of town" all last week for his imaginary job interviews. No one is going to hire him. He was summarily asked to vacate his job in May and his staff is under a gag order. No one can or will be able to give him a decent recommendation because he SUCKS.

I don't know when the court date is for the divorce proceedings. My guess is that Mr. Sunshine will attempt to delay it as much as possible because he is running out of money because he's UNEMPLOYED and refuses to even work part-time to make any money. His idea of working is to lazily fill out on online application for some job he'll never get and then take the dog for a hike or a "bicycle ride."

Yeah. That's tough.

No, I don't talk to him or see him or go anywhere near him. I cannot stand the sound of his voice or to even see him. It makes me nauseous. He's pretty much evil incarnate and looks so menacingly at me it scares the bejesus out of me.

I am okay. Yes. I am fine. I'm still reeling from the changes. I have been sleeping a LOT to catch up from the emotion and physical move I had to make so quickly. My arthritis is terrible and my back hurts all the time, but I'm able to sleep and that's been a blessing.

Eating again has been quite helpful, too. I bet I went days on end with nothing in my body but water and Rolaids and Pepto Bismol. I was barfing all the time from coughing and then the nerves. I have anxiety disorder which he KNEW and sort of used that to his advantage knowing that it was one more way he could control me by making me shaky and upset.

I've lost a lot of weight but have been able to eat again, so I hope to put back on about 10 pounds. Losing weight through nerves and being sick all the time is NOT the way to do it. Yuck.

When I know more about the divorce proceeding I will let you know. I have to attend a class this week on Family Law (it's free) since I am representing myself in court. I know that he also has to attend the same class but at a different date - I do not know what his date is. So, the divorce will happen after we both have attended the class.

In the meantime, I filed a motion for an expedited interim order for him to pay for my move. I'm asking him to pay for the money I had to shell out for the apartment and the movers. I cannot and could not afford it and he knows damn well that I have no money left because of everything he has lied about and done to me. I know I moved her under my own volition, but I would NEVER have moved here if he had actually told me the truth about his life and his job and his REAL intentions toward me. He married me thinking I was the Bank of Lisa. Jesus, did he get THAT wrong.

He's a sociopath. Mentally ill. It does not excuse his bad behavior but it gives me the slightest comfort to know that it's not me. I didn't do anything wrong by believing him. He's a very very talented liar. He was fond of saying "Well... I just didn't tell you the WHOLE truth.''

Hmmm. Sounds suspiciously like a lie to me. But what the hell do I know?

He got asked to leave his job for the same reason I'm divorcing him. Misogynists do not change their colors. He loves the aspect of control over women. It was clear to me that I was dealing with a somewhat dangerous person and I acted accordingly until I knew it was time for me to get out or get maimed or hurt in some other way. I don't think he'd kill me, but he certainly was so menacing the way he'd look at me. He just loved trying to control me through fear tactics, but never crossing the line enough to constitute abuse. It was all very subtle.

Then he'd tell me I was bat-shit crazy and needed to go back into therapy. That I was making all of this up. This was simply another tactic to attempt control over me. Make me think it was all made up in my pretty little head.

No, I don't know what his plans are with the house and everything. Last time I was there all the carpet was ripped up and he had a sample of a dark, cheap, brown carpet that it looks like he intended to have put in to replace the disgusting pee- and poop-stained carpet that he had in the house when I moved in.

He has no furniture.

I do know the neighbors have been helping take care of the dog and helping with the yard (the yard looks awful).

I don't know if he intends to sell it or rent it out as a Bed and Breakfast. I do know that he's gonna have a tough time selling the house in the condition it exists now. There is a mains support beam that was damaged in the last two big earthquakes we had in the last year. Two of them were in the 6.24 range and quite long in duration, so the house sank in the middle by almost an inch.

There is a retaining wall that is completely rotted out, so the front yard is gonna spill out onto the driveway at some point.

The roof is not new. It's 6 years old and needs some help.

The kitchen appliances are vintage from the 60s. Ancient.

The color scheme in the house is quite bold and will not be to very many people's liking. I also know from my real estate friends that an old log cabin home is not what sells in Alaska. People here like new construction and things that are shiny and pretty. There is nothing shiny about that house. Of course, that's why I loved it so much. It was OLD and decidedly NOT shiny. I like things that other people do not.

The garden, for instance, I let it go completely native wildflowers and very un-manicured. I like things the way they're SUPPOSED to be. Untamed and as nature intended. Of course, he's completely ruined it. Manicured the front to within an inch of its life. Cut back all the old lilacs, all the old plum, all the old roses. Cut back the laurels - not sure they'll bounce back after the horrible way he cut them during the last phase of their growing season.

He cut down the gorgeous spruce that was a shade/privacy plant claiming it was too close to the foundation. It wasn't. Somebody told him that in order to sell the house it needs to be visible from the road.

Well, what that means is now the people in the road can see INTO the house. There are no curtains. No privacy anymore. It's awful.

And, yes. I'm fine. I can lament my losses still. It's all very fresh. I have moved on in the physical sense, but the emotional part of me always lags. Jeez, I still miss my dogs and they've been gone for years and years. Lady died in 2007 and I STILL miss her so much.

Today would have been the 13th anniversary of my marriage to Dan. I still miss him, too. I think that if you truly loved someone or even something (like my houses that I loved) it's natural to grieve those losses.

If you don't grieve, then you never truly move on.

So, I think that covers the most of it. All the questions! All the time! I appreciate that you all are interested in my world and so much has happened in the last year, I totally understand the questions abound.

I'm just getting tired of talking about it. It consumes too much of my energy and that asshole doesn't deserve one more iota of my time or energy.

I appreciate your support, all of you. Financially, emotionally and some of you, physically, by helping me move. I SOOOO appreciate it.

Now it's time for me to get ready for work! The Anchorage Press awaits my brain shortly!

Ciao for now and thanks for reading.

xoxo